Call and Answer
by EverMineEverThine
Summary: In all his 29 years, Jackson Teller had only ever been in three relationships. One was with his first love, Tara Knowles. Another was with his ex-wife, Wendy Case. And then there was her…his biggest regret, his worst heartache, his light, his darkness, and the only one he could never truly let go. Her name was Missy Adams, and he would love her until the day he died. [Jax, OC]
1. Chapter 1

**Hi Everyone! I am so excited to start this story and I really hope you all like it. This will be almost entirely AU. I'm not really planning on following the SOA canon at all. So if you read my other story,** _ **A Charming Life**_ **, just know that this one is going to be a lot different; more angst, more drama, and with a very different OC. But I've already fallen in love with this story, so I hope you do too!**

 **So, you know how we all have that one person from our past who, no matter how long we've been without them, we call every time we drink too much? Well, the first few chapters will begin with Missy and Jax in the present day during some of those drunken encounters, and then the rest of those chapters will be flashbacks to when they were young so that you all get a glimpse of their history. The format is pretty clear when you read it, but I just wanted to point it out to avoid confusion.**

 **And of course, I won't profit in any way from this story and I don't own anything from the Sons of Anarchy universe, but I do own Missy Adams and any other OC's that eventually make their way to this fic.**

 **So here we go! Please review and let me** **know what you think…**

* * *

 _And if you call, I will answer_

 _And if you fall, I'll pick you up_

 _And if you court this disaster_

 _I'll point you home_

 _(Barenaked Ladies- Call and Answer)_

Chapter One

Jax was lying in his bed next to Tara when the cell phone on his nightstand started to ring. The moment he saw the number, he jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans, careful not to wake the woman sleeping next to him. He quietly walked through his house and out the door to his front porch, and only then did he flip open the phone and answer.

"Missy?"

She sounded like she always did whenever she called him at three in the morning; a little sad, a little quiet, and a little drunk. "Hey, Jax."

"Where are you?"

"I just got home."

He suddenly felt his whole body tense. "And where were you before you got home?"

"Not home."

He couldn't help but grin a little. "Smart ass." He sat down on his front step and sighed. "I haven't heard from you in a while."

She just scoffed. "That's probably a good thing…means I haven't been drinking so much."

As much as Jax hated to admit it, she was right. She only called when she was drunk, so he only heard from her every few months, if that.

He reached into the pocket of his jeans and was relieved when he found a pack of smokes and his lighter. He lit a cigarette and took a long, slow drag. "How have you been?"

"I'm good, I guess. I…" There was a long pause before she said anything else, but when she finally did, he could tell she was crying. "I miss you, Jax."

He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his long blond hair, that part of his heart that belonged to her aching even more than usual. "I miss you too, baby. You know I do."

He could picture her in her apartment, angrily wiping her tears away, as he heard her take a few deep breaths. "God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to call you like this. I think about it all the time, about hearing your voice, and I hate myself when I do it, when I let myself need you…"

Jax threw his cigarette into the yard and shook his head. "Don't do that. Don't you dare apologize for needing me. We're always going to need each other. This thing between us…it's never going away, Miss. How could it after all we've been through?"

* * *

Part I- The Beginning…

 _Charming Elementary School, 1983_

They were both the kids that none of the other children wanted to play with. He was the one their parents warned them about; the one that came from a rough family, the one whose daddy was the leader of a motorcycle gang, the one that would be a bad influence. And she was the one from the wrong side of town; the poor one, the stupid one, the one whose hair and clothes were a little dirtier than everyone else's.

So on the first day of kindergarten, it was no surprise when the blond haired, blue eyed little boy walked over and introduced himself to the small, quiet girl with the tangled brown pony tail who was staring intently down at the floor.

"Hi. I'm Jackson. What's your name?"

She slowly lifted her head and looked at him with shy, hazel eyes…and then she smiled. "Missy."

* * *

 _Funtown Carnival, 1987_

Gemma smiled when she saw her oldest son climbing off of the Ferris wheel with his two best friends, Opie Winston and Missy Adams, and she couldn't help but grin at the differences between the three of them. Opie was already a head taller and a foot wider than every other nine year old boy in their class. Jax was already startlingly beautiful, attracting attention from every girl in the school. And Missy…Gem just sighed when she took in the appearance of the little girl she loved like a daughter; she was two inches shorter than most girls her age, at least ten pounds too thin, with messy light brown hair that hung down limply past her shoulders. She barely talked to anyone other than Opie and Jax, but everyone around her knew that she had a heart of gold.

Gemma hugged each of the kids and grinned. "Are you guys having fun?"

Jax nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I won the ring toss game and the one where you throw the darts at the balloons. And we already rode the Ferris wheel twice, and now we're going to go on the Scrambler!"

She tried to hide her grin when she looked at Opie's slightly green-tinged face. "You ok there, Ope?"

Opie nodded his head while simultaneously clutching his stomach. "Yeah. I just ate some fries…and a funnel cake…and a corn dog…and a bag of cotton candy. I don't think I want to ride the Scrambler."

Gemma just shook her head before looking down at Missy. "What about you, sweetie? Are you having a good time?"

A small smile crossed the girl's face as she barely nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

Gemma just stared at the tiny thing in front of her for a moment before looking back to her son. "Do you have enough money for tickets?"

Jax smiled. "Yep."

She nodded. "Ok, go have fun and stay out of trouble. And be at the entrance by dark so I can take you home."

The three of them nodded and started walking away, but after a few seconds, Gemma called Jax's name and motioned for him to come back. When he was by her side, she took a few extra dollars out of her purse and shoved it in his hand, whispering in his ear. "Jackson, make sure Missy gets something to eat tonight before she has to go home, alright? I don't want her going to bed hungry again."

Jackson shoved the folded up bills in his pocket and nodded. "Don't worry, Mom. I'll take care of her."

* * *

 _July 4_ _th_ _, 1989_

If was a few minutes before 9pm, and Ope and Jax were setting off bottle rockets in Piney's back yard when they saw her walking up the sidewalk.

Jax waved. "Hey, Miss! What are you doing here?"

A big, relieved smile crossed her face when she saw her two best friends. "Hey. My mom and stepdad are having a party. I, um…I didn't want to be there anymore."

Opie frowned. "Did you walk all the way from your house by yourself?" Missy lived at the trailer park on the outskirts of Charming, on the complete opposite side of town.

She just shrugged her shoulders. "It wasn't bad. It's nice out."

Jax set off one more Roman candle before he looked down at his watch. "The town fireworks are going to start pretty soon."

Missy nodded. "Do you guys want to walk to the park to see them?"

Ope and Jax looked at each other and smiled. "Nope. We've got somewhere even better."

Ten minutes later, the three of them had made the short walk from Opie's house to the clubhouse. They waved hello to Gemma and J.T. before going inside and walking into the kitchen, filling their hands and pockets with as much soda and candy as they could carry. Then they walked down the hallway and climbed up the small, metal ladder that led to the roof. And that's where they stayed for the rest of the night, side by side, watching as the fireworks lit up the dark Charming sky.

* * *

 _Sunny View Trailer Park, 1990_

Missy was in her tiny bedroom, trying her best to get her homework done despite the loud music and yelling bleeding through from the other side of the locked door. She was twelve years old now and used to all the chaos in her home, so it was barely even a distraction anymore. Her stepdad was screaming about her mom not making enough money that day, and her mom was screaming even louder about her stepdad using up their entire stash. She heard some punches being thrown, but she wasn't sure who was doing the hitting. On any given night, it could be one or the other.

She had just closed her science book and was starting on her math when she heard something hitting the thin glass of her window pane. She jumped out of her chair and ran to look outside. There was only one person who ever threw stones against her window.

"Jax, what are you doing here?"

But when she caught sight of her best friend, she gasped. His face was pale and tear-stained, with reddened eyes swollen from crying. She slowly climbed out of the window and jumped the short distance to the ground, careful to not make a sound. Then she ran over to stand in front of him. "What's wrong?"

He didn't say anything, just grabbed her hand and started to run towards the woods that surrounded the trailer park. He practically dragged her until they arrived at a little clearing where they would sometimes go to smoke cigarettes whenever they managed to steal a few from their parents. Then once they were alone, safe in their secluded, secret spot, Jax finally looked at her.

She thought he was going to speak, but instead he just threw himself at her, wrapping her up in the tightest hug of her life and burying his face in the crook of her neck. She held him close as sobs racked his body, and then finally, after almost ten minutes, he looked up to her face and choked out his words. "Missy…" He gasped for some air and shook his head. "Tommy's dead."

She could feel her heart start to break as her own tears began to fall. Tommy was Jax's six year old brother. He'd been sick his whole life, plagued with a heart defect and always in and out of hospitals. But she still couldn't believe he was actually gone. She loved him. Everyone did.

She didn't know what to do or what to say, so she just pulled him close again and held him tight. "I'm sorry."

After a few minutes, Jax slowly pulled away and, never letting go of her hand, walked with her back out to the road, turning away from the trailer park and back towards his house.

It took them nearly an hour to cross the almost four mile distance, but they finally made it to Jax's place. The house was dark and empty when they got there, so Jax picked up the key hidden under the mat and opened the door. Never letting go of her hand, he walked upstairs, past his and his parent's bedrooms, all the way to the end of the hall to Tommy's door.

Then he stepped in the room, took off his white sneakers, and climbed into his little brother's bed. Missy just stared at him for a minute, but when she realized he was waiting for her, she took off her beat up tennis shoes and walked over to the other side. Then she pulled back the covers and climbed in beside Jax. They didn't say anything else to each other for the rest of the night, just laid on their backs staring up at the ceiling. At some point, Jax reached over and held her hand again. Then they both drifted off into sleep.

* * *

 _Charming Police Department, 1991_

John and Gemma Teller stood on the other side of the two way mirror next to Wayne Unser, the three of them staring through the glass at 13 year old Missy Adams sitting in a metal folding chair in front of a small table, with handcuffs wrapped around her tiny wrists.

John looked at Wayne and frowned. "What the hell happened?"

Wayne sighed. "The school called child services. Apparently they'd suspected that Missy had been neglected for a long time."

Gemma scoffed. "Yeah. No shit."

Wayne nodded. "Well, all they had for a while were suspicions. Missy always showed up for school on time, kept her grades up, and refused to say anything bad about her mom or stepdad. There was nothing the school could do. But I guess today she showed up with some bruises around her arms, which was enough to warrant the teacher calling CPS. A few Charming PD officers went with child services to inspect the home, and sure enough, it was a mess. Apparently, there was drug paraphernalia everywhere. Needles, spoons, you name it. No food in the house, the electric had been turned off, it was terrible. My officers said that Cheryl Adams and her husband were both high as kites. They brought them all in. It turns out, Cheryl had an outstanding warrant for prostitution, and we learned that the stepdad is wanted for aggravated robbery in Nevada."

Gemma was overcome with anger, narrowing her eyes when she saw the metal around Missy's wrists. "Do you want to tell me why the hell that little girl is handcuffed to the fucking table?"

Wayne couldn't help but grin. "When they arrested her mom and stepdad, I guess Missy came out without incident, just packed a few things in her backpack and walked outside with CPS, calm as can be, but then…"

Gemma looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

His grin got a little wider. "Then I guess one of the officers asked her why she looked so familiar and the other officer said something like 'this is the girl that runs around town the little Teller thug'."

Gemma rolled her eyes but shrugged. "That still doesn't tell me why she's under arrest."

Now Wayne was all out smiling. "Apparently as soon as he said it, she walked up to the officer who called Jax a thug and punched him right in the face."

* * *

About an hour later, after they had talked to everyone who needed talking to and signed all the papers, Gemma and John walked into the interrogation room where Missy was still waiting.

The sad, skinny girl didn't say anything when Jax's parents sat down across from her, just hung her head down and waited for them to speak.

John reached across the table first and held one of her hands. "Unser will be in soon to get these cuffs off."

She raised her hazel eyes to them in confusion. "I thought I was going to jail."

Gemma smiled softly and shook her head. "No, sweetie. You'll be released in a few minutes. You had a really rough night, and you were allowed to be pissed about it. Besides…" Gemma placed her fingers on top of Missy's other hand. "That cop was an asshole. He deserved it."

An almost imperceptible smile crossed Missy's face for just a moment before she looked up at them with uncertainty in her eyes. "What's going to happen to me now?"

John and Gemma looked at each other for a moment before turning back to the girl in front of them, Gem squeezing her hand a little tighter. "You're going to come home with us, Missy."

She bit her lip and nodded before averting her eyes once more and looking back down to the table. "For how long?"

J.T. got up from his seat and walked to the other side of the table, crouching down beside her and taking her face in his hands, lifting it gently so that he could look in her eyes. "For as long as you want."

* * *

 _Charming High School Homecoming Dance, 1992_

Missy angrily wiped her tears away as she stormed out of the school and made her way awkwardly down the steps to the parking lot, teetering uncomfortably in her first pair of high heels. _God Missy, you are so stupid._ She had been so excited and surprised when a nobody freshman girl like her got asked to the dance by one of the cute sophomore boys on the basketball team. Gemma had taken her shopping for the perfect dress, Luann had come over to do her hair and makeup, and when she'd gotten ready earlier that night, she had looked in the mirror and actually thought she looked pretty for the very first time in her life.

She should have known it was too good to be true.

When she got to the sidewalk, she took off her heels and walked barefoot through the parking lot, praying that she could somehow sneak back into the house without Gemma or J.T. noticing she was home. But she stopped and held her breath when she heard a familiar voice call out to her from the other side of the lot. "Miss? Is that you? What are you doing out here?"

She toyed with the idea of making a run for it, but didn't bother since she knew both Opie and Jax could out run her. So she just took a deep breath and wiped her mascara streaked cheeks before turning around and forcing a small smile. "Hey guys."

As soon as Jax got a glimpse of her face, he took a few steps towards her and frowned. "What happened?"

She shook her head and looked down to the ground. "Nothing."

Ope crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. "Not buying it, Miss. What's going on?"

She looked up at Opie, then to Jax, and saw their concern slowly turn into anger. Jax clenched his jaw as his eyes narrowed. "Did that little jock prick do something to you?"

Missy cursed when she couldn't stop one more tear from escaping. "Nothing…nothing happened. He just…I was having a good time, you know? And then I told him I had to go to the restroom, and he followed me out to the hallway. When we got there he tried to…" She prayed to any god who would listen to please go ahead and let her die from the embarrassment she was feeling. "He tried to feel me up and, you know, kiss me and stuff. I told him I didn't want to and he got mad. He said, he said he figured I'd be an easy lay because everyone in town knows my mom is a whore."

Miss could see the tremors course through Jax's whole body before he balled his hands up into fists and turned back towards the school. Opie went to follow him, but Jax pushed him back. "Stay with her. I'm gonna kill that fucker."

"Jax!" Missy's eyes widened as she watched Jax stalk into the school, and then she turned to Opie and smacked him in the chest. "Aren't you going to stop him? He's gonna get in trouble!"

Ope just shook his head. "If he does, it'll be worth it. And if I follow him in there, all that's going to happen is that asshole will get two beat downs instead of just one." Then he looked at her and frowned. "Jax should have asked you to the dance."

Missy just shook her head, trying to ignore the way her heart started beating a little faster. "What? That's…that, I don't even know why you would say something like…"

"I know you like him, Miss."

The color drained from her cheeks as she looked at Opie, momentarily stunned. In truth, she didn't just like him. She had been in love with Jackson Teller for as long as she could remember. But she always thought she'd done a pretty good job of hiding it. She tried to make her voice sound strong, but it came out as a stammer. "How do you…why would you…I don't…"

He just rolled his eyes. "Fuck, Missy. You act like we all haven't been best friends since we were five. I see the way you look at him when you think no one's watching."

She swallowed the bile rising in her throat and ran a hand through her, for once, perfectly straight hair. "Does he know?"

Ope just shook his head. "Nope, no clue, and no one else does either."

"You won't tell him, will you?"

Ope just grinned. "No, of course not. I wouldn't do that to you. And besides, I don't think I like the idea of you to together. You're too good for him, Miss."

That actually made her laugh. _Yeah, right. I'm too good? Jax is gorgeous and smart and strong and brave and I'm…I'm nothing._ She took a few steps towards Ope and wrapped her arms around his waist, a small smile finally crossing her face. "You're a liar, Opie Winston, but thanks for trying to make me feel better."

Ope was about to speak but stopped when the school doors swung open and Jax came back down the stairs. Missy looked him over from head to toe, but other than some cuts on his slightly bleeding knuckles, he seemed completely fine.

Ope nodded his head towards the school. "Did you handle that piece of shit?"

Jax didn't say anything, just lit a cigarette before that familiar, cocky smirk spread across his lips. Then he looked from Ope to Missy and, finally noticing her appearance, sweetly smiled. "You clean up pretty good, Miss."

When he saw her roll her eyes he laughed and through an arm around her shoulders, walking her away from the school. "Come on. Let's get out of here. There's a better party at the clubhouse anyway."

* * *

 _St. Thomas Hospital Intensive Care Unit, 1993_

For the past two days, ever since John Teller had lost control of his bike and hit that semi, the entire club had been crammed into the little waiting room, praying and consoling each other, as they waited for his condition to change.

Missy split her time between comforting Gemma and trying to be there for Jax, even though her own heart was silently breaking. She loved J.T. like a father and couldn't imagine living a single day without the kind, loving man who had welcomed her into his home two years before.

But when the doctor came out of the room and sadly shook his head, it wasn't her own loss or her own grief that she was worried about. And it wasn't Gemma, or Ope, or Piney, or anyone else in the club. All that mattered in that moment was Jax.

When she saw him standing across the room, she went to his side and wrapped her arms around his neck, desperate to heal the ache that she knew he was suffering from, just like she had done all those years ago the night Tommy died.

But back when Tommy died, Jax was just a sad little boy. Now he was fifteen, almost a man, and unwilling to let her comfort him. Because he didn't feel just sad like he did when Tommy passed away. At the sudden, tragic loss of his father, Jax felt wronged, he felt robbed, and he felt angry.

He pushed her away, harder than he'd intended, and practically screamed in her face. "Leave me alone!" Then he pushed passed her and everyone else, throwing a chair across the room in the process, before storming out of the hospital.

Missy waited for Gemma to do what she needed to do at the hospital before riding with her back home. When the two of them got to the house, Gemma immediately shut herself into her bedroom, while Missy took a shower, crying her eyes out as she stood under the steady stream of hot water.

When her skin was reddened and pruning, and her tears were all cried out, she stepped out of the bathroom and threw on some pajamas before crawling into her bed.

She was still awake a few hours later, staring up at nothing, when her bedroom door slowly opened and Jax walked in. He looked into her eyes and didn't seem at all surprised that she was still awake. Without saying a word, he took off his shoes, and still fully clothed, climbed into bed with her. And just like that horrible night three years ago, he reached across the bed to find her hand, holding it tightly in his own, and only then were the two of them able to fall asleep.

* * *

 _Teller-Morrow Automotive Repair, 1994_

Missy was laughing at a dirty joke that Otto was telling all the guys in the garage, then laughing even harder when Gemma hit him over the head with a rolled up magazine. "Christ Otto, you want to put a filter on that dirty mouth?"

Gem nodded her head towards where Missy was sitting, but that only made Otto laugh more. He went over to where the girl was standing and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You don't mind my sense of humor, do you honey?"

Missy just smiled and shook her head. "Whatever Gemma says goes. You know that."

Gemma smiled before walking over and kissing her on the top of the head. "And that's why I love you, sweetie."

They were all still laughing when Jax walked over and grinned. "What's so funny?"

Gemma shook her head. "Just the usual. Otto's being a pervert."

He went over to his mom and kissed her cheek before peeling off his TM work shirt, revealing his clean white tee. "Just wanted to tell you I won't be home for dinner tonight. I've got a date."

Jax having a date was nothing new. It seemed like he always had a million dates and it never really bothered Missy, because he never kept any of them around very long. But something deep inside of her began to hurt when she saw the excited, almost nervous, expression on his face.

She forced a grin and tried her damndest to put some laughter in her voice. "Another one, Jax?"

Her heart officially broke when he shook his head and sighed. "This one's different, Miss. This one's special."

She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. "Who is it?"

Just the thought of her name made him smile. "Tara Knowles."

 _Please review…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi Everyone! I wasn't planning on updating again so soon, but the response to the first chapter was so awesome, I just couldn't help myself :) I almost never post this quickly, but I already had the first few chapters written, so here you go.**

 **Thank you so much for following, favoriting, and for all the reviews! I'm so happy that, so far, you're all liking Jax and Missy's story. So with that being said, I hope you enjoy this one, and please review…**

Chapter 2

Jax was surprised when, only one week after her last call, he looked down at his phone and saw Missy's number flash across the screen. This time he was sleeping alone, so he just sat up in bed and flipped open his cell. "Miss?"

He heard club music in the background and what sounded like a door opening before the noise faded away and she spoke. "Gemma came to see me today."

Jax leaned up against the headboard and sighed when he noted the slight slur in her voice. "Yeah?"

"Yep."

He waited for a few seconds, but the only thing he heard was silence. "And?"

"She said Abel's getting stronger."

Jax smiled to himself in the darkness of his bedroom. "He is. Little man's getting bigger every day. He's so fucking beautiful, Miss."

"I know he is. Gemma showed me some pictures. He already looks like you."

Jax grinned. "Yeah, he does. I swear he's perfect, even after all he's been through." He suddenly felt the urge to open up; he always did whenever he talked to Missy. "I know it's my fault, everything he's had to go through; being born addicted with half a stomach, the surgeries, the tubes, all that shit. It's all on me."

"How can you say that?"

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "When Wendy told me she was pregnant, I completely shut her out, pretended her and the kid didn't exist. I mean, what kind of asshole does that make me? I just, I couldn't handle the thought of her carrying my son. It wasn't supposed to be her. I was supposed to be…" He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, biting back the words he wanted to say and swallowing them down like he always did. "And now that he's here, I love him so god damn much, but all I think about when I see him are all the ways I've failed him already, all the ways I'm going to fail him…"

"Jax, stop it. The past is the past, and you can't keep blaming yourself for everything. You're going to be a great father. Gem said Abel is getting better every day, that he's going to be just fine in a few more weeks. So once he's home, you'll have the rest of your life to show him how much you love him and what a good dad you can be."

Jax blinked away the tears from his eyes, letting her words sink in and wondering how the hell she always knew exactly the right thing to say. "Miss, I think about you all the time. You know I still…"

But Missy cut him off. "Gemma also said you're back with Tara."

Logically, he knew that he had nothing to feel guilty about, but that didn't stop the sick feeling from rising up in his chest as he sat up in bed and suddenly felt the need to explain himself. "I don't…it's not…she's helping Abel and…"

"It's ok, Jax. We've been apart a long time, and you two were good together."

He closed his eyes when he heard the sadness in her voice. "Fuck, Missy. I…"

"And she'll be a good mom to Abel."

He heard the crack in her voice and knew she was somewhere alone in Stockton crying, and it fucking wrecked him. "Miss, stop it…"

"You always used to say you two were soul mates."

"Baby, don't…"

"Bye, Jax."

"Missy? Fuck! Miss?" Jax stared blankly at the phone when he realized she'd hung up on him and then threw it across the room as hard as he could, watching it break into pieces against his bedroom wall.

Then he just sat alone in the darkness for the rest of the night, replaying the sound of her voice over and over again, and wondering, just like he'd done so many times over the past seven years, if there would ever be a time when his love for Missy Adams wouldn't completely tear him apart.

* * *

Part II- The Tara Years…

 _The Clubhouse, 1995_

Missy wanted to hate Tara for so many reasons. She wanted to hate her for having pretty brown eyes and thick, beautiful hair, when she had plain hazel eyes and boring light brown tangles. She wanted to hate Tara because she was five inches taller and 2 cup sizes bigger. She wanted to hate Tara because she got straight A's without even trying, while she had to work like a dog just for B's. But mostly, Missy wanted to hate Tara because Jax loved her so much.

But the sad part was, Missy didn't hate Tara. Not even a little. If anything, she admired her. Just like Missy, Tara didn't have an easy childhood. Her dad was a drunk and her mom had died when she was nine in a car wreck. But somehow Tara had managed to rise above all the bullshit in her life, whereas Missy always felt like she was drowning in it.

Yes, Tara was smart and beautiful, but she was also friendly, and funny, and really nice. And most importantly, she made Jax happy, which was all Missy ever really cared about anyway. So yeah, she wanted to hate the girl that had everything she ever wanted, but she just couldn't.

So when Missy saw Jax pull into the lot with Tara riding on the back of his bike, she just forced a smile and waved. Because the two of them were in love, and hating Tara wouldn't change that. _Besides, even if Tara wasn't around, Jax will never see me as anything more than a friend._

* * *

 _Senior Year, 1996_

Missy walked outside of the school and breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the warm, California sun hit her face. She hated school, not because she didn't like learning, but because every day was a struggle. Her classes had never come easy to her, and neither had making friends with the other kids. At least when Jax and Ope were there, she had someone to talk to; two built in best friends that made every day a little better. But since they'd decided over the summer to drop out and get their GEDs, she'd been forced to go through each day of high school alone.

"Hey, Missy!"

Missy looked over her shoulder to see Donna and Tara coming up behind her and waved. "Hey."

Missy really liked Donna, Opie's girlfriend for the past two years, and as much as she hated to admit it, Tara had become something close to a friend.

Donna smiled. "So are you guys going to the party tonight?"

Missy nodded. "Yeah, at least for a little while. Gemma usually makes me leave before things get too crazy." Then she looked over at Tara. "Are you going?"

Tara shrugged. "I'm not sure. I have, like, five more college essays to write before I can send in my applications."

That was another reason Missy was in awe of Tara. Missy had absolutely no clue what she wanted to do when she graduated from Charming High school, but Tara, who was actually a year younger than the rest of them, had skipped a grade and was already applying to all the best pre-med programs.

Missy nodded. "So what are you guys up to now?"

Just then, the unmistakable sound of Harley engines rumbled through the parking lot. The girls looked over and saw Jax and Ope on their bikes, pulling up to the sidewalk. Donna and Tara each ran up to their boyfriends, Ope giving Donna a sweet peck on the cheek while Jax pulled Tara in for a full on, desperate kiss.

When he pulled away from his girl, Jax looked up at Tara and grinned. "Hi, Babe." Then he looked over to where Missy was standing a few feet away and smiled. "Hey, Miss."

She gave him a half smile and crossed her arms over her chest. "Hey." Then she looked over to Opie and her smile widened. "Hey, Ope."

Opie grinned. "Hey, Shorty."

She just shook her head at the annoying nickname before rocking back on her heels. "So, where are you guys headed?"

The two couples looked at each other and grinned before Jax turned back to Missy. "It's a surprise, but we'll be at the clubhouse tonight for the party. Will we see you there?"

Missy nodded. "Yeah, see you there."

Jax winked at her before revving his engine and taking off out of the lot with Tara's arms wrapped tightly around his waist, Donna and Ope following closely behind them. She watched their bikes disappear down the street and stared in the direction they rode off in until she could no longer hear the sound of their bikes. Then, suddenly feeling more alone than she had in a really long time, she turned to the other side of the street and headed home.

* * *

Nearly five hours later, Missy was in the clubhouse playing pool with Bobby, when Jax and Opie came strolling in with Tara and Donna tucked up under their arms. And just like always, her eyes were drawn to Jax; the natural, easy confidence in his posture, the purposeful way he walked, and the way he was constantly brushing his perfect blond hair out of his face with strong, calloused hands.

Just being in his presence made her world a little brighter, so Missy felt herself grin as she watched him wave to his friends, laugh as he ordered some drinks, and smile when he saw Otto and wrapped him up in a hug. But her smile faded when he motioned for Otto to look at Tara's back. Tara just grinned and turned around, lifting up her shirt and revealing a black bird spanning across the width of her lower back.

Missy reached back to the pool table for support and swallowed down the lump in her throat. _Oh my god. He gave her his crow. She isn't just his girlfriend anymore. Tara is Jax's old lady._ She furiously blinked away the tears that were quickly forming as she looked down at her chest, expecting to see a gaping hole there for how badly her heart suddenly hurt.

She snapped out of her haze when she felt Bobby's hand on her cheek. "Hey? You ok, kid?"

It took a few seconds, but she finally nodded. "Yeah, I um, sorry. I'm not feeling so good. I think I'm going to go home now."

She walked as fast as she could past Bobby, keeping close to the walls on her way to the door so that she could, hopefully, avoid talking to Jax. And she had almost made it outside when a large hand shot out and stopped her.

She turned around and saw Opie's sweet, concerned face staring down at her. "Miss, I'm sorry."

She shook her head and tried to speak, but all that came out were tears. "I…I have to get out of here, Ope."

He tried to think of something else to say, but after a moment, he gave up and reluctantly let go of her arm, watching helplessly as she ran out the door and away from the clubhouse.

* * *

Missy walked out of the lot to the sidewalk and headed towards home, but after a few steps, she suddenly stopped and turned around. Without really thinking about it, she let her feet carry her down the same long path she used to walk as a little kid, past the nearby neighborhoods, through the center of town, following almost four miles of concrete until she got to the entrance of Sunny View Trailer Park.

She hadn't been back even once in the last five years since she'd gone to live with the Teller's. And as she stared at the now vacant trailer that housed such horrible memories for her, she couldn't deny that there was a tiny, little part of her that longed for those days again. Because even though she'd been poor, even though her parents had been junkies, even though she'd been abused, and neglected, and ignored…she'd always had Jax.

Through all her worst times, since she was five years old, she'd had Jackson Teller by her side; her brother, her best friend, her light at the end of every dark tunnel. And back then, as much as she had needed him, Jax had needed her just as badly. She was his comfort, his constant, the thing that got him through his hardest days.

But now all that's changed. Now he didn't need her at all. Now Jax had Tara.

Tears streaked down her face as she walked into the woods, just like they used to do all those years ago when they would sneak cigarettes from their parents. And when she finally reached their spot, she sat down on the ground and sobbed, thinking the whole time how crazy she was to cry over losing someone who was never really ever hers to lose.

* * *

 _Graduation Day, 1997_

Missy breathed a sigh of relief when the last diploma had been handed out and she threw her graduation cap up to the ceiling along with her classmates. She hadn't even planned on attending the ceremony, just getting her diploma in the mail, but she knew that it would mean a lot to Gemma to see her actually graduate, so she'd sucked it up and walked with the rest of her class.

She had to admit, it really hadn't been that bad; just an hour of the typical "you can do anything you put your mind to" speech from the principal and the usual "you can change the world" speech from the valedictorian. Really, the only part of the day that had bothered her at all was when she listened to the other students around her talk about what they were now going to do with their lives. Some were going to college. Some were going into the military. Some were moving, or traveling, or getting new jobs. But what was she going to do with the rest of her life? She had no fucking clue.

If anything, the only things Missy was certain of was what she didn't want to do. She hated school, so she knew she wouldn't be a teacher. She hated hospitals, so anything in healthcare was out. And the thought of sitting in an office building for 40 hours a week made her skin crawl. It seemed like every kid she knew had dreamed about being a doctor, or a lawyer, or a fireman, or an astronaut...something. But whenever adults had asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up, Missy never had an answer. As ashamed as she was to admit it, the only thing that Missy had ever dreamed about being in her entire life was Jackson Teller's wife and old lady. _And obviously, that is never going to happen._

If she was honest with herself, Missy was already happy right where she was; working part time at Teller-Morrow with Gemma and waiting tables on the weekends at the diner. Maybe it was because she'd been alone for so long as a kid, but the thought of leaving the people she thought of as her family wasn't something she was even willing to consider. Sure, she'd probably never be rich or have a bunch of nice things, but none of that mattered to her. She just wanted a simple life close to people who loved her. For Missy, that was enough.

One hour and a hundred pictures later, Missy was riding in the passenger seat of Gemma's Cadillac with her adopted mom behind the wheel, the car following Clay's bike as they made their way back to the clubhouse. Clay had been married to Gemma now for about a year, and even though it had taken some getting used to, she was happy for them. Missy would never love another man the way that she had loved John Teller, but Clay was a decent stepdad and, most importantly, he was head over heels in love with Gem.

Gemma looked over and beamed at the young woman sitting beside her. "I'm proud of you, sweetie. We all are."

Missy looked down to her lap and nodded. "Thanks, and…listen, I know I don't tell you this enough, but I could never have done it without you. Taking me in, raising me…I can't ever repay you for everything you've given me, but…" She bit her bottom lip and tried her best not to cry. "I love you, Gemma."

Gem reached over and took one of Missy's hands in her own, holding it tightly. "I love you too." Then Gemma smirked when she saw the way the girl next to her used her free hand to tug on the hem of her short white minidress. "Jesus, Miss. Stop fidgeting. You look hot."

Missy just rolled her eyes as she smoothed down the silky white material that clung to every inch of her thin frame and barely reached the middle of the thighs. "Yeah, right. I look like a little kid playing dress up."

This time it was Gemma's turn to roll her eyes. "I've told you for the last two years, you have a tight little body that a lot of girls would die for. I swear to god, you eat nothing but junk and you're still a skinny bitch." Gemma saw a faint, tiny smile cross Missy's lips and then she grinned. "And I don't know if you've noticed, but you're finally starting to fill out in all the right places."

Missy shrugged. She had noticed that in the last several months, she somehow developed the slightest of curves on her hips, and her boobs had, thankfully, reached small B-cup status. "I'm still too short."

Gemma just laughed. "Sweetie, that's why God invented stilettos."

* * *

Missy couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face when they pulled into the completely full lot and she saw that the entire club, as well as all their friends and families, had turned out for her graduation party. As soon as she got out of the car, Otto and Luann squeezed her tightly and told her how proud they were, then Tig and Bobby each kissed her cheek, and soon everyone else descended; hugging her, kissing her, and offering their congratulations.

A little uncomfortable with all the attention she was suddenly getting, she tried to step away to the clubhouse. But before she could escape, two strong arms turned her around and lifted her a few feet off the ground like she weighed absolutely nothing.

Opie gave her a big bear hug and smiled. "Good job, Shorty. You did it."

Missy wrapped her arms around his neck and relaxed against him, always at home in her best friends arms. "Thanks, Ope."

He gently lowered her back to the ground and as soon as her white heels hit the pavement, she pulled down her dress and grinned. "So, are you going to Donna's party today?"

Ope lit a cigarette and shook his head. "Nah. Her parents still hate me, so I'm not exactly welcome at their house. She'll come over here later."

Then she glanced around the lot for a few seconds before looking back to Opie. "Where's Jax? Is he with Tara?"

Opie just shook his head and looked down at his boots. "No."

She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Ope? What's going on? Where is he?"

When he didn't say anything, she took a step closer and shoved her hands against his chest. "Winston, I swear to god! You tell me right now what happened or so help me…"

Ope threw his hands up in the air and sighed. "Alright, alright. Listen, I just…today isn't about him. It's your day, your party, and I didn't want you to worry." Then he ran a large hand through his long brown hair and sighed. "Tara left."

Missy gasped as her hands shot up to cover her mouth. Tara and Jax had been fighting nonstop for the last few months about what would happen after graduation. It started back in February when they all had been arrested for underage drinking and disorderly conduct. Missy, Jax, and Opie had just shrugged it off since they'd all been picked up a few times by the cops before and knew that misdemeanors were really no big deal. Donna had been upset, just because her parents were going to ground her for the rest of her life. But Tara…Tara freaked. She was scared that the arrest would stop her from getting into college and would ruin everything that she'd worked so hard for.

From that point on, Tara had done nothing but talk shit about the club. She hated the power it had over Jax and the potential that it had to hurt their futures. She begged him constantly to go with her to school; away from Charming, away from Samcro, and away from the danger and uncertainty that went along with the outlaw life.

And even though he always denied it, Missy knew that Jax had considered leaving. He was completely in love with Tara and couldn't stand the thought of losing her. But Jax had dreamed about wearing a kutte for as long as he could remember. It was in his blood, his father's legacy, and deep down he knew that it was his destiny. Jax loved Tara, no question about it. But when push came to shove, he loved the club more.

Missy always assumed that Tara would change her mind. That she would learn to accept the club and go to school somewhere close by, because Missy couldn't imagine a scenario where any girl in her right mind would walk away from Jackson Teller. And as she wrapped her head around what Opie had just told her, she expected to feel happy; relieved somehow that Tara was finally out of the picture and away from the boy who Missy had loved for her entire life. But she wasn't happy, not even a little. Because she knew that if Tara was gone, then Jax was somewhere hurting.

Missy looked around at all the people around her and felt a pang of guilt before glancing back up to Opie. "Tell Gemma I'm sorry."

"What? Wait! Missy! This is your fucking party!" But she was already running as fast as she could to Gemma's caddy. Ope just shook his head as he watched her jump in and turn the keys that Gem had left in the ignition, start the car, and gun of the lot, never once looking back.

* * *

Missy went to their house, then Tara's, and even tried the woods by her old trailer park, but she couldn't find Jax anywhere. After almost an hour of driving around town, she was about to give up and head back to the clubhouse, when she suddenly remembered one last place she hadn't looked.

A few minutes later, she turned off the car and climbed out, her heart aching as soon as her eyes landed on Jax. He was sitting down in the grass with his back resting against his father's tombstone; smoking a joint with a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels by his side, his face reddened and soaked with tears.

She didn't say anything, just sat down beside him and picked up the bottle, taking a big gulp before placing it back down on the ground.

Then she waited in silence for a couple of minutes before he finally spoke, his voice raw and hoarse from crying. "How could I do it to him, Miss? How could I just walk away from the life he created for me, from everything he ever wanted for me? How could I disrespect his memory like that? Why…" He hung his head down as a fresh wave of sobs racked his body. "Why couldn't she understand? Why did she have to leave me?"

Missy didn't have any answers to give him. Nothing that she could say would help. So she just wrapped an arm around his shoulder and held him as he buried his face in her hair and cried.

She wasn't sure how long they'd been sitting like that, but by the time Jax had smoked the last of his weed and drank all of the whiskey, the afternoon sun had started to set behind the beautiful trees surrounding the cemetery. She crawled up off the ground and then used every muscle she had to pry an almost past out Jax up from the grass and help him stumble to the car.

When she got him to the Cadillac and buckled the seatbelt around him, she walked back to the other side and sat down behind the wheel. Then she glanced over to Jax and was surprised when she saw his bleary eyes looking at her with just a little more clarity than she expected.

He looked down at her now grass-stained white dress and gave her a small, sad smile. "You graduated today."

She started the car and nodded. "Yeah, I did."

Then a look of shame crossed his face as he frowned. "You missed your party."

Missy just shrugged as she reached across the console and held one of his hands. "Some things are more important than parties."

 **Please review…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello, lovelies! Thank you so much for all the reviews, follows, and favorites! I'm so excited by the response so far. Seriously, you're all amazing and sweet and very nice :)**

 **This chapter is way, way, way longer than I wanted it to be, but I just couldn't figure out a way around it. So get comfy. This may take a while…**

 **Oh! Just one more thing…I don't really like to say that certain characters look exactly like certain celebrities, because I like you to be able to use your imaginations and see them how you want to, based on my descriptions. But since I never say what he looks like, the character Jesse (at least in my head) is played by Aaron Paul. I just couldn't help myself :)**

 **Hope you enjoy it and please review!**

Chapter 3

It was close to two in the morning on a Thursday night, and Missy was wiping down the booths in her section of the diner. She had planned on just working her usual three to eleven shift, but one of the other waitresses had called in sick, so she volunteered to stay a few hours late.

She untied the apron from around her waist, shoved her tips into the back pocket of her jeans, and was just headed out to her car when the phone in her pocket began to ring. And when she saw who was calling, she just stared at the phone for a few seconds before hesitantly raising it to her ear.

"Jax?"

"Hey, Miss."

Missy shook her head as the smallest of grins crossed her lips. She wanted to be mad that he called, but his voice had always sounded so fucking cute when he was drunk. And she could tell just by his greeting that he was shit-faced. "What are you doing?"

"Laying on my bed at the clubhouse."

Missy leaned her back against her old, beat up Jeep Wrangler and sighed. "No, I mean what are you doing calling me?"

"You're not the only one allowed to get fucked up every once in a while and break this code of fucking silence between us. I'm piss drunk and wanted to hear your voice, ok?"

Missy cringed and nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry. You never give me shit when I call you." She took a cigarette out of her purse and lit one up, taking a long drag and blowing the smoke up towards the sky. "So you're piss drunk, huh? What's the occasion?"

She could hear the relief in his voice. "Abel's getting out of the hospital tomorrow, Miss. He's coming home."

Missy smiled. Gemma had been calling her about once a week with updates, but she hadn't realized that the baby would be getting released so soon. "That's great, Jax. Really, that's amazing news."

"It is. It really is, but…" There were a few seconds of silence before she heard him sigh. "I should be so happy right now. This should be the happiest fucking day of my life, but all I can think about is how you're not here with me."

She closed her eyes and tried to fight the tears welling up in her eyes. "Please, Jax..."

"Why aren't we together, baby?"

She couldn't stop her voice from cracking. "You know why."

Then a long moment passed before he spoke again, and this time she could hear a little laughter in his words. "Well, maybe you should explain it to me again a few more times, Miss. Don't you remember how long it takes for me to figure shit out?"

She couldn't help but smile as she looked up at the starry night sky. "Yeah, I remember."

* * *

Part III- He finally opens his eyes…

 _The Clubhouse, 1997_

It had been three months since Tara left Charming and each day of Jax's life had been just like the one before. He did whatever he needed to do for the club since he and Ope were still in the middle of their prospecting year, then he would work just enough hours in the garage to avoid pissing off his mom, and then he would get completely wasted; drowning himself in liquor and weed and trying like hell to forget all about the girl of his dreams that left him alone and broken-hearted. Every morning he woke up next to a different croweater. Then he would start the same miserable, broken record all over again.

Sometime close to noon, Jax stumbled out of his dorm and down the hall to the bar, where he saw Missy pouring out a cup of coffee for Opie, who was sitting across from her on one of the stools.

He climbed up unsteadily on the stool next to Opie, still a little drunk from the night before, and nodded to his friends. "Hey."

Opie just shook his head. "You look like shit."

Jax glared at Opie before taking a sip of the coffee that Missy had just placed in front of him. "Good morning to you, too."

Ope turned towards Jax and frowned. "Seriously, man. I feel like you need a god damn intervention. It's been months. Don't get me wrong. I get it. You loved her and she left and that sucks, but at some point, life goes on."

Jax just stared down at his coffee and rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Opie had finally had enough. He'd watched his brother act like a pathetic fucking zombie for weeks on end, and he just couldn't take it anymore. "No. Fuck that. Not just 'whatever.' You've been a mess since graduation and it's time to pull your head out of your ass. I mean, fuck. Do you think it was easy for me to handle it when Donna told me that she was pregnant? No, it wasn't. But shit happens and at some point you have to man up and deal with it. Besides, Tara wasn't…"

Jax stood up from his stool and stared Opie down. "Shut your mouth, Ope…"

Then Opie stood up too and got right in Jax's face. "No, someone needs to say it. Yeah, Tara was a nice girl and we all liked her. But I don't care if she had your crow or not, she was never an old lady and she was never going to be." Jax took a step towards Ope, but the taller, stronger man easily pushed him back. "She's going to be a fucking doctor, Jax! What the hell did you think was going to happen? She would do surgery in the morning and then come to the clubhouse for a party at night? Huh? Hang out with all the other surgeons during the day and then come home to help you clean all your guns, hide your money, and wash the fucking blood out of your clothes? Tara left because she knew she wasn't cut out for this life, and it seems like everyone gets that but you!"

Missy agreed with everything Opie had said, but it killed her to see them yelling at each other. She tried to think of something to say that might calm things down. "Jax, I think Ope just means…"

But Jax quickly interrupted her, turning all his rage and anger suddenly in her direction. "No, don't you fucking start with me!"

Taken back by the hateful tone in his voice, Missy's voice became a stammer. "I just…I didn't…"

But Jax just shook his head. "You know, it's bad enough listening to him bitch at me, but I don't want to hear one fucking word come out of your mouth. At least Ope's been in an actual relationship. You've never even dated anyone! You have no idea what I'm going through and you have no idea what it's like to be in love, let alone lose someone and have your heart completely fucking broken! So I don't need to hear anything you have to say!"

The second the words left his mouth, Jax wished he could take them back. He was bitter and angry at the whole damn world, but the one person he was never mad at was Missy. Not once in the last three months had she been anything but supportive. In fact, she'd been there for him whenever he needed her; letting him cry on her shoulder, nursing him through his hangovers, and covering for his ass with Gemma whenever he let things slack at TM. And from the devastated look on her face, Jax knew that he had just hurt her worse than he ever had before.

"Miss…shit, I'm sorry…"

A humorless smile crossed her face as she shook her head and averted her tear-filled eyes to the bar. "No, Jax. You're right." She moved to the sink and started rinsing out her coffee cup, never once looking up. "How would I know what it's like to be in love with someone? How would I know what it's like to lose them? How would I know what it's like to feel more alone than anyone else on the entire fucking planet?" Then she threw the cup down hard into the sink, causing it to shatter into pieces, before finally looking up to the guy's faces. "I'll be in the office with Gem today if anyone needs me."

Ope and Jax watched Missy walk back around the bar, past where they were standing, and out the door to the lot, in stunned silence. Jax took a step forward to follow her, but he was quickly stopped by Ope placing a large hand on his chest and shoving him back a couple feet.

Opie looked down at Jax and shook his head in disgust. "You're an asshole."

And as he watched his best friend turn away from him and follow Missy outside, Jax knew without a doubt that Ope was right.

* * *

By the time Opie caught up with Missy and grabbed her arm, tears were streaming down her face. "Damn it, Miss. I'm sorry, I…"

But Missy just shook her head, furiously wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "No, it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong. And he…" She took a deep breath and swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Maybe Jax is right. What right do I have to say anything when I've never even been in a relationship, at least one where the other person actually gives a shit about me?" Ope tried to pull her in for a hug, but she took a step away from him. "No, I deserve this for being so stupid. It's been three months since Tara left and I just thought that once she was gone…every single day I've woken up thinking that maybe this was it. Maybe today would be the day that he actually _sees_ me, you know? That he'll look at me and know that he should…" She flashed him a sad, resigned smile that never reached her eyes. "He's never going to want me, Opie. I get that now. For the first time in my life, I finally accept that. And maybe…maybe now I can try to stop loving him so much and move on."

Opie's eyes never left her as she turned and walked away from him, across the lot, and into the TM office. And as much as he hated to see her hurting, he couldn't help but grin. _Because if anything can snap Jax out of his stupidity, it will be seeing Missy with another guy._

* * *

Two weeks later, Jax was walking towards the office with a bag full of food, hoping to catch Missy on her lunch break. Despite apologizing for going off on her and despite her saying she forgave him, Missy had done everything she could to avoid him since their fight. She wasn't being mean or bitchy or anything, just…not around. She used to hang out at the clubhouse in the mornings to make him coffee and have breakfast with him and the guys, but for the last couple of weeks she's been drinking her coffee in the office with Gemma. She used to cook him dinner every Wednesday night at Gemma's house and then stay up all night with him watching old horror movies, but last Wednesday she went out to dinner with Donna instead. And then last night she said she would come to the clubhouse to play pool with him and Opie, but at the last minute she bailed to go shopping in Stockton with Luann.

If he was honest with himself, Jax never realized how much he took for granted that Miss would always be around, until she suddenly wasn't. He had seen her almost every day of his life since he was five years old, and now that she was distancing herself from him for some reason it made him feel… _fuck, it just makes me feel…I don't know, just…uncomfortable, I guess._

So about a half an hour ago, he had gone to Missy's favorite place to eat; a little greasy roadside dive just outside of Charming, and bought all the usual fried foods that she somehow always crammed into her thin frame. He was going to make her eat with him, make her talk, and make her get over whatever shit was in her head. _I just want things between us to get back to normal. I just want things to go back to the way they were before._

So as he grabbed the handle and pulled open the door, Jax was determined to fix whatever was wrong between him and his best friend, but when he stepped inside and saw her, he realized that his plan was shot all to hell. Missy wasn't alone.

She was leaning against the desk eating a cheeseburger, when she looked over and nodded. "Hey. What's up?"

But Jax ignored her, instead turning his head and glaring over to the couch where Jesse, one of the mechanics and club hang-arounds, was sitting eating some fries. "What the fuck are you doing in here?"

Missy popped the last of the burger in her mouth and wiped her hands off on her jeans. "Jesse bought me lunch. Did you need something?"

"I, uh…" Jackson Teller was never left speechless, but for some unknown reason he found himself unable to speak. His mind was suddenly too overrun with questions for him to remember how to form sentences. _Since when does she hang out with Jesse? And why would he buy her lunch? And why the hell are they in here by themselves?_

But his thoughts were interrupted when Missy quietly cleared her throat. "Uh, Jax?"

He shook his head and looked down at the big bag of food he was holding. "Mom wanted me to pick up some food for everybody. I was just going to see if you wanted some."

Missy gave him the same small, friendly grin that she always did. "Oh, thanks, but I'm stuffed."

A few awkward moments of silence passed without any of them moving, but when it became clear that Jax wasn't leaving any time soon, Jesse reluctantly stood up from his seat. "I should probably get back to the garage. Thanks for having lunch with me, Missy."

Jax watched Missy in confusion as she looked down slightly and shyly smiled, tucking her hair behind her ears and faintly blushing. _Is she…is she fucking flirting with this douchebag?_

Then she glanced back up to Jesse and grinned. "Thanks for asking me to."

Jax breathed a sigh of relief when he thought Jesse was finally leaving, but just before he went to the door, the young mechanic walked up to Missy and, leaning slightly forward, brushed his fingers against her hand and kissed her cheek. Then he whispered, "See you tonight," before he walked outside, squeezing past Jax on his way.

Jax glared at Jesse until he disappeared from view and then turned back around to Missy, his arms crossed over his chest. "See you tonight?"

A mix of unease and excitement crossed her face as she went to sit down behind the desk. "Yeah, he's taking me out."

"Out?"

"Yeah, out. As in, out on a date."

Jax ignored the sick feeling forming in the pit of his stomach as he forced a cocky smirk, his voice taking on a cold, mocking tone. "You? You have a date? With him?"

But his smirk turned to a frown when he saw the excitement vanish from Missy's face, quickly replaced by embarrassment. "I know you probably think it's crazy that any guy in the world would ever want to spend time with me, but Jesse has been asking me out for months and he's always really nice, so I finally told him yes." Then she turned away from him and, blinking away the tears in her eyes, focused her attention on the work orders she had to put into the computer.

Jax shook his head and took a step forward, amazed at his uncanny ability to fuck everything up. "Miss, come on. I didn't mean…"

"You should get back to work, Jax. We're really busy today."

He waited a few moments for her to say something else, or at least to look at him, anything. But when she just kept ignoring him, he finally turned and stormed out of the office, slamming the door closed a hell of a lot harder than he'd intended. Then he dropped the bag of food off into the garage before peeling off his work shirt and heading to the ring. He didn't know why, but he suddenly had an overwhelming urge to punch something.

* * *

An hour later, after beating the punching bag until his knuckles were bleeding and still feeling furious, Jax climbed on his bike and rode as fast as he could to his mom's house. When he got there he didn't knock; just swung open the door and marched into the dining room where Gemma was reading the newspaper, and then crashed his fist down on the table.

Gemma calmly looked over to her son and raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong, Jackson?"

"Did you know that Missy's going out with Jesse tonight?"

Gem looked down at the paper and quickly hid her smile before looking back up to Jax and nodding. "Yeah, she told me a couple of days ago. That's why she went shopping with Luann last night, to get a new outfit. Apparently he's taking her to some new Chinese place in Lodi"

He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her like she was crazy. "And you don't have a problem with this?"

Gemma just shrugged. "Why would I? She's 19 years old, and Jesse seems like a sweet guy."

"He's too old for her."

"He's 23, Jackson."

"And he's an idiot. You know Clay's never going to let him prospect."

"He may not be club material, but he's a hell of a mechanic and a nice kid."

"But…" Gemma watched in amusement as Jax paced the floor in front of her, running his hands through his hair and obviously trying desperately to think of another reason why Missy shouldn't go out with Jesse. But after a while he just gave up and stormed back towards the door. He didn't say a word to her, but just as he stepped outside Gem heard him yell, "She doesn't even like Chinese food!" before slamming the door behind him.

Once Jax was gone, Gemma smiled and finally let out the laughter she'd been holding in since he'd arrived. The minute Missy told her about the date, Gem knew exactly how her son would react. _Hopefully now he'll stop being so blind and see what's standing right in front of him…._

* * *

The Friday night party was in full swing. Whiskey was being poured out, weed was being passed around, and women were stripping off more and more of their clothing with each passing second. But Jax wasn't aware of any of it. All he saw was the clock on the wall.

Missy told Opie that she would come to the party after her date with Jesse was over, but it was almost midnight and she still wasn't there. _How fucking long does it take to eat Chinese food anyway?_

He was on his eighth Jack and coke, sitting on one of the couches by the stripper pole, when Opie came over and sat down beside him.

Ope offered him a beer, but Jax just shook his head and pushed his hand away.

Opie shrugged his shoulders and took a drink from the bottle. "So, what crawled up your ass and died tonight?"

Jax narrowed his eyes and frowned. "Nothing."

"Wouldn't have anything to do with Miss being out with Jesse tonight, would it?"

Jax gave his best friend a lethal glare before turning his head away. "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, man."

Opie tried to hide his smirk as he watched his brother glance up at the clock, and then over to the door, before looking at the clock once more. "Sure, Jax. Whatever you say."

Jax was just about to say something back when the clubhouse door opened and in walked Missy, and for some reason that Jax couldn't quite figure out, he suddenly felt dizzy. She had a full face of makeup on, something that he had only seen a few times before, and her wavy light brown hair hung in soft, big curls down to the middle of her back. Her jeans were dark and skin tight, and were low enough on her waist that he could see the very tops of her hip bones along with most of her tiny waist. And even though the silky, cropped purple halter top that she was wearing went up to her neck in the front, when she pulled her hair to the side he could see that it was almost completely backless, revealing a lot of smooth fair skin, with no bra straps anywhere in sight.

He tried to calm his racing heart as he watched her wave to Chibs, the new transplant from Sambel, who was pouring shots of Irish whiskey behind the bar. But his whole body tensed when she got pulled into a big hug by Tig. The SAA's hands were splayed across the bare skin on her back, and even though he knew that Tig thought of Missy as a niece, all Jax could think about was that Jesse probably touched her the exact same way all night. And he only got more and more pissed when he looked around the room and saw more than one set of eyes looking at her body in a way that… _fuck, in a way that they shouldn't be looking._

Jax's jaw was still clenched tight, his right leg nervously bouncing up and down, when Missy walked over to them and sat down on the arm of the couch next to Opie.

She smiled warmly. "Hey, guys."

They both turned to look at her, but it was Opie who smiled back. "Hey, Miss. How'd your date go?"

Missy just shrugged her shoulders. "It was nice."

 _Actually, she thought it had gone pretty great, not that she had anything to compare it to. Jesse had picked her up from Gemma's house right on time and drove them to dinner. The restaurant was really nice, but as soon as he saw her turn a little green from the smell and she finally admitted she hated Chinese food, he canceled their reservation and walked her across the street to a pizza shop, where they split a huge pepperoni pizza and then shared cannoli for dessert. They sat in the restaurant and talked for hours; well, mostly Jesse talked and Missy listened, like she did with almost everyone. And then to finish off the night, he took her to a late night amusement park where they played skee ball and rode go-karts until closing time._

 _But as nice as the night had been, when Jesse dropped her off at home and asked if she wanted to go on a second date, she politely told him no. He was sweet, and cute, and actually interested in her…but he just wasn't Jax. All evening, no matter how good a time they were having, there was always a voice in the back of her mind wishing that she was sharing it with Jax; that it was him buying her dinner, him winning her a stuffed animal, him trying to hold her hand in the car. And Missy decided that Jesse was too great of a guy to waste time on a girl that wanted him to be someone else._

 _Maybe she was still too in love with Jax to start dating anyone, but Missy had to admit, she was a little proud of herself for even trying_

Opie just grinned. "Well, you look really pretty."

Missy rolled her eyes and looked down at her lap, but her smile remained. "Thanks, Ope."

When she raised her eyes again and caught Jax's gaze, he wanted to tell her that she didn't just look pretty, she looked beautiful. But he was too drunk and confused and angry to think straight, so he said the first mean thing that came to his mind. "Yeah, real pretty Miss, except you look like you're trying a little too hard. Be careful tonight that no one mistakes you for a croweater."

It seemed like Missy and Jax both went pale at the exact same time; Missy from the gut wrenching hurt she experienced, and Jax from instant, bone-crushing regret. He didn't know why he had said it, because he sure as hell didn't mean it. He just lashed out, and he had no idea why. But before he could answer that question or think of something to say or do to make it right, Missy was off the couch and backing away.

Her bottom lip was nearly bleeding between her teeth and he could tell that she was fighting like hell not to cry. "It's, um…it's been a long day. I'm gonna get out of here. You two have fun tonight." Then she turned her back to them and hung her head as she walked back to the door and out to the lot.

A strange rush of panic swept over Jax as he watched her walk away, so he stood up quickly with every intention of following her. But before he could even take a step, a large fist connected with his jaw in a brutal sucker punch that sent him sailing back to the couch.

Opie didn't say a word, just shook out his stinging hand and then spit on the ground before walking outside.

Bobby and Otto rushed over and helped Jax to stand, both of them a little more than confused. Otto took in Jax's bleeding lip and swollen jaw and frowned. "You want to tell me why your best friend just laid your ass out?"

Jax spit out some blood onto the floor before pulling away from his brothers and walking towards his dorm. "Because I deserved it."

* * *

It was becoming a sad, fucked up pattern. Jax would say something mean and spiteful to Missy one night, and then the next morning he would apologize. And what made Jax hate himself more than anything wasn't the cruel things he said to her, although he despised himself more with every word. No, the worst part was that every time he asked for her forgiveness, she simply gave it. There were no demands for him to change, no orders not to do it again, no ultimatums for their friendship if he continued to be a dick. He would just say sorry, and she would always accept…and it made him feel like the biggest piece of shit on the face of the Earth.

He still had no idea why he'd been such an asshole to her lately. He was still torn up over Tara, at least he thought he was, and seeing Missy start to date had set him off in a way that he just hadn't expected. Maybe it was seeing her connecting with people when he was still so emotionally closed off, or maybe it was just weird for the girl he'd always thought of as a sister to suddenly start getting attention from guys. Either way, it didn't matter. Missy didn't deserve any of his shit.

So that next morning after the party, after they'd talk and he was granted forgiveness he knew he wasn't worthy of, Jax went back to the dorm and sat down at his desk, pulling out his journal and making a list of all the ways he was going to change. First, he would stop drinking so much. It seemed like every time he said something awful to her, he was trashed. Second, he would stop giving her shit about dating. Missy was an amazing girl, and if she felt like she was ready for a relationship with someone, then he needed to pull his head out of his ass and accept it. And finally, he needed to figure out why, for the first time in fourteen years, he had suddenly started hurting her feelings in the first place. His thoughts and emotions were all over the place, but none of that landed on Missy. Nothing was her fault.

Missy had been his friend, his sister, his family, for as long as he could remember, and if he could change for anyone, be better for anyone, it would be for her.

* * *

 _Three weeks later_

True to the promise he made to himself, Jax had turned a corner. He stopped drinking every night and actually got some sleep, which immediately helped to clear his head. It seemed like all he needed was to sober up and get some rest for him to realize, much to his surprise, that he was finally over Tara. Yes, he had loved her, and yes, she'd broken his heart. But just like Opie said, Tara was smart enough to know that she could have never lived the life of an old lady. And since he knew without a doubt that his future was in the club, he also then knew that he and Tara just weren't ever meant to be.

Unfortunately, his feelings about Missy hadn't been so easy to pin down. Strange shit kept happening that simply confused the hell out of him. Like the time last week when they were sitting outside on the picnic tables smoking, and he suddenly noticed all the gold flecks shining in her eyes, almost making them sparkle in the sunlight, their image floating through his thoughts until he went to bed that night. Or when she made him breakfast at his mom's house and, as she was putting his plate down in front of him, a lock of her long hair fell onto his forearm and, for the entire rest of the day, he could swear he still felt it there, it's softness brushing up against his skin. _I've known the girl my whole life, and for some reason it's like I'm seeing parts of her for the very first time. It was all just…fucking weird._

At least he had made good on his promise to let her date in peace. It seemed like at least once a week, she was out with some new guy; one was a hang-around that had been after her for years, another was a customer that saw her at TM and thought she was cute. A few days ago, she even went on a date with Charming's favorite son David Hale when, home from his first semester of college, he saw her at the grocery store and asked her to dinner.

And it didn't bother Jax. It really didn't; not only because she had yet to go on a second date with any of them, but because he realized that the guys she went out with were totally harmless. He was still protective of her, like any good friend would be, but he knew in his heart that not a single one of the guys she dated had a real shot with her. As far as he was concerned, she could go out with all the mechanics and firefighters and college students she wanted. Because at the end of the day, Missy was more like Gemma than anyone realized, she had been raised with the club since she was 13 years old, and Jax was somehow certain that, whoever Miss ended up with, it would be someone with a patch.

So it never bothered Jax that she was dating…well, at least it didn't bother him until the day some of the other charters rolled into Charming, and Missy caught the eye of one of his brothers from Tacoma…

* * *

It was the proudest day of Jax's life. He had completed his year as a prospect and finally, after dreaming about it since he was a kid, had earned his top rocker. And to make the moment even sweeter, he became a full member on the very same day as his best friend and brother, Opie Winston.

Any prospect earning his patch was reason enough to celebrate, but the day that two sons of founding members patched in was cause for the biggest party of the year.

Missy had been helping Gemma prepare the clubhouse for over a week. They were expecting brothers from at least five other charters to roll into town to honor the two legacies of the First Nine, and there was a lot of work to be done.

The day before the vote was to be held, Missy stepped out of the TM garage and stared out in wonder. The lot was filled to capacity with a bunch of bikes she'd never seen before, and a bunch of men in kuttes whom she'd never laid eyes on. She walked past the sea of new faces, politely smiling when one of them noticed her or excusing herself when she accidentally bumped into them, until she finally reached Gemma's SUV. She opened the hatch and took out another crate full of whiskey, but as she placed it in her arms and started to step back, she realized too late that it was way too heavy.

All of the bottles would have fallen to the ground and shattered were it not for the handsome blond that happened to glance over and, seeing what was about to happen, ran over and caught the crate right before it slipped from her hands.

She sighed in relief when her little crisis had been averted. "Thanks. That weighed a lot more than I thought it would."

The guy just smiled and shook his head. "No problem, sugar. What's your name?"

She tucked a long wavy strand behind her ear and then stuck out her hand, unable to stop herself from smiling back. "Um, I'm Missy."

He took her hand in his, and the moment he felt it, he decided he wasn't going to let it go any time soon. "Nice to meet you, Missy. Everyone just calls me Kozik."

* * *

Missy was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Kozik, because other than Jax and Ope, she didn't think it was easy to talk to anyone. But there was just something about the funny ex-surfer turned biker that made her smile. Maybe it was how confident he was, or how sweet, or how he was constantly trying to make her laugh. Or maybe she just admired him for turning a tragic history into a bright future.

Within hours of meeting him, it seemed like she knew everything there was to know about Herman Kozik. He was almost 30 years old and loved being a Son more than anything. He had been a California boy all his life, growing up just a few minutes from the beach, and the water was his favorite place to escape when his dad would start beating on him, his mom, and his brother. He started using any drug he could get his hands on in high school, desperate to quiet the demons inside him, but after almost dying in an overdose, he went to rehab, got clean, and at the age of 21 enlisted in the Marines. He served his country for three years, but after his discharge he found it impossible to get a normal nine to five job, too restless to settle down into an average existence. So Koz, along with his old friend Tig, started prospecting with the MC and after a year, patched into Tacoma.

Missy asked him if he had ever relapsed and he regrettably admitted that, when he first started hanging around the club, the temptation was just too strong. He did some coke and ended up falling off the wagon for a month, during which some bad shit happened that resulted in Tiggy hating him forever and moving to Charming. But as soon as his brothers in Samtac found out, they helped him detox again and since then he hadn't touched a drug, not even pot. He's been clean now for almost five years and he had no intention of ever using again.

Missy never talked about her family, not to anyone. She didn't want to burden others with all the ugly memories she had to live with. It was her story, her history, her cross to bear. But something about the way Kozik told her about the painful parts of his past made it possible for her to open up and talk about hers. So she may not have told him everything, but she did reveal that she was raised by addicts, that she hated drugs more than she hated anything else in the world, and that she respected him for doing the one thing that her mom was just never able to do, getting clean and actually making something of his life.

But their time together wasn't all serious. That first day, they talked about everything. Favorite foods, funny movies, and the music they both loved to listen to; the conversation just never stopped. Then once the party started, he beat her mercilessly at pool, she took most of his money playing poker, and they both took turns winning at darts.

And towards the end of the night, when an old seventies slow song came over the jukebox, he suddenly pulled her close and held her tightly in his arms, swaying gently to the music. And as she looked up at his pretty blue eyes and easy smile, Missy kept waiting for the voice in her head to ruin the moment; the same voice that cut all her dates short, that prevented her from committing to another guy, that had kept her from kissing any of them goodnight. It was the voice that always told her it wasn't the right guy, because the guy wasn't Jackson Teller. But for the very first time, as she closed her and rested her head against the cool leather of his kutte, she wasn't wishing the guy she was with was Jax. She was happy just being with Kozik.

And she was just too lost in the moment to realize that Jax had been watching her the entire time.

* * *

Jax hadn't slept at all last night. Every time he closed his eyes, he just kept seeing Missy…with him.

He had pretended to have a good time at the party, drinking with his brothers and laughing at all the right moments, but he never once took his focus off Missy and Koz; the way he would place a hand on her hip when she was lining up a shot on the pool table, the way he would lean in every once in a while and smell her hair, or the way she seemed to be talking to him more than she ever talked to anyone.

 _And the way they fucking danced together?_ _I mean, who the fuck does he think he is? He's ten years older than her, has a lifetime more experience, and has probably fucked more sweetbutts over the years than almost any other brother in the MC. What the hell does he want with Missy?_

The only thing that kept him from punching a whole in the wall last night was seeing Missy leave the party with Gemma and go home before anything else could happen between them. So Jax made a promise to himself that, no matter how crazy things got after the vote tonight, that he would keep any eye out for Miss and make sure that the older, more experienced patch didn't take advantage of his young, naïve best friend. _Because that's what you do for your friends, right? Because that's what she is to me. She's my friend. She's just my friend._

* * *

Just like the day before, from the moment Missy arrived on the lot in the morning to the time that party was in full gear later that night, Kozik had kept close by her side. They talked and danced and drank, and sometime after midnight, they went outside to smoke a cigarette, sitting side by side on one of the picnic tables.

At some point, Missy glanced over and stared at him in confusion. Everything about him was gorgeous; from his tall frame and broad shoulders to his chiseled jaw and messy blond hair. He was smart and confident and brave, and seemed to have the respect of almost everyone in the MC…well, everyone except for Tigger. And for the life of her, Missy just couldn't figure out why he was wasting so much time on her.

Koz looked over and flashed his perfect smile when he caught her staring. "What?"

Missy quickly glanced down to her lap and blushed. "Nothing."

He nudged her knee with his leg and grinned. "Come on, tell me."

Missy just sighed and looked out across the lot, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. "It's just…you could be with any woman here, and I…I just don't get it. Why are you spending so much time with me?"

Kozik stared at her like she was crazy and shook his head before a small, mystified smile slowly crossed his lips. "You really don't know, do you?"

She finally turned her head so that she could look at him, her face only inches from his. "Know what?"

He reached a hand out and placed it on the side of her neck, slowly drawing her closer as his thumb caressed the bottom of her jaw. "How fucking beautiful you are."

Missy's heart was beating so hard she thought it might burst out through her chest as he tilted her face up just enough and then hesitantly brought his mouth down towards hers.

But just as their lips were about to meet, a furious voice spoke out behind them. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Startled, the two suddenly broke apart and looked over to where a red faced Jax stood a few feet away, seething with anger. Kozik looked just as pissed and stood up from the table, taking a step towards his newly patched brother. "None of your business, little Prince. So why don't you go back inside and enjoy your party."

Missy just shook her head when she saw the look on Jax's face. She could read him like a book and knew just from the smirk he wore that Jax was looking for a fight.

Jax threw his head back with a humorless laugh and then quickly crossed the distance between them, shoving Kozik back a few steps. "If it has to do with Missy, then it is my business. She's my family."

Kozik grinned and shook his head before shoving Jackson back just as hard. "Sure, Jax. She's family. Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, but don't think for a second I haven't noticed how you look at her."

Jax was more pissed than he'd ever been in his life, even though he had no fucking clue why. He just knew that he was dangerously close to his breaking point. "What is it, Kozy? Huh? Did you already fuck all the croweaters in Charming? Are you bored of whores and sweetbutts, so you thought you'd go after the youngest, freshest piece of ass you could find?"

Missy had heard enough and jumped up from the table to stand between them. "Stop it, Jax. You have no right to…"

But he cut her off and stared her down, his eyes strangely cold and unfamiliar as he pointed his finger at her chest. "And what about you, Miss? Is this your fucking type? You want to fuck around with a junkie?" And since he had lost all control of himself, he just couldn't shut his mouth before landing one final, lethal blow. "I guess you're more like your mom than we thought."

For the rest of his life, no matter how much time had passed, the look on Missy's face right after he said those words would haunt his memory forever. He could have driven a knife through her chest and wouldn't hurt her as badly as what he'd just said.

He tried to think of something to say, but his voice caught in his throat as he looked at his lifelong best friend, frozen and crumbling in front of him. 'Sorry' couldn't undo what he'd just done and 'forgive me' couldn't erase it from existence. He could never take back the words, and the knowledge of that fucking wrecked him.

The devastation slowly sank in as Missy went from numb, to dazed, to destroyed. She didn't think it was possible for Jax to even think such a thing about her, let alone say it to her face. And then she suddenly realized that the boy she'd been in love with her entire life didn't just not love her back… _for some reason, a part of him must hate me._

She finally snapped out of the haze she was in and looked up at Jax's face; his beautiful hair that she'd always yearned to touch, his gorgeous blue eyes that she constantly got lost in, and his soft, perfect lips that she'd dreamed about kissing. And then, without really thinking about it, she raised her flattened hand and slapped him as hard as she could. And even though her hand was aching, it didn't hold a candle to the ache in her heart.

Without another word to either Kozik or Jax, she turned and ran as fast as she could to her car; a brand new Jeep Wrangler that Gemma and Clay had bought her for graduation, and then took off like a bat out of hell out of the lot.

Jax felt like he was stuck in place, unsure of how he'd allowed the last two minutes of his life to happen, and was only brought back to reality when he felt Kozik push him hard against his chest. "I'm taking you to the ring for that, you stupid little shit!"

Jax opened his mouth to say something, but he was silenced when Koz pushed him again. "Fuck, Jax. None of this would have happened if you would have just told me."

Jax narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "Told you what, asshole?"

Koz just rolled his eyes. "Two days ago, if you would have told me I wouldn't have pushed up on her at all. I didn't know you fucking loved her."

The words hit Jax harder than Missy's slap, and it was like someone had turned on a bright, glaring light on his entire life. He thought about how torn up he'd been when she started dating, how it killed him to see her with Kozik, and how gorgeous she had suddenly become seemingly overnight. Her warmth, her kindness, her devotion, her quiet strength that always blew him away; they all hit him at once like a fucking freight train, making it hard for him to breathe.

Then, more desperate than he'd ever been before, he didn't waste another second; he just ran to his bike and raced out of the lot, running every red light until he finally caught up with Missy's Jeep.

* * *

They pulled into Gemma's darkened driveway at nearly the exact same time. Missy jumped out of the car and ran towards the house, her sobs blurring the path to the door. But she couldn't open it in time to escape before she felt Jax's arms wrap around her waist.

At the feel of his touch she became hysterical, turning around in his grasp and flailing madly. She was only vaguely aware of his voice in the recesses of her mind, whispering to her and trying to calm her down, begging for her forgiveness. But this time she wouldn't give it. This time the hurt was too deep. So she pushed and slapped and punched against him in a wild attempt to get free until, without warning, his strong hands moved from her waist to the sides of her face and he crushed his mouth down onto hers.

The moment he kissed her she froze in place, her entire body going still with shock. But after a few seconds of his lips moving passionately against hers, she couldn't stop herself from relaxing against his chest and kissing him back.

It was her very first kiss, but she was too lost in the moment to be scared. She felt like she was drowning, like Jax was this huge, powerful wave that was consuming her; holding her captive and stealing her breath…and it was more perfect than she had ever dreamed.

When she stopped fighting him and felt her soft, full lips moving tentatively against his own, he slowed things way down. The intensity was still there, but the brutal force was gone; replaced with all the tenderness and intimacy and need that had been building up inside of him since the day he met her. He returned his hands to her waist just as she placed hers on the back of his neck, and he sighed against her mouth when she pulled gently on his hair. And when he opened his lips, and her tongue sank inside, he almost got dizzy. It was all just too much; not just the taste of her sweetness and not just the feel of every inch of her perfect body pressed against his. No, it was just the simple realization that it was Missy. His Missy. His best friend, his other half, his North fucking Star. He had never experienced anything close to the rush of emotions that flooded him as he held her, and he knew with utter certainty, that he never would with anyone else.

This was it. This was the answer to all his questions. This was how it was meant to be.

So when they both pulled back, gasping for air, and Missy stared at him with a million questions in her eyes, Jax just slowly shook his head. Then he cradled her beautiful face in his hands and gave her one more soft, sweet kiss, before whispering quietly against her lips.

"I'm in love with you."

 _ **Please review…**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone! Sorry this took so long to post. Real life has been seriously getting in the way of my writing time :( Thank you so much for all the love on the first three chapters, and a special thanks to all the guests for reviewing since I can't respond to you personally. I can't believe Jax and Missy already have over 100 followers!  
**

 **So the next few chapters don't have a present day introduction. They just jump right into the flashbacks. Hope you enjoy and please review!**

Chapter 4

Part IV- Together…

 _Gemma's House, 1997_

The morning after Jax and Opie's patch party, Gemma was in her bedroom filling up a laundry basket with dirty clothes. She went to the hallway bathroom and picked up a couple of wet towels and then, with the basket balanced against one of her hips, she quietly opened Missy's door to see if there was anything on her floor that needed washing. And when she stepped inside and looked over to the bed, she silently gasped.

Missy was asleep, cocooned by her big, white down comforter, with Jax tucked in right beside her. They were both facing the door and both on their sides; Missy's head lying against one of Jax's arms while his other arm curled around her waist, holding her tightly. Gem could see that Miss was wearing her blue cotton pajamas, but it looked as though Jax was shirtless. His chest was pressed completely against her back, while his face lay buried in her long, light brown waves; and as Gem gazed at the two of them, both so beautiful and so at peace, she couldn't help but think she'd never seen anything look so perfect.

Gemma stared at them for one more brief moment before she took a step backwards and softly closed the door. Then she leaned her back against the hallway wall and smiled. Gem didn't know what had happened or when or how or why, and she really didn't care. All that mattered was that the two people she loved most in the world were exactly where they needed to be…finally together.

* * *

When Missy woke up, the first thing she did, even before opening her eyes, was remind herself that it all wasn't just a dream. _Last night wasn't a fantasy. I didn't imagine it. Last night actually happened. He kissed me. He looked at me and held me and kissed me and told me he loves me. Jackson Nathaniel Teller said he's in love with me._

Only after she had repeated those thoughts to herself a few dozen times did she finally open her sleepy eyes and look at the man lying beside her. _God, he's so beautiful._ Facing him, she reached out one of her hands and, ever so carefully, ran her fingertips over the blond hair falling against his cheek. Then she was lost in thought, gazing at his gorgeous face, and reliving every single moment from the night before…

" _I'm in love with you."_

 _For just a moment, Missy was sure that she was hallucinating; that maybe she had gotten in an accident on the way back home from the clubhouse, or maybe she'd fallen and hit her head on the steps running into the house. But when Jax pulled away from her and she looked up into his eyes, she knew that it was real. Because she had never seen him like this, not in any daydream she'd ever had. He wasn't smiling or smirking or wearing the sexy, easy grin that made her heart race. For the first time since she'd known him, Jax Teller actually looked a little scared._

 _She was only vaguely aware of the words he was saying; something about hating himself and being sorrier for hurting her than he was about anything in his life. He might have said something like regretting every word out of his mouth for the last month and being blind and finally figuring it all out, but she couldn't be sure. She was just too stunned, too shocked, and too dazed to process anything other than he loved her._

" _Miss, say something."_

 _Missy placed one of her hands against her chest, relieved to feel that her heart was still beating. Then she blinked a few times and looked up into his striking blue eyes, so filled with uncertainty, and suddenly remembered to start breathing again. "You're…you're in love with me?"_

 _Jax placed a hand on the side of her face and sighed when he felt her lean in against his fingers. "I know this is sudden, and I'm sorry. I am. I should have found a better way to tell you. I should have…fuck, Miss! I should have done so many things different. I just, Koz said something to me and it was like…it was like the truth hit me like a fucking train and I just had to…Listen, I know we're best friends, more than that, and we always have been, but I just…I know we're supposed to be together, Miss. I know that…"_

 _But his rambling was cut off when Missy spoke again, her voice quiet and trembling. "Are you sure?"_

 _Jax furrowed his brow in confusion. "What?"_

 _She closed her eyes and took a breath. "Are you sure you're in love with me? You have to be sure."_

 _He moved his free hand to her other cheek so that he was gently anchoring her face towards his. "Miss, I can't explain it, but I've never been more sure about anything."_

 _She couldn't stop the flood of tears that sprung forth from her eyes, no matter how badly she wanted to, and she was certain that she would have hit the ground were it not for Jax's arms moving to her waist and holding her tightly against his chest. He kept asking her what was wrong, why she was crying, and begging for her to tell him what to do to make it better. But as sobs racked her body, she just wasn't able to find the words. She didn't know how to tell him that they were happy tears; that this is how you cry when you finally get the only thing you've ever wanted; that as a little girl she had never wished for money, or food, or for a mom that actually loved her because she didn't want to waste any of her prayers; that the only thing she had ever wanted badly enough to ask God for was for Jax to love her back; and now suddenly, inexplicable, miraculously, he did. And it overwhelmed her._

 _As her breathing slowed and her tears started to subside, he lifted her head from his kutte so he could see her face before speaking. "I know this seems like it's out of nowhere, I know it's a lot to process, and I know we've never been anything but friends. But I'll show you how good we can be together. I'll show you how right this is. Just…please, Miss. Just give me a chance to try, and I'll…"_

 _But Missy cut him off with a slow, sweet kiss that left them both breathless. Then she pulled back, wiped her tears away, and finally allowed herself to smile. "I love you too, Jax."_

* * *

Jax wore a smile the entire ride to the clubhouse that morning, all because he had Missy's arms wrapped tightly around him. She had ridden with him a million times before, but this ride, just like his life, suddenly felt brand new. He took the long way to TM, in no rush to end their time together, and as he meandered slowly through the Charming streets, he kept thinking about all the truths that had finally come to light since the night before.

 _I'm in love with Missy._ It seemed so simple now, so obvious. From the moment those words came out of Koz's mouth at the party, it was like he'd been hit by lightning. Of course he loved her. She was beautiful, sexy, caring, and loyal; everything he'd ever wanted. They had been one another's lifelines since they were five years old and knew each other like the backs of their hands. She saw all of his flaws and knew all of his secrets, and never once did she try to change him. She loved him just the way he was, and he felt exactly the same about her.

He was stunned when, lying in her bed last night, she admitted that she'd always been in love with him, ever since the first day of kindergarten; that he was the reason she never dated and that he was who she'd been waiting on all that time. And as happy as he was to hear that she returned his feelings, he couldn't help but be angry at himself for all the time he'd wasted. If he had just opened his eyes a little sooner, he could've already spent years loving her, he could have saved her from so much loneliness, and he could have avoided wasting so much of his time on Tara.

 _Tara._ He shook his head when he thought about his high school sweetheart. When he and Tara weren't fucking or dreaming about a future that would never exist, they were fighting. In the three years that they were together, they spent more time trying to change each other than they did actually loving each other. He wanted her to abandon her dreams and stay in Charming, she wanted him to cut ties with his family and leave the club. Looking back on it now, it was so clear to him that what they had wasn't really love, it was just teenage lust and immature infatuation.

Because Jax finally understood what it meant to love someone. Love is being your friend when every other kid in school says you're a thug. Love is crying with you and holding you for hours on the night your only brother dies. Love is punching a cop in the face because he dared to insult you. Love is helping you through your father's death even when you're too selfish to see that she was hurting too. Every moment of his life since the day they'd met, Missy had been there for him, selflessly and openly giving of herself without hesitation. Miss was all the love he would ever need.

She was as devoted to the club as he was, adored his crazy mother, and respected and understood his outlaw side. She was all he would ever want and more. There was no one else that could even compare to her. So when he woke up that morning with Miss lying in his arms, the first thing he did was tell her again that he loved her. And in the very next moment, he silently swore to himself that he would never tell another woman those words ever again, because if the girl wasn't Missy, then the words would be a lie.

* * *

As soon as they pulled into the lot and climbed off his Harley, Jax couldn't resist pulling her close against him and giving her another kiss. He was lost in the softness of her lips and the taste of her tongue, and realized he was quickly becoming addicted to her touch. He started to forget where he was as one of his hands drifted down to her ass while the other got tangled in her hair, but he was quickly brought back to reality when he heard whistles, whoops, and hollers being shouted loudly from the garage.

Jax didn't stop kissing her, but smiled against her lips, as he took his hand from her hair and used it to give his brothers the middle finger, which only made them laugh harder. They finally pulled apart when they heard Tigger yelling across the lot. "It's about fucking time, man!"

Missy giggled and leaned her head against Jax's chest before looking up at his face and smiling. "You better get over there. Just because you earned your top rocker last night doesn't mean you get to start slacking off at work. Remember, I'm the one who checks your time card."

He grinned and nodded, but when Missy turned to walk away, he quickly reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her in for one more kiss. Then, when she tried to leave again, he refused to let her go, shaking his head and laughing as she half-heartedly tried to get away. Only when the guys in the garage started taunting him again did he finally look at her and wink before reluctantly letting go of her hand. Then he slowly turned away from her and made his way across the lot, unable to wipe the smile from his face.

* * *

As soon as Jax got to the garage, he was hit with all the questions and congratulations that he expected from most of the guys, and he wasn't at all surprised when Otto pulled him aside and threatened to bash his brains in if he ever hurt Missy, since Otto had become a second father to her since J.T.'s death. But what did surprise him was seeing Opie standing away from the others, smoking a cigarette with a frown on his face.

Jax walked up to his friend and lit a cigarette of his own. "So, me and Missy…"

Opie nodded. "Yeah."

Jax narrowed his eyes. "You don't seem all that shocked."

Ope smirked. "Why would I be shocked. I've known how she feels about you since middle school." When he saw the stunned expression on Jax's face, Ope just shook his head. "She's my best friend, too. She needed _someone_ to talk to."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Ope just shrugged before he threw the cigarette on the ground and crushed it under his boot. "She didn't want me to."

Jax stared up at his friend for another moment, unsure of how to respond, but just as he was about to walk away, Ope placed a large hand on his shoulder. It looked like Opie was trying to find exactly the right words to say, but after a few seconds he just gave up and sighed. "Jax…it's Missy."

He didn't need to say anything else. Jax knew exactly what his brother's words meant. _It's Missy, the sweetest girl in the world. Missy, the girl we love like family. Missy, the girl who's suffered more hurt in her life than anyone else we've ever known. Missy, the girl that deserves to finally be happy._

Jax looked into his best friend's eyes, his voice quiet and sincere. "I'll take care of her, Ope."

Opie just crossed his huge arms over his chest and nodded. "You better."

* * *

As Missy walked to the clubhouse in search of some coffee, she finally understood what people meant when they said they felt like they were floating. She was completely exhausted from only getting a few hours of sleep, and yet felt totally giddy, still high off of everything that had happened the night before. She just wasn't used to this feeling; like all was suddenly right in the world and that everything was just as it should be. She didn't even know it was possible to be this happy.

She went behind the bar to start a fresh pot and was just reaching for a clean mug when Kozik and some of the other guys from Tacoma walked out from the back hallway. She waved to Happy Lowman and the rest of the guys as they went by, and then gave Kozik a small smile when he looked at her as he hung back behind his brothers and waiting for them to pass by.

Hap glanced back at Koz, but the blond just shrugged. "I'll be out in a minute." Then he looked over to Missy and grinned. "Hey."

When they were alone, Missy walked back from behind the bar and went to stand in front of him. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and crossed her arms over her chest. "Hey. Are you guys headed back home already?"

Koz shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and rocked back a little on his heels. "Yeah, we're going to make a stop at Rogue River overnight and then ride into Washington sometime tomorrow."

An awkward moment of silence passed between them, the first they'd experienced since they met two days ago. Missy bit her lip and sighed. "Koz, about last night…"

He just shook his head. "Hey, it's ok. I get it." Then he gave her a little smirk. "You're together now, right? You and Jax?"

She shrugged her shoulders but smiled. "Yeah, I guess we are."

Koz nodded, the disappointment evident on his face. "I should probably say I'm happy for you both, but I don't really feel like lying to you." Then he took a step forward and kissed her forehead. "You ever need anything, anything at all, you call me, OK? I mean it. Tacoma's only a day's ride away."

Missy gave him a hug and nodded. "I will."

Then he kissed the top of her head and gave her one more small smile before turning away and walking outside.

* * *

When Kozik looked out across the lot, he wasn't at all surprised to see Jax waiting for him beside his bike. "What, you wanted to kiss me goodbye before I left?"

Jax just shook his head and smirked. "I know it's hard to believe, but I actually wanted to apologize." Then the smirk fell from the face and was replaced with something more contrite. "Seriously, I'm sorry about last night, about what I said. I was way out of line."

Kozik stared his younger brother down for a few moments before nodding. "It's alright, man. Don't worry about it. You're not the first guy to lose his mind over a woman."

The two men shook hands and then Jax started to walk away, but after a few steps he stopped when he heard Koz's voice. "Hey, Jax?"

Jax turned back to face him. "Yeah?"

Kozik crossed the short distance between them until they were standing only inches apart. "I just want to give you some friendly warning. If you fuck things up with her, and I'm guessing you probably will, I'm coming back here for Missy. She's a good girl, and if I get the opportunity I won't miss my chance. Just thought you should know, brother."

Jax didn't say anything to Kozik as he watched him turn back towards his bike and ride out of the lot along with the rest of the Tacoma chapter. _Because I don't have to say anything_. _It doesn't matter if he wants her. I love Miss and she loves me. We're meant to be together. Nothing's ever gonna change that._

 _I'm never going to fuck things up, and Kozik is never going to get his chance._

 **Please review…**


	5. Chapter 5

**Yep, I'm still alive. Sorry, I know it's been a while. Thanks for sticking with Jax and Missy, and thank you to anyone new who has reviewed, followed, or favorited since the last chapter!**

 **So if you've read my other story, you know that I love writing some occasional smut :) So this chapter is basically all good, sexy fun. If that isn't your thing, you can skip it. Just know that Miss and Jax are officially…you know…**

 **Just a reminder, this story is rated M for a reason. Hope you like it and please review!**

Chapter 5

Part IV- Together…(cont.)

 _Teller-Morrow Automotive Repair, 1997_

"Shit!" Jax cursed and rubbed the back of his head when he hit it against the hood of the Ford he was working on. He was trying to focus on the piece of shit sedan, but his concentration was shot all to hell as soon as he saw Missy deliver an invoice to a customer and then disappear back inside the office. All day, each time she came out and he caught a glimpse of skin tight, low rider jeans she wore, he got distracted. The first time he spilled coffee all over his work shirt, the second time he dropped an entire box of bolts onto the floor, and this time he almost gave himself a concussion.

 _God, I want her so bad._ It had been almost a week since they first said they loved each other, and even though they had spent every night since in the same bed together, all that they had done was sleep. Sure, they kissed all the time, but whenever it started to get too heated, Jax always pulled away.

He groaned when he thought about all the late night make-out sessions at his mom's place and the countless stolen kisses around the clubhouse. It had been the best six days of his life, but also the most frustrating. Every time they touched Miss was so eager, so willing, and so fucking sexy. _Like the way she breathes against my ear when I'm kissing her jaw, or the sounds she makes when I suck on the base of her neck, or how she pulls on my hair when I'm getting her hot…_

 _Fuck, here I go._ Jax had to readjust himself in his pants…again. He felt like he was back in middle school, walking around with a near constant hard on since the moment they first kissed, _and hell, I've jerked off so many times in the last week, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna_ _go blind_.

It was his fault. He knew that. Missy had never told him to stop, never once shown any hesitation, but it seemed like every time they got close to ripping each other's clothes off, Jax always pulled away. In his heart, he already felt like they'd been together forever. It wasn't like dating Tara or any of the other girls from high school. There was no awkward 'getting to know each other' phase, no period of time to test the waters and see if it was worth it or if it would last. The moment his lips brushed up against Missy's six days ago, Jax knew that she was the one, and he fell harder for her than he ever even knew was possible. But those feelings didn't change the fact that their new relationship had only existed for a few days, and more importantly, didn't change the fact that Missy was still a virgin.

He couldn't believe it when she told him that he was the first guy she'd ever kissed. It made him so fucking proud to know she had waited for him, and it also made him want her even more than he already did. But even though he'd always known that she was inexperienced, hearing just how much changed something inside of him. Jax knew he wanted to steal her innocence, but he wanted to honor it even more.

He just needed everything to be perfect for Missy. His own first time was nothing worth remembering, just a one night stand with a 23 year old croweater on the night of his 15th birthday party. When he was 16, he had taken Tara's virginity on a random Tuesday night in the back of her dad's Cutlass. But Miss…Miss deserved better. He didn't want to fuck her in his dorm at the clubhouse or in the backseat of a car. Missy Adams was his best friend, the love of his life, and the girl that he somehow knew he was meant to be with forever. So he was determined to make her first time special, even if waiting for the right moment fucking killed him.

* * *

Two days later, Missy was locking up the TM office and heading for her car when she looked up and saw Jax leaning against the door of her Wrangler, smoking a cigarette.

A wide smile spread across her face, like it did every time she saw him. "Hey."

Jax took one more drag from his cigarette and threw it to the ground before placing his arms around Missy's small shoulders and pulling her close. "Hey." He leaned forward and found her lips, moving slowly but firmly against her mouth and sighing when he felt her hands wrap around his waist, her fingertips grazing the skin around the top of his boxers. Then she barely touched her tongue to his before focusing her attention on his lower lip, gently biting and sucking until Jax let out an involuntary moan.

When they slowly pulled apart, Jax shook his head and grinned. "How the hell did you become such a good kisser in one week?"

Missy leaned in and kissed the side of his neck, her lips smiling against his skin. "Guess I have a good teacher." Then she looked up at those gorgeous blue eyes. "What are you still doing here? I thought you left a few hours ago."

He nodded. "I did. I had to go home and pack us a bag."

"What? Why?"

Jax brushed a long, wavy lock of hair off of her face and gave her a small, almost shy smile. "I know you're off work for the next couple of days and I, uh, thought maybe we could get away for a while. Piney said we could have the cabin all to ourselves. I know how much you love it up there."

"Oh…" Missy felt instantly giddy and terrified all at the same time. She knew what was going to happen if the two of them spent the night alone at the cabin, and honestly, she was aching for it. She'd been lusting after Jax since puberty, and for the last week straight, every time Jax had touched her, it was like her whole body lit on fire. But even though she wanted him like crazy, in that moment she couldn't help but feel a little scared. _Is this…is this actually, finally, really going to happen?_

She tried her best to hide the slight tremor in her voice. "Just…um, just the two of us?"

He moved his hands down to hold both of hers. "Yeah, but only if you want to go. It's ok if you don't."

Missy couldn't help but grin at the concern in his voice. She gave him another kiss before nodding softly. "I want to."

* * *

Jax took his time riding up the back roads that led to Piney's place, so by the time they arrived the sun had just started to set. They pulled down the long gravel driveway until the Harley was parked in front of the small covered porch, and then Missy kissed the back of his neck before they both took off their helmets and climbed off.

She grinned when she looked up at the rustic little log cabin. "I love that this place never changes. I swear it's looked exactly the same since I was ten years old."

Jax came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, his chin resting on top of her head. "This is never going to change either…" Then he kissed her hair and whispered against her ear. "You and me. This is never going to change, Miss. I promise."

As soon as she turned around in his arms and buried her head against his chest, he held her tighter and then kissed her once more. "Come on."

They walked into the cabin and dropped their bags on the floor, and then Jax walked into the kitchen and grabbed them each a beer out of the fridge. Missy chugged the first half of the Budweiser, trying to calm her nerves and looking anywhere except at the door leading to the bedroom.

A few tense moments of silence passed before Missy cleared her throat. "So…uh…what should we do now?"

Jax tried to hide his smile. They both knew what was going to happen that night, why he'd brought her there, but Missy just seemed so fucking nervous. He had never really seen that side of her before, because everything about their friendship had always been so easy and natural. But looking at her now, with her lower lip between her teeth and her leg bouncing up and down on the floor, he was nothing short of enchanted. He'd never been with a girl like her. In that moment she was everything sweet and innocent and beautiful, and he felt so much love for her it made him ache inside.

Surprising himself, he realized that as badly as he wanted to take her to bed, he had no desire to rush it. He crossed the small distance between them and reached down for her hand, pulling her off the couch and towards the door. "Let's take a walk."

* * *

As soon as they stepped back into the crisp night air, Missy started to relax. Outside of those walls that were filled with so much unknown promise, she could actually breathe again. He held her hand and guided her down the dark trails and pathways that they'd walked on together since they were kids, and under the stars in the still quiet, it all seemed just so simple. Yeah, the feelings between them were new, and they were about to do something that neither of them ever dreamed would happen, but regardless of anything else, it was still just her and Jax; her best friend, her other half, and a man who she knew better than she knew herself. There were so many what ifs, and insecurities, and unanswered questions still racing through her mind, but…it was Jax. Her Jax. And she knew she had nothing to be afraid of.

She didn't know how long they'd been outside, but they'd walked all around the pond and through most of the woods by the time they got back to the cabin. They couldn't stop laughing about Jax finding a frog and shoving it at Missy; Jax finding it hilarious that it still freaked her out, and Missy laughing that after ten years, he still thought it was funny.

They were still holding hands when they stepped back into the small living room. Missy glanced up at Jax and grinned. "So…"

Jax smiled at her before his gaze involuntarily drifted to the bedroom, but he looked over to the corner of the room when something caught the corner of his eye. He dropped Missy's hand and walked over to Piney's old record player. "How about some music?"

"Sure." Miss sat down on the couch once more and watched Jax leaf through the old man's vinyl collection. "Do you think we'll ever convince Piney to use that CD player we bought him for his birthday last year?"

Without turning around, Jax laughed. "Yeah, about as soon as we convince him to stop drinking tequila." A moment later, he found the perfect record. "Besides, some things just sound better on vinyl."

When she heard the initial scratch of the needle and then the familiar guitar chords, Missy grinned. The Rolling Stones were her favorite band, and Jax knew that this was her favorite song, because she was constantly playing it on the juke box at the clubhouse. He turned and walked towards her, a small smile on his face, before he once again reached for her hand. "Dance with me?"

Missy barely smiled and softly nodded as Jax pulled her up into his arms. Then they swayed slowly to the music.

 _Childhood living is easy to do_

 _The things you wanted, I bought them for you_

 _Graceless lady, you know who I am_

 _You know I can't let you slide through my hands._

 _Wild horses couldn't drag me away_

 _Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away_

The air between them got heavy as they drifted closer and closer together with every note of the song. Jax's hands moved from her waist down to her hips while Missy's drifted slowly from his elbows all the way up the length of his arms, past his shoulders, until they were tangled in his long blond hair. And before they knew it, their lips found each other in a perfect, heated, breathtaking kiss.

Missy was lost in Jax as soon as she felt his tongue tangle with her own and barely noticed that her feet left the ground when he gripped her ass and lifted her up like it was nothing, her legs wrapping firmly around his waist as he carried her into the bedroom. But she came crashing back to reality as soon as her back fell against the softness of the mattress, still cradled in Jax's arms.

She struggled to find the words she needed as his lips moved slowly down the length of her neck, licking and sucking all along the way, until he gently bit down on her shoulder. But her hand quickly moved to his as soon as she felt his fingers start to unbutton the top of her shirt.

She gazed into his eyes, her voice breathless. "Listen, I know…I just…" Then she closed her eyes, too embarrassed to look at him. "I know you've done this a lot, and if I'm not good at it, I'm sorry. I'll get better. Just tell me what to do and I'll…"

But her words were cut off when she felt Jax's lips fall onto hers, silencing her rambling. It was the sweetest, softest, most gentle kiss he'd ever given her, and the love that she felt in it almost brought her to tears.

After a few minutes, Jax barely pulled away, using one of his hands to caress the side of her face. "Do you have any idea how much I love that you've never been with anyone else? That no one else has ever felt you like this? What that means to me? It's everything, Miss. You'll be perfect."

He waited for her to nod before once again kissing her neck, this time the other side, as he simultaneously finished unbuttoning her shirt. But he couldn't stop the small groan that escaped when she stilled his hand once more.

He watched as she glanced down at herself before meeting his gaze. "And…I get that I'm not…you know, I don't have the type of body that you normally like, so if you're disapp…"

"Missy, stop." He would have laughed at how crazy she sounded were it not for the serious expression on her face. Yeah, in the past he'd always gravitated towards curvier girls like the ones sprawled across his Harley posters at the clubhouse, but looking down at Missy, with her long hair fanned out around her, her small but perfect breasts peeping out from her lacy white bra, and the beautiful fair skin covering her flat stomach begging to be touched; he was certain that he'd never seen anything so sexy. "You could never disappoint me, baby. You're so beautiful, so fucking beautiful, and I've never wanted anyone the way I want you right now."

She blinked the moisture away from her eyes and, without any other fears or insecurities standing in her way, she lifted her head just enough to reach his mouth, kissing him with everything she had as her hands tangled themselves in his hair.

He returned her kiss with just as much force, pressing his weight against her until there was no space between them. They removed the rest of their clothes almost frantically, Missy lifting her back off the bed so she could slip her shirt off her shoulders while Jax tore his shirt off over his head and threw it across the room. Then he unzipped her jeans and waited for her to lift her hips off the bed so that he could pull them down her legs and drop them to the floor, removing her boots along the way. But he forced himself to slow down when he saw her lying in front of him, light skin trembling in just a barely there bra and matching panties, her breaths rapid and shallow, and her skin already flushing in anticipation.

She moved towards the top of the bed so that her head was resting on one of the pillows and then Jax crawled over her, kissing a path from the top of her panties, up her belly, and over her breasts, until he finally reached her lips.

When he spoke, his voice was quiet but rough with need. "Tell me you're sure."

He closed his eyes and sighed when she kissed his earlobe and then grazed it with her teeth, her warm breath sending shivers down his spine. "I'm sure. I'm ready. I want this, Jax."

This time it was his hands that were trembling as they moved over every inch of her body, memorizing every curve and angle, until they landed on her chest.

"Oh, Jax…" He watched in fascination as Missy closed her eyes and barely opened her mouth, whimpers escaping her lips every time his fingers teased her hardened nipples. He had always thought he'd known everything about her. Every bit of history, every fear, every emotion, every need. But it just occurred to him that he was about to know her in an entirely new way, and he was desperate for it…desperate to know exactly what she liked, what would make her feel good, and what would make her fall apart.

She rose up slightly so that he could reach behind her and remove her bra and as soon as she was finally exposed, his mouth immediately found one of her nipples; sucking and flicking it with his tongue until she was squirming beneath him.

"Oh, God…"

He couldn't help but grin as he moved his lips to her other breast and worshipped it in the same way, his hand moving to roll and tease the other he'd just abandoned. Every sound that she made; the gasps, the moans, and the whimpers, sounded like heaven to him and were getting him hotter and harder than he'd ever been before.

After a few minutes, she pulled on his hair a little harder than she meant too, already losing control of herself. "Please, Jax…"

He continued to touch her breasts with his fingertips, using his thumbs to graze her nipples, as he looked back to her face. "How does this feel, Miss?"

She pressed her legs together as hard as she could in a vain attempt to relieve the building pressure between her thighs. "So…so good."

He took a deep breath and swallowed, praying that he could stay in control in spite of his growing need for her. "Tell me what you want."

A quiet beat passed before Jax gave her a small, closed mouth kiss. "Tell me, Missy."

She used every bit of courage she had and met his eyes. "Touch me."

He bit his lip and slowly nodded, even as his heart started to race even faster. "Where?"

She stunned him by not saying anything else, instead just taking one of his hands in hers and guiding it down her stomach. Then, once they reached the top of her panties, she urged his fingers under the thin material until his bare hand was pressed against her already throbbing center.

"Christ, Miss…" He couldn't help the groan that escaped as soon his fingers started to move between her folds. He had barely touched her and she was already more than ready, her panties completely soaked through. "You're so wet, baby."

"That's…that's a good thing, right?"

Jax looked up at her and grinned, his chest rising and falling faster with each hastened breath. "Uh, yeah…that's a very good thing." His eyes never left hers as he pulled the white lace over her hips and dropped her panties to the floor.

A tiny smile crossed her lips but quickly disappeared as soon as he started rubbing her clit in small, slow circles. "Oh…shit, Jax. That's so good…" She closed her eyes and pressed her head further into the pillow, lost in the feel of his calloused fingertips against her swollen sex. She'd touched herself before, had come plenty of times by her own hand. But nothing had ever felt as good as what Jax was doing to her. Nothing even came close.

His touch slowly got faster and deeper as he watched her getting closer and closer, but just as her thighs started to quiver around his hand he took two of his moistened fingers and slip them slowly into her pussy.

"Oh, fuck! Jax!" Missy cried out as soon as she felt him inside her, his fingers rubbing against a spot she hadn't even known existed while his thumb pressed against her clit. He gently fucked her with his hand as he moved his lips back up her body and once again started playing with her tits.

"Jax…oh, my god…I'm gonna come…you're making me come…" As soon as he took her pebbled nipple between his lips and started licking, she fell over the edge. Her orgasm came crashing over her as she reached for his head and once again tangled her hands in his hair, screaming his name over and over again until the last of the aftershocks started to slow.

He never stopped touching her until she roughly pulled his head away, unable to take anymore. He watched her try to catch her breath, a dazed but completely satisfied smile etched across her gorgeous face, while he tried to take a few deep breaths of his own. He was already sweating and dizzy with want. The whole time he'd been touching her, he'd been grinded himself against the mattress, so turned on that he thought he might actually explode. But when she finally came and he felt how tight her pussy became around his fingers, he'd really almost lost it.

He slowly withdrew his hand and raised it to his lips, unable to stop himself from sucking on his glistening fingers until they were clean. He sighed when he tasted Missy's perfect, salty sweetness on his tongue, and was tempted to lower his head between her legs and drink up all that he could get. But as much as he wanted to lick every inch of her, he needed to be inside of her even more.

He stood back up just long enough to slide his jeans and boxes to the floor and toe off his sneakers and socks, removing a condom from his pocket along the way. His painfully hardened cock had been straining against the inside of his denim, and he nearly sighed when it finally sprang free. He quickly took it in his hand and moaned before tearing open the foil wrapper wrapper and sheathing himself in the condom.

He crawled back over the bed until his body was cradled between Missy's dampened thighs. Then he braced one of his arms beside her head and used the other to guide his cock to her entrance.

He ran the tip between her still wet folds before looking up into her eyes. "This is going to hurt, baby."

She spread her legs a little farther and then laced her hands around the back of his neck. "I know. I'm ready."

He leaned forward to kiss her lips and then, unable to wait another moment, plunged himself deep inside of her with one quick thrust. "Oh, fuck…"

They both cried out at the same time; Jax in pleasure and Missy in bittersweet pain. She was hotter and tighter than any girl he'd ever been with, and his entire body was screaming at him to fuck her senseless and finally find some relief. But he forced himself to stay still as he put his own needs aside and focused on the beautiful girl beneath him.

Tears pooled in her eyes until they escaped from each outer corner and drifted down her temples. The pain was intense, but so was her happiness. She was sore and aching, but Jackson Teller was buried inside of her, filling every inch of her body, and she had never felt so complete.

A minute passed with her still trying to adjust to his size, and she saw the strain written all over his face. "Start moving, Jax."

He shook his head, his voice hoarse and shaking. "I don't want to hurt you again."

In spite of the pain, she softly smiled. Then she raised her legs higher against his hips and let her hands drift from his neck, down his sweat covered back, until they squeezed his ass and brought him even deeper inside of her. "Jackson, I want you. I want this. Please…"

He caved at the sound of her sweet, sexy, pleading voice and finally started to move, achingly slow. Every second was perfect torture, her heat and her wetness enveloping his length in a way he'd never experienced. She was the best he'd ever had, without question, and it had nothing to do with her passionate touches, or warm kisses, or the roll of her hips. It was just…her.

He couldn't take his eyes off her; his blue orbs locked with her hazel ones. He watched, completely mesmerized, by how the small winces that flashed across her face slowly started to transform into sighs of pleasure, and out of nowhere it suddenly occurred to him what exactly he was doing. _It's Missy, my Missy, and I'm inside her right now. I'm making love to the girl I've loved all my life._

And with that thought in mind, he felt his climax quickly approaching, barreling towards him without his control. "Shit…baby…" He moved one of his hands underneath her hip and lifted it a few inches off the bed, thrusting deeper than he thought possible. He quickened his pace as the muscles in his belly started to clench and within moments, he threw his head back and roared out her name, stilling himself as he finally felt his release.

When the last shudder had coursed through his body and he had nothing left to give, he briefly let his weight fall onto her small frame, just long enough to catch his breath, before bracing himself on his elbows and slowly lifting his eyes up to hers.

The corners of his mouth turned upwards when, only inches away from her face, he glanced up and saw that she was smiling. Then he brushed a few sweaty strands of tangled brown hair off of her forehead before leaning forward to give her a small, chaste kiss.

"I love you, Miss."

"I love you more."

* * *

 _Please review…_

 _*Lyrics are from the amazing song "Wild Horses" by The Rolling Stones_


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi Everyone. I can't even begin to apologize for how long it's been since I updated. I have no intention of abandoning this story, but between vacation and general life-related craziness, I've had zero time to write. Things should be getting back to normal for me from now on, so I will really try to update more regularly.**

 **So, one more happy flashback chapter for you guys and then the next update will not only have another look at the present day but will also reveal where it all started to go wrong between Missy and Jax.**

 **So anyway, thank you SO MUCH for sticking with this story, and I really hope you like the chapter. And of course, as always, please review!**

Chapter 6

Part IV- Together…(cont.)

 _The Clubhouse, November 1997_

Jax leaned his back against the headboard and let out a satisfied sigh as he watched a naked Missy disappear into his dorm's tiny bathroom. He reached over to the nightstand for a cigarette, lighting it up and taking a long drag as a smile he couldn't deny swept across his face.

 _Fuck, she's incredible._ It had been a little over a month since that night together at the cabin, and as amazing as it had been, it seemed like every time just got better and better. When he thought about why, he realized that it wasn't just the physical stuff; how tight she felt, how wet he made her, how eager she was to please him. All of that was great, but what continued to blow his mind was how much more of herself she revealed each time they were together.

She was so shy that first night, so unsure of herself. But since then, he'd seen her confidence grow; both in her ability to make him happy and in herself as a person. He could see all the walls that she had so carefully constructed around her heart slowly start to crumble. She was letting him see her vulnerability, her fears, and most of all, letting him see how much she loved him.

And it made him love her even more.

* * *

An hour later, Jax and Missy made their way to the bar where Otto and Gemma were sitting on the barstools drinking coffee. Missy smiled. "Good morning."

Gemma grinned. "Morning, sweetheart. Do you want to sit down and eat? Bobby made muffins."

"Maybe later. I want to catch up on some of those invoices in the office before the garage opens." Then Missy glanced up at Jax and grinned. "See you later?"

A sexy smirk crossed his lips just before he leaned in and whispered against her ear. "Absolutely, baby."

Miss just nodded, a dreamy look on her face, before she turned away and walked out the door to the lot.

Otto finished his coffee and slowly stood. "I should get my ass in gear too. Jax, you're with me today. Gotta deal with a little problem in Oaktown."

Jax went to follow his brother outside, but he stopped when his mom called his name. "Jax, hold up a minute. I want to talk to you."

He turned to face her and raised his eyebrows. "What's up?"

Gemma crossed her arms over her chest and tapped the toe of her knee high boots. "I don't like Missy staying here every night."

Jax just shook his head and smirked. He knew this talk had been coming for a while. Gemma was ecstatic that he and Miss were dating. She was constantly telling him how right they were for each other, how she always knew they were meant to be, how happy it made her to see them together. But her joy had soured slightly when the girl she loved like a daughter had stopped sleeping at home.

Jax sighed. "Mom, I told you. It makes Miss uncomfortable for us to stay at the house with you and Clay just down the hall. And I'm not sleeping without her, so we have to stay here."

Gemma placed her hands on her hips and glared at her son. "You love Missy. She's a part of our family and the best thing that ever happened to you."

Jax nodded. "Yeah, so?"

"So you shouldn't be screwing her in your dorm room every night like she's just some croweater. She deserves better, Jackson."

He met her eyes and nodded. "I know she does."

"Then fix it." Gemma didn't say anything else, just turned away from him and stormed out of the clubhouse.

Only when the door closed behind her did he allow himself to smile. He had no intention of staying in the clubhouse much longer. He knew that getting a place together was the first step in starting his life with Missy, and he wanted it to start as soon as possible.

* * *

 _Christmas Eve, 1997_

It was one of those perfect moments that she never thought she would get to experience. She was sitting on her very own couch in her very own living room. All the lights were turned off except for the little twinkling Christmas tree in the corner, and the only man she had ever loved was asleep beside her, his head resting heavily on her lap.

Missy still smiled every time she thought about that day, a few weeks earlier, when Jax had asked her to move in with him. There was no hesitation. Of course she'd said yes. She didn't know where or when they'd be moving, and she didn't care. She'd live in a cardboard box on the side of the road as long as she was sharing it with Jax.

The house that he picked out for them was perfect, at least she thought so. Sure, the little two bedroom ranch was a bit run down and needed some repairs, but it had a garage for Jax's bike and the rent was cheap. It was in the country, only a couple miles outside of the Charming city limits, and she loved the space, the fresh air, and the privacy.

She never thought of the trailer she'd grown up in as home. She never even understood what the word meant until she'd moved in with Gemma and John and experienced what it was like to be part of a real family. But as wonderful and loving as the Teller's had been, a tiny part of her had always felt like she was just a guest staying in someone else's house.

But this house…this simple, little house that she lived in with Jax… It was theirs, belonged only to them. They would eat there, laugh there, make love there… _maybe, someday, even have a baby here..._

So as wonderful as Christmas day would be tomorrow at Gemma's beautiful house, packed full of all their friends and family and everyone they loved, tonight was what really mattered. Tonight, in their barely furnished place, with its empty shelves and leaky faucets and walls that desperately needed painting. Tonight was her Christmas.

Tonight she was finally home.

* * *

 _New Year's Day, 1998_

"Gem, you gotta let me go. I can't breathe."

Missy laughed when the woman she would always think of as her mother finally released her and wiped away the moisture forming in her eyes. "I can't help it. I'm fucking happy! This is all I've ever wanted."

Miss leaned forward and kissed Gemma's cheek. "Me too."

Pretty soon all the guys were surrounding her, each more than hung over from the party the night before, but still excited for their girl to officially become part of the family.

Otto grinned and shook his head. "Ok, kid. Let's see it."

Missy turned so that she was facing away from them, brushed her long hair over her left shoulder, and then pulled down the strap of her tank top, exposing the still slightly reddened skin of her right shoulder blade.

Jax had asked her Christmas morning while they were still lying in bed, before she was even completely awake, if she wanted his crow. And even though that moment was a blur of smiles and tears, at some point she must have said yes because four days later a beautiful black bird was forever inked on her skin.

She had let it heal for a couple of days before showing everyone, and was so proud and excited for all the people she cared about to finally see. After Gemma and Otto finally let her go, Luanne hugged her, Chibs and Bobby offered their congratulations, and Piney and Tiggy each gave her a kiss on the cheek. But the last person to approach her was the person's opinion she valued the most.

Ope crossed his arms over his chest as he barely grinned. "Well Shorty, you're stuck with him now."

Miss looked up at her best friend and smirked. "Yeah, I know."

He used one of his huge arms to pull her close and kissed her sweetly on the top of her head. "I know it seemed like I wasn't always a fan of you two together, but that was only because I didn't really trust him with you like that. Jax is my brother, but I never thought he'd be capable of treating a woman right. But he's different with you. He loves you." Then he placed a hand under her chin so that their eyes met. "All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy, Miss. Are you happy?"

She blinked away her tears and nodded. "Yeah, Ope. I am."

He finally smiled. "Then so am I."

* * *

 _Reno, Nevada 1998_

Jax knocked on the outside of the door for the fourth time in five minutes. "Miss, come on! What's the hold up? There's another couple waiting and the preacher's starting to get pissed!"

Just like she'd done every time before, Missy opened the door a few inches and blew out a big, frustrated breath. "I know! I know! One more minute, I swear."

Jax rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest, but she could see the amusement in his eyes. "Fine. I'll go tell Ope. Just tell the bride to hurry it up."

Missy was about to shut the door, but Jax put his foot out before it could close. She looked up at him and sighed. "What?"

The corners of his mouth twitched upwards before he leaned in and gave her a slow, sweet kiss. Then he winked at her and grinned before making his way back to the sanctuary.

A smile she wasn't even aware of graced her lips as she watched Jax walking away, only closing the door when he turned the corner and was out of her line of sight. Then she walked back over to the crying mess about to walk down the aisle. "I know it isn't exactly what you wanted, but you look beautiful." Missy rubbed Donna's back in soothing circular motions as her friend looked into the full length mirror and sobbed.

Donna was having trouble catching her breath as her tears continued to fall. "Why did he have to propose anyway? I was perfectly happy just having his crow, but Opie just _had_ to get married before the baby comes, and now I look like a big white fucking whale!"

When Donna buried her face in her hands and continued to cry, Missy couldn't help but smile. She knew that the meltdown was just a brutal combination of wedding jitters and pregnancy hormones. It was early March and Donna was almost 38 weeks pregnant, nearly full term.

Missy shook her head and sighed. "Ope proposed because you're the love of his life and the mother of his child. He's wanted to marry you since our sophomore year of high school, Donna. I don't think he could stand to wait anymore. And you don't look like a whale. You look perfect."

Donna looked up at Miss with bleary eyes and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Really?"

She just grinned. "Really." Then she took the powder from the table and quickly fixed Donna's makeup before nodding. "There, all better. So how about we go and get you married now, Mrs. Winston?"

* * *

As the best man, Jax knew that he should have been focusing on the ceremony, but he just couldn't help it. No matter how hard he tried to listen to the words that Donna and Ope were saying to each other, all he could think about was Missy.

She was only a few feet away from him, standing behind Donna, holding her bouquet. The short burgundy dress that she wore skimmed her slim figure and her long hair fell in soft, big curls just past the middle of her back. Her golden hazel eyes were even brighter than usual, gleaming with unshed happy tears, and when she turned towards him and flashed that soft, pretty smile, he swore, just for a moment, his heart stopped beating.

 _I'm gonna love that girl for the rest of my life._

* * *

 _Opie and Donna's House, 1999_

Most of the club had been gone for a week on a run north, dealing with the Irish, but they were finally making their way home that night. When he got into town after the all day ride, Jax was completely exhausted. But instead of following the narrow country road that led to his house and collapsing in his bed like he wanted to, he made his way though Charming's sleepy, darkened streets to Opie's neighborhood.

Missy had called early that morning. Apparently Donna's grandma was really sick, so she had to go out of town and help her parents take care of things. Missy was totally in love with little 14 month old Ellie Winston, so when Donna called and asked if she could babysit for a couple of days, Miss whole-heartedly agreed.

As soon as they got back into town, Ope had to go out to the cabin and check on Piney, who was now on a two week long bender. So that left Jax alone to pull up to his best friend's little house sometime after midnight.

He climbed off of his bike, walked to the front door, and opened it with the spare key Opie had given him when they'd first moved in. The house was dark and quiet, but when he glanced down the little hallway that led to the bedrooms, he could see a small light shining out from the bottom of Ellie's nursery door. He walked down the hall and opened the door, and when he saw the image in front of him, he couldn't help but grin.

They were both fast asleep. Miss was sitting up in the old wooden rocking chair, her head hanging slightly forward, with a peaceful Ellie snuggling close in her arms. They were both breathing slowly and evenly, contented in their unconsciousness, and Jax almost sighed at how beautiful they were together.

Then, out of nowhere, a singular thought ran through his mind. _Missy doesn't just look beautiful right now. She looks perfect, she looks…right. She looks like the future I never even knew I wanted._

He took a deep breath and tried to make sense of the emotions that were suddenly filling him. Missy was his old lady, and he always thought that would be enough. Sure, his mom had married J.T. and Clay, and Ope had married Donna, but Jax never understood why any of that really mattered. Miss had his crow, and it was forever. That would always be more important than some ring that you can slip on and off your finger, or some piece of paper that can be torn up as easily as it's signed. And they were both only 21 years old, so even though he figured they would have kids someday down the road, he didn't see any rush in them settling down and having a family just yet.

But looking at her now, cast in the soft hazy glow from the butterfly nightlight on the wall, with his goddaughter cradled in her lap, he realized that the future wasn't as far away as he imagined.

Jax wanted Missy to belong to him in every way possible, just like he already felt he belonged to her. He wanted to call her his old lady. He wanted to call her the mother of his children. And as he leaned against the door and smiled, he realized something else for the very first time.

Much to his surprise, Jax wanted to call her Missy Teller.

* * *

 _Jax and Missy's House, 1999_

Missy started the coffee pot and then turned back to the stove where she had eggs and bacon frying in a skillet. She was just about to turn away and toast up some bagels when she felt a strong arm wrap around her waist and pull her against a bare, rock solid chest.

Jax used his other arm to brush Missy's hair to the side and sensually kiss the crow on her shoulder, one of his favorite things to do. "Morning, baby."

She let her head fall back against him and sighed. "Good morning." His kisses got deeper but after a few moments, she begrudgingly turned around in his arms. "If you keep that up I'm going to burn your breakfast, and you'll be late for work."

He kissed her lips and then grinned. "No work today, Miss. I took the day off."

"You did?"

"Of course. It's our two year anniversary, and you know I'm all about the romance."

Missy leaned her forehead against his neck and smiled. Jax loved to joke about it, but he really was a romantic. How else could he explain always remembering the anniversary of the day they realized they loved each other?

She looked up at him, love beaming from her eyes, and grinned. "So how are we planning on celebrating?"

He reached behind her and quickly turned off the stove. Then before she knew it, he scooped her up off the ground and threw her over his shoulder, causing her to shriek with laughter.

She couldn't see his face but she could hear the smile in his voice. "First, I'm going to go to the bedroom and do very dirty things to my old lady."

Missy giggled when she was tossed onto the bed, Jax quickly crawling on top of her, resting between her thighs, and pressing her down into the mattress. For a few seconds they both just smiled at each other before Jax placed a hand behind her head and kissed her, slower and gentler than she'd anticipated, but no less passionate. It didn't matter that he'd kissed her like that a million times over the last two years, that they knew every inch of each other, inside and out. The feel of his lips against hers still made her tremble, and the moment his tongue touched hers still made her weak.

After a few minutes he pulled away and stared at her, a look on his face that she'd never quite seen before. His voice was quiet and suddenly serious. "Let's take a ride today, maybe up to the cabin, ok?"

She ran her fingers through his long blond hair and nodded. "Sure, whatever you want."

He studied her face with that strange expression of his for a few more seconds before the sexy, playful smirk that she knew and loved returned to his lips. "But first…"

He was tickling her as he quickly peeled off her clothes, laughter filling the room once more.

* * *

The ride had been gorgeous, sun shining and not a cloud in the sky, all the way to the cabin. When they got there they had lunch, and then just talked about anything and everything for a couple of hours, before Jax took her hand and led her into the bedroom.

She didn't know how long they'd made love, but after three rounds and a nap in between, it was dark outside. At his suggestion, they threw on some clothes and took a walk to the pond, eventually sitting on a fallen tree close to the water, sharing a few cigarettes and then just looking at the stars.

They sat in peaceful silence for several minutes, Jax's arm draped loosely around her shoulders as she cuddled into his side. But the quiet was broken when he turned his head towards her and whispered her name. "Miss?"

She buried her head closer against his neck and sighed. "Yeah?"

"Marry me."

Her head snapped up and she looked at him with stunned, startled eyes. "What?"

Jax placed a hand on the side of her face and caressed her cheek with his thumb. He wanted to tell her that she meant more to him than anything, that she was his best friend and the love of his life, that she was his anchor and his rock and the constant that brought sanity and sense to his chaotic life. That she was his soul mate. That she was part of him. That she was all he would ever need.

But as he reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the ring he'd been carrying around for weeks, his mind went suddenly blank. His fingers trembled as he slid the small diamond solitaire onto her left hand, and in that moment, the only thing he was capable of was looking into her eyes and repeating the words he'd already said.

"Marry me."

She only glanced away from him for a split second, long enough to see the ring on her finger and commit the image to her memory. Then she looked back up to Jax and smiled. She was truly speechless, but she nodded with everything she had, and threw her arms around his neck. Then she was pulled into his lap, held tighter in his arms than ever before, and she was crying the happiest tears of her life.

Because Missy honestly believed that the sole reason she was put on the Earth was to love Jackson Teller. She already shared her life with him. She was already his old lady. And now she was going to be his wife.

She had everything she'd ever wanted.

 _ **Please review…**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everyone. As always, thank you so much for the love and support. The story has over 100 reviews already and I am beyond grateful for every single one.**

 **So, I'm going to get right to it. This chapter took forever, is WAY too long, has more angst than I thought was possible, and was absolutely no fun to write at all. In fact, it straight up broke my heart. I was dreading it since I created this story, and it was just as miserable as I thought it would be. Ugh.**

 **Just FYI, this one starts like the early chapters, with a glimpse into the present day (Season 1). Then it will get to the flashbacks. That being said, I hope you enjoy reading it and please review so that we can all be sad together…**

Chapter 7

It was close to one in the morning on a Friday night, or early on Saturday morning, depending on how you thought about it. Jax was at the clubhouse drinking a beer when his phone began to ring. Glancing down and not recognizing the number, he walked outside to where it was a little quieter and answered. "Yeah?"

"Uh, hey. Is this Jax?"

He could hear people talking and loud music in the background. "Who's asking?"

"My name's Jason. I'm a bartender at Chrome in Stockton."

Jax felt his whole body instantly tense. Chrome was a biker bar, but it wasn't outlaw. More like a place for weekend warriors to hang out on Friday and Saturday nights. And the only reason he knew it existed was because his mom had told him that Missy was working there a few nights a week. "What is it?"

"Listen, she'd kill me for doing this, but I work with a girl named Missy. I think she's a friend of yours."

Jax couldn't stop the muscles in his jaw from clenching. "She's family. What's going on?"

"Tonight's her night off, but she came in for a drink. That was a few hours ago, and she's…well, she's fucking plastered, man. I've never seen her like this. I'd take her home, but there's no one else here to work the bar. I'm trying to watch her as much as I can, but there are a bunch of guys here that won't leave her alone. And I mean, she's dancing with them and shit, but she barely even knows where she is right now. I've heard her talk about you, the friend in Charming whose family took her in when she was a kid. So I stole her phone out of her purse when she wasn't looking and called. Is that ok? I mean, I didn't know who else to…"

Jax was already climbing onto his bike. "Just keep an eye on her. I'll be there soon."

* * *

He broke every speed limit on his way to Stockton, making it to the bar in record time, and his Harley was barely stopped before he was jumping from his seat and walking quickly through the door. He went up to the bartender and introduced himself. The guy who'd called him, Jason, thanked him for coming and motioned his hand to the middle of the dance floor.

Jax turned his head, and the moment he saw her, he stopped breathing. Sure, he got the random drunken phone call from her every once in a while, but this was the first time he'd actually laid eyes on her in over a year, since she first moved back to California. Unable to move, he just stood there frozen and watched her for a while as she danced, swaying her hips and moving to the music like she didn't have a care in the world; just like the girl he had known in the days before he made the biggest mistake of his life and tore both of their worlds apart.

He stayed there for a few more seconds, dazed and reeling, but his feet started to move when he saw some asshole come up behind her and wrap an arm around her waist, his hands traveling down way too far south. Anger swelled with each step he took forward, so by the time Jax crossed the short distance between them, he had lost all control of himself and used every ounce of his strength to shove the guy to the floor.

When the man behind her went backwards, Missy started to stumble, but she was quickly steadied when two familiar arms curled around her tiny waist and held her close. Then she looked up with bleary, wasted eyes at Jax's face…and started laughing hysterically.

She was practically dead weight in his arms, which didn't mean too much since she weighed about 105 lbs. So he held her tightly against him with one arm, using the other to guide her gaze up to his with his hand. And as hard as he tried to fight it, he found himself smiling. "What's so funny, Miss?"

She snorted at the sound of his voice and laughed harder. "I must be more trashed than I thought. I don't even remember going to bed."

Jax just shook his head. "Baby, you're not at home. You're still at the bar."

She tried her damndest to focus on his face, but the room just wouldn't stop spinning. "You mean I'm not dreaming?"

His eyes softened, just the slightest hint of amusement in his voice. "It's not a dream, Miss. I'm really here."

He tucked her into his side, holding her close, and started walking towards the door, waving a thank you to the bartender on his way out. When they got to his bike, he strapped his helmet on to her head and then placed his hands on her cheeks. "Missy?"

"Yes, Jax?"

"Are you going to be able to hold on to me?"

"Is that a trick question?"

Jax rolled his eyes and sighed. "Miss, I don't want you to fall off and kill yourself. Are you gonna be able to hold on or do I need to call a cab?"

She shook her head from side to side. "I can hold on."

"Are you sure?"

Her head bobbed up and down like a bobble-head doll. "Sure."

Jax climbed onto his Dyna and held Missy's hand while she got on behind him, frowning when he felt the distance between them. "Baby, come on. You need to hold on tight."

When he said the words, all Jax was thinking about was keeping her safe. So he was unprepared for the rush of feelings he experienced when she suddenly closed the gap between them. Her arms snaked around his waist and under his kutte, so that her hands were splayed flat against his t-shirt, and her small, firm breasts were pressed hard against his back. Her thighs were cradling his hips, reminding him of all the other ways he'd felt her like that, none of them on his Harley. And her warm, rum scented breath against his neck made him tremble, overcome by how close her lips were to touching his skin.

Just then, as though she could read his mind, Missy leaned forward and planted a simple, sweet kiss on the spot just below his ear, just like she always used to do when they were together, and that brief, innocent contact almost made him weak.

He found one of her hands under his kutte and held it for a long moment before revving his engine and riding carefully to her apartment.

* * *

When they got to her building, Missy was too drunk and too tired to even think to ask Jax how he knew where she lived. She waited for him to climb off first and offer his hand out before carefully swinging her leg off the bike. But as soon as her feet hit the ground, she buckled.

"Whoa there, lightweight." Jax was grinning as he lifted her up like it was nothing and threw her over her shoulder, carrying her like a sack of potatoes all the way up the stairs to her second floor apartment.

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm no lightweight anymore, Jackson Teller. It took a lot of work to get this drunk. I had to drink gallons."

Jax smiled and shook his head as he opened the door with the key he found in her purse, and then sat her gently down on the couch. "Good to know you're achieving your goals."

He just grinned when she rolled her eyes and laid down across the sofa. He went to the tiny kitchen and opened some cupboards before he found the aspirin, taking two pills out and grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Then we went back to the couch and knelt down beside her, but by the time he got there she was already almost asleep. "Hey, Miss. Missy, baby…wake up."

He rubbed his thumb against her cheek until her heavy eyes barely opened and she smiled. "Hi, Jax."

He smiled back as he moved his hand away from her cheek and placed it against her hair, running his fingers through the soft, honey-brown locks. "Take these pills and drink some water, ok? You're going to hate yourself in the morning."

"Yeah, probably."

She started to drift off again so he gently squeezed her shoulder. "Missy, drink the…"

But she just shook her head and cut him off with a yawn. "Later. Too tired."

Jax sighed and began to stand, but she suddenly placed a hand on his arm, stilling him. "Jax, do you remember what today is?"

He took her hand in his and nodded. "Of course I do."

Tears welled up in her eyes as a small, sad smile formed on her lips. "I wish things were different."

His heart breaking all over again, Jax could only stare at her for a few moments. Then he swallowed the lump in his throat and then slowly leaned forward, kissing her forehead. "Me too, Miss."

Within seconds, she was sound asleep. Jax turned her so that she was lying on her side, moved the small bathroom trashcan next to the couch in case she got sick, and then covered her up with the little throw blanket that was resting on the back of the sofa. He wanted to stay with her through the night and make sure she was alright, but he knew Missy like the back of his hand. The only thing that would make her hate herself more than the hangover would be seeing his face in the morning and knowing that she had let him see her so vulnerable.

So he just walked outside, locked the door behind him, and made his way back to the parking lot. Then he climbed onto his bike and looked back at the apartment, haunted by her voice and the words she had spoken. Of course he knew what today was. He'd thought about it since the moment he rolled out of bed.

Today was the seventh anniversary of the day they'd lost their baby.

* * *

Part V- When It All Falls Apart…

 _Jax couldn't count the times he'd replayed every detail in his head; every influence, every variable, every horrible choice that led him to fuck everything up. What if just one thing had been different? What if he would have known the pain he would cause? What if he could go back to the moment where things began to change and fix it? Those questions would plague him forever._

 _But the answers didn't matter, because nothing could take back the hurt and nothing could undo the damage. His life was shattered beyond repair, and he knew with absolute certainty, that he had no one to blame but himself._

* * *

 _The Clubhouse, 2000_

The club was on lockdown, hopefully just for one night but you could never really be sure. Missy had helped Gemma find beds for everyone and was just settling down on a bar stool, when she took a deep breath and tried to wrap her head around how much life had changed over the last six months.

Everyone had been thrilled about the engagement, no one more than Gemma, who insisted that Miss and Jax give her at least a year to plan the biggest wedding the MC had ever seen. But only a month after his proposal, Gemma's plans got derailed when the club was forced to make some drastic changes.

Otto got arrested for assault and because of all of his priors, he was looking at a minimum of three years in Stockton. That was bad enough, but then Piney's health took a bad turn when all the tequila and cigarettes suddenly caught up with him and he was diagnosed with COPD. He could still ride and remained an active member of the club, but he just didn't have the energy to cope with the stress that came with the position of Vice President.

Everyone had always assumed that when Piney stepped down, Otto would fill the VP slot. But because he was locked up, no one was quite sure who Clay would ask to sit beside him at the table. Hardly anyone expected it to be Jax.

Sure, everyone knew that someday Jax would hold the gavel; that it was his destiny to follow in J.T.'s footsteps. But since he'd only been patched for a few years and there were so many other guys with more experience, he just assumed that his time would come later. Apparently Clay had other ideas.

Missy couldn't deny how proud she felt when she sewed the VP patch onto his kutte. Jax was the youngest vice president in the history of the entire MC, and she knew that he would be an amazing leader, despite his age. And now, almost five months later, she was still just as proud…just a little less happy.

Jax was just always so busy now. Between the ever increasing demands of the club, the time he still put in at the garage, and the shifts that Missy still worked at the diner, it felt like they never spent any real time together. And even when they did find a few moments alone or tried to have a quiet night at their house, Missy could see the constant distraction in Jax's eyes. She knew he was trying his best to shut out the world and focus only on her, but unless they were in bed together, his mind always drifted away to the problems facing the club and the new responsibility he felt to fix them.

She understood the pressure he was under, even if he didn't talk about it as much as she wanted him to. Missy knew him too well to not know how he was feeling, even when he was trying to shut her out. Being John Teller's son was an honor, but it was also a burden. Jax had always carried the weight of his father's legacy on his shoulders, all too aware of the shoes he had to fill. And she knew that everyone in the MC was watching him, wondering if the famous Prince would live up to expectations.

So knowing all that, Missy refused to add to his stress. She never complained; never told him about her growing loneliness, never demanded he make more time for her, and never asked him to put their relationship above the needs of the club. Instead she bottled most of it up, and when her frustration occasionally became too much for her to handle, she went to Gemma.

Gem understood more than anyone, having been married to two different Presidents of Samcro, what it took to be a good old lady. She reminded Missy that it was her responsibility to see Jax through these times; to be his strength and his solace when the rest of his world is out of control. And with that in mind, Missy asked Gemma to abandon the big, fancy wedding plans. Whenever things calmed down again, they could set a new date. Missy wanted to be Jax's wife with everything she had, but she wanted Jax to be happy more than anything.

So as she looked across the room to the chapel, staring at the closed double doors and aching for the man on the other side, she swallowed down her sadness. _I'm still Jax's old lady. We're still engaged. And as long as I support him like I need to, everything will be alright. I just need to be patient._

 _I can be strong. I can be what he needs. And when things calm down and get back to how they used to be, I'm going to be his wife and spend every day of the rest of my life making him happy._

* * *

 _Gemma's House, 2000_

Gemma kissed Missy on the forehead and closed the kitchen door, watching out the small window until the girl was safely buckled into her Wranger and pulling out of the driveway. Then she poured herself a fresh cup of coffee, sat down at the kitchen table, and sighed.

 _Oh, sweetheart. I've been there._ Gemma replayed the conversation she'd just had with Miss over again in her head and tried her best to stay calm, somehow ignoring the urge to find her son and wring his selfish little neck. She thought she'd done a better job of raising him, but despite her best efforts, it seemed that Jax was bound and determined to make the same mistakes his father did.

Just like John, Jax was letting the power of the club slowly change him. Gem was thrilled when Clay named her son Vice President. She'd known since he was a baby that one day he would sit at the head of the redwood table, and she wouldn't have it any other way. But she couldn't deny that Jax was becoming someone she barely recognized.

His playfulness had been the first thing to go; that boyish spark in his eye that she'd always loved disappeared, replaced by a seriousness that came with his new burdens. Then as the first few months passed and he not only got used to his new role but excelled in it, the natural confidence and cockiness that he'd had since he was born morphed into something closer to arrogance; like for the first time in his life he was buying into the idea that he really was the Prince inheriting his kingdom.

But the biggest change was how he treated Missy. He wasn't mean to her. He didn't fight with her. And, as far as Gemma knew, he wasn't cheating on her. But he sure as hell was taking her for granted. Ever since he was a little boy, Jax had made Missy a priority in his life. All through school, even when he was with Tara, Missy's happiness and wellbeing mattered to him more than his own. He had always made time for her, always looked out for her, and most importantly, always made her feel like she mattered…because Jax knew more than anyone that Missy didn't think she mattered at all.

But now all Jax thought about was the club. It wasn't just his biggest priority. It was his only priority. He acted like he didn't have time for anything else; not his mother, or his friends outside the club, not even his fiancée.

Gem had tried to talk to him about it, tried to get through to him that he was starting down a dangerous path; but every time she brought it up, Jax just brushed her off. He would tell her that nothing had changed, that Missy understood the life, and that she knew he loved her as much as he always did. And then he would tell Gemma that it was none of her business anyway.

 _But it is my business._ Jax and Missy were the two people that Gemma loved most in the world, so if Jax was going to act like an ass and fuck up his relationship with Miss, it was absolutely her business.

Gem thought about the way Missy had looked when she'd left the house that night, a frown marring her pretty face and unshed tears welling up in her eyes. Everyone thought that Missy was so much like Gemma, and in some ways she was. She loved fiercely, was incredibly loyal, and she understood what the club meant to all their lives. Just like Gemma, she was the perfect old lady.

But unlike Gemma, Missy didn't believe in herself. No matter how many people told her otherwise and no matter how much she denied it, Gemma knew that, somewhere in the strong, beautiful, 22 year old woman she was today, there remained a shy, lonely, awkward little girl who still thought of herself as worthless. Missy didn't fight with Jax the way that Gemma had fought with John. She didn't remind him that she was the best thing that ever happened to him. She didn't tell him that he was only as strong as their love for each other. She didn't tell him that he would be lost without her….because she simply didn't believe it.

Nothing would ever make Missy stop loving Jax. Gemma knew that. What scared her was that Jax knew it too. His absence and his disregard were hurting the woman he loved every day, but he didn't stop because a part of him knew he didn't have to.

She just prayed that he would realize how close Missy was to breaking before he did something that could never be undone.

* * *

 _Samtaz Clubhouse, 2000_

Jax walked outside in the warm Arizona darkness and looked around for something, anything, he could punch. But when nothing appeared, he just settled for another gulp from his almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

He sat down on the clubhouse steps and was happy, if for just a few minutes, to get away from the craziness of the party. It felt like he hadn't had a moment's peace since the night Clay anointed him VP.

He had worked so hard for the last few months, trying like hell to solve the never-ending list of Samcro's problems, while at the same time fighting even harder to earn the respect of the rest of the table.

Yeah, his brothers loved him and had his back, same as they always did, but something had changed since he took office. He could see it in their eyes; that lingering doubt in him, the way they still looked at him like he was a kid. He was their leader, Samcro's second in command, but it didn't matter. All they did, 24 fucking hours a day, was give him shit.

Sometimes it was that he was a shitty mechanic. Sometimes it was that he was too pretty. And sometimes it was just little Prince this, and little Prince that; taunts that subtly reminded him that he wouldn't be where he was today without his father's last name. To anyone else, it would sound no different than the way they'd always busted his balls. They all did it to each other. But Jax knew there was more to it; that it was their way of humbling him, reminding him that he had to work extra hard to assert himself and earn the respect of the men that had a lifetime's more experience than he did.

And for the most part, he could handle it. He knew he was doing a good job so far, so he tried to keep his frustrations in line. But sometimes it was just too much.

Like tonight. From the minute the party started to the minute he walked outside, all he had heard for hours was that he was pussy whipped. _Jax is too much of a pussy to get his dick wet. Missy must keep him on a short little leash. Did he need to call home and ask to have his balls back for the night?_ Jax had never fucked around on the road, simply because he'd never wanted to. He knew that, according to almost every other couple in the MC, screwing someone on a run wasn't considered cheating. Hell, even Gemma was ok with it. But in the three years since he'd been with Missy, he'd never been with anyone else, because he just never wanted to. He loved Missy. She kept him satisfied. The pussy he encountered on the road didn't tempt him at all. It usually just made him miss her.

But of course the guys would never believe that. They thought the reason Jax didn't hook up with girls on the road, was because Missy told him he wasn't allowed, and like the good little boy he was, he obeyed. They never came right out and said it, but he knew what they were thinking. _If he isn't even the head of his own household, how the hell is he going to be the head of the table?_

Jax drained the last of the whiskey, and then stood up on wobbly legs, stumbling back into the clubhouse. _Fuck it. I just need them to shut up. Just for one fucking night, I need to shut them up._ So his drunken brain did the only thing he could think of. He grabbed the first girl he saw, and in front of all his brothers, dragged her back to the nearest empty room.

* * *

Jax woke up with a pounding headache, a dry mouth, and the heat of someone's body warming his skin. But when he looked over at the naked girl beside him he was confused when, instead of the honey brown locks he was used to, he saw nearly black strands covering his arm. Then as the night before flooded back into his consciousness, his heart stopped beating, crushed by the weight of his regret.

 _Oh god, what the fuck did I do?_ He sat up and looked at the woman he barely remembered, still passed out on the other side of the pillow. He didn't know her name because he was pretty sure he never asked what it was. He just remembered being stressed out, and angry, and drunk off his ass before deciding he needed to get laid.

 _Jesus Fucking Christ._ Fragments of the night were starting to come back to him. When he took her into the bedroom, she'd tried to kiss him, but he remembered thinking that her lips just didn't feel right. He didn't want to kiss her again. So he let her suck his cock for a while, but she just wasn't doing it the way he liked it. So finally, he just slid on the condom she gave him, bent her over the bed, and fucked her, thinking the whole time _Miss will understand. What happens on a run stays on a run_. It was hard and fast, and if he recalled, didn't last very long. And then when he was finished, he threw away the rubber, lied down on the bed, and collapsed. Everything else was a blur.

Jax quickly reached over for the trash can and wretched violently, unsure if the vomit was caused by the massive amount of alcohol or the awful, crippling guilt. _Jesus, Missy…_ He didn't care what the rulebook said. What he did was wrong. The ache in the pit of his stomach told him that, as well as the fact that he suddenly felt like crying. He didn't care if it made him a pussy, and he didn't care what the rulebook said. On a run or not, what he did last night sure as fuck felt like cheating, and he knew he would never do it again.

He went to the bathroom and took a two minute shower, washing away the stench of booze and sex. Then he got dressed as quietly and as quickly as possible, disappearing before he had to face the mistake still sleeping in the bed.

Then he went to his bike, revved his engine, and along with the rest of the club, headed north back to Charming.

Back to the girl he loved.

Back to the girl he wanted to marry.

Back to the girl he knew he didn't deserve.

* * *

 _Teller- Morrow, 2000_

Missy was leaning on the arm of the sofa in the office, talking to Gemma, who was sitting behind the desk. But they both looked up when they saw a tall, pretty, dark haired girl making her way across the lot towards the office. When she walked up to the open doorway and knocked, Missy smiled. "Can I help you?"

The girl smiled back. "Hi. Yeah. Um, I'm looking for Jax."

Before Missy could open her mouth, Gemma stood from the chair and walked around to lean on the front of the desk. "And who should I say is asking for him?"

The girl tossed her hair to the side and grinned. "I'm Callie. We met last month in Tucson."

Miss looked up at the stranger, frozen. She knew she should say something, but the words caught in her throat as a sense of dread bloomed in her chest.

Gemma glanced down at Missy, a knowing look in her eyes, before she plastered on a fake smile and nodded back at Callie. "Did Jax know you were coming?"

The girl flashed a sexy grin and shook her head. "No, but he'll be happy to see me." A few silent moments past before Callie looked down at a silent Missy and a now furious Gemma. She put her hands on her hips and frowned. "So, are you going to tell me where Jax is or not?"

Gemma stood up and shook her head. "No, we're not. So why don't you go ahead and take your skanky little self back to Arizona?"

A shocked and pissed off Callie then made the mistake of stepping up to Gemma and pointing a finger at her chest. "Whatever, bitch. I don't know who the hell you think you are, but…"

Gemma placed a hand on the girl's chest and shoved her back against the office wall. "Well, I'm Jax's mother and this is his fiancée. Do you need to know anything else before I beat your ass into the ground?"

The color drained from her pretty face as she looked back at Gemma, and then down to Missy, in horror. "Oh, shit…Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't…"

But it was too late. Gemma already had her by the back of her hair, dragging the girl outside and slamming her down onto the concrete. Then once she was down, she kicked her hard in the stomach with her pointy knee high boots, until the girl was screaming at the top of her lungs for help.

Missy stood up as if on autopilot and went to the doorway, strangely numb to what was going on around her. It was like she was watching a car accident from a distance, traumatized by what surrounded her, but separate from it at the same time…like somehow it was someone else's life suddenly broken into pieces and not her own. She calmly watched as Bobby and Tig rushed out of the garage and pulled Gemma away, while some of the croweaters went to the now bleeding girl and helped her to stand, walking her towards the clubhouse.

And the whole time, Missy kept thinking that maybe she should be angry too. Or maybe sobbing or screaming or punching her hand through the window. But she didn't do any of those things, because once she did, she was admitting that it all was real; that the last five minutes really happened and that the beautiful life she thought she lived was a lie…and she just wasn't quite ready for that.

The guys were still holding Gemma back as she yelled across the lot. "Get that gash out of here! Do you hear me? Get her out!"

Miss tried to watch the girl walking away, but her vision was hazy and blurred. She didn't even realize it was because of the tears she was crying.

* * *

Jax was in the chapel with Clay, Piney, and Chibs when they heard Gemma screaming outside. "What the hell?"

When they walked out to the lot, the first thing Jax saw was a bruised and bloodied girl sitting between two of the croweaters, crying her eyes out. Then he looked over at his mom and could see, even from a distance, that she was raging.

He looked back at the girl who Gemma had obviously kicked the shit out of and tried like hell to figure out why she looked so familiar. But as drunken, regretted memories slowly invaded his head, he stared at her face with recognition and cursed. _Oh, fuck…_

Anger and panic coursed through him so strongly, his hands were trembling by the time he approached the table. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Callie looked up at Jax with a mix of fear and relief. "I'm sorry. I didn't…I'm sorry…"

As the girl from Arizona started crying again, one of the croweaters from Charming looked at Jax and just shook her head. "She was new to Samtaz. She didn't know about the rules. She didn't know...about Missy."

Jax choked down the sick feeling he got at the sound of his girl's name and took a step forward, wrapping his hand around the back of Callie's neck and squeezing a little tighter than he meant to. "I don't know why the hell you're here, but you need to get the fuck out of Charming and never come back. Do you understand?"

He didn't wait for her to nod before he turned away and walked quickly across the lot, past his mother and towards the office, unable to look away from the face of the woman he loved, crumbling before his eyes.

* * *

It was only when Missy saw Jax almost running across the lot, shame and panic etched across his face, that she once again became aware of her surroundings. Then the full force of the pain finally hit her.

"Oh, god…" She frantically reached for the office door and locked herself in, just moments before Jax could get to her. Then, as her legs gave out, she leaned her back against the door, sank to the floor, and lost it.

"Missy! Miss, please! Let me in! Let me talk to you!" Jax was pounding on the door so hard she thought it might break, but she just sat there, in a heap on the floor, unable to move even if she wanted to. Thoughts were racing into her head a mile a minute, and each and every one was paralyzing.

 _I thought we were happy. I thought he wanted me. I thought he wanted to marry me. I thought he loved me. I thought he loved me. I thought he loved me…_

The pain in her chest was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. Sure, she'd been hurt before. Her real dad had abandoned her, her mom neglected her, her stepdad hit her; and there were a thousand other wounds in between. But the difference was, she expected it from them. The damage they did never surprised her, because they never even pretended that they cared. But Jax was the one person in the world that she never believed was capable of betraying her.

And he just left the biggest scar of all.

At some point the screaming and pounding stopped and she heard the sound of a body sinking down the other side of the door. Then she heard his voice again, this time quiet and pleading. "Jesus, Miss…I'm sorry, baby. Please open the door. Please, I'm sorry…"

She could hear someone else speaking in muffled tones and then what sounded like Jax being helped off the ground and pulled away from the office. Then a few quiet minutes passed before she heard a key being slipped into the door knob and the lock turning.

Miss jumped off the floor like lightning and ran to the couch, curling up in a ball and praying that it would be anyone but Jax. She held her breath until the door opened, but when she saw that it was just Gemma, she broke down in relief and cried.

Gemma was beside her in an instant, holding her close and gently rocking her back and forth. "Let it out, sweetheart. It's ok. I'm here."

She didn't know how much time had gone by, but at some point, her tears started to slow. She took the tissues that Gemma offered and dried her eyes and then looked up at her heartbroken face.

Gem brushed the wet, matted strands of hair from Missy's face before sighing. "Listen to me, Miss. I know you're hurting like hell right now. I know because I've been exactly where you are…but you know the rules. What happens on a run stays on a run."

The numbness that she'd first experienced started to creep back in as Gemma's words sunk in. Of course she knew the rules. She'd grown up around the club. But she and Jax had never had that talk before, never agreed to that specific rule. _And I was actually dumb enough to believe that he never brought it up because he didn't want anyone else…_

She refocused her glazed over eyes to Gemma when she realized she was speaking again. "That gash showing up here? That should never have happened. And I'm sure it will never happen again. You know Jax didn't want her here, not that that makes him any less of an asshole right now."

Gemma paused for a moment and shook her head before leaning down and kissing Miss on the forehead. "Do you think that Clay doesn't love me? Or that Otto doesn't love Luann?"

Missy shook her head, speaking for the first time since the whole nightmare started. "Of course Clay loves you. And Luann is everything to Otto."

Gemma took her hands, holding them tightly. "I know you think that this means Jax doesn't love you, because that's how I felt the first time that it happened with John. But I was wrong, and so are you. You can't think of it as cheating, Miss. Those women mean nothing to them, sweetheart. Absolutely nothing. They're just a distraction from the stress of the road. But _we're_ the ones they love, _we're_ the ones they need, _we're_ the ones they will always come back to."

Missy tried to process everything Gemma was saying, and as her words sunk in, the ache in her heart just grew deeper. _Of course he would want someone else. If women like Gemma and Luann aren't enough for their husbands, why the hell would I ever think that I would be enough for Jax? I just thought we were…more than that. That what we had was different. But what the fuck made me think that I was so special?_

A few moments later, Missy was only vaguely aware of Gemma pulling her off the couch and over towards the door. "Come on, baby. You need to talk to your old man. Fight and scream and make him pay for letting you see all that this morning. But you have to find a way to get right with it. You love him and he loves you. Just focus on that. Nothing else matters."

* * *

Shaking and unsteady, Missy took a deep breath before opening the door to Jax's dorm and walking inside. As soon as he saw her, he jumped from the bed and went towards her, taking a couple long strides in her direction but stopping just a few inches before he touched her. His face was reddened and swollen, contorted with pain, and she had to suppress the urge to reach out her fingers and comfort him.

She made eye contact for just a moment, but quickly looked down to the floor in anguish. It was suddenly like looking at a stranger.

After a few seconds, he reached for her hand and she forced herself not to pull it away, even though his touch felt like shards of glass. She let him walk her to the edge of the bed where they both sat down.

He took both of her hands in his lap and squeezed, his voice raw and broken. "Miss, look at me. Please."

She swallowed the bile in her throat and looked up, using all of her strength to meet his gaze.

His face went from red to pale white as he took a deep breath and shuddered. "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I barely even remember it. I was so drunk, and so fucked up, and…"

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she registered his words; he was sorry, he regretted it, he loved her, he needed her, it was a mistake. But as he spoke, visions of the other girl kept creeping into her head. Her dark hair falling just past her shoulders, thick and shiny. Her eyes, big and round, and her smile, bright and pretty. And her body…all perfect curves and soft edges, with huge breasts and full, womanly hips. _She's so beautiful._ Then Missy subconsciously wrapped her skinny arms around her tiny waist, somehow trying to shield herself from view. _I'm so stupid. Why did I ever think I would be enough for him? I'm…god, I'm nothing, and he's perfect…completely perfect._ Then she thought about the way the girl had sauntered into the office, confident and sexy and totally sure of herself. _Fuck, he must have been so bored with me the last few years. He has had so much more experience than me, and I was just this shy little virgin that probably can't give him even close to all he needs. How can I blame him? How can I possibly blame him?_

"Missy…baby, I'm feel like I'm dying here. Please say something." She finally looked up and realized that at some point Jax had sunk to the floor, kneeling in front of her between her legs, with his arms wrapped around her waist.

She suddenly remembered Gemma's words and spoke, although she barely recognized the voice as her own. "I knew the rules. What happens on a run…"

But Jax cut her off, shaking his head. "No! Miss, that's not, that's not what I want. Those rules don't apply to us. I don't want anyone else!"

Her heart broke even more as he said those words. _I think that's the first time Jax has ever lied to me…and somehow that hurts worse than knowing he fucks other women._ Miss closed her eyes as a few tears escaped down her cheeks. "Please don't say that. I'm telling you I understand. I get it. But please…please don't lie to me."

Jax wiped away his own tears and shook his head again. "I'm not lying, Miss. I swear, it was the biggest mistake of my life. It was a one-time thing, and it will never happen again. Please, baby. You have to forgive me. I can't lose you over this."

The thought was so ridiculous she actually almost laughed. _Lose me? How could he ever lose me? He fucking owns me._ All the moments of their life together flashed through her mind in an instant. _Everything I have that's good is because of him. Everything. He rescued me from hell and gave me a life. My job, my house, my family, my friends…it's all because of Jax. And above all that, above everything else, I love him. I'll always love him. He's the fucking air that I breathe._

"Please forgive me, Miss. Please, baby…please…"

"I forgive you."

Jax's eyes snapped up to hers in disbelief, tears staining his face. "Oh, fuck, Miss. I love you. I love you…"

He buried his face into her lap and cried as Missy started running her fingers though his hair over and over again, soothing him even as the emptiness she was feeling engulfed her until she felt absolutely nothing.

 _Staying and knowing that we're less than what I thought we were? It makes me feel dead inside. But leaving and living my life without him? That would actually kill me._

* * *

 _The Clubhouse, 2000_

Jax sat at the bar and poured a little more whiskey into the coffee he'd been drinking. It was only nine in the morning, but he needed something to take the edge off…to get through the day without his self-loathing consuming him.

It had been two weeks since the girl he'd fucked in Tucson showed up in Charming and blew his life apart. He couldn't shake the guilt he felt, no matter how hard he tried to move on, constantly haunted by the pain he'd caused and the sinking feeling he had that he would never be able to repair the damage.

He was almost angry at Missy for forgiving him so quickly that day, not because he wasn't desperate for her absolution, but because he needed at least a part of her to hate him as much as he hated himself. He wanted her to fight with him, to hit him and scream in his face, and tell him that he was a worthless piece of shit, because that's exactly what he felt like.

But she didn't. She simply forgave him. She only had two requests; for him to please try to keep the other women out of Charming and for him to stop trying to convince her that there would be no one else in the future. No matter how hard he tried to get her to believe that he would never be unfaithful again, she would just tell him to stop; that she accepted the rules.

But he kept trying; trying to make her feel special again and trying to show her how much he loved her. He came home as soon as he could every night, took her out to dinner, brought her favorite flowers to work, and showered her with affection; just like he used to do in the early days of their relationship and just like he should have been doing the entire time they'd been together.

And for her part, Missy would smile and laugh and kiss him at all the right moments, but…she wasn't really there. It wrecked him every time, but he could see it; the vacant expression when she looked into his eyes, the forced happiness in her smiles, the emptiness in her touch.

And when they made love…that was when it almost became too much to bear. He had waited a week before trying to be with her, feeling dirty and unworthy of the privilege of touching her. But after lying in bed with her night after night, aching for the closeness and intimacy and love that they used to share, he couldn't stand to punish himself any longer.

But it was nothing like it used to be. She never told him no, never once told him to stop, but it was like she wasn't even there. Her body moved with his and her fingers ran all over him, but even as he was buried inside of her, every inch of his skin touching hers, it felt like she was a million miles away.

He tried everything; kissing her until his lips were bruised, licking her until she screamed in pleasure, whispering how much he loved her over and over again until his voice was raw. But nothing worked.

It was similar to their first time in a way; he could see how Miss tried to hide parts of her body from him, like she was suddenly ashamed of it and once again unaware of how fucking gorgeous she was. But unlike their first time, all the trust was gone. He couldn't convince her of her beauty or his love for her, because he'd already proven himself to be a liar. He doubted that she would ever believe anything he said ever again.

His last few thrusts that night had been hard and frenzied, like he thought he could mend what was broken between them through sheer force alone. But as he finished inside of her and groaned out her name, he made the mistake of looking down into those pretty hazel eyes.

They were so bare, so open, and so telling. He could see it all so clearly. Since he was five years old, he'd worked so hard to pull down the walls that Missy had constructed around her heart, desperate to protect herself from any more attacks. And for a few short years, he had done it. He had known what it was like to love her and be loved by her without fear or doubt or insecurity tainting the beautiful thing between them.

But as he lied there in bed that night, cradled between her thighs and looking into her tear-filled eyes, he could see that the walls were not only built back up, they were now a fortress. And for the first time, he let himself face the possibility that what they'd always had between them, that unnamable bond that made them belong to each other…that it may be lost forever.

* * *

Missy handed the keys to the last customer and watched the newly repaired Toyota drive off the lot before she flipped the sign on the door to "Closed." It was just after six o'clock and the garage had been swamped all day, which Missy loved, since it temporarily distracted her from her misery.

Most days were ok, but some were worse than others. A thousand times a day, she told herself to just get the fuck over it. _Almost every old lady in the history of the club is fine with it, is fine with the other women. They accept that it's not really cheating, and they move the fuck on. What the hell is wrong with you, Missy? You aren't better than them. . . Don't you know how lucky you are that Jax wants to be with you at all? You have to move on. You have to move on…_

But she just couldn't. Every time Jax looked at her, she only thought of how wrong she'd been about the type of love she'd thought they shared; and worse, every time he touched her, she still saw Callie's face.

She blinked the tears away from her eyes and shook her head. _Jesus Missy, stop torturing yourself. Life is different now. It just is. Grow the fuck up and deal with it. You thought your relationship was a fucking fairy tale, and now you know it wasn't. If you would just stop thinking about what you used to have, it wouldn't hurt you so much that it's gone._

She gathered up her things and threw her purse over her shoulder before locking the door to the office and heading for her Jeep. She was supposed to be at Gemma's by 6:30 for dinner, even though the thought of eating made her sick.

Missy placed a hand on her ever-shrinking stomach as she tried to ignore the constant nausea she'd experienced since that horrible day two weeks ago. She had tried to force herself to eat, but she had absolutely no appetite. And the few times that she had made herself choke down some food, it had instantly come right back up. She wasn't sure, but she'd probably lost more than five pounds already, everyone had said so.

Gemma told her that she looked like hell, and unfortunately, she was right. Between the unwanted weight loss and the blood shot eyes from lack of sleep and hidden bouts of crying, Missy knew she looked horrible. She just didn't know how to fix it.

She was still a few steps from the Wrangler, her mind still a million miles away, when she suddenly stopped and groaned. She clutched her hands against her stomach, doubling over in agony, and screamed as she experienced the worst visceral pain of her life. Within seconds she was aware of people around her, two of whom she knew were Tig and Chibs, asking in panicked voices what was wrong and if she was alright.

But she couldn't speak. She couldn't do anything. Lost in the pain and growing more dizzy by the second, all she was capable of was trying to remember how to breathe and wondering, with a sort of detached curiosity, why there was so much blood running down her legs.

* * *

Jax had been pacing the floor of the waiting room for what seemed like hours, with Gemma and Opie anxiously sitting beside him, all of them impatiently waiting for any word on Missy.

As soon as the doctor they had seen earlier came out of the large double doors, all three of them stood up and rushed over to him, stricken with worry.

Jax couldn't keep his voice from trembling. "How is she? How's Missy?"

The doctor politely offered a small smile, even though his voice was tinged with sadness. "Ms. Adams is just fine. She's resting now. We want to keep her for a few more hours, but she should be able to go home with you tonight."

Jax let out an audible sigh as he felt all the muscles in his body start to relax. Ever since the moment that Chibs had called him and said that Missy collapsed at the clubhouse, he had experienced a fear that he never even knew existed.

Gemma breathed the same sigh of relief, but looked up to the doctor and shook her head. "What the hell happened to her?"

The doctor frowned and looked down at the floor. "Ms. Adams gave me permission to speak to the three of you." Then he looked to where Jax was standing, a look of pity on his face. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Teller, but your fiancée was pregnant, and this evening she had a miscarriage."

Jax could swear he felt the moment his world stopped spinning, the sound of his heart breaking so loud it threatened to shatter his ear drums. "What…what did you say?"

The man looked at Opie's pale face and Gemma's tear streaked cheeks before staring back at Jax. "She was only about seven weeks along. Ms. Adams was unaware of the pregnancy, as are most women at that stage. Please keep in mind that although this is tragic, it is by no means abnormal. Your fiancée will be just fine, and there is absolutely no reason to believe that she won't carry healthy children to term in the future. Still, I know how hard this must be for you. I'm so very sorry."

Jax couldn't process his pain, or the doctor's words, or anything in the fucked up world he lived in. He wanted to cry, to kill someone, to yell and scream and die inside. But most of all, he wanted be with Missy.

He started for the doors that led back to the exam rooms, but stopped when the doctor placed a firm hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Mr. Teller, but Ms. Adams has requested that she have some time to herself."

He glared at the doctor and shook his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"She doesn't want any visitors." Gemma took a step forward but stopped mid stride when the physician once again shook his head. "I'm sorry ma'am, but she doesn't want to see _anyone._ She was very clear about it."

The worry faded from Gemma's voice, replaced by anger. "Listen asshole! I'm her mother! I need to…"

"Mrs. Morrow, please. If you can't keep your voice down, I'll have to call security."

Gemma started for the doctor, but was stopped when Opie wrapped an arm around her waist and held her back, shaking his head. "That won't be necessary. Just let us know when he can see Missy."

The doctor nodded gratefully to Opie and then looked back at Jax. "I'll let you know when she's ready to be discharged. Again, I'm sorry."

Jax watched in silent anguish as the doctor disappeared back behind the double doors, and then he sank back down into one of the small waiting room chairs. He buried his face in his hands, and tried to control his breathing, overcome with grief that threatened to tear him apart; grief that was worse than his brother dying and dad dying put together. Because as he tried to wrap his head around the loss of his child, he also came to terms with why the person he loved most in the world didn't want to see his face.

 _Why would she ever want to see me again? It's my fault. It's all my fault._

* * *

Missy had thought she knew what it was like to hurt, thought she knew what it was like to experience loss. But this was a whole new sort of hell. It felt like one of her limbs had been cut off, and that even though it should have killed her, she remained mysteriously and frustratingly alive.

The only thing stronger than the heartbreak was the guilt. _I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, little one._ She reached down and clutched the stiff material of the hospital gown than covered her flat stomach. _I didn't know you were there. I swear, I didn't know….but, I should have. I was just so caught up in my own pain. I wasn't taking care of myself. I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. I drank and smoked and…oh god, I'm so sorry._ She didn't think it was possible to cry anymore tears, but somehow they still kept falling. _I guess I was destined to be a bad mother. I thought that the years I spent with Gemma would help me to be better when the time came, but I was wrong. I really am just like my mom; too selfish and wrapped up in a man to see when my child needs me. I should have known. I should have taken better care of myself. Oh god, please forgive me. Please forgive me…_

Then as the word "forgiveness" cut through her consciousness like a blade, it hit her that she hadn't just lost her baby…she'd lost Jax's baby. She'd lost Gemma's grandchild. She'd hurt the people she loved most in a way that could never be forgiven. Missy hated herself and she was certain they would hate her now too.

She tried to imagine what life would be like now. Even if Jax somehow wanted to stay with her, either out of pity or obligation, she didn't think she could stand to look at him everyday knowing that she was responsible for the death of their baby. If she lost the Tellers, as she was certain she would, she lost everything. All of her friends, her family, her job; everything was because of her relationship with Jax. The guys, Donna, Opie and Gemma; they all loved her. She knew that. But she also knew that they would all always love Jax more. They were his family first, and only hers by default. When he was done with her, they would have to be done with her too. And that thought made her feel more alone than she ever had in her entire life.

Suddenly sure of what she had to do, she pushed the call light for the nurse. They had given her the option of staying overnight for observation, which she had initially refused. But now she needed the night alone, uninterrupted and safe from Jax, to summon the courage and prepare herself for what she knew was coming.

* * *

After a near sleepless night sitting up in the St. Thomas ER waiting room, Jax tried unsuccessfully to stretch out the strain in his neck. When they said that Missy was spending the night, Gemma and Opie went home to get some sleep, but he had refused to leave in case Miss suddenly changed her mind and asked for him. But if the bright morning sunlight shining around him was any indication, nothing had changed. She still didn't want to see him.

He made his way to the registration desk and ran a hand through his messy hair, nodding to the older woman sitting in front of the computer. "I'm here to take Missy Adams home. The doc said she'd be ready to go this morning."

The woman politely nodded and typed Missy's name on the keyboard, but after a moment she looked up to Jax and frowned. "I'm sorry sir, but that patient has already been discharged. It looks like Ms. Adams checked herself out of the hospital a few hours ago."

Thinking it was just a mistake, he asked her to check again. But when the woman verified the records and confirmed again that Missy was no longer a patient, panic started to set it. Without another word, Jax took off into the ER, past the security guards and nurses who tried to stop him as he searched in vain for the room where he knew she must still be waiting. But after he screamed her name with no response and was dragged outside by three guards, he ran to his bike as fast as he could, running every red light in Charming until he got to their house.

Sweat started to bead on his forehead when he pulled into the driveway and saw that her Jeep was gone. He climbed off his bike and threw his helmet to the ground, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest with every step he took towards the door. _Maybe she went to see Gemma, or maybe she went to Opie's, or maybe she's at the clubhouse looking for me right now…_

But as he walked into the house and went straight to their bedroom, all of his worst fears were realized. The closet door was open, revealing a bunch of empty hangers where her clothes used to be, and there was a note folded on the bed with his name scrawled on the front, resting right next to Missy's engagement ring.

His hands were shaking so badly he could barely read the words on the page.

 _Jax,_

 _I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I can't ask you to forgive me, because I'll never forgive myself. I know it's my fault we lost the baby._

 _I want to thank you for everything you've ever done for me. You were my friend when no one else would talk to me, my escape out of that fucking trailer, and you were the first person in my entire life who ever made me feel loved._

 _I'm sorry to leave like this. I know I should be saying all this to your face. But I'm a coward. I just can't stand the thought of looking into your eyes and seeing disappointment staring back._

 _Please tell Gemma and Ope and everyone else how sorry I am, and that I love them, and that I'll miss them every day._

 _I love you, Jax. I always will._

 _I'm sorry,_

 _Missy_

He must have read the letter a hundred times, over and over again, unwilling to believe what the words really meant, and unable to accept that the person who mattered most to him in the entire fucking world was just…gone. But when he finally did, and the earth shifted beneath his feet, he fell apart.

First it was their bedroom. He tore the drawers from the dresser and then toppled it to the floor, breaking the mirror picture frames and vase that sat on top. Then he went to the living room and picked up the lamp, hurling it through the sliding glass door before knocking the TV off its stand and watching the screen shatter into pieces. Finally he went to the kitchen and did as much damage as he could, sending plates and glasses to the floor with enough force to cause the shards to scatter all over the house. Then after a few minutes, when there was nothing left of their home to destroy, he just sank to the floor and wept.

He almost had everything he ever wanted, and he lost it all.

 _ **Please review…**_


	8. Chapter 8

**I know! I'm updating again in less than a week! Please try not to pass out from the shock.  
**

 **I just couldn't help myself. The response to the last chapter was so incredible that it totally inspired me to keep writing. I mean, holy shit you guys. Between all the reviews and the new followers and the favorites…You're all just amazing, and apparently enjoy me depressing the hell out of you :) Seriously, though. The last chapter was really challenging for me, but all of your feedback and kind words made it beyond worthwhile. Thank you.**

 **So to give you some love right back, here's a little more of the story. Oh, and just a reminder, present day first and then the flashbacks.**

 **I sincerely hope you enjoy it and, as always, please review…**

Chapter 8

Missy climbed the stairs to her apartment, her feet aching more with every step. It was nearly four in the morning and she was beyond exhausted. It had taken her an hour longer than usual to close up the bar, since Chrome had been swamped from the moment they opened the doors to the time they yelled last call. She raised her tank top to her nose and cringed, inhaling the sticky sweetness of schnapps, orange juice, and grenadine. There had been two different bachelorette parties there tonight and, just as she expected, she was coated in the remnants of all their girlie, fruity, rainbow-colored drinks. _If I have to make another Appletini or Purple Hooter ever again, I'm going to shoot myself…_

As tired as she was, Missy forced herself to rinse off in the shower before throwing on her pajamas and crawling into bed. But before she could close her eyes, the phone on her nightstand began to ring.

She looked at the number flashing across the screen, shook her head, and smiled. "Isn't it a little late for you to be calling me?"

"Well, hello to you too. And no, it isn't too late. Apparently someone forgot that they were supposed to call and let me know they got home ok."

She put a hand over her mouth to stifle her yawn. "Sorry. I'm just beat. I didn't think about anything except taking a shower and going to bed."

"You just used the words shower and bed in the same sentence. Are you trying to torture me?"

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop herself from grinning. "You're an idiot."

He just softly chuckled. "So you keep telling me."

"You know, I'm a big girl. I get that you worry, but you really don't have to keep checking up on me like this."

"Are you kidding? Worrying about you is what I do best. It's damn near become my favorite hobby." He paused for a moment, and when he spoke again, the laughter was gone from his voice, replaced with the gentle sweetness he saved just for her. "I love you Missy, you know that right?"

A soft smile formed on her lips, and even though he wasn't there to see it, she nodded. "I know. I love you too."

A quiet moment passed before she heard him sigh. "You sound spent. Get some sleep, alright? And call me sometime this week to let me know how you're doing. Please."

She turned off the lamp beside the bed and snuggled down into her blankets. "I will. I promise."

"Sweet dreams, sugar."

"Goodnight, Koz."

* * *

Part VI- The Aftermath…

 _Charming, 2000_

Missy sat behind the wheel of her Jeep as it idled at the end of her driveway, looking out at the road in front of her with no clue which direction to turn.

 _Where the hell am I supposed to go now?_

When she snuck out of the hospital an hour earlier, she only knew that she needed to leave Charming; get away from all the people she'd hurt and all the bad memories that threatened to eat her alive. She had jumped out of the taxi as fast as her legs could carry her, packed up as much as she could fit into the only two suitcases she owned, and bolted back out the door as quickly as possible, looking down to the ground the whole time, and trying not to think about how she would probably never see her beloved little house ever again.

But now, sitting alone in her car, with nothing but the quiet static from the radio to keep her company, she felt nothing short of lost. Not once in her life had she ever imagined leaving Charming. She loved Jax, Ope, Gem, and everyone else far too much to have envisioned what her world would look like without them in it. She loved the fact that from the front step of her house, she could be at Gemma's or Opie's or the clubhouse in less than ten minutes. She was always within arm's reach of everyone she cared about, and she never wanted it any other way.

But now everything had changed. Now she had to leave. She just needed to figure out where the fuck to go. _The last I heard of my mom, she went to Vegas to bail out her dirt bag husband, but that was almost ten years ago. I'm pretty sure I have a grandma that lives in Nebraska somewhere, but I've never even met her. And my dad…Mom always said when he took off, he probably went back to his family in Missouri, but since he hasn't tried to find me at any time in the last 22 years, I'm assuming he hasn't been pining away for his long lost daughter…_

Missy tapped her fingers nervously against the steering wheel. _Who am I kidding? Even if I could, I never want to see any of those people ever again. None of them give a shit about me, and I don't give a shit about them. Jax and Gem and Opie and Otto and Tig and Bobby and…they're my only family, the very people I'm running away from. Fuck, I'm completely alone. I have no one else, no one. No family, no friends, no…_

Suddenly, Missy's head jerked up as she thought of the one person in the world who might actually want to hear from her. She had seen him just a handful of times over the last three years, but whenever they were together, it was clear that whatever connection they felt when they first met was still there. His charter would roll into town and he would waste no time finding her, asking her a million questions and seeming genuinely interested in whatever she had to say. He was always respectful of her relationship with Jax, but that never stopped him from spending time with her and letting her know he still cared. He always wanted to hear how her life had been going, was always concerned for her well being, and he was probably the only real friend she had who might just care more about her than he did about Jax. But more than that, he was one of the few people in the world who she believed honestly and truly understood her. And just like the first time he ever said goodbye to her, he never rode away without whispering in her ear that he was only a day's ride away if she ever needed him.

So with trembling hands she switched on her headlights, put on her seatbelt, and pushed her foot on the gas, driving out into the early morning darkness and turning north. Then she reached for her phone, scrolled through her contacts, and found his name.

She held her breath until she heard his voice on the other end of the line. "Hello."

"Hey, Kozik. It's Missy, from Charming. Listen, I…I need your help."

* * *

Stopping just three times along the way for gas and coffee, Missy made it to Tacoma in just under 13 hours. The only things she had told Koz over the phone was that she had to get out of Charming and that she didn't want anyone to know where she was going. And much to her surprise, he didn't ask her any questions; just simply gave her directions to a place he knew on the outskirts of the city where he knew she wouldn't risk being seen by anyone from the club.

The motel where Kozik had told her to meet him looked sleazy at best, but she was far too exhausted and emotionally drained to care where she laid her head for the night. She drove around to the back of the lot until she saw Koz's bike and then pulled into the spot beside it. Then she climbed out of the Jeep, stretched her stiffened legs, and made her way to room 11, where he said he'd be waiting.

She didn't even get a chance to knock before Kozik opened the door, and when she saw the concerned, loving expression on his face, she just couldn't help it. She broke down, sobbing so hard in relief that she would have hit the ground were it not for Koz wrapping his arms around her and holding her close against his chest.

She tried to talk, but her words just weren't coming out. For hours, since the moment she left for Washington, she had thought about only two things: the death of her baby, and the inevitable loss of everyone else she loved. She was certain that Jax and Gemma would hate her now, or even if by some miracle they didn't, would be disappointed and ashamed of her. She had failed them in the most basic way possible, and nothing she could ever do would make it better. She tried to prepare herself to once again live in a world where she didn't matter, because she seriously doubted that she would matter to anyone else ever again.

So she was unprepared for the kindness and worry and sweetness in Koz's eyes, and it overwhelmed her.

She clung to him as tightly as she could, suddenly realizing how desperately she needed a comforting touch; something that she had been denying herself out of some sort of penance since she had first learned about her baby.

And Koz held onto her just as tight, running one of his hands soothingly over her hair while leaning his lips against her ear and softly whispering. "Hey, it's ok Missy. Whatever it is, it's ok now. I've got you."

* * *

A few minutes later, when Missy started to calm down, Koz led her into the motel room. Then she wiped her bleary eyes and looked around, taking in the two rickety double beds, ancient floral wallpaper, and musty, stained carpeting.

Koz must have seen her face, because he shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "I was gonna get you a room at the Ritz, but it was all booked up for the night, so…"

Missy looked up at Koz and, for the first time in over two weeks, she almost laughed. "This is fine, really. I…I don't even know what to say. I can't thank you enough."

Tears flooded her eyes once more as she tried to find the right words, but before she could say anything else, Kozik took a few steps forward to stand in front of her, placing his hands on the sides of her face and shaking his head. "Hey, none of that. I'm happy you called me." Then he took a moment to look over her pale, road weary face. "Have you eaten dinner yet?"

Missy hadn't eaten anything substantial in days, but she wasn't about to tell him that. So, she just looked down at her shoes and shook her head. "No, not yet."

His hands moved from her face down to her shoulders, squeezing them gently. "Why don't you go take a shower? Get cleaned up and change your clothes. I'll order some food and then we can talk when you're ready, ok?"

She gave him a small, grateful smile. "Ok."

Koz went out to the Jeep and brought in her luggage. Then she grabbed some clothes from one of the bags and disappeared into the bathroom.

* * *

When she stepped into the shower, turning the temperature to as hot as her skin could stand, she scrubbed her hair and body clean, finally washing away the sterile, antiseptic smell she'd carried with her since the hospital. But even after the shampoo and soap were rinsed away, she stayed under the blistering stream, letting the heat slowly relax the ache in her muscles, even if it did nothing to help the ache in her heart. She leaned her forehead against the cracked, yellowing shower tiles and tried to take a few deep breaths, so lost in memories of Jax and the life they almost had together that she didn't even notice the way her hands rested protectively over her belly.

Some time later, she realized she was shivering and that the water was now running cold. So she turned off the shower, climbed out on to the mat, and used the thin, threadbare motel towel to dry her nearly waist long hair and now pruned, wrinkled skin. Then she pulled on the clothes she had grabbed; fresh underwear, gray sweat pants, and her old Reaper Crew t-shirt, before brushing the wet strands away from her face and opening the door.

She must have been in the shower longer than she thought, because when she stepped back into the bedroom, she saw a pizza box and a case of beer sitting on the tiny little dining table.

Koz gave her a small friendly smile and then pulled out one of the two chairs for her, waiting her for to sit before he fell into the seat across from her. He opened the box and then handed her a big stack of napkins. "Are you hungry?"

She was surprised when she smelled the food in front of her and her stomach started to growl. "Yeah, actually. I am."

She picked up a huge triangle of pepperoni and extra cheese, eating it all in less than a minute, and then quickly grabbed a second piece as soon as her hands were free.

Koz reached into the twelve-pack and handed her a bottle. "Is beer ok? I can get you some water or some…"

Missy shook her head. "Beer's fine. Thanks."

They ate in silence for a few more minutes, but when Missy wiped her hands off and leaned back in her chair, Koz stood up from the table, grasped her hand, and pulled her up out of her seat. Then she sat down on the edge of one of the beds while Koz perched himself on the other, leaning his elbows on his thighs and facing her.

A few minutes passed by, and when she still hadn't said anything, he reached out his hand and placed it on her knee, rubbing his thumb over the worn cotton of her pants until she looked up and met his gaze. Then he nodded and gave her an encouraging grin.

Using what little strength she had left, she swallowed the lump in her throat, took a breath, and spoke. "I guess…I guess if I'm honest with myself things had been…different between us for a long time, but it all really started a couple of weeks ago…"

Missy had always found it strangely easy to confide in Kozik, so she shouldn't have been so surprised that once she started telling the story, she just couldn't stop. She told him everything; about the way her relationship had changed since Jax became VP, about the girl he fucked on the road showing up in Charming, and then, between broken sobs, she told him about the loss of the baby. And lastly, as though she was telling him the most obvious fact in the world, she explained to him that she knew it was all her fault.

At some point in the conversation, when he could tell she was close to breaking, Koz moved to sit beside her, wrapping an arm protectively around her shoulder and holding her close for support. But when she finished speaking, he placed a warm hand on her jaw and lifted her eyes to his.

She was almost startled when she saw the raw emotion in his gaze and felt the slight tremble in his fingers. "Missy, I'm so…fuck. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. But you need to listen to me. Sugar, none of it was your fault."

Tears welled in her eyes as she shook her head. "Koz, you don't understand! I obviously did something wrong with Jax to make him…to make him…And then when I found out, I was a fucking basket case! I shot whiskey and smoked a pack a day and practically starved myself and…"

"Missy, stop! Just stop!" He took a deep breath and swallowed, trying to calm down before moving his hand from her face to the side of her neck, letting his thumb run gently over her smooth, fair skin. "I've seen you with Jax, honey. You're gorgeous, and sexy, and fun, and loyal. Every man in the MC would kill to have an old lady like you. You didn't do shit to that asshole. And that bitch showing up in Charming? That was Jax's fault. It's bad enough that he fucked around, but to not make sure that the stupid little gash knew the rules? That's fucking unforgiveable." Then he pause for a moment and just stared at her before leaning forward and planting a soft, sweet kiss on her forehead. "And Sugar, nothing you did caused you to lose that baby. I'm not just saying that to try and make you feel better. You can't put that on yourself. And as much as I would love to be able to blame your stupid fuck of an old man, it wasn't Jax's fault either. It just…it just happens, Missy. It's shitty and it's tragic and it makes no fucking sense, but there wasn't a reason, and there's no one to blame. It just happens."

Missy closed her eyes, trying so hard to believe even a little of what he just said. But before she could open her mouth to respond, she lost the last shred of control she had and broke down in tears once more.

Koz didn't say anything else. He just wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, letting her cry on his shoulder, and helplessly wishing that he had the power to make all of her hurt go away.

* * *

Kozik held Missy for as long as she let him, but when she wiped the last of her tears away, she pulled back and shook her head. "God, I'm such a mess. I'm sorry…"

He just tilted his head and rolled his eyes, offering her a good natured grin. "Sugar, you're killing me with the apologies. You have nothing to be sorry for. How many times have I told you to call if you needed me? Well, it took three years for you to take me up on my offer, and now I'm fucking happy to help you, ok?"

She didn't even try to hide her confusion. "But…why?"

His easy, casual smile was replaced by something a little more sincere. "You know, every once in a while you meet someone that's so…like no matter how long it's been since you've seen them, you just feel…" He took a breath and then shook his head before meeting her eyes and grinning. "You're important to me, Missy. Let's just leave it at that."

When she almost returned his smile, he couldn't help but touch the ends of her hair, letting its softness fall through his fingers, before he reluctantly stood from the bed. Then he looked down at her and crossed his arms over his chest. "Is there anything I can say to convince you to go back to Charming?"

She averted her eyes and shook her head. "No."

"I'm not telling you to go back to Jax. I never thought the little shit deserved you in the first place. But Gemma and Ope, and everyone else? They love you, Missy. And they're gonna want you home."

When she looked back up, the heartache that he saw filling those pretty hazel eyes nearly killed him. "No they won't, Koz. Even if you're right, even if they can get past all the ways I've fucked up…" He opened his mouth to interrupt her, but she shook her head, silencing him before he had the chance to speak. "Even if they forgave me and really did still want me around, what Jax and I had…it's over." She quickly blinked her tears away and swallowed down the lump in her throat, refusing for at least that moment to cry again. "I've been hanging on by a fucking thread since the minute that girl showed up on the lot, and now after everything that's happened…there's no home left for me to go home to."

"But everyone else…"

"Everyone else is _Jax's_ family. Gemma is _Jax's_ mom. Opie and the guys are _Jax's_ brothers. They may love me, but they _belong_ to him. And if Jax and I are really over, and we are, I won't try and put them in the middle or make them feel bad about the choice they would obviously have to make. All I can do is move one and save everyone the trouble. That's the one last thing I can do for the people I love." Then she sighed. "Anyway, I could never live there and not be with Jax. To see him every day at the garage or at Gemma's or around town, and know that I can't be with him? I'm not...I'm not strong enough for that."

Koz sat back down beside her and reached for her hand, holding it between both of his own. "So, what's the plan? Where are you gonna go?"

A sad, humorless laugh escaped her lungs as she stared blankly at the floor. "I have no fucking idea. I came here tonight because you're literally the only person outside of Samcro that I trust. I've been too busy dealing with the fact that my life is over to think about how I'm going to make myself wake up in the morning, let alone where the hell I'm going to go once I do."

"Don't say that, Missy." She looked up when she heard the almost angry tone in his voice. "Don't ever fucking say that again. Yeah, things are going to be shitty for a while, and you're gonna hate the world and it's gonna hurt like hell. But take it from someone who's come back from the very bottom of the barrel; it will get better. I promise, one day the pain will go away, and you'll be better. Your life may be different now, honey, but it sure as fuck isn't over."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, but then Koz squeezed her hand a little tighter. "What if you stayed here?"

Missy looked up at him in surprise. "What? Here? In Tacoma?"

He shrugged. "Tacoma, or maybe Seattle? Just somewhere close where we could…fuck, I don't know…where I could keep an eye on you, take care of you..."

She smiled, but slowly shook her head. "That's sweet, and tempting, but you know I can't do that. Don't pretend like you're not already risking your patch by helping me right now. I'm not going to be responsible for fucking up your standing with the club. Besides, I can't be anywhere close to a charter. Someone will see me and tell Jax, and you know it."

Koz ran a hand through his hair and reluctantly nodded. "So, where then?"

She ran her hands over her face and shrugged. "I really don't know."

Neither one said anything to each other for a long time, but after several minutes, Koz stood up and walked over to the chair, grabbing his kutte. "Listen, I know someone who might be able to help you, but I need to make some calls. Do you have any money?"

Missy nodded. She had stopped at a bank branch on her way out of California. She didn't touch any of the money from the checking account she shared with Jax, but she cleaned out her own savings account that she'd had since was sixteen, cashing in all $4,235.86.

Koz nodded back. "Get some sleep and try not to worry, alright? I'll be back in a few hours." He walked to the door, but stopped when he reached the handle, turning back around to face her. "Listen, I'm helping you because you're my friend and you matter to me. All I'm going to ask for in return is one thing." When she looked up at him with uncertainty, his eyes softened. "Call home, Missy. Just call home and let them know you're alright. You don't need to say where you are, and it doesn't have to be Jax or Gemma. But no matter how you think they may feel about you now, there's not a doubt in my mind that everyone you love is fucking frantic right now. Just call someone, anyone, in Charming, and tell them you're ok. That's my one condition."

The thought of speaking to anyone from home made her nauseous, but after all that Koz has already done for her, how could she possible say no? She ran her shaking hands through her hair and nodded. "Alright."

When he saw the color drain from her face he walked back to where she was sitting, leaned down, and kissed her sweetly on the top of the head. "I won't be gone long."

Then he turned away from her and walked outside, locking the door behind him.

* * *

Missy must have stared at her cell for an hour, trying to decide who to call and what she would possibly say, before she finally picked up her phone and dialed.

It barely rang once before he answered. "Missy? Is that you?"

The tears that she had been fighting finally fell as soon as she heard his voice. "Hey, Ope. Yeah, it's me."

She could hear him let out a long, relieved breath. "Jesus Christ, Missy! I've been going out of my mind all day! We all have! Where the hell are you?"

Missy wiped the moisture from her cheeks and swallowed. "I'm…I'm at a hotel. I'm somewhere safe. I'm sorry I worried you."

If she didn't know better, it almost sounded like Opie had been crying. "Fuck, Miss. Don't apologize. I'm not mad. I just fucking love you and I want to make sure you're alright."

Hearing how much he cared for her was almost too much to handle. Her words came out quiet and broken. "I love you too, Opie. So fucking much."

When he spoke again, he sounded just as heartbroken as her. "I'm so sorry about the baby, Miss. I'm so damn sorry."

Her best friend consoling her in the darkest hour of her life was enough for the floodgates to open once again. She cried into the phone for a long time, neither one saying anything to fill the air between them. He just stayed on the line and listened, a quiet source of strength and solace. Sure, he was hundreds of miles away, but just knowing that he was somewhere in the world loving her was enough to bring her some peace.

When her tears subsided and she finally caught her breath, she somehow mustered the courage to ask the one question she was dreading the answer to. "How are they?"

Opie sighed, knowing exactly who she was talking about. "How do you think, Miss? Gemma's a god damn wreck. I've never seen her so scared. She loves you like a daughter, and you just disappeared."

She felt even guiltier than before. "Tell her I'm sorry. I'm so…"

"You don't need to say sorry for anything, Miss. You've been through hell, and you freaked the fuck out. It happens. No one is mad at you, and no one blames you for anything. I know what you said in Jax's letter, but you're wrong. It wasn't your fault. No one blames you. We're just worried."

Miss tried to process Opie's words, but she was too distracted by the name he had uttered. "How…how is Jax?"

There was a long pause before Ope sighed once more. "He's in bad shape, Miss. Real fucking bad, not that he doesn't deserve it."

"Opie, don't say that. He didn't do anything…"

"Fuck that. Don't you dare make excuses for him, like you've done every damn day since we were kids. Not this time. I know you never believed me, but I always meant what I said. You're too good for him, Missy. I've known it since we were fourteen years old. You're too good and loving and trusting, and he hurt you like I always knew he would. I'm just sorry I didn't try to put an end to it years ago. I should have done a better job of protecting you. I should have been a better friend."

The sadness and regret in his voice tore her apart. "That's not possible. You're the greatest friend in the world."

His voice was almost pleading, so different than the stoic, strong tone she was used to hearing. "Come home, Missy. Please, come home."

She would have given anything to have said yes; to pack up her bags and race back to Charming, and run right into Opie's arms, where she could hold him and cry and hide forever. But something deep within her had come undone in the last 24 hours, and nothing Opie could say would put it back together. "I just can't, Ope."

He let out a frustrated groan when he realized he couldn't change her mind. "Fine. I'll tell everyone that you called and you're ok. Just promise me you'll check in soon so I know you're safe."

"I promise."

"And you need to call Gemma as soon as you can, Miss. You owe her that, and you know it."

"I know. I will."

A few seconds passed before he spoke again, and this time his voice was shaking. "Where are you gonna go, Miss?"

She wished she had something better to tell him, but she didn't want to lie. "Honestly, I don't know yet."

Suddenly she heard a loud shrieking in the background, and she knew that it was Kenny waking up from his nap. She'd babysat for the newborn enough times over the last three months to recognize his sleepy cry anywhere. She had loved everything about the little boy from the moment he'd been born, but now hearing his cry was like a knife being plunged straight into her chest. _I'll never hear my baby cry for me…._

She bit her lip and fought back her tears, her hands shaking so badly she almost dropped the phone. "I have to go."

"No, Miss. Just wait a second. Let me…"

"Kiss Donna and the kids for me, ok?"

"Missy, please…"

"I love you Ope. Goodbye."

She was able to hang up just as her sobs overcame her. Then she dropped the phone, fell onto the bed, and cried into her pillow for hours, until exhaustion finally grew stronger than her grief and she fell into dreamless sleep.

* * *

"Wake up, Sugar. It's morning."

Missy stretched and opened her eyes, surprised to see sunlight peaking in through the cheap motel curtains. She rubbed her eyes with the backs of her hands and then looked up at Koz, who was sitting beside her on the side of the bed. "What time is it?"

"Almost six. I thought you might want an early start today. And before you say anything, I know it's god awful to be up at this hour, so I brought coffee and donuts to make it up to you."

She looked over at the table where there sat two large Styrofoam cups and a box that already made the whole room smell like fried dough and chocolate. "Did you just get back?"

"No, I was back a couple hours after I left last night, but when I got here you were out like a light so I just let you sleep. Figured you needed it."

She nodded, amazed at how well rested she felt. "You were right. That's the most I've slept in ages." Then she looked over at the bed beside hers and its messy, wrinkled sheets. "Did you spend the night?"

She could swear she saw him blush before he ran a hand through his hair and shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't want to leave you alone."

He walked over to the table to grab the coffee and the food, and then went back to Missy; setting the open box down beside her on the bed and handing her one of the cups. Then he picked up a huge chocolate éclair and spoke to her between bites. "So, there's this friend of mine from the Marines, William Abbot, but most people just call him Billy. He was my platoon's C.O. and we took turns saving each other's lives a couple of times during Desert Storm." He wiped his hands on his jeans and took a drink of his coffee. "He's the best man I've ever known and the closest thing to family I have outside of the MC."

The admiration and affection he had for his friend was evident on Koz's face, and it occurred to her that she'd never seen him speak so seriously, with so much respect in his voice. "I don't see him as much as I'd like to, partly because he lives so far away, and partly because our lifestyles are pretty damn different these days. But no matter what, he knows I'd do anything for him, and I know he'd do anything for me. That's what happens when you serve together the way we did. We're brothers."

She smiled slightly but shrugged. "He sounds great, Koz, but what does your friend have to do with me?"

He placed a hand over hers and held it gently. "I called him last night. He said that you could go and stay with him for a while."

Her jaw fell open, but before she could speak, Koz shook his head. "You'll love it there, Missy. Billy's as solid as they come. His wife, Helen, is amazing. And even his kids are great, although I think they're both away at college now."

She started to protest, but stopped when Koz placed a warm hand on her cheek. "He knows a lot of people. You'd only have to stay with him for a couple of weeks or so. Then he'll help you find a place of your own, and I know he'll be able to find you a job."

Her hands were starting to tremble so she set the coffee down on the bedside table. Five minutes ago, all she knew about her life was that she couldn't go back to where she was yesterday, and couldn't stay where she was today. Tomorrow was just a dark, terrifying, uncertain unknown. Now her aimless life was actually being given a direction.

She glanced up at Koz, a million questions running through her mind. "Are you sure? Is he sure? I mean, I don't want to take advantage of anyone."

Koz shook his head, desperate to erase the doubt still lingering on her face. "Like I said, staying with Billy and Helen is temporary. You'll just crash there for a little while until you get an apartment or something. You said that you have money, so it shouldn't take you very long."

He sat his coffee cup down on the floor and then tried to look into her eyes, but after a moment he seemed to get a little embarrassed and glanced down at his lap instead. "Sugar, if I had it my way, you'd stay right here, close to me, where I could call you and see you anytime I wanted to." Then he looked back into her eyes and gave her a small smile, reaching out and holding her hand. "But you can't stay here, so Billy's is the next best thing. I know you won't go back to Charming and I understand why, but I'll be damned if I let you just hit the road and drive off into nowhere without anyone around to make sure you're taken care of."

When he saw her barely there smile and realized he almost had her convinced, his own smile widened. "You said I'm your friend, right? Well, if you care about me at all, you'll go to Billy's and let him watch out for you. If not, I'll do nothing but worry about you all the fucking time. You'll basically be ruining my life. So, what do you say? Are you gonna take pity on me and say yes or what?"

He was hoping to make her laugh but instead, much to his surprise and dismay, she burst into tears. But then she quickly rose up on her knees, leaned forward, and wrapped her arms around his neck, crushing herself so hard against him he almost fell backwards.

Because this time her tears weren't sad. This time her tears were relieved. She was still heartbroken and aching and grief-stricken, but she was just a little less lost than she was before. And for now, that was enough.

She cried against his chest for a few more minutes, occasionally wiping her eyes on the clean white cotton tee. But when she finally pulled back a little while later, a small hopeful smile graced her lips. "So, where am I moving to again?"

Koz leaned forward and kissed her forehead before flashing a big, perfect smile of his own. "How do you feel about Florida?"

 _ **Please review…**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi lovelies! Thanks for all the new reviews, follows, and favorites! And a special thanks to all the guests who reviewed. I wish I could thank you all personally, but I promise I read your comments and I am so grateful to all of you for giving me feedback.**

 **So this update is a little shorter than I wanted it would be, but it was getting way too long and I had to cut it off and save some for the next chapter. Just fyi, I'm not going to be rushing through this story, which I hope you're all happy about. Seven years is a long time to be apart, and a lot of shit is going to go down in their lives. I want to delve into it all because I really want everyone to understand who Missy and Jax are in 2007 and what events made them that way. But if you stay with me and have some faith, I think you'll really like the way their story unfolds.**

 **With that being said, I hope you're all in it for the long haul :) And for those of you who have been asking to see more Mrs. Teller-Morrow, the present day intro has some quality Gemma/Missy time and there's also a glimpse of her in the flashback.**

 **So as always, I sincerely hope you enjoy it and please review!**

Chapter 9

As she drained her glass and let the delicious merlot coat her tongue one last time, Missy knew she was in for one hell of a hangover tomorrow. But she also knew that, however bad it would be, the night had been totally worth it.

She smiled when she glanced across the small high top table at Gemma and Luann, who were both laughing so hard that Missy worried they were going to fall out of their chairs.

Luann took a few seconds to catch her breath before shaking her head. "Hell, I run a porn studio! I understand the panty fetish. But why the hell does he flush them down the toilet?"

Gemma, still laughing so hard she was almost crying, wiped the moisture away from her perfectly lined eyes. "Fuck if I know. But who gives a shit? The little Puerto Rican's hot. He may be a pervert, but I wouldn't kick him out of bed."

Missy could only grin as she watched the two women she loved most in the world throw their heads back and giggle hysterically. It was Luann's birthday, so they decided to go out to a trendy new wine bar in Stockton to celebrate. When they got there and saw how nice the place was, they were determined to have a classy, sophisticated ladies night out. But that was three hours and almost four bottles ago. And sure, Missy was more than a little buzzed from all the red wine she'd had, but Gem and Luann? Those two were both on the ugly side of trashed.

When the laughter died down a bit, Luann looked over at Missy and grinned. "What about you, sweetie? Are any hot new guys warming your bed these days?"

She glanced uncomfortably over to Gemma, whose smile instantly dropped, before looking back at Luann and shaking her head, still just sober enough for the question to embarrass the hell out of her. "Thanks for asking, but uh, no. I'm in the middle of a pretty long dry spell."

Missy tried to ignore the relieved expression on Gemma's face and instead focused on Luann as the birthday girl gulped down some more wine and sighed. "Me too! Jesus, it's been…well hell, it's been forever! I mean, I have to watch people screwing at work all day long, but then when I go home, do I get any? No. I swear to god, I spend half my income on rechargeable batteries."

That little statement caused Missy to spit out her drink, which made the other two to bust up all over again. But after a minute, Luann got quiet and frowned. "I miss Otto."

Missy reached across the table and held Luann's hand. Otto had been in prison now for almost eight years. His original sentence had been extended due to a number of assaults he'd been involved in on the inside, one of which that resulted in the loss of one of his eyes. But he was up for parole again in a couple of months, and everyone was hoping for the best. "Hey, Otto's been on his best behavior the last few months. He's going to get paroled this time. I know it."

Luann just squeezed her hand in return before picking up the wine from the table and drinking straight from the bottle. Then when she put it down she drunkenly grinned, leaning forward and trying unsuccessfully to whisper. "You know, that man's hung like a fucking horse! There's more than one reason why they call him Big Otto…"

"Jesus, Luann! I don't want to know that!" Missy just shook her head and tried to ignore the disturbing mental images, while Gemma and Luann howled with laughter so loudly that they started getting dirty looks from all the people sitting around them.

"Yep, it's definitely time to go." Missy quickly looked around the bar until she made eye contact with their waitress. "Check, please!"

Ten minutes later, Missy was stumbling out of the bar, not because she was that drunk, but because she had Luann and Gem each hanging onto one of her arms. When she saw the TM van parked across the street, she nodded her head and yelled. "Can I get some help here?"

The new prospect, who if she remembered was called Half-Sack, got out of the driver's seat and came jogging over. "Hey, it's Missy, right?"

She smiled at the kid who she thought looked way too young and sweet to be wearing his kutte. "That's me. Thanks for getting here so fast."

"I was just around the corner shooting some pool. Clay told me after I dropped them off to never be more than a few minutes away in case they needed me." He wrapped his arm around Luann's waist and walked her across the street, while Missy followed behind dragging Gemma. When they got to the van, he slid open the large side door and helped both women inside before offering a cute, broken grin to Missy. "Come on. I'll give you a ride home too."

Missy just shook her head. "That's ok. I only live a couple blocks away. It's really not a long…"

"Um, yeah…" He looked nervously down at the ground for a moment before meeting her gaze, his hand running haphazardly through his strawberry blond hair. "I wasn't actually asking. I have to drive you home."

She placed a hand on her hips and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

She could see the faint blush rising in his cheeks as he went to open his mouth, obviously trying to think up something to say. But after a few awkward seconds he just shook his head and sighed. "Listen, I promised I'd look out for you tonight, and if I let you walk home alone and something happens to you, Jax is gonna have my ass. So, will you let me drive you home? Please?"

Missy just rolled her eyes. _Why am I not surprised?_ She was tempted to walk home just to spite Jax for interfering, but as annoyed as she was, she wasn't about to let Half-Sack get into any trouble on her account. "Sure, I guess you can give me a lift."

Once they got Gem and Luann strapped into the back seat, the prospect climbed back behind the wheel while Missy sat in the passenger's seat and gave him directions to her place. Less than five minutes later they were in front of her apartment.

She unbuckled her seat belt and turned around so that she could see the women in the backseat. "Happy Birthday, Luann."

Luann drunkenly smiled, barely opening her already sleepy eyes. "Thanks, Miss."

"Talk to you later, Gem."

But before Missy could get out of the car, Gemma reached forward and grabbed her arm. "Hey, come to the house for dinner tomorrow night. I'll make you something greasy and then we can watch a movie or something?"

Missy bit her lip. "The guys will be on a run, right?"

Gemma frowned but nodded. Missy only came to Charming when she knew she wouldn't run into Jax. "They're leaving for Eureka in the morning and won't be back until Sunday night."

After a moment, Missy nodded. "Ok, I'll be there." Then she gently patted the hand on her arm. "Love you, Gem."

Gemma smiled. "I love you too, sweetheart."

Missy got out of the car and couldn't help but laugh when she saw Gemma hop into the front seat and start messing with the prospect's hair, saying something about how she knows she gives him a MILF chubby. _Yep, that's my mom…_

Half-Sack looked over at Missy with wide, panicked eyes, but she just grinned in return. "Good luck."

She watched in amusement as he struggled to get the seatbelt fastened around a way too friendly Gemma. "Thanks. I think I'm going to need it."

* * *

Part VI- The Aftermath…(cont.)

 _Charming, 2000_

As soon as he heard the phone disconnect, Opie just stared at the receiver for a few minutes, wishing that he could somehow make it ring once more and hear her voice again. _Fuck, Missy…_

"Ope, was that her?"

He turned around to look at his wife, who was holding little Kenny in her arms and swaying gently from side to side, trying to get the crying infant to fall back to sleep. He sighed. "Yeah, that was Miss."

"How is she? Where is she? Did you tell her it wasn't her fault? Did you tell her…"

Opie placed a hand on Donna's shoulder and squeezed. "She said she's alright, but she's lying. I can hear it in her voice. And yeah, of course I told her. But you know Missy. She thinks everything's her fault. All I know is she's at a hotel somewhere, but she wouldn't tell me anything else."

When he saw the frown on her face deepen, he leaned over and kissed the top of her head. Just like the rest of them, Donna had been worried sick all day. But comforting her anymore than that would have to wait. There was somewhere else he needed to be.

He kissed the baby before walking towards the front door and reaching for his kutte. "I'll be back soon."

"Where are you going?"

He didn't even turn around. "I gotta go kill Jax."

* * *

When Opie pulled into Jax's driveway, he parked his Dyna and headed for the door, determined to finally kick the ever loving shit out of his brother. He'd been aching to ever since the day that dumb bitch from Arizona showed up at the garage. He would never forget the look on Missy's face when he saw her that day, tear-stained and more devastated than he had ever seen her before. As soon as he found out what happened, Opie started looking for Jax, anxious to give him the beat down that he'd always promised would come if Jax was ever stupid enough to hurt his sister. But before he could find him, Miss had grabbed Opie's hand and pleaded with him not to do it, because she didn't want them to get into a fight over her, because she had already forgiven Jax, and because every bruise that Opie left would just remind her of what had happened when all she wanted to do was try to forget.

So, he didn't go after Jax that day because Missy begged him not to, but now Jax had fucked up bad enough to send her away. Now she wasn't around to save him.

When Opie reached the front door, he didn't knock; just opened the door and walked in, ready to beat his best friend's ass. But when he stepped inside, he forgot about Jax for a second, too distracted by the state of the rooms around him. "Holy shit."

It looked like a bomb had gone off. The entire house was completely destroyed. Broken glass was everywhere, the TV was toppled onto the floor, and the sliding glass that led to the back yard was shattered into pieces.

He walked through the mess and went to the bedroom, which had also been wrecked all to hell, but when he didn't see Jax, he went to the last place in the house he hadn't looked. He stepped across the hallway to the tiny second bedroom that he knew Jax and Missy just used for storage, turned the knob, and opened the door.

Jax was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, a bottle of Jack and an overflowing ash tray resting beside him. The scene was all too familiar, and Ope realized that it was because he'd seen Jax in that exact position before. It was the same way he looked after Tara left Charming and he'd become the world's biggest pussy for three months; acting like a dick and treating everyone he cared about like shit, especially Missy. Then a whole new wave of anger flooded Ope when he realized he hadn't just wanted to kick his ass for the last few months; Jax had had it coming for three fucking years.

Opie went to where Jax was sitting, grabbed him by his t-shirt, and pulled him up off the floor. Holding onto Jax's neck with one hand, he reared his fist back and was just about to connect it with his best friend's jaw… but then he made the mistake of taking in the face of the man before him. They knew each other more than anyone, better than they even knew themselves. So it only took one short glance for Ope to see that Jax was far more destroyed than the house could ever be. His eyes were bloodshot and empty, his face was pale and lifeless, and he wasn't even trying to fight back. In fact, he was looking at Opie with an almost pleading look in his eyes. It was clear; Jax wanted the beat down even more than Opie wanted to give it.

Ope tried to shake off the sympathy creeping into his consciousness and tightened his fist once more, but with his knuckles only inches away from Jax's face, he just couldn't make the two connect. Ope knew that no matter how hard he would hit him, he couldn't make Jax feel any worse than he already did.

He let go of Jax's shirt and watched him sink back to the floor. Then he walked to the opposite side of the room and leaned his back against the wall, sliding down until he was almost mirroring his brother. He took a few minutes to just stare at the wreck of a man across from him. Much to his surprise, he realized that Jax wasn't drunk at all. The bottle of whiskey was only missing a few shots at most. And Ope knew he wasn't high because the only things in the ashtray were cigarette butts; there wasn't a joint in sight.

And that's when it hit him; this isn't like when Tara left at all. When Tara took off, Jax was always fucked up, always angry, and always looking for a fight. But the guy sitting on the floor in front of him didn't have any fight left. He just looked hollow.

After a while, Ope glanced around the room, which was empty except for a few cardboard boxes stacked in the corner. "What are you doing in here?"

Jax closed his eyes and swallowed before looking at the space around him. "She always said that this would be the baby's room…you know, whenever we decided to start a family."

Ope hated it, but he couldn't help but feel sorry for Jax as he blinked away the tears from his eyes. He knew what it meant to be a father and to love your children more than anything; and for the first time since it all went down, Ope tried to imagine what it would feel like if Donna ever lost a baby. "Fuck, man. I'm…I'm sorry about the kid."

Jax didn't say anything; just ran a hand through his hair and stared up at the ceiling. Then Ope looked down at the nearly full bottle again and sighed. "I expected you to be passed out by now."

Jax glanced down at the whiskey and shook his head. "I tried. I came in here and sat down and had every intention of making myself numb. But I just couldn't. I couldn't let myself." Then he looked up at Ope, his voice quiet and broken. "I deserve to feel this."

Jax's gaze went back to the floor and, for a long time, the two just sat there in silence. Opie debated on what do say next, but after a few minutes, he sighed. "She called me."

Jax's head shot up in an instant, his eyes finally showing a little bit of life. "What? When?"

Ope leaned his head back against the wall. "Just before I came over here. She wouldn't tell me where she was, just said she was at a hotel somewhere." The part of him that wanted to make Jax suffer almost stopped him from saying anything else, but the desperate look in Jax's eyes broke his heart just enough to take some pity. "She doesn't blame you. Hell, she even defended you when I started talking shit about the way you've treated her." A look of shame crossed over Jax's face, but Ope just shrugged. "You know Miss. She wasn't angry. She never is…She's just really fucking hurt."

A few moments passed before Jax raised his eyes back up to Opie and choked out the question he was terrified of asking. "Is she coming home?"

Opie just shook his head. "I don't know, brother. I really don't know."

* * *

An hour later, Jax was climbing off of his bike and walking into his mom's kitchen. He hadn't seen her since early that morning when, after breaking down at his house and losing his mind, he pulled it together long enough to run to her in a panic; showing her the note Missy had left and praying like hell that his girl had changed her mind and was just hiding out at Gemma's. But of course that wasn't the case. When his mom read the letter, she just took a few deep breaths, looked at him with contempt, and calmly pointing her finger towards the door, saying, "Get the hell out of my house and go find my daughter," before turning away from him and walking up the stairs to her bedroom.

And Jax had tried. He went to the clubhouse, the diner, Opie's, the cabin, and everywhere else he could think of where Missy may have run to. But when the sun had started to set and he realized that she was honestly and truly gone, he gave up and went back to their house, hopeless and terrified and alone, until Opie had shown up and told him about the phone call.

When Jax walked inside, Gemma was standing at the sink doing dishes. She turned her head enough to face him, but when she saw that his expression hadn't changed since that morning, she knew that Missy was still gone. So she just ignored him, turning back around to rinse off the soapy plate in her hand.

Jax sat down at the kitchen table and ran his hands over his face. "She called Opie."

Gemma's whole body went still, but she didn't turn around. "And?"

Jax sighed when he realized his mother couldn't even bare to look at him. "She's at a hotel. She wouldn't tell him anything else."

Gem leaned her hands on the counter and sighed. _Oh, sweetheart…_ Images of Missy raced through her mind, just like they'd done all day; a scrawny little girl abused by people who were supposed to love her, a scared and uncertain teenager unpacking what little belongings she had and moving them into Tommy's old bedroom, a beautiful young woman walking across the football field to receive her diploma, and a fully grown woman engaged to be married, radiating with happiness and love. But then she saw the image she just couldn't stop thinking about, the one that she had never actually witnessed but that she knew had occurred; one of Missy, all alone in a hospital bed, grieving the worst loss a woman can know with no one to help her through it.

Suddenly overcome with emotion, Gemma wanted to cry. But she was too fucking angry, so instead she just took the plate she'd just cleaned and threw it down to the floor, watching it shatter against her expense porcelain tiles.

A few tense minutes of silence passed before she again started washing the rest of the dishes. "Shouldn't you be getting to the clubhouse to start screwing every piece of ass you can get your hands on? Hmmm? Isn't that your M.O.? That's what you did when the little premed bitch left town. I bet the croweater pussy is already lined up outside your dorm ready to comfort you..."

Jax slammed his fist down as hard as he could on the table. "God damn it, Gemma! I fucking get it, alright? I screwed up! I made the biggest mistake of my entire fucking life and I ruined everything! I don't need you to fucking remind me!" Then he stood from the table and walked back towards the door, but stopped just before he reached for the handle. "But you know what I don't get? Why the hell you're so pissed at me. I mean, I know what I did to Missy was wrong. I fucked some random gash for no god damn reason at all and it cost me my kid and the love of my fucking life. My life is fucking over, and I deserve that shit. But I don't understand how you of all people can stand there and judge me. You let Clay fuck around on the road, and I know you had the same agreement with Dad. Hell, you're the one who wrote the fucking rulebook! So how can you hate me for living the same damn way?"

When Gemma finally turned to face him, he expected to see rage. But much to his shock, the only thing he saw staring back at him was regret. "I don't hate you, Jackson. I love you more than life itself. I just thought…I thought what you and Missy had was better than that." Then she crossed her arms over her chest and looked down to the floor. "I guess Missy thought that too."

Jax crossed the distance between them and held Gemma's arms gently in his hands. He waited for her to look up and when he saw her face, he shook his head, a new determination in his eyes. "I'm not going to the clubhouse. I'm going home, and I'm gonna fix everything that I've broken. So when she comes home, and she _is_ coming home, Mom…." He closed his eyes as a few tears escaped down his cheeks. "When she comes home, I'll be ready for her. I'll be a better man. And I'll never let her go ever again."

 _ **Please review…**_


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello, lovely readers! Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, and welcome to all the new followers!**

 **So, this is one more tear-jerker chapter and then I SWEAR I will start to lighten things up a bit. The next chapter will finally get Missy to Florida and you will all be introduced to the Abbot family, which I am SUPER excited about. But yeah, I know. This story has gotten pretty fucking depressing. But this is major shit we're dealing with. The end of a relationship and loss of a pregnancy are both beyond terrible, and I want everyone's reactions to feel real. No one gets over that kind of loss in a day, and certainly not people like Missy. So anyway, stay with me through this one and I promise I'll make you smile very soon.**

 **Oh, and for those of you worried that Missy and Jax are going to be separated the entire time, they won't! In a couple of chapters, Miss and Jax are going to see each other and it's going to be…intense…**

 **OK, let's do this. Hope you like it and please review!**

Chapter 10

Part VI- The Aftermath…(cont.)

 _Tacoma, 2000_

Missy just shook her head as she watched Kozik check and recheck every inch of her car for about the hundredth time. Two hours ago she had agreed to go and stay with his friend Billy, and since then it seemed like Koz hadn't once stopped moving.

First, he called Billy to let him know that Missy would be coming. Then he told her to shower and pack up all of her stuff while he went out to get some supplies. 45 minutes later, Missy was waiting on the bed in her boot cut jeans and black tank top when he came back to the motel with several bags under his arms. He had bought a can of oil, extra gas, jumper cables, a flashlight, bottles of water, snacks for the road, and a road map on which he highlighted the entire route to Florida.

He had stowed everything away in the back of her Wrangler, along with her two suitcases. Then he'd started his never ending inspection of the car.

Missy watched him for a few more minutes, but after a while she sighed. "I'm pretty sure the car's fine. It's barely three years old, and I've never had any trouble with it."

He glanced in her direction for a moment before slamming the hood down and walking over to where she was standing. "Your oil's good and your fluids are capped off. I checked the tire pressure and filled up the tank…"

"It's all good, Koz. Really."

He just frowned. "It's not too late for me to get you a plane ticket, sugar. I mean, you're driving clear to the opposite side of the fucking country. If you're worried about the money, I'll pay for it…"

She placed a hand on his arm and gently shook her head. "I told you, it's not about the money. I think I could use a few days to myself to think. Besides, I've never really been anywhere. The furthest east I've ever gone is Nevada. I know it's a long drive, but maybe seeing a little bit of the world will do me some good."

He ran a hand through his hair, messing up his perfect blond spikes. "But, shit Missy…Do you even know how to change a flat tire?"

She couldn't help but smile. "Of course I don't. I grew up surrounded by mechanics. Why the hell would I need to know how to change my own tires?"

She saw him try to fight the small smile forming on his lips before he just shook his head. "Fuck it, fine. You win. You know, you're pretty damn stubborn for someone so tiny."

Missy crossed her arms over her chest and look down at her shoes, the corners of her mouth turning upwards in a small grin. "I guess a little bit of Gemma rubbed off over the years."

When everything was packed away and there was nothing left to examine on the Jeep, Koz and Missy walked to the driver's side door and then just stood there for a few minutes, neither one quite knowing what to say.

But after a while, Missy looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Koz, I don't know how to thank you for all you've…"

"You never need to thank me for anything, Missy." He took a hesitant step towards her and placed a large, warm hand on the side of her neck; letting his calloused fingertips barely run over the softness of her skin. "I…I just wish you didn't have to go."

She bit her lower lip and nodded, fighting off the urge to cry. "Me too." But as much as she tried, her emotions got the better of her and her tears began to fall.

As soon as she started to cry, Koz pulled her forward and held her close against his chest; one arm wrapped firmly around her waist while the other stayed tangled in her hair. He kissed the top of her head and then tucked it beneath his chin, swaying her back and forth and whispering to her how everything will be ok, how her life isn't over, and how, as long as he's around, she'll never have to deal with it alone.

After several minutes her cries subsided, and Missy pulled back just far enough to get on the tips of her toes and kiss Koz's cheek, letting her lips linger on his skin for a little longer than she realized. Then she took a step back, turned away from him, and climbed up into her Wrangler.

She put on her seatbelt and rolled down the window before starting the engine.

"Oh, wait a second. I almost forgot." Kozik reached into his pocket and took out a new cell phone. "If you're really serious about starting over, then you're going to need this. It's just a burner like mine, but I filled it up with minutes so you should be good for a while. I programmed in your new number, my number, and Billy's number, in case you need anything on the road."

Missy reached through the window to get the phone, but when she grabbed it, Koz gently grasped her wrist. He couldn't hide the concern on his face. "I mean it, Missy. You need anything, anything at all…I don't care where the fuck you are. You call me and I'll come get you, Ok? Promise me."

She placed her other hand on top of his and gently squeezed. "Promise."

After a moment he nodded, but then seemed to think of something else. "Do you have a gun with you?"

Missy furrowed her brow and shook her head. "No."

She watched as he walked over to his bike and reached into one of his saddle bags, pulling out what looked like a small, holstered handgun, before making his way back to the Jeep. "You know what to do with this?"

She looked down at the .380 Smith & Wesson in confusion. "Yeah, of course I do, but…"

He placed the holster in her hand and shook his head. "Don't give me any shit about this. You're a beautiful, 22 year old girl traveling across the country alone." When she didn't immediately reach for it, he tightened his jaw, his voice a little more firm. "Take the gun, Missy."

He let a small, relieved sigh when she took it from his hand and placed it in her glove compartment. "Thanks, Koz."

He just nodded. "You shouldn't stop anywhere that looks too isolated."

"I know."

"And make sure to keep an eye on the gas gauge."

"I will."

"And get to a decent hotel before you get tired at night."

"Koz…" Despite the heartache that she still felt every second of every minute, she couldn't help but grin. "I'll be fine."

He ran his hands through his hair once more. "Just…call me when you stop for the night."

She softly nodded. "I will."

He tried to think of something, anything else to say to keep her there with him a little longer, but after a few more silent moments passed he gave up. He took a step closer to the car and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Missy's ear before leaning in and kissing her forehead.

Then she gave him one last sweet, sad smile before putting the car in drive and heading for the road; away from everything she had ever known and towards a future that she could only hope would help her start over and forget.

* * *

 _Two days later, Somewhere in South Dakota…_

Missy had driven close to 14 hours that day, but when the road lines started to blur into one another and she felt her fatigue taking over, she knew she had to call it tonight. She pulled off of I-90 somewhere south of Pierre and stopped at the first budget hotel she could find, booking a single smoking room just like she'd done the night before in Montana.

After she showered, she took a few minutes to stretch out her aching muscles, shocked at how sore her body had become just from sitting in the car. Then she ate the burger and onion rings she'd picked up at a fast food place right beside the hotel before crawling into the bed and flipping on the TV.

She surfed every channel she could find, but unable to find anything interesting enough to drown out her thoughts, she gave up and turned it off. Then she leaned against the fake wooden headboard, closed her eyes, and sighed.

So far, the drive had been long but gorgeous. There were moments when the scenery around her; the lakes, mountains, and big open sky, simply took her breath away. But although those fleeting glimpses of nature at its most perfect gave her mind a brief reprieve from the hurt she felt, they never lasted very long. She just couldn't escape her memories.

It had only been three days since she left Charming, and the ache she felt for home was crippling. She missed Bobby and Piney fighting about which version of Elvis was better; 1950's Memphis or 1970's Vegas. She missed Tig trying to make her laugh by saying the most ridiculous, perverted things he could think of. She missed Chibs winking at her from across the bar and all his stories about Scotland. She missed Donna, and Luann, and Lowell, and the kids.

She missed everything about Opie.

She missed everything about Gemma.

But more than anyone, more than anything, she missed Jax. She missed the color of his eyes and the taste of his lips and the touch of his fingertips against her skin. She missed the sound of his voice and the smell of his clothes and the way his hair would tickle her neck when he fell asleep wrapped up in her arms. She missed him telling her all his secrets, trusting her with his fears, and letting her see the weaknesses that he kept hidden from everyone else. But mostly, she missed the way he used to love her. _I've missed that for a really long time._

Missy shook her head and swallowed the lump in her throat as she glanced down to where her two cell phones were resting beside her on the bed. She knew she had to make two calls that night. The first one was easy. She grabbed the new burner and called Koz, just like she'd done the night before. She told him where she was, how the day's drive had gone, and about how far she was planning to go the next day. And to Kozik's credit, he never asked how she was doing, because somehow he always already knew. He just told her to be careful, to stay safe, and to call him anytime she needed him.

Then she looked down at her old cell and took a deep breath, her hand trembling as she picked it up off the bed. When she opened it up and saw all the missed calls, she didn't even check to see who they were from before deleting them. Then she did the same with her voicemails. Finally, she went to her contacts and hovered over the name she knew she had to call. She didn't want to, in fact she was terrified. But she promised Opie she would, and she never went back on her word.

It only rang twice before she heard one of her favorite voices on the other end of the line. "Missy?"

She bit her lip and fought like hell not to cry. "Hey, Gem."

There was a long pause over which Missy could hear Gemma taking a few deep breaths, and she was certain that her adopted mom was just trying to get a hold of her emotions before she unleashed her anger and disappointment.

"Miss, you need…"

But Missy interrupted her, desperate to get out her apology. "Gemma, I'm so sorry! I didn't know…I swear, I didn't know!" The tears came on like the switch of a light. "I can't believe I did that to you. I would never…I would never hurt you, Gem. I love you so much. I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! Please…please don't hate me."

"Oh, sweetheart…" Gemma's voice was broken but strong. "Missy, you stop it right now. Do you hear me? It wasn't your fault."

"But…"

"No. Miss, there is nothing you did, nothing you didn't do…there is no possible way that you're to blame for losing that baby." Then Gemma sighed into the phone. "Do you think it was my fault that Tommy died?"

Missy stopped crying, shocked and confused by what she'd just heard. "What? That's…no! Jesus, no! Of course not. Why would you…"

"Because I did." She heard the sound of a lighter and knew that Gemma had just lit up a cigarette. "The whole time he was in the hospital, every surgery that he had, every time he was in pain, and especially when he died, I thought it was all my fault."

Missy wiped the tears from her cheeks and shook her head. "Why?"

"It was my body that created him, and it was by body that made him sick. My genes, my blood, my family flaw that gave him the damn heart defect in the first place."

"Gemma…"

"You listen to me, sweetheart. I struggled with that shit for a long time. But I finally had to accept that I wasn't to blame…and so do you." When Missy didn't say anything else, Gemma continued. "There aren't a lot of women that can say 'I know how you feel' and mean it, but Missy…I know how you feel. I know the hurt and the loss and the heartbreak. And I wish to God I could take it away from you, but I can't. You have to go through all that. There's no way around it. But I'll be damned if you take on the guilt. I won't have it."

A flood of relief coursed through every inch of Missy's body. "You're not mad at me?"

Gemma scoffed. "Oh, I'm fucking furious that you left without saying a word to me. I've been scared shitless for three god damned days." But then her voice softened. "But about the baby? Of course I'm not mad at you. I'm sad, because all I've ever wanted was for you and Jax to have a family together, and to be a part of that family. But I'm not mad. And sweetheart, I could never hate you. Ever. You're my kid, just like Jax is. And the love I have for you has nothing to do with my son. I'll always love you. I'm your mother, Missy."

Miss could feel a few pieces of her heart being put back together as she sobbed into the phone. "I love you too, Gemma."

Gem took a few minutes to compose herself and then spoke with the controlled, slightly bossy tone that Missy was used to. "So, where are you?"

"I…I can't tell you."

"And why the hell not?"

Missy almost grinned. She could picture Gemma standing in her kitchen with a hand on her hip, angrily tapping the toe of her high heeled boot against the floor. She just sighed. "Because if I tell you, you'll find me and take me back to Charming."

"Damn straight I will."

"Gemma…"

"This is where you belong, Missy."

"Maybe I do…but not right now. I don't belong there right now."

"Is it because of my little slut of a son? Because I understand, I can barely look at him."

Missy frowned. "Gemma, don't say that. Please, don't."

"Missy…"

"I mean it, Gem." She sat up a little straighter in the bed, her voice finding a little more strength. "I know how bad he must be hurting over losing the baby. You have to be there for him. He needs you…"

"He needs you, Missy! It's not just the baby. That's part of it, but…he knows what he did. He knows he was wrong to hurt you. But he loves you. He loves you with everything he's got and he wants you to come home. Just come home, sweetheart."

Missy's whole body was trembling. She tried to process Gemma's words, but found herself floundering. Gem wouldn't lie to her. She believed that. So if Jax really did still love her, then at least she could go through the rest of her life knowing that the person she cared about most in the world didn't despise her. But it didn't mean that she could go back to him.

How could she possibly explain this to someone as strong and confident as Gemma Teller-Morrow? "You've been the only real mom I've ever known and you'll never understand how much you mean to me. But the fact is I spent the first 13 years of my life with a woman who reminded me on a daily basis how worthless I am. I know you tried to fix me, but some things just can't be repaired. Jax may love me, just like Clay loves you. But I'm not you, Gemma. I can't know that my old man sleeps with other women and then be alright with him coming home to me. I'm not strong enough. I'm…I'm fucking damaged. Jax is perfect and beautiful. I don't blame girls for throwing themselves at him. The only reason I handled it before was because I was stupid and naive. It never even occurred to me that he would be with someone else. But now? Gem, if I tried to go back and live that way, it would tear me apart. Questioning what they're giving him that I'm not? Wondering what more I could do to keep him satisfied? And constantly dreading the day when he meets a woman that'smore in his league and decides to leave me behind? I know the rules, Gemma. I've always known the rules, and I'm not going to try and change them. But I can't do it. I can't."

For the first time in as long as she could remember, Gemma was speechless. She wanted to reassure Missy that Jax was done with other women, that he would never cheat on her again, that he would stay faithful to her for the rest of his life. But how could she possibly make that promise when she didn't really believe it?

After a few more moments of silence, Missy sighed. "I should get some sleep."

"Missy…"

"I'm not coming home, Gemma. Not now. And I can't call you again for a while. It's…it's too hard to hear your voice. It makes me miss you too much. After tonight, I'm going to get rid of this phone, but I have a new number for you." Missy gave Gemma the number to the burner phone and waited for her to repeat it back before continuing. "And that number is only for you and only for emergencies. Call me if you need anything or if something's wrong, but that's it. And don't give it to anyone else. I mean it, Gemma. No one else. Don't even tell them you have it. If anyone else calls me, I'll just throw it away and change my number again. Alright?"

Gemma couldn't stop a small grin from forming on her lips. She wasn't used to Missy trying to tell her what to do. _You're stronger than you realize, sweetheart._ "Ok. No one else."

Neither women wanted to hang up the phone, but after a minute Missy took one more deep breath and summoned the courage to say goodbye. "I'll call you when I can."

"You better."

A few final tears slipped down her cheeks. "Goodbye, Gem. I love you."

"I love you too, Missy. Don't you ever forget it."

 _ **Please review…**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi everybody! So in this update, Missy finally makes it to Florida. The Abbots live in the beautiful beach town of Destin, Florida. I actually vacation there every year, so most of the places I will describe are going to be real, in case you're curious. And if you've never been there, you should go…like, as soon as possible :) The beaches are incredible.**

 **So anyway, about the Abbots…I know I said that I don't cast my OC's with actors, because I want you guys to be able to see them however you want to see them. But since I don't want to spend a whole lot of time describing the appearances of four new people in painstaking detail, I'm going to let you know which actors, at least in my head, play each character. So…**

 _ **Billy Abbot…Jeffrey Dean Morgan**_

 _ **Helen Abbot…Holly Hunter**_

 _ **Jake Abbot…Liam Hemsworth**_

 _ **Katie Abbot…Chloe Grace Moretz**_

 **I'm actually really nervous about this one! I've never written a chapter with only OC's. But don't worry. Jax and Koz and everyone else we know and love will come back to the story very soon. I promise!**

 **Please, please, please review and let me know what you think!**

Chapter 11

Part VII- New Beginnings…

 _Destin, Florida 2000_

It had taken almost five days, but after making her way across the entire country and pushing both her body and her Jeep as far as they could go, she finally reached the long bridge that Kozik had told her about; the one that crossed over the Choctawhatchee Bay and over to Destin.

Her heart started to race as she looked over the bridge at the water beneath her. With the afternoon sun shining against it and the wind causing it to ripple and bend, the bay somehow looked like a sea of melted silver. But she was unable to appreciate its beauty, because her nerves were getting the best of her.

 _What am I doing here? Seriously, what in the holy fuck am I doing here? I'm thousands of miles away from anything I've ever known and I'm about to move in with strangers. Strangers! I can barely get through a long conversation with people I've known all my life. How am I supposed to talk to people I've never even met? I hate being forced to meet new people, let alone fucking live with them. Jesus, Missy…how the hell did you let Kozik talk you into this? Oh, right…because you had absolutely no where else to go…_

She shook her head and tried to push away her thoughts. It was too late to second guess her decision. Koz had gone out on a limb for her, and Billy, whoever he was, had offered his home to her out of the goodness of his heart. She had no choice but to see this through.

When she made it across the bridge and came to the first big intersection, she rolled down her windows and took a few deep breaths. The air that hit her lungs was so different than anything she'd known in Northern Cali. It was the end of April and the heat was intense, amplified by the nearly 100% humidity. But although she hadn't seen it yet, she could smell the salt and the ocean with every inhale, and just knowing that she was so close to the water somehow made the temperature more tolerable.

When the light turned green, she turned left onto Route 98 and followed it for a few miles past a bunch of strip malls, restaurants, and souvenir shops, until she saw the street that Kozik had written down on her map. Then she made another left and meandered through a quiet, perfectly landscaped neighborhood.

Her anxiety made one hell of a comeback as she glanced at the houses around her. They weren't quite mansions, like the one the Oswalds lived in, but they were pretty fucking big. Each one was slightly different, but they were all covered in some shade of stucco, topped with a Spanish style roof, had immaculately manicured lawns, and shiny new cars parked in the driveways. And as far as she was concerned, they all could have had up flashing neon signs that said _Attention Missy Adams: You shouldn't be here. Please go back to the trailer park where you belong._

She turned onto a cul-de-sac and found the house number scrawled on her map. Then she pulled into the driveway, she cut the engine, and sighed. Her right leg was bouncing up and down, and both of her hands here still holding the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles were white. She looked up at the big, white two-story home and tried to will her body out of the car. But after a few minutes of sitting frozen in her Wrangler, she just closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the wheel. _Oh god, I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this…_

Her hand was shaking as it reached for the ignition and fumbled with her keys, but just as she was about to start up her Jeep and drive away in the opposite direction, she heard a voice on the other side of her door.

He spoke with just the slightest hint of a southern accent. "The hard part's over, honey. You already drove 3,000 miles to get here. Don't let the last 20 feet stop you now."

Missy looked over at the man standing beside her car and, even though she couldn't explain why, instead of feeling startled, she immediately felt more at ease. He was definitely older than Koz, probably in his mid to late forties; but he was clearly one of those men who just kept getting better looking with age. His hair was dark brown with flecks of gray at the temples and in the short five o'clock shadow that covered his handsome, tanned face. He was wearing flip-flops, paint splattered cargo shorts, and a thin, gray t-shirt that not only showed off his lean, muscular frame, but also revealed the _Death before Dishonor_ Marine corps tattoo on his forearm that was identical to the one's she'd seen on both Tig and Kozik.

His smile was warm and easy. "You must be Missy."

She nodded and took one final breath before reaching for the door handle and hesitantly stepping out of the car. Then she offered out her hand. "Yeah, I am. Missy Adams."

He took her hand in his and held it gently. "Well, I'm glad you made it. That's one hell of a drive from Washington. I'm Bill Abbot, but you can just call me Billy."

She bit her lip and tried to force a small smile. "Thanks…um, Billy. I appreciate this more than you know, but I promise I won't be here long. I swear I'll…"

But Billy just shook his head and squeezed her hand a little tighter. "Honey, we're happy to have you. From what Kozik said…well, it sounds like you've been down a rough road."

She tried to meet his eyes but ended up looking down at her shoes. "What did he tell you?"

"No details. Just that you were a good friend who's had a run of bad luck recently; that you needed a place to start over. Does that sound about right?"

Still looking down, she nodded. "Yeah."

He placed two fingers beneath her chin and lifted her face up to his. "Well Missy Adams, any friend of Kozik's is a friend of mine. And he must care about you a whole hell of a lot to send you all the way down here to me."

This time her smile was sincere. "Koz is a really good guy."

Billy nodded. "One of the best I've ever known, despite his, uh, let's call them…questionable life choices."

When he saw her almost laugh, he grinned and released her hand. Then he placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards the house. "Come on. Let's get you settled."

* * *

Missy's eyes widened as she walked through the door and looked at the perfectly decorated home. It was completely open with a living room, dining room, and kitchen that all flowed into each other. The ceiling above the living room was vaulted and seemed to go on forever, as did the staircase just to the left of the entryway. All the walls were covered in different shades of sky blue and light gray, the floors were all an expensive looking dark hardwood, and most of the oversized slip-covered furniture was some variation of white. What appeared to be black and white family photos were artfully arranged in matching black frames over the fireplace, and the shelves and tabletops were all filled with fresh flowers, fancy bowls, or some kind of tasteful, nautical knickknack. Missy figured it must have been professionally decorated, because it looked just like the houses in all those old Better Homes and Gardens magazines that Gemma kept for the customers in the office at TM.

Billy grabbed her suitcases from the Jeep and walked towards the stairs. "Follow me, honey. I'll show you where you'll be staying."

When they got to the second floor, she trailed him to the very end of the long hallway where Billy opened the last door. "This is the guest room."

When Missy stepped into the bedroom, an involuntary sigh escaped her lips. "Wow."

Just like the rest of the house, it was beautiful. The walls were white, but the shade was somehow warm instead of sterile. A mahogany, queen sized sleigh bed sat against the middle of the wall and was covered with a huge white down comforter and a pile of pretty, ruffled throw pillows. There were nightstands on either side of the bed, each holding a small wrought iron lamp; and across from the bed there was a large matching dresser with a plasma screen TV hung directly above it.

Billy motioned to the set of doors on the opposite wall. "Closet's in there if you need to hang anything up, and this is your bathroom." When he opened the door, Missy couldn't keep her jaw from falling open. There was a tiled shower, granite countertop, two sinks, and a huge claw footed soaking tub. It was three times the size of the bathroom she'd shared with Jax.

She looked up at Billy and shook her head. "I…I don't know what to say."

He placed a strong hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "You don't need to say a thing." Then he took a moment to look over her sallow face and wrinkled clothes. "You must be beat. Why don't you get cleaned up and try to rest for a little while? My wife wants to make dinner tonight to welcome you, but that won't be for a few hours yet. Sound good?"

When he saw her nod, Billy gave her one last small smile before walking back to the hallway. As soon as the door closed, Missy took his advice and stripped off her clothing, hopping into the shower just long enough to wash her hair and rinse off her body. Five minutes later, she quickly dried off, went to her suitcases, and found a t-shirt and her last pair of clean underwear. Then she crawled into the enormous bed, sank into its softness, and within minutes, succumbed to her exhaustion and fell asleep.

* * *

When Missy woke up some time later, the room was almost completely dark. She threw back the comforter and looked at the bedside alarm clock, which was now flashing _7:32 pm._ She'd somehow managed to sleep for almost four hours straight, which is the most she'd had uninterrupted since her night in Tacoma.

The bed was the most comfortable thing Missy had ever slept on, and she was tempted to close her eyes and hide under the covers for the next few days. But as much as she was dreading it, she knew she was expected for dinner. So she begrudgingly got out of bed and turned on the lights. She went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and comb her fingers through her hair before dressing in a pair of cut off denim shorts and a simple gray cotton tank top. Then she went to the door, took a deep breath, and walked out to the hallway.

Her bare feet padded down the plush white carpet that covered the center of the stairs, and before she could even see them, she heard their voices.

"Jake, I am not going to tell you again! You put your finger in that icing one more time, and I'm going to cut it off!"

She heard a chuckle. "Sorry, Mom. I can't help it. You know you make the best buttercream in the world."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, young man. Now get out of my kitchen."

Then another voice, this time a girl's. "Mom, I'm starving! Can I go wake her up?"

"It's 'may I go wake her,' and no, you _may_ not. I swear to heaven, you're nineteen now, but you still whine like you did when you were four!"

Missy got to the bottom of the stairs and just stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say to announce her presence. But she didn't have to wait long before Billy glanced up from where he was sitting on the couch drinking a beer. "Hey. How was your nap?"

The rest of the family stopped talking and looked over at her from the kitchen. She tried not to squirm with all the sudden attention and forced a small smile in Billy's direction. "It was great."

When the whole family walked over to her and smiled, Missy couldn't help but stare. They were all so beautiful and clean cut, they looked like they hopped out of a fucking J. Crew catalogue. She looked over at the woman who had to be Billy's wife and nodded, trying to make her voice sound stronger than she felt. "I'm Missy Adams, ma'am. Thanks for letting me stay here."

She was just as short as Missy and nearly as thin, but she had the toned arms and shoulders of someone who spent a lot of time at the gym. Her hair was dark blond and flowed in thick, pretty waves just past her shoulders, and she wore white jeans and a silk camisole; an outfit that was just casual enough for a dinner at home while still looking perfectly put together.

She placed a hand on her hip and nodded, looking Missy over in a way that was more concerned than judgmental. Her accent was a little more pronounced than Billy's. "You're very welcome. I'm glad you made it safely. You can call me Helen."

Helen put her arm around the waist of the pretty blonde standing next to her. "This is our daughter, Katie."

The gorgeous teenager shook Missy's hand and smiled broadly. "Welcome to our home."

Missy took Katie's hand and tried her best to return her smile. _Fuck, these people have good manners._

Then Billy slapped his hand on his son's back and grinned proudly. "And this is Jake."

"It's nice to meet you, Missy." When he reached for her hand and held it gently, Missy shyly smiled. Whereas Katie obviously resembled her mother, Jake was definitely his father's son. He had the same brown hair, the same gorgeous smile, and the same tall, muscular physique as his dad. The only big difference was their eyes. Billy's were a dark brownish-green hazel that reminded her a little of Gemma's, but Jake's eyes were bright, sky blue; so clear and light they almost looked like crystal.

When Jake didn't release her hand right away, Billy elbowed his son in the side before walking over to Missy and casually throwing an arm over her shoulders. "Hope you like gumbo." Then he grinned at her before leading them all to the dining room.

* * *

They were sitting at the rectangular dining table; Helen and Billy at either end with Jake on one side and Missy and Katie on the other. Missy took another bite of her biscuit and tried to strategically move around the rice and seafood on her plate enough to make it look like she'd been eating. It was obvious that Helen had gone to a lot of trouble to make her a nice dinner, but unless it came fried and stuffed in a taco, Missy thought fish was disgusting.

A few uncomfortable moments of silence passed before Helen looked over at her and politely smiled. "So Missy, you're from Washington?"

She took a drink of water and shook her head, hoping that no one else noticed the way her glass trembled a little in her hand. "California, actually."

Helen nodded. "And how do you know Herman?"

Missy choked on her water, coughing as an involuntary laugh escaped her lips. _Oh god, I can't wait to tell him that someone called him Herman._ She took another drink and cleared her throat. "Sorry…I, um, Kozik and I know a lot of the same people."

Katie looked over at her excitedly and grinned. "Oh my God! Are you in the biker gang too?"

"Katherine Marie Abbot!" Helen glared at her daughter, causing Katie's cheeks to turn bright red. Then she looked back at Missy and frowned. "I'm sorry for my daughter. That was incredibly rude."

Missy just shook her head. "It's alright, really." Then she glanced over to Katie, who looked like she was about to die of embarrassment. "It's not a gang, just a motorcycle club, and they don't allow female members. But yeah, that's how I met Koz."

Katie gave her a small, relieved smile, which Missy couldn't help but return before focusing back on her still full plate. She knew they were all waiting for her to open up and tell them about herself, but she honestly couldn't think of anything to say. So instead, she looked across the table to Billy. "How long were you in the Marines?"

Either he really enjoyed talking about himself, or he sensed that she hated it and was taking pity on her; but for whatever reason, when she asked him the question, Billy took the opportunity to tell her his whole life story.

William Abbot grew up in Galveston, Texas and was the son of a fishing boat captain. He had always loved the family business but wanted to see the world and knew he had to leave home. So the day he turned eighteen, he enlisted in the Marine Corps and, after a few tours, decided to make it a career. When they were both 21 years old, he and Helen met through friends and, after dating for only eight months, got married during one of his leaves. He served a little over 20 years before retiring at the end of Desert Storm. When he got back from Kuwait, the family decided to settle in Destin, and for the last seven years, Billy and Helen had been running their own charter fishing business. He had started with only one boat, captaining it himself and taking tourists out into the Gulf of Mexico for deep sea fishing trips. Now he had four boats and twenty employees, and offered not only fishing trips, but sunset cruises, snorkeling adventures, and dolphin tours.

Billy never stopped smiling, obviously one of those rare people who absolutely loved his job. "So, I work the boats and Helen runs the financial side of the company."

He playfully winked at Helen who smirked in return. "Well, someone has to balance the books and make sure the bills are paid while you're out fishing all day."

Missy looked back and forth between the couple, who continued to smile at each other. As sweet as she thought they were, watching them made a little part of her ache inside. It was hard to see people so in love when she was still so heartbroken.

She blinked away her tears before they could form and, anxious to distract herself from her thoughts, looked across the table to Jake. "Kozik said that you're in college."

He shook his head and gave her a friendly smile. "Not anymore. Just graduated. I majored in secondary education at LSU. I'm going to help Dad out this summer on the boats like I always do, but in August I start my job at Fort Walton Beach High school."

Missy eyebrows rose as the corners of her mouth started to twitch upwards. "You're going to be high school teacher?"

Jake nodded and grinned. "Yes, ma'am. Tenth grade history."

Missy looked down at her plate and smirked. _God help those poor sophomore girls. There's no way in hell they're going to learn a thing when their teacher is that good looking._

When she glanced back up and saw the way Jake was still smiling at her, she quickly averted her eyes and looked over to Katie. "But you're in school, right?"

Katie nodded enthusiastically. She'd obviously been dying to join the conversation. "I just finished my freshman year at University of Alabama. I haven't declared a major yet, but I'm thinking about Communications. Daddy says that doesn't sound like a real major, but I told him that lots of students…"

Missy listened as Katie went on and on about college; her classes, her friends, her dorm, and her sorority. And as she took in every word, she found it strange to imagine that she was only about four years older than the bubbly girl sitting beside her. Katie seemed nice, but she just sounded so young. Her entire life revolved around school, parties, dating, and friends. But by the time Missy was that age, she was working two jobs, had her crow, and was living on her own with Jax. She always knew her upbringing wasn't exactly typical, but seeing girls like Katie always reminded her of just how different it really was.

Several minutes later, after Katie finally stopped her pleasant but slightly annoying rambling, Helen looked over to her and grinned. "What about you, Missy? Were you in school in California?"

Missy shook her head and looked down. She always felt a little uncomfortable when people like Helen asked her questions like that. "Uh, no. During the day, I worked in the office of an auto repair shop, and at night I waited tables at a little diner not too far from my house."

Helen was about to say something else, but was interrupted when Billy reached for the salt shaker and accidentally knocked his nearly full beer bottle over on the table. "Shit…"

Helen raised an eyebrow at her husband and pointed towards the kitchen. "William Abbot, I better see some cash come out of your pocket."

Billy threw his napkin down on the mess and rolled his eyes. "Oh, hell…"

"That's two…"

"Christ, Helen…"

"And that's three. Why don't you just go ahead and put a five in this time? It'll save you the trouble of having to get up later."

Billy sighed and grumbled something under his breath, but eventually got up from the table and walked to the kitchen counter, took a five dollar bill from his wallet, and stuffed it down into a large jar that was already half full of cash. When Missy heard Katie giggling and saw Jake shake his head and grin, she looked over to Helen, completely lost.

Helen crossed her arms over her chest as a small grin crossed her lips. "It's a swear jar, sweetheart. When Billy was in the Corps, he picked up quite a filthy mouth and it was starting to rub off on the kids. I don't allow bad language in my house, so I made him start putting a dollar into the jar every time he let one slip. Obviously, he still has some work to do."

Missy's jaw fell open. _Jesus fucking Christ. Are you fucking kidding me? How the hell am I supposed to talk to these people? I'm going to murder Kozik for sending me here. Shit, shit, shit…_

Billy just smirked, a mixture of exasperation and amusement in his voice. "What my lovely wife seems to forget is that the kids are now adults, and that I am a fully grown 45 year old man who should be able say whatever he pleases."

Helen took another sip of her white wine and smiled sweetly at her husband. "God doesn't care how old you are, Bill. A potty mouth is potty mouth." Then she looked at Missy and grinned. "Anyway, it's a great way to save money. In one year, I had enough to buy all new drapes."

Missy honestly tried, but she just couldn't wipe the baffled look from her face. _Shit, put that jar in the clubhouse for one god damn week, and Samcro would pay off your fucking mortgage._

* * *

After dinner, Missy offered to wash the dishes, but Helen just waved her away. "Missy, you're a guest in my house. You don't need to lift a finger while you're here. Besides, I've got these two handsome, strappin' men here to help me clean up. Why don't you let Katie give you a little tour of the rest of the house?"

When she watched the rest of the family obediently follow Helen's commands, Missy grinned. _Oh my god, she's like a little, southern, churchy version of Gemma._

Katie smiled as she walked over to her and linked their arms together before pulling her towards the stairs. "Come on, Missy. I'll show you around."

Upstairs, Katie opened each door and showed her which bedrooms belonged to her parents and her brother. Then she got to the room closest to Missy's. "This one's mine. Come on in."

Katie's room looked exactly like Missy expected it to. Pink walls, a pink bedspread, and pink…well, everything. A desk and laptop computer sat in the corner, and almost every inch of the walls were covered in posters, cork boards, or pictures of Katie with friends and family.

The younger girl motioned for Missy to sit down on the bed and then went to her closet, rifling through clothes and pulling out a few skirts and dresses. "I'm trying to decide what to wear tonight. It's ladies night at one of the 18 and over dance clubs in town. Do you want to come out with me?"

There was no way in hell Missy would ever go to a club like that, but she still appreciated the offer. She gave Katie a sincere, grateful smile but shook her head. "I don't think so. I'm still pretty tired from the drive. Maybe next time."

A look of disappointment flashed across Katie's face, but disappeared just as quickly. "Oh, ok." Then she turned back to her closet. "You know, if you ever want to, you can borrow my clothes. You're probably a size smaller than me, but a few things might work."

Other than Donna, Missy didn't have any female friends, so she wasn't at all used to people like Katie. But she couldn't deny that the girl was trying really hard to be sweet. "Um, thanks. That's nice of you."

Katie flashed a big smile and shrugged her shoulders. "Sure. It's going to be fun having another girl in the house. My mom is, you know, my mom. And my brother's alright most of the time, but he's still a guy."

A few minutes later, Katie was still talking about clothes but Missy noticed that the girl kept staring at her like she was trying to get a closer look at something. She inspected her shirt to see if she had spilled something on it at dinner, but when she saw that her tank top was still clean, she glanced up at Katie and frowned. "What?"

Katie was looking at her a little in awe. "I just _love_ your tattoos. They make you look like such a bad ass."

This time Missy couldn't help but smile as a small laugh escaped her lips. She had four tattoos, none of which that would even remotely qualify as "bad ass". She got her first one on her fifteenth birthday when Jax somehow convinced a local tattoo artist to ink them even thought they were underage. That night she got a tiny triangle placed just behind her right ear, to symbolize the friendship between herself, Jax, and Opie. Then a few months later, after John Teller passed away, she had the initials _J.T._ tattooed on the inside of her left wrist in delicate cursive script, in memory of the only father she'd ever known. When she was eighteen she got a very small version of Gemma's flower tattoo on the inside of the opposite wrist, to honor the woman who raised her. And of course, at nineteen, she got her crow.

Missy looked up at Katie and grinned. _God, she's so innocent. If she thinks I look like a bad ass, then I might have to show her a picture of Happy. The poor girl just might pass out._ "Um, thanks. They're all…special to me."

Katie sighed and plopped down on the bed. "Ugh, I want one _so_ bad! I mean, even my Dad has one! But my mom won't let me. Every time I bring it up, she just says 'Katherine Marie, your body is God's temple, and it doesn't need any graffiti.' It's so not fair. She can be such a bitch sometimes."

Missy looked sharply at the blonde. "Don't say that." They were both a little surprised at the harsh tone in her voice, so when Missy saw the confused, almost hurt frown on Katie's face, she softened her expression. "Your mom may be a little strict, but she's still your mom. You shouldn't call her that." Then she looked down at her hands folded in her lap. "I was allowed to do whatever I wanted when I was a kid, because my parents never gave a shit about me. I would have done anything to have a mom who cared enough to tell me no once in a while."

Missy glanced back up at Katie, who suddenly looked a little miserable. _Oh, fuck, I didn't mean to make her feel bad._ A few seconds of silence passed before Missy offered a small smile. "So, what tattoo do you want to get anyway?"

Katie's face brightened, excitement once again filling her eyes. "A pink butterfly on my lower back."

Missy pretended to cough so that she could place a hand over her mouth and hide her smile. _Oh god, of course you do…_

* * *

About ten minutes later, Katie had almost completed the tour of the house when she led Missy back to the dining room. Then she opened the curtains and raised the blinds that had been covering the big french doors since Missy's arrival. "And this is outside."

They stepped out onto the stone patio and Missy tried not to gape at the large in ground pool and adjacent hot tub. "You have a pool?"

Katie just shrugged. "This is Florida. Everyone has a pool."

* * *

It was close to midnight and Missy was sitting by herself at the edge of the pool, letting her legs dangle into the water as she took a long drag off of her Marlboro Light. She'd been dying for a cigarette all evening, but if Helen didn't allow cursing in the house, then Missy doubted very highly that she would be cool with smoking.

She inhaled deeply and let the rush of nicotine flood her system before exhaling out towards the sky and staring up at the stars. She'd hoped that staying with a nice family in their big, fancy house in the middle of paradise would somehow ease the hurt inside of her, but in reality, it only made it worse. Because everything about Destin was the polar opposite of everything she loved about Charming, and it just served to remind her of all the things she missed about home.

She was just wiping the tears from her cheeks when she heard the sliding door open behind her and saw Billy stepping outside. He didn't say anything right away, instead just kicked off his flip flops and sat down beside her, sinking his own legs into the water. Then he winked at her before tossing something in her direction.

Missy held her cigarette between her lips as she caught the small item, and then smiled when she saw that it was a McDonald's Cheeseburger.

He just grinned. "Figured you must be hungry."

A small smile formed on her lips. "Was it that obvious?"

"Nah. I was just paying extra close attention." Then he handed Missy a beer before popping the top off of his own bottle. "You didn't want to go out with Jake or Katie?"

She just shook her head and unwrapped the sandwich before tearing a few bites off with her fingers. Katie had asked her again to go dancing, and Jake had offered to take her out to meet some of his friends, but she'd politely turned them both down.

Billy took a drink and then leaned back on his hands. "You know, I'm very familiar with that look on your face."

Missy finished her burger and wiped her hands off on her shorts. "What look?"

He gave her a small, sad smile. "That 'I'm so homesick I feel like I'm gonna die inside' look. I wore it a lot when I was overseas and separated from all the people I loved."

When Missy didn't say anything, just looked down at her lap and discreetly wiped her eyes, he sighed. "It's your first night here, honey. Give it a chance. You might end up liking it more than you think you will." Then he chuckled. "And give us a chance, too. We'll grow on you."

Missy quickly looked up at him and shook her head. "You've all been wonderful to me. Really. I just…" She looked back up to the stars and blinked her eyes a few times before taking a big, deep breath. "I just have some shit to work through."

Then her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed as she looked over at him and bit her lip. "Oh, damn it…I mean, fuck…Jesus, sorry. I didn't mean to swear."

Billy tossed his head back and laughed. "Hell, it doesn't bother me. Remember, it's my piss poor language that inspired the need for the god damned jar in the first place."

Missy smiled as she took another sip of her beer and then automatically reached for her cigarettes. But her hand froze over the pack when she glanced over at Billy. "I'm guessing Helen wouldn't want me smoking either, would she?"

Billy winked at her once more before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cigar. "Well honey, what Helen doesn't know won't hurt her."

They shared a knowing smile and then just sat there in silence, breathing in each other's smoke as it mixed with the cool night air. And even though Missy still felt as though she was drowning from the weight of her heartbreak, she couldn't help but think that, if nothing else came from all of this, at least she had managed to make a friend.

Maybe starting over wouldn't be so bad after all.

 _ **Please review…**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey, remember me? I have never, ever taken this long to update any of my stories and I am so, so sorry! The last chapter didn't get a lot of feedback when I posted it, and, not gonna lie, it kind of bummed me out. I was unmotivated to write for a while and then I just sort of lost my muse. But since then I've gotten some really positive reviews that totally inspired me to start writing again. So yeah, I'm back :)**

 **So this update picks up six months after the last chapter. No present day intro, just straight to the flashbacks. It's a little shorter than usual, but the next update will be much longer and will finally have Jax and Missy once again meeting face to face…**

 **Oh, and one more thing. I realize that I casted Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Billy before he went all evil Negan and basically started ruining TWD. Blah. So keep in mind, my Billy does NOT look like Negan. He looks like John Winchester :)**

 **Yeah, so after all that, I just want to thank you for still reading. I hope you like this one, and as always, please review...**

Chapter 12

Part VII- New Beginnings…(cont.)

 _Jax and Missy's House, 2000_

It was almost midnight when Opie pulled his bike onto Jax's gravel driveway, and he wasn't surprised to see that the lights were still on in the house. He walked up the new stone path to the porch and knocked on the door, but when he heard the buzz of a table saw running and music playing, he went ahead and let himself in.

He still couldn't believe how much the little house had changed in the last six months since Missy left town. After Jax destroyed the whole place, and then took a few days to get his shit together, one of the first things he did was call his landlord and tell him that he wanted to buy the home he'd been renting for the last three years. He negotiated a decent price, not only because the place was tiny and nearly falling apart, but because the owner was well aware of who Jax was and wanted nothing more than to be in Samcro's good graces.

The next day Jax went to Gemma to borrow some cash for the down payment, and when she asked him why he suddenly wanted to buy the house, he just said, "Missy loves it, and I want to give it to her when she comes home." That was good enough for Gem, and the next morning they were at the bank signing the papers.

But Opie couldn't help thinking that if Missy came back tomorrow, she wouldn't even recognize the place. Once the property was in his name, Jax sank every bit of time and money he had into fixing it up. He started with replacing all the windows and doors that he had smashed up on the day Miss left town, and from there hung new drywall, painted every room, put in new flooring, and installed a whole new kitchen.

Opie walked across the shiny hardwood to the sliding glass door and out onto the deck where Jax was running a piece of trim through a table saw. Ope waved a hand and when Jax finally noticed him he finished the piece he was working on, turned off the saw and lowered the volume on the stereo resting by his feet.

Jax nodded and grinned. "Hey. What are you doing out here?"

Opie nodded when Jax offered him a beer out of the little cooler he had outside and opened the bottle before leaning against the house and taking a drink. "It's Friday night. Donna took the kids to visit her parents, so I went to the clubhouse. But when I saw you weren't there again, I thought I'd come out to make sure you hadn't accidentally sawed your arm off or something."

Jax opened his own beer and raised it to his lips before smiling. "Very funny, asshole."

Ope looked over at the pile of freshly cut boards resting on the other side of the deck. "What's all this?"

Jax glanced over and shrugged. "New base boards and molding for the ceiling."

Opie took a long look at Jax and tried to think of the right words to say before speaking. "Listen, brother. What you've done here? Buying the house and fixing it up so nice…it's great, really.

Jax straightened his shoulders and nodded. "But…"

Ope sighed. "But it's like you've disappeared, man. No one ever sees you anymore. You go to work, do your shit for the club, and then you just come right back here every night. Hell, you barely even go to your mom's anymore."

Jax rolled his eyes. "I'm just busy. I have a lot of shit to do to get this place ready."

"Ready for what, Jax?"

Jax ran a hand through his hair and turned away from his friend to look out over the empty field behind his house. "Don't start with me, Ope. Please."

Opie just shook his head and sighed. "I know how much you love her, and I know you think that one of these days she's just gonna come walking back in here and it'll be just like it was before, but…"

"Better."

Ope looked over at Jax and frowned. "What?"

A sad half smile crossed Jax's lips. "It'll be better than it was before…because I'm a better man now."

When he had to start blinking away the tears from his eyes, Jax turned back to the saw and lined up the next baseboard to be trimmed. "Thanks for checking on me, but I should get back to it…"

After a few silent moments, Opie nodded and started walking back inside, but after a couple steps he stopped and turned back around. "You're my best friend, Jax. My brother. And I hate seeing you like this, like you're just idling in place, like…like you're stuck waiting for something that's never gonna happen. It's been months, man. Not a call, not a postcard, nothing. How long are you gonna live like this? When are you gonna let yourself move on?"

There was no anger in Ope's voice, just sadness and concern. So when Jax looked up at his brother's face, he just took a deep breath and shrugged. "How long would wait if it was Donna?" He watched as Opie's eyes widened for just a moment as a look of hesitant understanding fell across his face. Then he reached down to turn the table back on but as his hand reached the power button, he paused.

He glanced back up to Opie and sighed. "I'll move on when _she_ tells me to…when _she_ tells me it's over. Until then…"

Ope swallowed the lump in his throat as he stared at his lifelong best friend and nodded. Then he shrugged off his kutte and placed it carefully on the railing before walking over to the stack of wood and picking up another board.

Jax looked on in confusion. "What are you doing?"

Opie didn't even look up, just started measuring the board in his hand. "Like I said, Donna's not home and I don't feel like a party tonight. May as well stay out here and help your sorry ass."

Jax didn't say anything, just grinned at his brother, before returning to the task at hand. The two worked in silence for at least another hour, until all the boards were cut and primed. Then, sometime later, as they sat outside and drank a few more beers, Jax looked over to see Ope trying to hide a smile. "What?"

Opie looked down at his lap and chuckled before glancing over to Jax. "So apparently the croweaters have been bitching because you haven't fucked any of them. Is it true you haven't gotten laid in six months?"

One look at Jax's face and Ope knew it was true, which caused him to bust up laughing, nearly spilling his beer all over himself. "So, how's that going for you?"

He tried to fight it, but even Jax had to laugh. And unable to wipe to smile from his face, he just took another drink and shook his head. "I fucking hate you."

And that just made Ope laugh even harder.

* * *

 _The Oyster, 2000_

It was the first week of November, so even though it was 11:30 on a Saturday night, the bar was quiet. The tourists that had flooded the island just two months earlier were gone now, and for the most part only the locals remained. Missy needlessly wiped down the bar in a vain attempt to stay busy as she casually glanced around the small space and realized she knew almost everyone there by name as well as their usual drink orders. It was moments like this that always reminded her just how long she'd been away from Charming.

Sometimes it seemed like yesterday when she landed on the Abbot's doorstep; a scared, broken mess who had just lost her place in the world. But Billy had taken her under his wing and made her feel like family from the moment he introduced himself. The very next day after she first arrived in Destin, he took her on a tour of the town and beaches, and showed her the harbor where his charter business was based. He offered her a job working for him as a receptionist, but she really didn't want to sit in an office all day, with nothing but time to think about the life she'd walked away from.

She had mentioned that she'd waited tables in the past, so he took her to a few nice restaurants where he thought she would make great money as a server, but it was clear that she didn't really fit in. She knew nothing about fine dining and wine pairings, and just the smell of all the seafood made her nauseated.

When it became clear that serving tourists overpriced dinners wasn't really what she wanted to do, Billy suddenly looked at her and grinned. "Honey, have you ever tended bar?"

Missy just smirked and nodded. Tig had been teaching her how to make drinks since she was thirteen years old. "Yeah, you could say that."

He threw an arm around her shoulders and led her back to his car. "Then I know the perfect place for you."

That's how she ended up at The Oyster, a little dive bar right on the water that happened to be Billy's favorite hang out. It was where a lot of the fisherman, charter captains, and other locals hung out after a long day when they wanted a cold beer for a cheap price. There were old worn out bar stools, even older wooden tables, and an old man playing Jimmy Buffet covers on the deck that overlooked the water. And from the moment they walked through the door, the whole place made Missy smile. _It's just like the clubhouse…well, except that there are boats instead of Harleys and Jimmy Buffet instead of Elvis._ Billy introduced her to the owner, and by the next night she was on the schedule.

And as luck would have it, there was a small studio apartment on the second floor above the bar that came fully furnished and needed a renter, so her boss also became her landlord. She was living in very own place five days later.

Missy found that she could function as long as she was working. She could lose herself on busy nights, listening to other people's stories and keeping everyone drinking and happy. There was something freeing about meeting new people who knew nothing about her fucked up past. In Florida she wasn't Missy from the trailer park, or Missy the daughter of a whore, or Missy the girl who lost everything. She was just Missy, the nice new girl behind the bar.

So as long as she was busy, she was ok. She really liked most of guys that came into drink, and either Billy or Jake was there almost every night to hang out with her for a while and see how she was doing. At work she could breathe, at work she could smile, at work she could pretend that this was her real life.

But as soon as she locked up for the night, reality inevitably came crashing down around her. It didn't matter what she did; take a long walk up and down the harbor, go to the beach and watch the waves breaking, or sit on the balcony of her apartment and try to read a book. Her heartache was just inescapable.

There wasn't a day that went by when she didn't think about Opie, and Gemma, and all the other people she loved who were now thousands of miles away from her. But all of her sleepless nights were spent thinking about Jax and the baby. On better nights she could cry because she still loved him, cry because she ached for his touch, cry because she nearly had the family she'd always dreamed of. Then, when there were no more tears left, she would eventually fade into restless unconsciousness.

But those were the good nights. On the bad nights, she cried because she doubted Jax had ever really loved her, cried because she was certain he'd already found someone new, cried because she believed her baby was probably better off in heaven than having to go through life with her as it's mother.

And it was on those nights, when the pain and the loneliness almost became too much to bear, that she would allow herself to call Kozik.

He answered every time. No matter when she called or what he was doing, by the third ring she would hear his voice like a lifeline, pulling her back from the edge.

They usually talked for hours. Missy would tell him about all the people she met at work, how Helen and Katie Abbot always meant well but drove her absolutely crazy, and how Billy continued to be just as wonderful as Koz had described. Then he would tell her about the surfing trips he would go on, about the new Dyna he was having delivered, or about some funny story usually involving Happy Lowman making some poor Samtac prospect so terrified that he pee himself.

Then there were the nights when the conversations were more serious. She would tell him how even though she no longer blamed herself for losing the baby, the gaping hole in her heart had yet to heal. She would tell him how strange it felt to be in a room full of people but still feel like she was completely and utterly alone. She would tell him how scared she was that she would never feel like she truly belonged anywhere ever again.

And Koz would open up to her too. He would tell her about how weak he still felt when he thought about the way his father used to hit him. He told her about the nightmares he still had about some of the missions he fought in the Marines. And he told her about how, on his own bad nights, he used every ounce of strength he had inside of him to keep from calling a dealer and getting high just one more time.

Missy knew that it was more than just hearing the sound of a familiar voice. Kozik was the only person she had in the world that honestly knew who she was, her past and her present. He was there for her when she was in Charming, there for her now that she was thousands of miles away, and knowing that he still cared for her through it all gave her comfort that she couldn't quite describe. He never made the pain she always carried around go away completely, but talking to him was the only thing that helped to ease it.

So sometime after two in the morning that night, Missy closed up the bar and trudged up the small flight of stairs to her apartment. Then she took off her shoes, made herself a rum and coke, and went to the balcony to smoke a cigarette and watch the lights from the few boats left sailing on the harbor. Then, after an hour of unsuccessfully fighting the images of Jax in her head, she went inside, sat on her sofa, and picked up the phone.

And just like always, he answered by the third ring.

 **Please review…**


	13. Chapter 13

**OK, first let me just say, I love you guys. Seriously, I was so nervous to start writing again and your response to the last chapter was amazing and just meant the world to me. Thank you so much, really.**

 **Also, I have a nice little red wine buzz going right now, so my editing is more than likely gonna suck. I should probably wait until tomorrow morning to proofread this, but I don't want to so…yeah. You've been warned :)**

 **This is the chapter that everyone has been waiting on, and I hope you all like it as much as I do. So thank you again for taking the time to read this story and, as always, please review…**

Part VIII- Moving On…

 _New Year's Day, 2001_

Jake Abbot never had a problem getting a date. He wasn't arrogant or a dick about it. It was just a fact. When he saw a girl he was attracted to, he would just ask her out and, nine times out of ten, the girl would say yes. Hell, a lot of the time he didn't even need to be the one doing to asking. If he was out at a bar or helping his dad on one of the boat tours, he usually got hit on by at least a couple of tourists hoping that he would make their vacations a little more exciting. He was just one of those lucky guys who never had any trouble with women.

At least he was one of those lucky guys until the day he met Missy Adams.

It was New Year's Day and Jake was sitting on his favorite barstool at The Oyster, nursing his hangover from the night before and watching the bartender who, despite seeing nearly every day for over seven months, was still a complete mystery to him.

Missy was on the other side of the bar pouring a drink for one of her regulars, smiling sweetly as the old man in front of her told a story that she had already heard a dozen times before, and Jake had to remind himself to stop staring at the tanned legs, short shorts, and wavy long hair that always seemed to drive him to distraction.

But it wasn't just her looks that made Jake so fascinated with Missy. She was simply unlike any woman he'd ever known. At only 23 years old, she was more mature than basically everyone he knew. He was used to girls like Katie and her sorority sisters; chatty, flirty, carefree balls of energy that spent most of their time dancing, shopping, or trolling for guys. Missy was the complete opposite. She spent nearly all of her time working, politely refused every offer his mom and sister made to take her to the mall, and as far as trolling for guys, Missy had never looked twice at any of the men who constantly hit on her at the bar, including him.

To say that it was hard to get to know Missy Adams was an understatement, but Jake had been paying close attention and felt like he knew a few things about her with absolute certainty. First and foremost, she was a sweetheart. You only had to spend five minutes with her to figure that one out. Second, she wasn't much of a talker. The only person Jake had ever seen her have an actual conversation with was his dad. But in spite of barely saying two words to anyone, everyone she met adored her. It just seemed like, instead of spending any time talking about herself, she focused on being the best listener in the world; which was probably why almost all the customers at the bar had poured their hearts out to her at least once since she arrived on the island. And besides, like his dad had told him, if you are lucky enough to get two words out of Missy, you can bet your ass that those words will be sincere and worth hearing.

Third, and this was the thing that Jake was most sure of, Missy had been hurt. It didn't take a genius to see it. She had moved across the country, away from everyone and everything she'd ever cared about, and people just don't do that unless they need to run from something painful. She was also one of those rare pretty girls who honestly had no idea how beautiful they were. That kind of self esteem can only come from being treated like shit at some point in your life. But mostly, he could just see the hurt on her face. She could smile so brightly at people one minute and then, when she thought no one was watching, get this look on her face that Jake couldn't quite name, but that broke his heart every time he saw it.

And then there were the little things he noticed. Like how on her nights off when she would stop into the bar for a drink, she almost always ordered rum; but on those nights when her sadness was a little harder to hide, she drank whiskey. And how he figured she didn't really like children, because whenever someone tried to show her pictures of their kids, she seemed to get sort of uncomfortable. Or how she probably regretted that blackbird tattoo on her shoulder, because whenever someone mentioned it, she would adjust the strap of her tank top to try and cover it up. And most recently he discovered that she must hate The Rolling Stones, because last week when some guy played an old slow song of theirs, Missy casually walked out from behind the bar, made her way over to the juke box, and pulled the plug right out from the wall.

And one more thing Jake Abbot knew for certain about Missy Adams? She wasn't interested in him. He knew this because, at least once a week since the first day they met, he had asked her out. And every single time, her response was the same. She would give him a small, sweet smile, gently shake her head, and say "Thanks, but I don't date."

So as he sat there that afternoon, sipping his beer and trying not to stare, Jake was prepared to once again get shot down when he asked her out for dinner. He had no doubt she would tell him no, but as long as he wasn't bothering her, he figured he'd keep on trying.

Because he may not know much about Missy Adams, but he somehow knew that she was worth the effort.

* * *

Missy grinned when she saw Jake politely turn down yet another woman trying to buy him a drink, ever the Southern gentleman even when he was rejecting someone. She couldn't fault the girls that were constantly throwing themselves at him. Not only was Jake Abbot friendly, smart, and funny, but he also happened to be drop dead gorgeous.

A little ache formed in her chest as it occurred to her for about the millionth time how much Jake reminded her of Jax. They were both incredibly sweet once you got to know them, both unabashed mama's boys, and both unbelievably beautiful. Just like Jax, Jake carried himself with that easy confidence and swagger that comes from a lifetime of people looking at you like your perfect. And just like Jax, people were drawn to Jake just for the simple hope of being near him. But unlike Jax, Jake was the ultimate good guy; the all-American boy next door that every mother dreamed their daughter would end up with. Jax was the guy most moms warned you to stay as far away from as possible.

"You need any help, Missy?"

She looked up from the glasses she was washing and over to Jake. "No, I got it. Thanks, though."

He really was a good guy. On the nights he came into the bar, he would usually hang out late enough to help her close up; flipping the chairs onto the tables or sweeping the floors while she counted the register. And other times, like when she got a flat tire last month on the highway, she only had to call Jake and he was there in less than 15 minutes putting on her spare.

Other than Billy, Jake was the closest thing that Missy had to a real friend in Florida. She really liked spending time with him and, if she were a normal girl, would have probably gone out with him a long time ago. But she wasn't even close to over Jax, and knew she never would be. So she always turned him down. She had no intention of leading on a great guy like Jake Abbot.

She washed a few more dishes and then handed Jake another Corona before walking over to the wall where the bar phone was ringing loudly. "This is The Oyster."

"Yes, hello. I'm looking for a Missy Adams."

Missy straightened as a chill ran down her spine. No one had ever called her at the bar. "Um, yeah. I'm Missy."

The woman on the other end of the line sounded warm and professional. "Are you the daughter of Cheryl Adams?"

Missy's heart started racing as the hand holding the phone began to tremble. "Yes, I am."

There was a long pause before the woman spoke again, her voice quiet and measured. "Miss Adams, my name is Regina Davis. I'm a social worker at The University Medical Center of Southern Nevada in Las Vegas. I'm so sorry to inform you of this, but your mother passed away in our hospital early this morning. Again, I'm so sorry."

Missy stayed on the phone for a few more minutes and then when she hung up, was surprised to see that Jake was at her side, his hands resting protectively on her shoulders. She looked up at him with a blank expression, confused. "What?"

He moved his hands down to her arms and squeezed a little tighter, worry etched across his face. "Missy, you're white as a ghost and you're shaking. Who was that? What happened?"

Her voice was detached and quiet as she looked at him and shrugged. "My mom died."

* * *

The next morning, Missy was too tired to process the fact that she was flying on an airplane for the very first time in her life. When she hung up the phone the day before, she had stunned Jake by telling him she was fine and that, despite his insistence that she go home, she was more than capable of finishing her shift at the bar. He looked at her like she was crazy, but she just took a deep breath and said, "Me and my mom weren't close." Then she went right back to washing the rest of the glasses.

When she got home that evening, she called a funeral home in Las Vegas and then called the airline to book her flight. Then a little later, Billy, Helen, and Jake showed up at her apartment with food, sad faces, and all the thoughts and prayers they could muster. Missy thanked them for coming, but after a few minutes of awkward hugs and failed attempts to get her talking, they all went home with Billy promising to be there early the next morning to drive her to the airport.

Once they were gone and the apartment was once again quiet, Missy grabbed her cigarettes and the bottle of Crown Royal she kept under her sink. Then she went to her little balcony, sat down on the old wooden boards, and leaned her back against the railings. And only when she'd smoked her first cigarette and downed two quick shots did she let herself think about the phone call.

Apparently Cheryl Adams had been living in Vegas for the last ten years, since Missy was taken away from her. She had no idea where her stepdad had ended up and she didn't care. All she knew was what the social worker had told her. That her mother, after spending some time in prison for theft, possession, and domestic violence, had been living in a half way house for the last year. But she must have been up to her old ways again because she overdosed at a party on New Year's Eve. The lab results showed that there were at least three different drugs in her system at the time of death.

Cheryl didn't have any emergency contacts on file, but Missy was her only living relative and the hospital had tracked her down through her social security number. So that's why, after yet another sleepless night, she was currently somewhere above the Midwest, 30,000 feet in the air, on her way to bury a woman who Missy thought of as a stranger.

* * *

 _Las Vegas, 2001_

Missy had stood alone in the cemetery for over an hour now, looking down at the place where Cheryl Adams lay resting under a pile of freshly dug earth. No one had come to the memorial service but the director of the halfway house where her mom had been living and a few other recovering addicts who, surprised that the woman they knew had a daughter, said how sorry they were for Missy's loss before quickly making their exits.

She hadn't felt anything, not one single thing, since the moment she got that phone call. And she hadn't even shed one tear. But as she stared at the ground and was hit with all the ugly memories she had tried so hard to forget, Missy couldn't stop herself from speaking.

"I don't really know what to say right now. I guess maybe I should say goodbye, but we already did that ten years ago."

She rubbed her freezing hands together, trying to get them warm, even though it was over 80 degrees and sunny. "I've thought about this a million times…what I would say to you whenever I saw you again. I guess I should probably start out by telling you a little about myself."

Missy cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest. "Um, well…I went to live with the Tellers after they took me away from you, and they were wonderful to me…more than wonderful. John, he, um…he passed away when I was fifteen. That was really hard…"

She swallowed down the lump in her throat along with the swell of emotions that were threatening to come to the surface. "I graduated from high school. And, um, then Jax and me…" She crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. "Jax and me were together for a while, and it was great, but it didn't work out."

Her voice was trembling as she glanced up to the sky for a moment before focusing back on the grave. "Oh, and I was going to have a baby. I mean, I didn't know I was. I didn't plan it or anything. But I was, and I lost it."

As the pain from her miscarriage came to the forefront of her consciousness once again, Missy could feel her resolve starting to crumble as the first tears she'd allowed herself to shed suddenly came tumbling down her cheeks. "Let's see, what else do you need to know?"

She let out a scoff as a sad, bitter smile fell on her lips. "Well, I'm a fucking train wreck most of the time. I, um, barely get by from day to day without having a god damn breakdown. And when I think about the mess I've managed to make of my life, which is just about every minute of the day, it makes me feel like no matter how hard I try, I can't breathe."

Then it suddenly occurred to her that she hadn't just felt that way since she lost Jax and the baby. Missy had been trying to catch her breath since the day she'd been born.

Missy never got mad, and she never got angry. But as she stood their looking down at the mound of dirt before her, she was filled with a rage that she never even knew existed. "But you know what, Mom? Now that I think about it, I didn't really make the mess, did I? _You_ did. You did this to me." She didn't even try to wipe her tears away as they flowed down uncontrollably and soaked her reddened face. "Do you even know half the shit that was done to me? What you let that asshole do to me? No! You don't! Because you were too fucking high!"

She started to walk away, but unable to quell a lifetime's worth of resentment that had finally broken free, she turned back to where her mom lay buried and shook her head. "You know, I blamed myself…my entire fucking life I blamed myself for how you treated me. I mean, how terrible of a daughter must I have been for you to hate me so much? How awful must I have been for you to let your fucking husband beat me whenever he got bored? Every day I lived in that god damned trailer I asked myself over and over again…Why wasn't I smarter? Why wasn't I prettier? Why wasn't I ever enough for you?"

She took one more big deep breath, barely calming the tremor in her voice, before she sighed. "Do you know when I stopped asking myself those questions, Mom? The night I lost my baby. Because I didn't even know my kid. I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. I didn't know if it was smart or funny or if it looked like me or like Jax. And I didn't care, because _it was mine!_ Because it was a part of me and that was all that mattered! I never even got to see its face and I loved that baby more than I've ever loved anything! Because I was its mom!"

Her words came out between broken sobs. "You were supposed to love me, Mom! You were supposed to love me, just because I was your daughter! And it was _not_ my fault! None of it! It was yours! It was _your_ fault you were a junkie! It was _your_ fault that you were a whore!" Then her voice softened as she closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. "And it's your fault I'm so fucked up. It's your fault that I ran away. It's your fault that I hate myself too much to ever trust Jax again. It's your fault, Mom. It's your fault. It's all your fault…"

Whatever strength she had left finally disintegrated as her knees gave out beneath her and she sank to the ground. She let herself cry for a few more minutes; for all the hurt she'd suffered, for a painful and unfair childhood, for every moment of worthlessness she'd ever known, and for the relationship she would never have with the woman resting in the ground in front of her. But then, after a while, she picked herself up, dusted off her clothes, and wiped her eyes.

And as her cries finally subsided and she walked away without once looking back, Missy swore to herself that she would never shed another tear for Cheryl Adams ever again.

* * *

Missy got into her rental car and turned over the engine before taking what felt like the first real breath of her life. She never realized how easy it would be to inhale without the weight of the world resting on her shoulders. She didn't blame herself anymore. It was that simple. For the first time in 23 years, Missy started to accept that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't the cause of all the bad things that had ever happened to her; that maybe it was the people she had loved and trusted most who had been the ones to fail her.

Missy had never done a drug in her life, not once. But it occurred to her that this must be what a high feels like. Years of agony and hurt had started to heal in an instant, and all that it had taken was finally calling out the cause of the pain. It was freeing, and cathartic, and the biggest release she'd ever known.

But as she sat behind the wheel and looked towards the road that would lead her to her plane and back to Florida, she realized that her mom wasn't the only person who had wounded her. There was someone else responsible for the worst of her heartache. And if it had felt that good to finally confront her mother, then how good would it feel to finally confront him?

So with trembling hands and more courage than she knew she had, Missy turned the car away from the airport, filled up the tank at the nearest gas station, and headed west, as fast as she could, towards California.

* * *

 _Charming, 2001_

It took seven hours; seven hours of driving and coffee and crying, before she finally pulled up in front of the little house that she thought she'd never see again. And with every passing minute of that entire seven hours, her newly discovered anger had done nothing but grow until it became something totally beyond her control.

It was after one in the morning and the house was completely dark, but she didn't even hesitate as she hurried out of the car and made her way to the front door.

* * *

Jax woke with a start as he heard someone pounding like hell on his front door. He jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans before grabbing his gun off the nightstand and making his way to the door.

He pulled back the slide and placed a round in the chamber before turning on his porch light and looking through the peephole. And in his mind he thought he was prepared for anything, but when he saw who was standing there on the other side, he could have sworn his heart stopped beating.

He quickly placed the gun on the counter before flinging open the door and smiling. "Miss…"

But he didn't even get a chance to finish her name before she raised her flattened hand and slapped him hard across the face. He didn't have any time to recover before she stepped into the house and placed her hands on his bare chest, pushing him backwards, and then before he could get his footing, pushing him harder once more.

She was too furious and too lost to realize how loudly she was shouting. "You're an asshole, Jackson Teller! Do you know that?"

Missy didn't see the man in front of her, not really. She didn't see him shocked and stunned and on the verge of tears. She didn't see the love in his eyes or the fear on his face. And she didn't see the regret that was so clearly haunting him. All that she saw was the man who had almost destroyed her.

"I did nothing but love you! From the day we met, every fucking minute, everything I ever did was for you!" She paced back and forth for a couple moments as Jax looked on silently with widened, pain filled eyes. "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me when J.T. died? Huh? No, you don't! Because you never asked! And I get it, he was your dad, but he was my fucking dad too, Jax. You should have been there for me too!"

In that moment, Missy didn't even recognize herself. All she was aware of was how everything Jax had ever done to hurt her was barreling through her mind like a freight train, and how if she didn't get them all out, she thought that their memories would kill her. "And Tara! For fucksake, Jax! I don't even know what was worse; being ignored for most of the time you were with her or the way I became your god damned punching bag after she left. Do you even remember some of the things you said to me? Because I remember every fucking word!"

As she railed and screamed at him, Jax just stood there and took it, scared and relieved all at the same time. It terrified him to hear the anger and rage in her voice, a sound that he had never once heard before. But somehow it also felt right, because he knew he'd had this coming for a long time. He knew he deserved everything she said, and worse.

She ran a hand threw her hair and then shook her head at him in disgust. "And the whole fucking time we were together, Jax? Every day you took me for granted! Every day, somewhere in the back of your mind, you woke up knowing that you could treat me however you damn well pleased because you knew I'd never leave! You knew I felt like I owed you everything! You knew that I loved you more than you loved me!"

When Jax started to shake his head, Missy took a step towards him and poked her finger in his chest. "Don't! Don't you say a fucking word!"

He watched her try like hell to calm down, but after a few deep breaths her tears finally started to fall. "It wasn't my fault, Jax. It was your fault."

She closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. "It wasn't my fault you fucked that girl." Then she met his eyes once more, and the look on her face broke Jax's heart all over again. "It wasn't because of how I looked, or how I was in bed, or how good or bad of an old lady I was. I didn't do anything wrong, Jax. Do you hear me? I didn't do anything wrong!"

Tears were streaming down both of their faces and even when she placed her hands on the sides of his face, he stood motionless, his arms at his side. The fight was slowly disappearing from her eyes and was being replaced by more and more sadness with each passing moment.

Her reddened, swollen eyes were only inches away from his own, and he could feel her fingers trembling against his cheeks as her words came out a quiet, broken sob. "It's your fault you cheated. It's your fault we broke up..."

She opened her mouth to say something else, but before she could, Jax's own shattered voice finally spoke. "And it's my fault we lost the baby."

At the sound of his voice, her words caught in her throat and she finally looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time since she'd walked through the door. Stunned, she just shook her head and frowned. "No…no it wasn't."

Any hope Jax had at holding it together faded as he closed his eyes and wept, his face still cradled in her hands. "Yes, it was Miss. And I'm so sorry. Jesus Christ, I'm so fucking sorry…"

He tried to say more but as his tears fell harder, Missy just pulled him close; wrapping her arms around the back of his neck as his head fell onto her shoulder. His own arms circled around her waist until absolutely no space was between them, and he balled the material of her t-shirt up in his fists.

They clung to each other like their lives depended on it, and for the first time, they finally did what they should have done seven months ago. They grieved for the loss of their child together. Jax was still apologizing in between his cries and Missy was brushing her fingers through his hair, over and over again, as she kept whispering in his ear that it wasn't his fault, and that no matter what else had happened, she had never once blamed him for the miscarriage.

Neither one knew how long they allowed themselves to cry or which one of them made the first move, but after a while, just as naturally as breathing, Jax's lips somehow found Missy's.

They didn't even make it to the bedroom; just sank to the living room floor as they both removed their clothing as quickly as they could. No words were spoken, and they didn't have to be, because the need between them was so familiar and so strong it was almost palpable.

They never stopped kissing, not for one single second; not as he came to rest between her naked thighs and gently pushed his length inside of her, not as she lifted her hips and moaned or squeezed him so tightly it made him whimper; not even as she started to convulse or when, moments later, he shook with his own release. And even then, as they lay there still joined together, they just couldn't stop; because every moment they tasted one another, more pieces of themselves began to heal.

* * *

Sometime later they were both sitting on the floor with their backs against the sofa. There was a blanket wrapped around them and Jax had his arm around Missy's shoulders, while she snuggled in close to his side. He lit a cigarette and took a long, slow drag before handing it to Missy who did the same.

When it was down to the filter, Jax placed it into an ashtray and then kissed the top of her head. "So where have you been, Miss?"

She lifted her head off his shoulder so she could meet his gaze. "Florida."

She couldn't help but smile when she saw the surprised look on his face. "Florida?"

"Yep."

"How the hell did you end up clear across the country?"

Missy bit her lip and averted her eyes. She hated lying to him, but she knew she could never tell Jax how Kozik had helped her. He would never understand. So she settled for a half truth. "I just…started driving. For days, I just drove and tried to deal with everything. Then, when I couldn't go anymore and I found a place I liked, I just sort of stopped and settled in."

He tried to smile, but the hurt in his eyes was evident. "You wanted to be as far away from me as possible, didn't you?"

She placed a hand on his cheek and shook her head. "No. I didn't want to be away from you at all, but…I had to be."

He looked at her for a moment longer before finally mustering a grin. "Well, that explains the tan anyway."

Missy laughed as she looked down at the tan line on her shoulder and nodded. "Yeah, I guess it does."

"Are you happy there?"

His voice sounded so young and vulnerable it nearly tore her apart. She kissed his forehead before shaking her head. "I'll never be happy anywhere away from you, but…I'm okay."

A few moments later, still leaning against his side, she finally looked around the room at the house she barely recognized. "I can't believe how different it all looks. It's beautiful, Jax."

"I bought it for you."

She turned back to look at him in surprise. "You did what?"

He just shrugged. "The week you left. I just thought…I wanted you to have a home, a _real_ home, to come back to whenever…whenever you came back to me."

When she just stared at him in silence, her eyes welling up with tears, he swore he could actually feel his heart shattering. "You're not staying, are you?"

A painful few seconds of silence passed before she shook her head. "No."

"Missy, please…"

"Jax, I can't…"

"I told you, I'm sorry…"

"I know, it's not…"

"Don't you love me anymore?"

Whatever she was going to say vanished from her mind as Missy looked into his eyes, a sad broken smile on her face. "Jax, don't you know by now? I'm always going to be in love with you. _Always._ Nothing will ever change that." Then she leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "But that doesn't mean we can be together."

He couldn't hide the confusion and hurt from his voice. "How can you say that?" He motioned his hand around the house. "All this, Miss. All of this is for you. And yeah, I worked on the house, but I worked on myself more, baby. I know what I was, what I did. Every word you said to me when you walked through that door? It was all true. But I'm different now. _We_ can be different now. I haven't been with anyone else. I swear, I've waited…"

"My mom died."

Jax's voice caught in his throat. "What?"

"My mom, she overdosed in Vegas two days ago. The hospital where she was taken somehow tracked me down and called the bar where I work. That's where I was before I came here, burying my mom."

Missy sighed against his neck as he pulled her close and held her just like he used to, his hands running through the honey brown hair that still ran down the length of her back. Then leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "Jesus, Miss."

She just shrugged and shook her head. "I'm okay, I guess. I just…you know more than anyone who she was, what she did to me, what I went through. And as much as I would love to pretend like she meant nothing to me and that all those years didn't make me who I am…Jax, people like me don't get to have happy ever afters. For awhile I let myself think I could. I loved you so much, and I was so happy, but I've realized I'm way too screwed up to have some perfect, functional relationship for the rest of my life."

"Baby, don't say that."

"Listen, I believe you now. I do. When you say that you've changed and that you love me and that you only want to be with me? I believe you really mean it. But it doesn't matter, because every time you go one a run, every time you go to the clubhouse without me, every time you walk out of the god damn door, I'll wonder if that's the day you finally wake up and realize I'm nothing. Don't you get it? It's not about you this time. This time it's me. I can't trust you again, and that's not your fault. It's just how I'm wired. It's like, my heart wants to be with you more than anything, but my head? It's in pieces, Jax, and I don't think it can be put back together. All the edges are too damaged."

Tears fell silently down his face as he looked over at the broken girl who meant everything to him. "I can fix it, Miss. I know I can. Just let me try, baby. Please let me try."

She took his face in her hands and kissed the tears off of his cheeks. "I thought you could. For years, I really thought you could. But that was wrong of me. I should never have put that burden on you. You gave me a family and showed me what it meant to love someone. You made me happier than I've ever been in my life. But you can't fix me. No one can."

He sat there frozen and feeling more helpless than he even knew was possible as she slowly crawled out of his arms and started getting dressed. He had always thought that whenever he saw Missy again, he would know just the right thing to say and just the right thing to do, to make her come back and stay with him forever. But every dream he'd had over the last seven months was suddenly shot all to hell, and he was lost.

When it registered to him that Missy was fully dressed and slowly heading towards the door, he quickly pulled on his jeans and ran to her, grasping onto her arm and turning her around to face him. "Stay with me, Miss, just stay the night with me. Just…" He swallowed the lump in his throat as his voice started to break. "Stay in our bed and sleep in my arms and you'll feel different in the morning. I know you will, baby. I know it."

Her own tears fell as she studied his gorgeous face and tried to memorize every beautiful feature, unsure of how long it would be before she got to see them again. "I can't."

Not knowing what else to do, panic rising in his chest, Jax just took a step forward and wrapped his arms around her, crushing Missy to his chest and holding her with everything he had. They cried in each other's arms for a long time, neither one wanting to be the first to pull away, but when Missy felt her resolve start to weaken, she lifted her face from his chest and met his eyes.

He tried to think of something, anything, to do to make her stay, but when he realized he couldn't stop what was about to happen, he said the only thing he could think of. "I love you, Missy."

She barely smiled and nodded her head, closing her eyes for just a moment before kissing him one last time. Then she whispered against his lips, "I love you too, Jackson. I'll never love anyone else."

She took a step back and walked away, grabbing her keys from where she'd dropped them on the floor before opening the front door. But before she could step outside, she heard Jax's voice. "Tell me it's over, baby. You have to say the words."

She didn't have the strength to look back, so she just stared down at the ground and nodded. "It's over."

Then she stepped outside and closed the door behind her, walking out of his house and out of his life once again.

* * *

 _Two weeks later…_

The Friday night party was in full swing and Jax was at the bar slowly working on the same Jack and coke that he'd ordered an hour before. He couldn't say that he was having a good time, but at least he was trying. It was easy for him to pretend like everything was fine since no one else knew that Missy had come back into town; well, no one else except Opie and Gemma. Apparently, Miss had gone to see both of them before she left town that night, although he didn't know that details. He didn't really want to know anymore.

He was just so tired; tired of crying, tired of hating himself, tired of the numbness and emptiness that lived in the space where his heart used to be.

But more than anything, Jax was just so fucking tired of being alone.

So later on that night, when he took the hand of one of the croweaters and led her back to his dorm, he knew he wasn't going to feel anything even close to what he'd felt with Missy. But at least he'd feel something, and for now, that was enough.

* * *

 _Destin, 2001_

Missy had been back in Florida for about a month, and just like it had been before she left, the bar was really slow. It was a Saturday night, close to closing time, and the place was nearly empty. Nights like this were both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it was a relief not to have to fake so many smiles for the customers. But on the other, it meant that she had nothing to distract her from reliving every moment of her trip home, just like she'd already done countless times over the last four weeks.

She had loved seeing Opie and Gemma again, even if she only got to spend a couple of hours with each of them. And although it wrecked her to say her goodbyes, at least she'd promised to stay in closer touch and actually call them every once in a while. So even though it was bittersweet, thinking about Gem and Ope made her smile.

But thinking about Jax…She knew it was over. Hell, she'd been the one to say it. But that didn't stop her from craving him every second of the day. She'd almost forgotten how good it was, how fucking perfect being with him had always been. She'd been lost in grief and emotion that night with him on their living room floor, but she still remembered every moment; the feel of his fingertips against the skin of her inner thigh, the way his tongue felt as it tasted every inch of her mouth, and how complete she felt every time he arched his back and lifted her hips, burying himself until he'd hit the deepest parts of her.

Aching and restless, she was so lost in thought that she didn't even realize someone had walked into the bar until they sat down in front of her and said her name. "Missy? Hey. Where were you just now?"

She didn't have to fake the smile she gave to Jake Abbot. "I'm right here."

* * *

An hour later, after he helped her close up the bar and lock up, Jake walked Missy around the building to the steps that led to her place. And then, when he asked her out for dinner the following night, she was about to turn him down the same way she'd done a million times before. But as she looked up at his handsome face and sweet smile, she thought about the need coursing through her body and realized something for the very first time. _I may never be with Jax again, but that doesn't mean I have to be alone._

So before he could walk away from her, Missy grabbed Jake's hand.

"Listen, I still don't date but…you can come upstairs with me, if you want to."

She could see the surprise on his face, but after a few seconds it slowly faded away, replaced by a familiar wanting she knew all too well.

Then he nodded. "I want to."

 **Please review…**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello, my lovelies! Thank you so much for all the reviews, follows, and favorites on the last chapter. As usual your responses blew me away and made me just adore you.**

 **Not sure how you guys will feel about this update since it focuses on what goes down between Missy and Jake Abbot. I know it sucks to see her with anyone but Jax, but like a lot of you said in your reviews, this is Missy's time to grow and figure out who she is. And remember that in my head, Jake is played by Liam Hemsworth who, though not as hot as Charlie Hunnam, is still pretty damn delicious, ammiright? ;)  
**

 **Also, just so you know, after this chapter time is going to start moving a lot faster. There are probably only three more updates with flashbacks and then everything will shift to the present time. But what happens in those three chapters will be very important and super intense, so I hope you like them.**

 **Anyway, I'm starting this one with a present day intro that I hope makes you all smile and then getting right to the memories. I hope you like it, and as always, please review!**

Chapter 14

Missy sat on her couch and watched in amusement as Donna downed her millionth shot and danced around the living room with a cheesy 80's song playing in the background. "Donn, maybe you should slow down a little. You're not really used to drinking anymore."

Donna just grinned and shook her head. "No way, Adams. This is my first night away from the kids since Ope got out of prison. No husband, no children; just you, me, and Jose Cuervo."

Missy couldn't help but smile. "Fine, you lush. At least let me get you something to eat. If you don't soak up some of that alcohol, you're gonna pass out on my carpet."

She got up and walked into her little apartment kitchen, reaching into the freezer for a frozen pizza and throwing it in the oven, with Donna following unsteadily behind.

Donna leaned against the kitchen counter and grinned. "I'm so happy you moved home. Well, I mean, not home I guess, but close enough where we can hang out. I missed you! And Opie did too. It means everything to him that you're back."

Missy poured herself a glass of water and then gave her friend a sincere smile. "I missed you too. All of you."

Then Donna got a huge, drunken smile on her face. "Hey! I have an idea! Let's call Ope and see what he's doing!"

Missy just smirked. _This should be good._

She watched Donna take the cell from her pocket and fumble with it for a few seconds before finding the right number and putting the call on speaker phone. It only rang once before they heard Opie's voice. "Donna?"

"Hey, baby! I just wanted to call and say I loooooooove you!"

Ope chuckled and sighed. "Oh shit. How wasted are you right now?"

Donna looked up to a grinning Missy and sighed. "Geez, what the hell is it with you people? A girl pops out a couple of kids and suddenly everyone thinks she can't liquor her handle!"

Ope just laughed. "You mean 'handle her liquor?'"

Donna frowned. "That's what I said!"

"What are you two doing tonight?"

Missy grabbed the phone out of Donna's hand and laughed when she unsuccessfully tried to grab it back. "Just hanging out at my apartment."

"I thought you were going dancing."

"We were, but that was before your wife fell head first into the tequila bottle. She's definitely not in any shape to go out in public."

"You let her drink tequila, Miss? Shit. Good luck with that."

Donna crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. "Hey, I heard that!"

Missy smiled when Donna seemed to forget all about Opie and just walked away, back over to the couch and her ever disappearing bottle of Cuervo. Missy took the call off speaker and raised the phone to her ear. "So, what are you up to?"

"I just put the kids to bed and ordered some food. Jax is supposed to come over to help me work on my bike."

Just then, Missy heard the sound of a door opening and a voice she would know anywhere call out Opie's name. She tried to hide the nerves in her voice and forced herself to smile. "I should let you go. Have fun tonight. I'll make sure Donna gets tucked safely into bed without burning anything down."

Opie just sighed, all too aware of why she was suddenly rushing him off the phone. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow when I come to drag her hung over ass back to Charming."

"Ok, see you then. Night, Ope."

"Night, Miss."

Suddenly Donna pointed her finger at Missy from across the room and smiled, each of her words a little more slurred than the one before. "Hey! We need to talk about something, Missy Adams!"

Missy hung up the phone and grinned as she walked over to the couch and took a seat next to Donna. "Oh, yeah? What do we need to talk about?"

Donna's bleary eyes lit up as a mischievous smile crossed her lips. "Tara!"

Miss smacked her forehead against her hand and groaned. "No. Donna…no."

"Oh, come on! I've been dying to shit talk about her since she moved back to town! Please? Please, please, please?"

When Missy saw the giddy expression on Donna's drunken face, she realized she had absolutely no shot at avoiding the conversation. So she just rolled her eyes and sighed. "Jesus, fine. Tell me all about Tara."

Donna's smile widened as she leaned forward and smacked her hand on Missy's thigh. "She's horrible!"

Missy had to smile even as she shook her head. "No she's not."

Donna crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged. "Well, she's boring and that's just as bad. She's all 'I moved to Chicago and I'm a surgeon and I'm too awesome for everything…'"

The high pitched, ridiculous voice that Donna used to imitate Tara made them both giggle, but after a few seconds, Donna caught her breath and sighed. "Seriously though. We've hung out with them a few times. The stick she had up her ass in high school is still there. I actually think it's gotten bigger."

Missy swallowed and forced a small smile. "She can't be all that bad or Jax wouldn't be with her." Then she glanced down at her hands that were folded in her lap. "Is…um, is he happy…with her?"

Donna placed a hand on Missy's knee and squeezed. "He might look happy to anyone who doesn't really know him, but he's not."

Missy hated herself for asking but she had to know. "How can you be sure?"

Donna smiled sadly. "Because I've seen him with you. The years that you two were together? That was happiness. But what he's doing with Tara? He's grateful for how she helped Abel, and he's lonely, and he may be trying to recapture some teenage magic that they used to have. But it's not real. He's just going through the motions, Miss. Everyone knows Jax never got over you."

Missy swallowed the lump in her throat and silently reminded herself that none of this should matter to her anymore. "You know what? None of this is my business. We definitely need to change the subject. Like, right now. Please?"

A quiet moment passed between them before Donna's face lit up again. "Ok! How about you tell me about all the sex you had in Florida?"

Missy could feel her face start to flush as she buried her face in her hands. "Oh, for the love of god…"

"Come on! There must have been someone! I know you didn't live like a fucking nun for all those years."

Despite herself, Missy couldn't help but laugh. She took one look at Donna and saw once again that she wasn't going to get out of this. So she just picked up the bottle of tequila, took a big gulp, and then sighed.

She thought back to Destin and a small grin formed on her lips. "Well, there was this one guy…"

* * *

Part VIII- Moving On…(cont.)

 _Billy's House, 2001_

Missy grabbed two Miller Lites out of the refrigerator before turning to look at Helen. "Do you need any help in here?"

Helen shook her head and waved her hand towards the door. "No, sweetheart. I've got it. You go on and get yourself outside. And tell Bill I'm just about finished."

"Sure." She walked out the sliding glass door to the big stone patio where Billy was manning the grill. "Helen said she's almost ready. How are the steaks coming?"

Billy smiled at her when she handed him one of the beers. "That depends. How do you like yours done?"

She grinned. "A little bloody."

He winked at her and nodded. "Girl after my own heart. Should just be a couple more minutes then." He took a sip of the beer and flipped the steaks. "I'm glad you decided to come over for dinner, honey. How are things at the bar?"

Missy groaned. "You know how it is during the summer; full of tourists ordering pina coladas and strawberry daiquiris. And they get real fucking pissed when I run out of little umbrellas." Billy let out a chuckle that made her grin. "I know I shouldn't complain. I'm making a lot of money. I just miss the quiet." Then she looked at Billy and winked. "My regular old boat captains don't tip very well, but at least they only order beer and whiskey."

Billy just gave her a sideways glance and smirked. "Now I know you weren't talking about me, little girl. I am an excellent tipper, and I'm sure as hell not old."

When Missy just smiled he threw an arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "Why don't you go cool off for a couple of minutes? I'll call you when it's ready."

Missy grinned and nodded. She walked over to the edge of the pool and sat down, dangling her feet into the water and dipping her hands in before running them over the length of her arms. She was glad she only wore a thin white tank top and cut off shorts, her long hair piled high in a messy bun. It was nearly eight o'clock at night and the sun was just starting to set, but since it was August in Destin, the temperature still hung around 93 degrees.

"So is tonight the night I finally get you in the water?"

Missy looked down at Jake, who had just swam over to her and was standing in the pool by her legs, smiling as he ran a hand through his soaked hair. She just grinned before taking another drink of her beer. "I'm good right here."

He leaned against the wall of the pool and reached for her bottle, bringing it to his lips before shaking his head. "I still can't believe you never learned how to swim. I thought all you California girls were supposed to love the ocean."

She rolled her eyes but smiled. "Aren't you a teacher? Shouldn't you know that not everyone in California lives on a beach? I mean, they did show you a map at some point in college, right?"

Missy laughed when Jake waved his hand through the water and splashed her. "Smart ass."

Then she just shrugged. "No one I knew had a pool, and I didn't exactly have the kind of parents who took me to swim lessons on the weekends. I guess I just never got around to it."

Jake gave her a small smile. "Well, the offer is still on the table. Whenever you're ready I'll show you the ropes. Like you said, I am a teacher."

She returned his smile and nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."

Then he looked around to make sure no one was watching them before taking a small step closer to her and moving his hand under the water to rest on the back of her leg. "Can I come over tonight?"

Missy bit her lower lip and barely nodded. "Yeah." Then she let her eyes travel over Jake's chest, tanned and solid, glistening from the water and late evening sun. She'd have to be dead or blind to deny how sexy he was, and she couldn't help the way he made her pulse quicken.

He must have recognized the look in her eyes, because Jake took a step closer and squeezed her leg a little tighter. But just as he began moving his hand up towards her thigh, he heard his mom call out from the house that dinner was ready.

He immediately dropped his hand and took a deep breath, and Missy smiled when she saw the blush rising in his cheeks. _God, he's really fucking cute sometimes._ She took her legs from the water and stood back up, smiling down at him once more before turning away and walking over to the table for dinner.

* * *

"Oh, shit…Missy….Missy…" Jake buried his face in Missy's neck and groaned as the aftershocks of his orgasm coursed through his body. Then he carefully pulled out of her and fell down onto his back beside of her, looking up at the ceiling and trying to catch his breath before glancing over at her and smiling. "Did I tell you thanks for letting me come over tonight? Because, seriously…thank you."

Missy just smiled and shook her head, pulling the sheet up over her breasts and watching as Jake removed the condom and tied it off before turning to face her once more. "Just as soon as I get the feeling back in my legs, I'm going to go take a shower." Then a few seconds later, he leaned in and gave her a small, sweet kiss before sighing as he swung his legs to the side of the bed and stretched.

When Jake stood, Missy sat up in bed and reached for the cigarettes on her nightstand, lighting up and taking a long, satisfied drag. Jake just smirked. "Those things will kill you."

She just grinned and nodded before blowing the smoke out towards the ceiling. "So I hear." Her eyes followed his naked form until he disappeared into her bathroom and she heard the water running. Then she just settled back against her headboard and smoked the rest of her cigarette, her own body still tingling from the way Jake had just made her come.

Missy let her mind drift over the last five months and to all of the nights they had spent together. She couldn't deny how good it was. He never left her bed without bringing her over the edge, every time playing her body like an instrument and hitting every note; that same playful confidence evident in his touch like it was in almost every other aspect of his life. Jake definitely knew what he was doing.

But it was just sex, and they both knew it. Missy was still just as in love with Jax as she'd always been. And even though he never admitted it, she was certain that Jake's feelings for her went no further than friendship and physical attraction.

Since Missy had only even been with Jax, she'd never understood the idea of casual sex. It had never even occurred to her that she would enjoy the physical part of a relationship without the emotional connection. And by no means did what she shared with Jake even compare to what she'd had with Jax…nothing ever could. It's just that life with Jax had always been so intense and complex. But without love getting in the way to complicate everything, what Jake and Missy had together was just so refreshingly simple.

They didn't date, and they didn't make any promises. But usually once or twice a week, whenever one of them was bored or restless or just really in the mood, Jake found his way to Missy's bed. She made it clear that she only wanted to be friends, and he was fine with that; at least he said he was when he agreed to stop asking her out all the time. They fucked and they talked, and Missy was really happy that they'd gotten to know each other on a different level, actually becoming better friends.

But it went no deeper than that. They were important to each other, they cared about each other, and they both valued whatever kind of relationship they had. But it was never making love and that was ok. Jake made her feel pretty and sexy and wanted, and a little less lonely. Missy figured that was as good as she would ever get with someone who wasn't Jackson Teller.

No one knew about their time together. Missy talked to Gemma and Opie at least a few times a month, but she obviously wasn't going to tell them about the new guy she was sleeping with. And Jake was determined to hide it from his parents, certain that they would never understand or accept what he and Missy had.

And then there was Kozik…

If anything, Koz was an even bigger part of Missy's life than he'd been before. It had been well over a year since the day she last saw him in her rear view mirror as she drove away from Tacoma, but since then they had talked on the phone every single week, and Missy honestly didn't know what she'd do without him. When she flew back to Florida from Charming after she told Jax it was over between them, the first things she did was call Koz and tell him everything, because she knew somehow that he would understand and make her feel better. He always did. He had become her constant, her closest friend, and the thing that kept her most grounded. Sometimes it seemed like Koz's voice was the only thing keeping her sane.

So if she would have told anyone in her life about Jake Abbot, it would have been Kozik, but something always kept her from saying anything to him. She didn't know why, but talking to Koz about another man just didn't feel right, and a part of her was too scared to ever try and figure out the reason why.

Her thoughts were interrupted a few minutes later when Jake came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. "I think I used up all your hot water."

She glanced over to him and grinned. "You always do."

He walked around the small apartment and started picking up his clothes from where they lay scattered on the floor. "I should get going. Dad's first charter leaves at six in the morning and I told him I'd help out."

Missy stretched her arms over her head, letting the sheet fall away from her body, and nodded. "Ok. I'm gonna take a shower too. Just lock up before you leave, ok?"

She climbed out of her bed and took a few steps towards her bathroom, Jake's eyes following her every move. But before she could get to the door, he grabbed her hand and pulled her close, dropping his clothes and running his fingers down the side of her hip until they were curved under her ass. Then he let his gaze travel over her bare breasts before leaning down and kissing the side of her neck.

Missy sighed when she felt Jake harden against her belly, only the thin cotton of the towel separating them from each other. She reached up and tangled her hands in his thick brown hair. "Aren't you going to be tired in the morning?"

She giggled when Jake lightly slapped her ass and bit down at the base of her neck. Then he let the towel fall to the floor before wrapping his arms around her tiny waist, lifting her a few inches off the ground, and carrying her back to the bed. "It'll be worth it."

 **Please review…**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter. Missy and Jax now have over 300 followers! Have I mentioned I love you guys? Because I love you guys.**

 **Ok, this is another long one, so get comfy :) It starts out with a longer than usual present day intro and then gets into the flashback. Oh, and there's some very overdue smut towards the end, so yeah…**

 **I really loved writing this chapter, and I truly hope you enjoy reading it. As always, please review and let me know…**

Chapter 15

Missy was sitting in front of the TV flipping channels when she heard a knock at the door. So she got up and looked through the peep hole, and when she saw who was on the other side of the door, she smiled. "What are you doing here?"

Opie just grinned. "Did you really think I'd let you spend your birthday alone?"

Her smile widened as she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around his waist. She had already celebrated with Gemma the night before, and Koz had called to say happy birthday early that morning. But aside from them, she didn't think anyone else had remembered. "I love you, Ope."

He tightened his arms around her back and tucked her head under his chin. "Love you too, Shorty."

She pulled away and started to walk back into her apartment. "Did you want to come in, or…"

But he grabbed for her wrist and tugged her back outside. "Actually, I was thinking we could take a ride."

Her face brightened in surprise. "Really?" She'd ridden with Opie a million times as a teenager, but not since she and Jax had started dating all those years ago.

He just nodded. "Really. I know how much you love it."

Then she raised her eyebrows up as a small smirk crossed her lips. "Won't your old lady get jealous? You riding with another woman?"

She giggled when she saw him roll his eyes. "Don't be gross. You're not another woman, Miss. You're just…you." When she just grinned, he turned away from her and started walking towards his Harley. "Go get a jacket and hurry it up. We're losing daylight."

She suddenly felt like she was fifteen again as she jumped back into her place to grab her boots and jacket before running out to the parking lot, climbing on the back of the Dyna, and strapping on Ope's extra helmet. Then she just held on tight to his waist and smiled. "Let's get out of here, Winston."

* * *

Missy had almost forgotten how free she'd always felt on the back of a motorcycle. Every time, since her very first ride with J.T. when she was eight years old, she had understood the magic that happens when two Harley tires hit the open road. It was like, for however long the ride lasted, nothing else mattered. There was no sad past, or loss, or aching for someone to belong to. There was just sun, and wind, and speed, and that moment when you pass 60 miles per hour and you suddenly feel like you're flying.

And that's exactly how it felt that afternoon as she and Ope rode aimlessly for hours together down the back roads and highways all over San Joaquin county; like all was once again right in her world. It had been a perfect day, and there wasn't anyone else on the planet who she would have rather shared it with than the sweet, lovable man sitting in front of her.

Just as the sun was starting to set, they stopped at a little roadside dive to get some food; Opie ordering a beer, a half pound cheeseburger, and fries, and then grinning when Missy walked up behind him and ordered the exact same thing.

When they sat down at the picnic table outside, he couldn't help but smile. "You know, you're getting older, Miss. Can't stay that skinny forever. Better start watching what you eat before it all goes straight to your ass."

She just smiled as she reached across the table and punched him in the arm before picking up her burger and taking a bite. "Don't be a dick. It's my birthday."

Then they just sat and talked for a while; he asked her how her jobs at the bar and the diner were going, she asked him how the kids were doing in school and if Piney was actually listening to his doctors for once and slowing down on the booze. Then they ended up retelling some of their favorite old stories, making each other laugh until their stomachs hurt and tears pooled in both their eyes.

At some point Missy looked up at his face; the same face she'd adored since that day in kindergarten when Jax introduced them on the playground, and she thought about how the only place she'd seen him for most of the last five years was in a prison visitation room. Then she let out a contented sigh. "I'm so happy you're out, Ope."

The smile on his face got smaller as he nodded. "Me too." Then he looked down at the label he was peeling off of his beer bottle as he spoke, his quiet voice suddenly full of emotion. "Listen, Miss. I haven't gotten a chance to thank you for…I mean, what you did for Donna while I was inside, all the money you sent? I don't even know how to…"

"Hey…" She reached across the table and held his hand, gently shaking her head when he finally met her gaze. "Don't. You're my family, Opie. That's what family does."

He just stared at her for a few more moments, and it occurred to him that even if Piney and Mary would have had another kid, he could have never loved another sister as much as he loved Missy. Then he squeezed her hand a little before returning to his beer, the two of them eating the rest of their meal in peaceful quiet, watching the sun go down.

* * *

They road until dark, but at some point Opie pulled off to the side of the road somewhere outside of Charming and climbed off his bike. Then he crouched down to the ground and started looking at the engine.

Missy glanced down and frowned. "Something wrong?"

"I don't know. I thought I heard something grinding and then she started jerking a little."

"Oh, that's weird. I didn't hear anything. Do you need to call somebody?"

He just shook his head. "No, we should be able to ride on it for a while. But it's late and I don't want to risk taking it all the way back to Stockton without checking it out. We can just go to TM real quick so I can take a look."

When he saw the uneasy expression on her face, he just sighed. "Come on, Miss. It's Sunday night. You know everyone will be at Gemma's. We'll just stop at the garage for a few minutes so I can make sure everything's ok, and then I'll take you home."

She wanted to argue, but he had just given her the most perfect birthday she'd had in years. Besides, he was only trying to be safe. So she reluctantly nodded. "Ok, let's go."

* * *

The minute they turned into the lot and she saw the row of Harleys parked in their usual spots, her entire body went rigid. _What the hell?_

When Ope turned off the engine and they both took off their helmets, he glanced down to her and shrugged. "Don't look at me like that. How was I supposed to know they'd be here?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and tried to keep her heart from racing. "Ok, just go fix whatever you need to fix so we can get out of here."

"Jesus, Miss. We're here now. You're not even gonna go in and say hi?"

She took a deep breath and ran a hand through her messy, windblown hair. She knew she was being childish, but she hadn't stepped foot on the lot since moving back to California; mostly because she didn't want to run into Jax, but also because it just brought back too many memories. Most of the best and worst moments of her life had all taken place in that clubhouse.

When he saw the look on her face and knew she was slowly caving, he tried one last thing that he knew would convince her. "Did you see the bikes that are here? Tig, Chibs, Bobby, Pop? You know they're gonna want to catch up. And I know you and Jax agreed not to see each other or whatever, but it doesn't even look like he's here."

She glanced over to the bikes once more and nodded. The guys would want to see her, and she wanted to see them too. She'd spent some time with all of them at some point over the last year, but it had always been at Gemma's, and the time had never seemed quite long enough. She loved every one of those guys, and as long as Jax wasn't there, she really couldn't think of a reason to stay outside. "Fine. But just for a little while, ok? We'll just say hi and then you can take me home."

Ope threw an arm over her small shoulders and started walking them towards the clubhouse. "Whatever you want."

They made it across the lot to the clubhouse, but before she could pull open the door, Ope placed his hand over hers and sighed.

She stared up at him, confused. "What?"

He just barely smirked. "Don't hate me for this, ok? It wasn't my idea."

She frowned as she got a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. "What wasn't your idea?"

"This." Then he quickly opened the door and pushed her inside.

* * *

"Happy Birthday!"

As soon as she walked in and every member of the club yelled out to her, she glared up at Opie and shook her head. "I'm going to kill you."

He couldn't hide his grin as he threw his hands up in the air in surrender. "It was all her idea."

Missy turned her head just in time to see Gemma walking towards her, arms outstretched, with a shit eating grin on her face. "Happy Birthday, sweetheart."

She wanted to be pissed, she really did. But as soon as Gemma wrapped her up in a hug, Missy found herself smiling. "Really, Gem? A birthday party?"

Gemma pulled back and smirked before kissing her on the forehead. "You only turn 29 once."

"Aye, there she is!" Missy barely had time to look over before Chibs came barreling towards her, lifting her up off the ground and spinning her around in a circle. "Good to see you, love."

When her feet finally touched the ground, she got on her toes and leaned forward, kissing his cheek. "You too, Chibby."

Then with a mixture of embarrassment, nerves, and happiness, she slowly made her way to everyone else. She kissed Piney on the cheek, gave Clay a hug, and then offered Bobby a grateful smile after he squeezed the life out of her and showed her the big red velvet cake that he'd made for her that morning. Then before she knew it, she was sitting at the bar doing shots with the new patch, Juice, while Half-Sack stood on the other side pouring them out.

A few hours later, full of birthday cake and a little too much rum, Missy sat at one of the tables and smoked a cigarette as she took in the people around her. Opie and Donna were on the dance floor, slowly swaying in each other's arms and lost in their own little world. Luann and Gem were laughing hysterically about something in the corner. And everyone else was either drinking or smoking or playing pool, just liked they'd done at every party she'd ever been to since she was 13 years old. To anyone else, it would have seemed like nothing special; just a group of misfits hanging out together like they did almost every other night of the week. But to Missy, it was everything.

She had expected to be inundated with bad memories as soon as she walked in the clubhouse door, which is why she'd avoided it for so long since she'd been back. But as she looked around at the familiar surroundings, she realized that much to her surprise, she didn't feel sad at all. It didn't feel painful to be there. It felt right.

She loved every mug shot on the wall, every crack in the paint, every wobbly bar stool, and every song on the juke box. And through the soft haze of the rum, she let herself accept that it didn't matter how much she tried to fight against it. Whether she liked it or not, this was exactly where she belonged. She only hoped that the awareness of that fact would fade away in the morning along with her hangover.

"Now why the hell are you sitting here all alone when you could be dancing with me?"

Missy glanced up and smiled as Tig grabbed her hand and pulled her out of her chair, hugging her tightly. "Hey, doll."

She glanced up at him and grinned when he put his arm around her waist and led her over to the dance floor. "Hey, Tiggy."

She placed one hand on his shoulder as he held the other against his chest, his free hand landing on the small of her back. Then he moved with her to the steady beat of the old Tom Petty song that was playing. "It's really good to see you, Miss. Hasn't been the same around here since you left."

She just rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right."

He stared down at her with those gorgeous, intense blue eyes and shook his head. "I mean it. When I think about how things were back then…I don't know. Gemma doesn't smile as much, Ope's changed, Jax is…" She looked away from him for a moment until he placed two fingers beneath her chin and brought her eyes back to his. "Jax is just different now." Then he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm not saying it's your fault because you left, just that maybe if you came around more, things would be better. Think about it, alright?"

She swallowed down the lump in her throat and nodded. "Alright."

But just a moment later, he had her laughing as he spun her outwards and then quickly back in before twirling her around once more. "Ok, enough of that shit. Let's show 'em how it's done, baby girl."

She danced with Tig through one more song, and was having an amazing time, but just as Van Morrison started to sing about _Crazy Love,_ she heard a voice that made her heart stop beating.

"Mind if I cut in?"

When Missy looked into his eyes, she bit her lip and tried not to sigh. _How does he keep getting more beautiful?_ She and Jax stared at each other in silence for just a few seconds before she felt Tig's hand gently squeeze her hip. Then she looked up at the older man and barely nodded before he took a step backwards and patted Jax on the back. "She's all yours, brother."

When Tig walked away, Jax moved to stand in front of her so that they were only a few inches apart, but his arms remained hesitantly at his sides. The he glanced down into the prettiest hazel eyes he'd ever seen and barely smiled. "Happy Birthday, Miss."

She crossed her arms over her chest and reminded herself to keep breathing as she fought to steady her voice. "Thanks." Then she tried to ignore the fact that everyone in the clubhouse was watching them as she cleared her throat and met his gaze. "What are you doing here?"

He let out a shaky sigh before running a hand through his almost shoulder-length blond hair. "Mom told me not to come. I just…" Then he shrugged his shoulders, an almost guilty expression on his face. "I've done what you asked. I've stayed away. But tonight when I found out you were gonna be here…I don't have an excuse. I just wanted to see you."

When she lowered her eyes to the ground he cautiously took a small step forward, his voice little more than a whisper. "It's just a dance, Miss."

Another beat passed as Missy stood frozen in front of him, but just as he was about to step away from her, she surprised them both by looking into his eyes and nodding. "Just a dance."

He didn't say anything else, just kept his eyes on hers, as he placed his hands on her hips and drew her slightly closer. Then she slowly placed her hands on his shoulders before lacing them together at the base of his neck.

She tried to remind herself that it was just Jax; the guy she'd known her whole life and the guy who was supposed to mean nothing to her now. But lying to herself was impossible when his hands were holding her hips like that and his warm breath was falling against her skin. He was the love of her life and always would be. There was just no escaping it.

She saw him swallow and clear his throat before giving her a small smile. "So you went riding with Ope today, huh?"

She nodded, her voice quiet. "Yeah, I did."

"How was it?"

The small smile she gave him was genuine. "Perfect."

The cocky grin that crossed his lips was forced, but she still loved it. "But probably pretty boring compared to riding with me, right?"

When she saw the playfulness in his eyes, her smile widened. "Well, he didn't fly down the back road to the cabin going 90 miles per hour and giving me a heart attack like you used to, if that's what you mean by boring."

He barely smiled, his voice sweet and sincere. "You know I would have never let anything happen to you, Miss."

She couldn't take her eyes from his as she nodded. "I know."

Missy wasn't sure how it was happening, but it seemed like with every note of the song, they got closer. He wasn't even aware of himself as one of his hands tightened on her hip while the other moved lightly through the long brown waves that hung loosely down her back. And when her finger gradually began to caress the tips of his blond hair, and her other hand traveled from his neck down his chest to rest over his heart, it was like they moved on their own accord. It had been years since they slow danced together, but the same magnet that had always pulled them together was apparently just as powerful as ever. It simply felt natural to be in each other's arms.

But just as he pulled her even closer and she was about to let her head fall on his shoulder, Missy heard a voice behind her that awoke her from her daydream and slammed her back to reality.

"Hi Missy. I heard you were back in town."

Missy dropped her hands to her sides and looked over to face the woman standing beside her, a woman who had only gotten prettier over the last ten years. "Hi Tara. Same here. It's um…it's nice to see you again."

Tara couldn't bring herself to smile, so she just nodded. "You too." Then Tara turned to Jax and crossed her arms over her chest. "I got out of surgery earlier than I expected. I waited for you at home, but after a while I thought I'd come see if you were here."

Missy swallowed down the lump in her throat and looked at Jax. "Home?"

But it was Tara who answered. "Yeah, we moved in together last week."

Missy fought like hell to control her emotions and prayed that the smile on her face was convincing. "Wow. Congratulations."

Missy had to admit, the look on Tara's face wasn't conniving or cocky. It was almost pitying, and somehow that was so much worse. Suddenly she felt the walls closing in on her, making her feel like a lovesick kid again and reminding her of exactly why she had stayed away so long. "You know what? I'm drunk and exhausted and I should really be getting out of here."

Guilt and regret flooded Jax's face. "Miss…"

But she somehow managed to shake her head and pull her eyes away from his, focusing on the beautiful doctor instead. "I'm happy for you guys. And I'll, um…see you around, I guess."

Missy turned away from them and started walking unsteadily towards the door, and she wasn't at all surprised when Opie's large hand landed on her shoulder and stopped her before she could get outside.

She could tell he wanted to say something to her to make her pain go away, but they'd been down this road too many times before. He knew there was nothing he could do. So he just wrapped an arm around her shoulders, kissed the top of her head, and walked with her out to the lot and towards his Harley. "Come on, Miss. I got you. Let's get you home."

* * *

Part IX- Opie…

 _The Clubhouse, 2002_

Ope just shook his head when he saw Jax step out of the clubhouse that morning, freshly showered with two blond croweaters tucked up under his arms. He watched his friend light up a cigarette and kiss each one of the girls before smacking one of them on the ass and sending them towards the parking lot. Then Jax looked up at Ope and grinned before making his way to the picnic table. "Hey, man."

"Hey." Ope put his own cigarette to his lips and nodded his head over to the two girls getting into their cars. "They look fun."

Jax grinned and blew out some smoke before sitting down next to Opie. "They were."

Opie smirked. "Don't think I've seen them here before. Who are they?"

Jax just shrugged. "Some of Luann's girls. I think the taller one is Kendra maybe, and the other one is Allie, or Alex, or something like that." He glanced over to Ope, but when he saw the look on his brother's face, he frowned. "What?"

Ope shook his head. "Hey, I get it. They're hot as hell. But…I don't know. You ever think about finding one that you could keep around for longer than just one night?"

Jax took a slow drag before shaking his head. "Nope." When Ope raised his eyebrows up waiting for a better answer, Jax just rolled his eyes. "I had an old lady. Didn't work out so well."

Opie sighed. "Yeah, but…"

"But nothing." Jax stood up and threw his cigarette to the ground, glancing up to the sky for just a moment before looking back to Ope with resigned acceptance. "If I couldn't make it work with Miss, then I can't make it work with anybody."

Opie knew Jax better than anyone and was usually so good at reasoning through all his bullshit. But as he wordlessly watched his friend shove his hands in his pockets and walk away, Ope just couldn't deny the truth in Jax's words. He hated to admit it, because he didn't want his brother to spend the rest of his life alone. But maybe he was right. Maybe there was no one else for Jax but Missy.

* * *

 _The Oyster, 2002_

Missy had just finished counting the register and was just about to turn off the lights when the door opened and in walked Jake Abbot.

She glanced over to him and grinned. "Hey. I didn't think you were coming in tonight."

He gave her a small, nervous smile and then sat down across from her on one of the barstools. "I wasn't going to but I need to talk to you about something."

She tried to gauge the look in his face, but unable to, she just nodded. "Ok. What is it?"

He ran a hand through his short brown hair and sighed. "Listen, there's this new math teacher…she's nice and cute, I guess. We have a lot in common. She asked me out today, and I like her, but I didn't know what to tell her."

Missy reached across the bar for his hand and gently squeezed. She knew this day would come eventually. She gave him a small smile. "What are you trying to say? You want to go out with her? Because that's fine…"

"No, Missy! I want you to tell me that it's not fine!" He stood up and paced around the bar for a few moments before looking back to her, his voice quiet and a little defeated. "We've been sleeping together for what now, a year? Maybe longer? And I know what you said when it started, that there wasn't a future, but…I'm not asking if you're in love with me. I know you're not. But I need to know if there's even a chance that you could be someday." Then he walked around to where she was standing behind the bar and placed a hand on her cheek. "Could you love me, Missy?"

They both had tears in their eyes, because they both already knew what her answer would be. But she still knew she had to say the word. So she took a step forward, rose up on the tips of her toes, and gently kissed his lips. "No."

He closed his eyes and nodded before letting his forehead rest against hers and taking a long, deep breath. "Then I can't do this anymore."

They stayed like that for a little while longer, but after a few minutes, Jake softly kissed her cheek and walked away.

Missy swallowed the lump in her throat and watched him walk towards the door, but before he could reach for the handle, she called out his name. "Jake?"

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before turning to face her. "Yeah?"

Her heart broke for him when she saw the sadness in his eyes, but she tried her best to give him a small smile. "Please still be my friend."

He stared at her for a moment before offering her a broken smile of his own. "I will be. I promise. Just give me some time to get over you first."

Then he just turned and walked out the door.

* * *

 _Missy's Apartment, 2002_

Missy was leaning against her counter eating a bowl of sugary cereal for breakfast. She brought the last spoonful of marshmallows to her mouth and then drank the artificially sweetened milk left over before rinsing out her bowl and placing it in the sink. But just as she was about to go to her room and get dressed for the day, her phone began to ring.

"Hello."

"Hey, sweetheart."

Missy smiled. "Hey, Gem. What's up?"

But her smile fell instantly when she heard the tone of Gemma's voice. "Miss, listen. Something happened."

She reached for the counter as her breath caught in her throat. "Is it…Is it Jax?"

She heard Gemma let out a sigh before she spoke, unable to hide her sadness. "No, baby. Jax is fine. It's Opie…"

* * *

Missy had barely hung up the phone before she was running through her apartment. She threw on the first pair of jeans and tank top she found before cramming a few things into her backpack, grabbing her keys, and then bolting out the door to her jeep. And as she turned over the ignition and sped out onto the highway, she just kept replaying the sound of Gemma's heartbroken voice over and over again in her head.

Gem wouldn't go into too much detail over the phone. She just said that Opie had been arrested for arson, that there was no getting him out of it, and that because of all his priors, the club's lawyer had no choice but to go ahead and make the best plea deal he could manage. Ope was going to serve five years hard time.

Missy somehow fought back her tears as she pulled into the airport parking lot and ran into the terminal. Then as soon as she reached the ticket counter, she pulled out her credit card, looked at the departure board, and prayed that she could make it in time to catch the next flight out.

"I need a one-way ticket to Los Angeles."

* * *

It was early afternoon by the time Missy landed in California. She hurried off the plane and didn't waste any time, renting a car from the closest place she could find and then asking for directions. Then she drove east as fast as she could so that, only an hour after touching down in Los Angeles, Missy was pulling up in front of Chino.

When she got out of the car and took a step forward, her legs almost buckled. It was like the weight of what had happened and the reality of what she was about to see had suddenly caught up with her, making it hard to move. She took a deep breath and shook her head, knowing that falling apart wasn't going to help anything. So she swallowed down her tears, silently told herself to get her shit together, and then walked inside to the front desk. "I'm here to see Harry Winston."

* * *

Missy sat nervously in her chair, unable to keep her leg from bouncing up and down, until she looked through the wall of glass and saw the door open. She thought that when she saw him he would look angry, or lost, or devastated, because that's exactly how she was feeling. So as the guard led him in and pointed in her direction, she was unprepared for the sweet, surprised smile that fell on his lips.

Dressed in his orange prison uniform, Ope sat down across from her on the other side of the glass and waited for the guard to take his cuffs off before reaching for the phone. "You're here."

Missy held the receiver up to her ear and nodded, wishing more than anything that she could wrap her arms around him. "Of course I am."

He took in the new glow to her skin and the way her hair had lightened. "You look different."

Then she barely smiled as she stared at his familiar long brown hair, full beard, and warm hazel eyes. "You don't."

When his smile widened, she almost lost it, biting down hard on her lip to stop her tears. "How the hell did this happen, Ope?"

He looked around for a moment and then shook his head, quieting his voice. "It was supposed to be simple, in and out. I don't even know how the cops got tipped off. Kyle was supposed to be my getaway, but when he heard sirens he bailed."

Her jaw dropped open as anger boiled inside her. "Kyle? Kyle Hobart? Clay let that piece of shit patch in?" She couldn't believe it. Missy had always hated the lecherous asshole that used to come to the parties every Friday night. She never dreamed he'd ever be allowed to prospect, let alone earn his top rocker.

Ope just nodded. "Yeah, he did. But I don't want to waste my time talking about him. How are you, Miss?"

She shook her head and blinked the moisture from her eyes when she heard the concern in his voice. "Jesus, Ope. Shouldn't I be asking you that question?"

He just shrugged and grinned through his lie. "I'm alright."

She forced a small smile in return before nodding. "Then I'm alright, too."

She was about to say more when she heard the guard's voice call out. "Winston. You got two more minutes."

Opie looked over at the guard before glancing back to Missy. "I gotta go."

The emotions that she'd been fighting to control were quickly rising to the surface as a wave of panic started to set it. "Wait, Ope…just wait." There were a million things she wanted to say to him; she was sorry for running away, sorry for not being there for him, sorry that she hadn't told him every day that he was her brother and that she couldn't imagine life without him. But she knew that he didn't need that right now. So she just choked back her grief and took a deep breath. "Are you protected in here?"

He nodded. "Yeah. The club took care of it."

"Ok, just…just stay safe, alright? And you better write me back for every fucking letter I send you."

The calm façade that he'd worn since seeing her was just starting to crack as his voice nearly broke. "I will."

A tear finally escaped down her cheek as the hand holding the phone began to tremble. "I love you. You know that right?"

She saw him swallow and take a deep breath before somehow managing one more small smile. "I know, Miss. I love you too."

Then, on the verge of breaking himself, he quickly placed the phone back on the wall, turned towards the guard, and waited until his handcuffs were back in place before allowing himself to be escorted back to his cell. He never once looked back.

* * *

It took every ounce of strength she had, but somehow Missy managed to make it back to the car before her tears began to fall. But once she started, she just couldn't stop. She cried for Opie and the years of his life he was sacrificing. She cried for Donna being separated from the man she loved. She cried for the kids who were being ripped away from the best dad in the world. And she cried for herself, because she would spend the next five years of her life missing and worrying and praying for the best friend she'd ever had.

Missy didn't know how long she'd sat there, but by the time her sobs subsided and she caught her breath, the late afternoon sun was just starting to fade. Emotionally spent and jetlagged, she thought briefly about finding a hotel and getting some sleep, desperate to quiet her heartbroken mind. But despite her exhaustion, she knew she couldn't stop quite yet. It would be five more hours of driving, but it didn't matter.

Missy needed to go home.

* * *

It was close to eleven o'clock when Missy pulled into Ope and Donna's driveway. There weren't any cars outside and the house was completely dark, so she wasn't surprise when the door went unanswered. She figured that Donna and the kids were probably spending the night with her parents. She could understand them not wanting to be alone in the house without Opie.

So Missy just walked back to the car and grabbed her purse, pulled out her checkbook, and wrote Donna a check for almost the entire amount of her savings account. She wasn't rich by any stretch of the imagination, but over the last two years, Missy had made decent money and saved almost everything she'd earned. She didn't like to shop, she never traveled, and her living expenses were next to nothing. Missy couldn't think of anything better to use the money for than helping Opie's family.

Then she scrawled a short note on a piece of paper she found on the bottom of her bag, telling Donna that she loved her and that she would send more every month. Then she took the check and the note and shoved them under the front door before making her way back behind the driver's seat.

Then, without really thinking about it, Missy turned the car out of the neighborhood and towards the country road that led to the little house she would always think of as home.

* * *

Jax was sitting at his kitchen table, drinking a beer and staring at nothing, when he heard a light knocking on the front door. And unlike last time, when he opened the door and saw Missy standing there, he wasn't all that surprised to see her. Somehow a part of him knew she'd come.

He had tried so hard to be strong. From the minute he saw Opie get taken away in the back of that fucking squad car, he'd fought like hell to keep it together for Donna, for the kids, for his mom, and for the club. He knew they were all looking to him for courage and counting on him to hold everyone down no matter how badly he was hurting.

But one look at Missy and he knew he didn't have to pretend anymore. There was no point, because even if he tried, she'd see right through him anyway. So he finally let the grief and the guilt and the sadness he had been denying for days consume him as he quietly choked out her name. "Miss…"

She just nodded as her own tears began to fall once more. "I know…" Then she quickly stepped into the house and into his arms, holding him close as he finally broke down.

Missy was the only person who he had ever permitted to see him so vulnerable, and the only reason he did was because she was the only person who'd ever given him real solace. When Tommy died, after his dad's accident, and every other time he'd ever been on the edge about to fall, Missy had been the one to catch him. So as he breathed in the scent of her hair and savored the sound of her soothing whispers, he let himself drown in the comfort that only she could give him. And he never once tried to talk about how he was feeling, because he knew he didn't have to. Missy already knew how much he was hurting, because she was the only other person in the world who loved Ope the same way he did.

When Missy started to kiss the tears from his face, he opened his eyes and drew her body closer. Then he leaned forward and kissed her lips before pulling back just enough to whisper. "I need you."

This time Jax led them back to their old bedroom. His body was screaming for her, aching to tear the clothes from her body and sink into her, losing himself the way he knew he would. But he was determined to take him time, knowing that every minute he spent with her was one more that he could push aside his pain and be happy.

So he went slow as he placed his hands beneath her tank top and gradually moved them up her ribcage until she raised her arms above her head and allowed him to pull it off. He went slow as he unbuttoned her jeans and pulled down her zipper, peeling them down the length of her legs along with the silky panties she was wearing. And he went slow as he cupped her small breasts in his hands before reaching behind her and undoing the clasp, letting the straps fall off her shoulders until she stood naked before him.

Then he moved her so that the backs of her knees were against the bed and gently guided her backwards, until her back fell against the mattress and her legs lay parted over the side. Then Jax took a moment to memorize the image in front of him before dropping to his knees, grasping her thighs, and leaning his face forward until he could taste her.

Missy cried out as soon as his tongue touched her sex. "Oh my god, Jackson…"

Then he moaned against her, overcome by the familiar sweetness in his mouth and the wetness already coating her sex. He used every bit of control he had to take his time, using just enough pressure to make her whimper but going slow enough to deny her completion. Her fingers were pulling almost painfully against his hair, her cries were getting desperate, and his cock was already impossibly hard, throbbing against the rough material of his jeans. But he just wasn't ready yet. He just couldn't let it end.

Jax placed his thumbs on her lips and spread her pussy open a little more before circling his tongue around her clit over and over again until she was desperately grinding herself against his mouth.

Her voice was breathless and panting. "Fuck…Jax, please, please, oh god…"

Then, unable to ignore her pleading any longer, he flattened his tongue against her swollen heat, swirling it mercilessly, before sucking on her clit until she was screaming. "Yes, yes, Jax…fuck…"

He didn't stop licking her until the last of her moans got a little quieter, but just when she thought she would have a respite from his perfect torment, he ran two of his fingers through her now soaking folds and then plunged them deep inside.

"Oh…oh god, oh god…" He curved his fingers upwards and rubbed that spot inside of her, just how he knew she liked it, and within seconds her second orgasm hit even harder than the first. "Jackson…" This time most of her words were inaudible, just a string of pleas and cries and begging until she saw stars behind her eyes.

He didn't move until the thighs around his head stopped shaking, and only then did he stand up from the floor and take off his clothes. Then, without wiping the proof of her pleasure off his lips, he leaned over the bed and kissed her, hard enough that he could almost taste a little of her blood mixed with her juices.

Missy went to move back on the bed and make room for him between her thighs, but instead of crawling on top of her, he laid down at her side and pulled her on top of him. Then he let his hands rest of her hips for a moment before looking into her eyes. "I want to see you."

The love he saw staring back at him immediately filled that vacant place in his heart, and he fought the urge to cry as she leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on his lips. Then she rose up off of his body, wrapped her hand around his hardened length, and guided the tip to her entrance.

"Missy…baby…" Jax couldn't stifle his moans as she slowly sank down onto his cock, sheathing him completely. She was so hot, so perfect, so fucking tight, and he swore he could still feel her walls quivering against him from the way he'd made her come.

It was torture and beautiful and everything he needed. Missy rocked back and forth, up and down, fast enough to keep him hard and groaning, but slow enough to keep him right on the edge. And he tried to let her set the pace, only gently thrusting up against her to help her keep the rhythm. But the urge to touch her was just too strong, and before he could stop himself, his hands were everywhere. He caressed and pulled the buds of her hardened, pink nipples, and ran his calloused fingertips over her still sensitive clit, and sooner than either of them intended, he felt her pussy squeeze around him like a vice.

"Jackson…I'm coming again…oh god, Jax, Jax…" As soon as she cried out, he sat up to hold her, wrapping his arms around her back and burying his face between her breasts, letting her ride out her orgasm as he licked the salt off her skin. And only moments later, he found his own release, groaning out her name as he filled her with his cum, shaking and spasming until he knew he had nothing left to give.

Never letting go of her, he fell backwards so that his head rested on his pillow and Missy lay sprawled on top of his chest. Her lips brushed up against his neck, and he syncopated the pace of her breathing to the slowing beat of his heart. Then he whispered into the darkness. "I love you, Missy."

And just before he drifted off to sleep, he heard his favorite sound in the world answer back. "I love you, Jackson. Always."

* * *

When Jax woke up the next morning to sun streaming though his bedroom window, he knew that the night before hadn't been just another dream. His clothes still lay scattered on his floor, his blankets remained tangled at the end of his bed, and his pillows still smelled like the girl who held his heart in her hands. But that was the only proof he had, because when he reached across to the other side of the bed, instead of feeling the warm softness of Missy's skin, all he felt was the cool emptiness of his sheets.

She was gone.

 **Please review** _ **…**_


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey Everyone! Thank you so much for all the reviews, follows, and favorites. And thank you to all the guests who review since I can't respond to you individually. I continue to love you all :)**

 **Just FYI, after this update, there are** _ **probably**_ **only about three or four more chapters until Call and Answer is completed. That means that it's time for me to start thinking about my next story. I always want to write something that you guys actually want to read, so give me your opinions and let me know what you want! I'm deciding between a Happy/OC and a Chibs/OC, and I'll go with whichever one gets the most requests.**

 **So this one starts with a short present day glimpse, but the flashback will cover three years of the past and will really start to move the story forward. I hope you like it and can't wait to hear from all of you! Thanks for reading and enjoy…**

Chapter 16

Missy had just locked the door to her apartment and was walking to her Wrangler when her cell phone started to ring.

She looked down at the name on the screen and grinned. "Hey, Luann."

"Hey, Miss. What are you up to?"

Missy got into the Jeep and shut the door. "Just on my way to get some groceries. What's going on?"

"I'm just bored and not doing anything tonight. Do you want to come to the house and have dinner with me?"

Missy smiled. It was rare that she got to hang out with her second mom because they both worked constantly, but she always had a good time whenever they got together. "Yeah, I'd love to."

"Yay! Come on over. I'll make some pasta and open the wine."

"Sounds good. I'll be there in about an hour."

"See you soon, sweetie."

"Bye, Luann."

* * *

When Missy knocked on the door and saw the beaming smile on Luann's face, she raised her eyebrows up and grinned. "What?"

Luann's smile somehow got wider and Missy noticed the way her eyes were almost shining, as though she'd been crying. "I've got a surprise for you."

Luann grabbed her hand and pulled her inside while Missy just groaned and shook her head. "You know I hate surprises."

But then a familiar voice spoke out from down the hall. "Yeah, but we both thought you'd like this one."

Missy's head whipped around like lightning and before she knew it she was running. "Otto!" She was in his arms in a second, burying her face in his chest as he held her close and smiled. "You're out? You're really out?"

Otto chuckled and held her a little tighter. "Yep. By some fucking miracle, I went more than a year without another assault charge. I'm officially paroled, little girl."

Missy wanted to say more, but she just couldn't get the words out. Too happy and shocked and overcome with emotion to say anything, she just smiled as happy tears fell down her cheeks.

* * *

A few hours later, after a big dinner and a couple glasses of wine, Otto and Missy sat together at the dining table while they watched Luann in the kitchen putting away the last of the dishes.

She glanced over at one of the strongest women she'd ever known, only second to Gemma, and grinned. "She was so amazing. The whole time you were inside, she missed you so much. But she always kept it together, always knew that you'd get out eventually. You got yourself one hell of an old lady."

When Otto looked over at Luann, there was so much love and admiration in his eyes, it almost made Missy start crying all over again. "I know. I'm the luckiest man in the world to have her." Then his eyes traveled back to Missy and he smiled. "I'm lucky to have you too, Miss."

He held one of her hands that had been resting on the table and squeezed. "I know what all you went through while I was away, living on your own all that time. And I'm not gonna lie, I was pissed as hell when Luann told me that you just took off without anyone around to protect you. But it took a lot of fucking balls for you to leave and start over like that the way you did." Then he blinked his eyes a few times, hiding his emotions behind and a small grin. "But no matter where you were or what you were dealing with, you still wrote me a letter every fucking month. And since you moved back, I don't think you ever missed a visiting day."

When Missy averted her eyes and bit down on her lower lip, Otto reached out and placed a hand under her chin, guiding her gaze back to his. "I'm proud of you, sweetie, proud of the woman you've become. And J.T. would be proud of you too."

This time she couldn't stop a few tears from escaping. Next to Piney, Otto had been John Teller's closest friend, and he had considered himself Missy's surrogate father since the day of J.T.'s accident. So for him of all people to say those words to her…it meant everything.

She was just wiping her tears away when Luann came back in with coffee. "What are you two talking about?"

Otto looked over to Missy and grinned before giving her a playful wink. "Oh, Miss was just telling me about all the trouble you two got in when you went to visit her in Florida."

Luann kissed the top of Otto's head before sitting down next to him and smiling. "That was one hell of a weekend."

Then Otto glanced back at Missy. "Did anyone else from the club ever get down there to see you?"

Missy looked down at her coffee cup, a small smile forming on her lips. "Yeah, there were a few people…"

* * *

Part X- Visitors…

 _Jacksonville, Florida 2003_

Missy glanced around the parking lot in front of the convention center for a few minutes, but quickly turned when she heard her name being loudly shrieked from a few feet behind her.

"Missy! Oh my god! There you are, sweetie!" She could only smile as Luann came barreling towards her, somehow running with ease in her six inch platform stilettos, before wrapping her up in a huge hug.

Missy held on to her just as tightly. "It's so good to see you." She grinned when the older woman leaned forward and kissed her forehead. It had been a week since Luann called to say that she would be in Jacksonville for some big porn convention, and Missy had been almost giddy ever since. She hadn't been back to Charming for over a year, since Ope went to prison, and the thought of seeing someone, anyone, from home made her happier than she'd been in ages.

Luann placed an arm around Missy's waist and started walking towards the entrance. "So, how was the drive?"

"Fine. Just a little over four hours."

"Gemma was so jealous that I was going to get to see you."

Missy grinned. "I know. She called me last night to say how sorry she was that she couldn't come." According to Gem, the club was going through some of its usual craziness and it was impossible for her to get away.

Luann nodded. "Yeah, it's been nuts. But you know Samcro; same shit, different day."

When they reached the big double doors that led into the building, Luann opened the door with one hand while guiding Missy in with the other. And when Miss caught a glimpse of the people around her, she could only stare. "Oh, um…wow."

It was like every bad porno that Missy had ever seen had somehow come to life and thrown up all over the welcoming area. In the span of about ten seconds, she saw a dominatrix, a furry, an elderly woman wearing nothing but a g-string and pasties, and more silicone and lip injections than she knew existed in the entire world.

Luann just shook her head when a bleached blonde with fake double E cups walked by in a cheerleader uniform. "Ugh, they let anyone in here these days. Girls like that are a dime a dozen. All natural is the big up and coming trend." Then she looked over at Missy and smiled. "You know, you would have made one hell of a star, Miss. Your body type is really hot in the industry right now, and I know you're almost 25, but you still look barely legal."

Missy rolled her eyes but grinned. "I'm going to ignore everything you just said."

Luann just smirked. "Hey, a girl can dream. Anyway, even if you wanted to get in front of a camera, Gem would never let it happen. And hell, Jax would…"

When Missy looked over and saw the embarrassed, almost guilty look on her friend's face, she just shook her head. Yeah, it still hurt like hell to hear about Jax's life and know that she wasn't a part of it anymore, but she refused to fall to pieces every time he got brought up in a conversation. "It's ok, Luann. You're allowed to say his name."

The sadness in Luann's eyes was only present for a moment before she blinked it away and smiled. "No, no I'm not. I haven't seen you in forever and we only get to spend a couple of days together. So we're not going to waste time talking about our shitty love lives. We're just going to have fun. That ok with you, sweetie?"

Missy just smiled. "Definitely."

Then Luann reached into her purse and pulled out the pamphlet for the convention before glancing around at all the different booths and vendors. "Ok, babe. Where do you want to start? Anal, orgies, fetish, or bondage?"

Missy couldn't stop herself from laughing as she shrugged her shoulders and grinned. "You're the expert."

Luann just smiled before taking her hand and leading her down the hall. "Anal it is."

* * *

 _Destin, 2004_

Missy glanced over at the lounge chair next to hers and grinned. "I still can't believe you're actually here."

Gemma applied the last of the sun tan oil to her arms before looking at Missy and smiling. "Believe it, sweetheart."

A couple of days earlier, Gemma had called and declared that it had been just too damn long since she'd seen her daughter. And Missy knew she was right. Sure, they talked on the phone about once a week, but they hadn't actually laid eyes on each other in almost two years. So, in typical Gemma fashion, she just did exactly what she wanted to do and said to hell with everything else. She told Clay she was leaving, took some cash out of the safe, and ordered Missy to clear her schedule for the next week. Then Mrs. Teller-Morrow booked herself on the next available flight to northern Florida.

When she picked Gem up from the airport, Missy just assumed that she would crash at her apartment. But Gemma took one look at Missy's little studio and turned right back around, booking a room at an ocean front resort on one of the best stretches of beach in Destin; which is why they were now sitting poolside, sipping margaritas and soaking up some sun.

Gemma put on her aviator glasses and leaned back against her chair. "Fuck, it's hot here."

Missy grinned. "Well, you did come in July."

"You really like living down here, sweetheart?"

She tried to keep her face as blank as possible and simply shrugged. Over the last four years it had slowly gotten easier to live in Florida, but she knew it would never feel like home. She still woke up every morning and fell asleep every night missing her life in Charming; thinking about Gemma, worrying about Ope, and loving Jax…always loving Jax. She still felt lonely and out of place most of the time, but she didn't cry every day anymore. At least there was that. "It's not California, but it's not bad. I really like my job, and I've made some pretty good friends."

Gem raised an eyebrow and smirked. "And are you screwing any of these friends?"

Missy almost spit out her drink when she started choking. "Jesus, Gemma!"

But Gem just shrugged. "Miss, you've lived down here for years and never once told me about a guy. You're young and gorgeous. I know there's been someone."

Missy shook her head. "I didn't think you'd want to hear about that stuff."

"Sweetheart, I hate it that you and Jax aren't together, but that doesn't change the fact that you're my kid and I want to know what's going on in your life. I want to know everything, whether I'll be happy about it or not, alright?"

She looked at the only real mom she'd ever had and barely smiled. "Alright. Shit, you're bossy."

Gemma waited a few seconds and sighed. "Well?"

Missy rolled her eyes and took another sip of her margarita. "There was someone, a friend. We weren't together, really. We just sort of, I mean, every once in a while we would…"

"You were fuck buddies?"

Missy could feel her cheeks redden as she covered her face with her hand. "Did you really just say that?" Then she took an uncomfortable breath and barely nodded. "Yeah, I guess that's what we were."

"So what happened?"

She thought about Jake Abbot and sighed. "He wanted more. I didn't. That was that. We're still friends, though. He's actually engaged now to someone he works with. She's really nice."

Gemma barely nodded. "Anyone else?"

Missy just shrugged. "No one worth mentioning." In the two years since things ended with Jake, she'd had a few one night stands. It only happened on those rare nights when she couldn't stand to be alone anymore, and even then, only with tourists who were preferably almost done with their vacations. Her friends with benefits experiment had been great while it lasted, but she could never risk hurting another guy she cared about the way she knew she had hurt Jake Abbot. The men she used to scratch the occasional itch meant nothing to her, and that's exactly how she liked it.

Gemma shook her head and smirked. "You sound exactly like Jax."

Missy gave her a warning look. "Gem…"

"What? You do. I doubt you're plowing through guys the way he barrels through croweater pussy, but it's all still the same."

"Gemma, I don't want to hear about this."

"Well that's tough shit, because you're gonna sit there and listen." Gemma sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the chair towards Miss and grabbed one of her hands. "Sweetheart, it's been four years since you left. Four fucking years. And neither of you have been with, really _been with_ , anyone else. You haven't even tried to move on. And do you know why that is?"

When Missy didn't say anything, Gemma squeezed her hand a little tighter. "It's because you both know it's pointless, because you both know that you'll never love anyone else, and because you're both still waiting on each other, whether you want to admit it or not."

Missy didn't even have time to respond before Gemma stood from her chair and tied her perfectly styled hair into a neat bun on the top of her head. "Now I'm going to get into the pool and cool off before I fucking melt."

When Gemma sauntered over to the water, Missy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, telling herself over and over again that her mom was wrong, that she didn't know what she was talking about, and that nothing she had just said was true. But after a while, she gave up fighting the inevitable and accepted everything she'd heard.

She could deny it all she wanted to, but Missy learned a long time ago that Gemma Teller-Morrow was always right about everything.

* * *

 _Thanksgiving, 2005_

Missy pulled her Jeep into the Abbot's driveway and smiled. She could already smell the turkey and she wasn't even in the house yet. It was hard for her to believe, but this would be the fifth year in a row she'd spent Thanksgiving with Billy and his family.

She knocked on the door and only had to wait a few moments before Katie opened it and hurried her inside. "Hi, Missy! It's so nice to see you!"

Missy returned the hug she was given and grinned. "Hey, good to see you too." Katie had graduated from college the year before and was now working for some big PR company in Orlando, but she always came back home for the holidays.

She walked with Katie to the kitchen where Billy was snacking on appetizers, gave him a quick hug, and then gladly accepted the beer he handed her while Katie poured herself a glass of white wine. Then Missy happened to glance over at the big dining room table and notice that it had five place settings instead of just four.

She looked over at Billy. "Is Jake coming over? I thought he was spending Thanksgiving with the new in-laws?"

A mischievous smile crossed his face as he nodded. "Nah, Jake's with Allison's family today. We get them on Christmas. But we do have another guest for dinner, honey."

Missy was about to ask who it was, but before she could say anything the door the patio swung open and an annoyed Helen came stomping in. "I swear to God, Herman, I don't know whether to pray for you, slap you, or just wash your mouth out with soap!"

Then she heard a laugh that made her heart start racing before she saw him walk inside, a huge smile on his face. "Come on, Helen. You know you love…" But his voice caught in his throat when he saw her, the smile on his face remaining but growing smaller, almost shy. Then she could have sworn she saw him blush before he met her eyes and quietly spoke out her name. "Hey, Missy."

She stood frozen for just a moment, but before she knew it, she was wrapped up in his arms. And as she smiled against his t-shirt, her arms locked tightly around his waist, she suddenly remembered what it felt like to actually be happy again. "Koz…"

* * *

The next night, Missy sat alone at her favorite table at The Oyster, sipping her rum and coke and watching Koz and Billy as they stood at the bar and did shots of Southern Comfort. She wasn't even aware that she was smiling.

It had been five years since the day she last saw him, his reflection fading from her rearview mirror as she tearfully drove away from Tacoma. She had been scared, and devastated, and broken, but for some unknown reason, he had cared enough to put her back together. Kozik saved her life that morning, and through his phone calls and loyalty and constant friendship, he had continued to save it a little more every day since.

She just couldn't take her eyes off of him, almost afraid that if she blinked, he would just disappear. So much time had passed, but he was still exactly the same; broad shoulders and muscles tensing against his t-shirt, pretty blue eyes that were somehow sweet and dangerous all at the same time, and messy golden blond hair going in all directions from having his fingers constantly running through it. And that smile…perfect and playful and flirty, it summed up almost everything about him.

She tried to think of a better way to describe it, but simply put, seeing him again felt like home. He had helped her, he had consoled her, and he had stayed up with her for hours on countless nights, listening from thousands of miles away while she cried into the phone. And he didn't do it because he felt like he had to; not because she was the kid John Teller took in and not because she was Jax Teller's old lady. It was just because she mattered to him. He knew everything; every flaw she was ashamed of, every weakness that she tried to overcome, and every other ugly thing hidden in between…and yet, somehow, inexplicably, she still mattered.

They sat there until closing time, Missy mostly just listening as Koz and Billy told dirty jokes and rehashed a million stories from their days in the Marines. But in between the laughs and the drinks and the memories, she would occasionally find herself staring at those gorgeous blue eyes, lost in everything they meant to her.

And every so often, she caught them staring back.

* * *

Two days after Koz arrived in Florida, Billy stood behind his big stainless steel grill and watched while Kozik and Katie swam in the pool, Missy sitting in her usual spot on the edge with her feet dangling in.

Billy couldn't believe the change in her. Sure, Missy had grown in the five years since she'd landed on his doorstep. She had been a grieving, vacant 22 year old girl, scared of her shadow and shut off from the world. But ever since her mom passed away a few years ago, it seemed like she had started to open up; she was just a little more content, a little more talkative, and a little more comfortable in her own skin.

But seeing her with Kozik was like seeing a completely different person. He had never heard her laugh so hard, never seen her so relaxed, and she had never before smiled so easily. He didn't even know Missy capable of being that happy, and he knew that seeing her like that should have made him happy too. But it didn't. It made him worry.

A few minutes later, Kozik climbed out of the pool and grabbed a towel, drying off as he walked over to Billy and grabbed a beer from the cooler. Then he stood beside his friend and grinned. "Fuck, I love your house. Thanks again for having me, brother."

Billy tried to return his grin, but it never reached his eyes. "Sure."

Koz frowned at the tone of his voice. He knew Bill Abbot like the back of his hand, and knew that there was something wrong. "What is it?"

Billy let his eyes drift to where Missy was sitting before glancing back to Kozik. Then he stared at his friend for a few moments, debating on what to say, before giving up and sighing. "What are you doing with that girl, Koz?"

Kozik straightened his shoulders as the muscles in his jaw went tense. "I don't know what you…"

But Billy just shook his head. "Don't bullshit me, brother. You forget how long I've know you. I've watched you and Missy together for three days now. And I can't quite figure out how she feels about you…but Jesus, Kozik. It's written all over your face, every time you look at her. You're in love with her."

When Koz didn't say anything, just averted his eyes to the ground, Billy ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "She's just a kid, man."

Koz shook his head. "She's 27, Bill. And I'm 37. It's not like I'm old enough to be her fucking father."

"Yeah, but…" Billy let out a deep breath and looked over at the young woman he had grown to cherish over the last five years. "She's a mess, brother."

When Koz took a step forward, anger seething on his face, Billy put his hands in the air and shook his head. "I'm not saying that to be mean. Missy's a sweetheart and I love her to death. But come on, man. Anyone can see that a part of her is broken. She tries to hide it, but she carries around that hurt like a scar. I mean, is that what this is about? You thinking you can come to rescue? Fix her somehow?"

Kozik swallowed and shook his head. He could hear the concern in Billy's voice and knew that he was just trying to look out for two people he cared about. So when he met Billy's eyes, he just shrugged. "That's not it. What me and Missy have, it's just…" He ran a hand over his face and sighed before looking up to the sky. "People like you and Helen, with these perfect little childhoods and perfect little lives…you can never understand what it's like to be Missy, to be me, to know what it means to live with all the shit we have to deal with." Then he looked back to his friend and shrugged. "Me and her, it's like we're the same person sometimes. I know everything about her and she knows everything about me; and yeah, we're both fucking damaged, but…we're damaged in the same way."

After a few silent moments passed, Koz barely shook his head. "If you think I'd ever hurt her…"

"Hey…" Billy reached a hand out and placed it on Kozik's shoulder, squeezing tightly and shaking his head. "It's not like that. I love you. I love you both. That's just it. I don't want to see either of you hurt. I just want you to be sure about what you're doing before it's too late."

Koz barely shook his head before turning to look at Missy, his eyes immediately drawn to the golden brown waves that fell loosely down the length of her back, shining in the afternoon sun.

Then, more to himself than Billy, he softly whispered. "It was too late for me the first day I met her."

* * *

The morning of Kozik's fourth and final day in Florida, the entire Abbot family drove to Texas to spend a few days with Billy's parents. So Koz and Missy finally had a whole day to themselves.

Destin was known for having water as calm and still as a bath tub, but because a hurricane was brewing somewhere over the Caribbean, Kozik was certain that there would be some half way decent waves up the coast. So he rented a surf board from a local shop, tied it to the top of Missy's Wrangler, and the two of them drove down scenic highway 30-A until they reached a near deserted stretch of sand.

She sat contentedly on the shore for over an hour and watched as Kozik tried to catch any wave he could find. He was obviously disappointed with how small they were, but there was still always a smile on his face. That's just how Kozik was.

Afterwards, they went to lunch at Missy's favorite restaurant in Destin; just a greasy diner with good burgers, where they sat outside for a few hours and talked about nothing important, both pretending that they had more time together and ignoring the fact that he was leaving in the morning.

But when the afternoon thunderstorms came in, they headed back to the Abbot's big empty house, where they curled up next to each other on the massive living room sofa, turned on Billy's home theater system, and watched movies together for the rest of the night.

* * *

Sometime around midnight when the rain finally stopped, Koz stood up from the sofa and grabbed her hand. "I want to go swimming."

She let him pull her outside, her fingers laced with is, and followed him until they reached the edge of the pool. Then, since Koz was already wearing a pair of board shorts, he just peeled off his t-shirt, smiled at her, and then jumped right into the heated water.

He ran a hand through his hair and wiped the water from his face, before looking up to where she was standing and giving her a flirty smile. "Get in with me."

She just grinned as she crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. "You know I can't swim."

It was pitch black outside, the only light coming from the moon and the small dome lights the lit up the bottom of the pool, but she could still see the sweet, sincere expression on his face. "Don't you trust me, sugar?"

Something inside her chest started to flutter as she heard the familiar nickname and found herself softly smiling. "You know I do."

He made his way over to the edge, never once taking his eyes from hers, and barely nodded. "Then come on."

She bit her lower lip and hesitated for just a moment before pulling her tank top over her head and sliding her shorts down her legs, leaving her in the simple red bikini that she'd had on under her clothes since they'd gone to the beach that morning. Then she sat down at the side of the pool and put her legs in the water, more nervous than excited, as she watched Koz inch a little closer.

When he was standing right in front of her, he grinned and reached up, placing his wet hands on the sides of her tiny waist and causing her to shiver. Then he nodded his head and waited until she placed her hands on his shoulders before carefully pulling her into the water.

She held her breath until her feet touched the bottom of the pool, but never let go of him as he walked them backwards away from the wall. Her heart was hammering against the inside of her chest, and she kept telling herself that it was because of how terrified she was of drowning and not because of the way Kozik's touch felt against her skin.

She took a few deep breaths and tried to distract herself, letting her eyes travel over the many tattoos on his arms, chest, and neck, studying the shading and the curves of the artwork and the way they seemed to move on his body every time Koz took a step. And she was just starting to relax when she moved forward and suddenly realized that the water was too deep for her to feel the bottom."

"Oh my god." She was barely aware of herself as panic took over her thoughts, her arms wrapping tightly around Koz's neck as her legs locked around his waist.

He seemed to tense for just a moment before moving one of his hands from her waist to her back, barely caressing her skin with his calloused fingertips. Then he whispered against her ear. "Hey, it's ok. I've got you. Come on, look at me. Look at me, sugar."

When she slowly lifted her face and looked into his eyes, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her even closer as the hand he had on her back moved slowly to the base of her neck. His voice got even quieter. "I've got you, Missy. I've always got you."

Time seemed to stand still as they stared at each other, frozen in place, with no space between their bodies and barely an inch between their lips. Missy suddenly became hyperaware of everything in that moment; the way the muscles of his arm flexed against her lower back, the way his waist seemed to fit so perfectly between her thighs, and the way her heart was racing so fast and so loudly that she could hear it in her eardrums. She had tried to deny it over the last five years, but seeing him like this and being this close…she couldn't hide from it anymore. The same attraction that she'd had to Kozik since she was nineteen years old was still there, and it had only gotten stronger.

In that moment, as she felt his breath quicken with the rise and fall of his chest against her breasts, she knew exactly what he wanted. Maybe she'd always known. And she couldn't lie to herself and say that she didn't want the exact same thing. Kozik was sexy and strong and gorgeous, and it would be all too easy to lose control and abandon herself to the desire and intensity that she saw staring back at her, and that had been slowly building for years.

But as he placed the slightest of pressure on the back of her neck and started to draw her closer, Missy knew that she couldn't let it happen. Because sex with Kozik would never be just sex, it would never be meaningless, and it could never be undone. She wanted the beautiful man in front of her, no question about it, but there would always be another man with blond hair and pretty blue eyes who she would always want more.

So, just as Kozik closed his eyes and their lips were about to meet, Missy barely pulled back and looked down, gently shaking her head until she felt his hold on her waist start to relax. Then she heard him sigh just before his forehead fell softly against hers.

His voice was quiet and almost trembling. "Is it still him?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat and barely nodded. "It'll always be him."

After a few seconds, he raised his head and opened his eyes, staring at her face for a few more moments, before he placed a hand on her cheek and leaned in just close enough to kiss her temple. "I know."

Then he waited for her to meet his eyes once more. "But I've still got you. No matter what, I've still got you."

They didn't say anything else to each other. There was nothing else left to say. So they just stayed there for a little while longer, his eyes locked on hers while she held him close; both knowing it would go no further, but neither one ready to let go.

 **Please review…**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi my loves! Thanks for all the kind words on the last chapter, but I want to apologize for the piss poor job I did editing it. I reread it after publishing and noticed a million little typos. Blah. I know that's annoying. I'll try to do better. Promise.**

 **Anway, here is the next chapter! It ended up being really long, so the flashback portion will be a two-parter, the rest of it published in Chapter 18. But then we'll all be caught up and finally get to see what the present and future will look like for Missy and Jax.**

 **Thank you so much for reading and taking this crazy emotional journey with me. Hope you like it and as always, please review!**

Chapter 17

"Gem, I'm here." Missy walked into Gemma's house without knocking like she always did and went to the dining room where she found her mom sitting at the table, frowning over a stack of papers. "Is everything ok?"

Gemma leaned back in her chair and sighed, a mix of anger and frustration on her face. "No, sweetheart, everything is definitely not ok."

Missy walked to the table and picked up the paper that Gem had been reading. "What is this?"

"A letter from Wendy's lawyer. Apparently the junkie got clean and wants custody of Abel." When Gem looked up and saw Missy's stunned expression, she just nodded. "Jax got this in the mail this morning just before they left for Indian Hills."

Missy sat down at the empty chair next to Gemma and sighed. "Jesus Christ."

As she read over the letter, Missy couldn't help but think about the world's newest little heartbreaker, Abel Nathaniel Teller. He was nearly six months old now, and even though she had seen a million pictures, Missy had somehow managed to avoid seeing the baby in person. She liked to think that she had grown stronger over the years; that the fragile girl she had once been was just a shadow compared to the stable, independent woman who she'd fought so hard to become. But she just didn't know if she could handle meeting Abel. It scared her to think about how she might react to seeing a child with Jax's face and knowing that she wasn't its mother. But honestly, how much she already loved Abel scared her even more.

When Missy finished reading the letter, she looked at Gemma and shook her head. "I don't understand how she can do this. She signed away all her rights when Abel was born. What did Jax say?"

Gem sighed. "Just that he would handle it when he got back from Nevada, but I'm not sure what he can do. This says that she's taking out restraining orders against me, Jax, and every other member of the MC because we're apparently a 'threat to her safety'."

Missy huffed out a disgusted breath. "Well, she's fucking right about that." She took a breath and tried to hide the overwhelming anger building up inside of her. "When did she even move back to Charming?"

"I guess she went to rehab after Abel was born and then just disappeared for a while. But she called a couple of the croweaters last month and said she was living in one of those shitty little apartments off Glenmont Avenue." Then Gemma shrugged. "I'm sorry sweetie, but with all this shit going on, I'm not really in the mood to go shopping anymore. I think I'm gonna head over to Jax's place and get Abel from Neeta."

Missy nodded before standing from her chair. "Of course. Go get the baby. We'll hang out again soon. I promise." Then she kissed Gemma on the top of the head before heading towards the door and whispering, "Don't worry. It'll all be ok."

* * *

Missy got into her Jeep and drove straight back to Stockton. When she got there she walked into her apartment, went to her bedroom, and opened the drawer beneath her bedside table. Then she grabbed the .380 Smith &Wesson that Koz had given her when she first left for Florida, checked to make sure it was fully loaded, and then double checked that the safety was on before throwing it in her purse and heading back to her Wrangler. Then she turned the car back towards Charming.

* * *

It took about 20 minutes of driving around the apartment complexes off the street that Gemma had mentioned, but eventually Missy eyed the piece of shit Camaro she knew belonged to Jax's ex-wife. Then she parked the car in front of the run down building, tucked her gun into the back of her jeans, and walked to the row of mailboxes by the sidewalk; examining the names on each one until she saw 'Case' written above Apartment 237B.

She took the stairs to the second floor, walked down the narrow hallway until she found the right door, and then with a steady hand that hid the rage underneath, she softly knocked.

Wendy opened the door and, for just a few seconds, stared at Missy like a stranger before recognition finally set it. Then she just shook her head. "Stay the fuck away from me…"

But before she could close the door, Missy stuck her boot in the doorway and pushed it back open. Wendy opened her mouth to speak, but before she got another word out, Missy shoved her backwards as hard as she could, knocking her on her ass. Then she stepped into the apartment and quietly closed the door behind her.

"You bitch!" Wendy crawled unsteadily up off the floor and came at Missy, but her movements were too slow and allowed Missy to easily land a hard punch to the left side of her jaw. Wendy was probably five inches taller and thirty pounds heavier, but Missy had one advantage…she was sober. And it was obvious from her dilated pupils and slow reaction time that Wendy was high as a fucking kite.

For a split second, it looked like Wendy was going to try and step up to Missy again, but she stopped dead in her tracks when the smaller woman took the pistol from her waistband and trained it on Wendy's chest. "Oh, shit! Please, please don't…"

But Missy just sighed and waved the gun in the direction of the futon that rested against the wall. Her voice was quiet and measured. "Sit down. We need to talk."

Wendy was already crying by the time she sat down on the faded black cushion and looked over in fear at the gun still pointed in her direction. "Please, I'm sorry. I…"

Missy sat down in the chair across from Wendy and shook her head. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just need you to listen." She still held the pistol in her right hand, but rested it against her thigh, as she leaned forward and took a deep breath. Then she met Wendy's bleary eyes. "Did Jax ever talk to you about me?"

Wendy wiped the tears off her now swelling cheek and shook her head, her voice coming out in shaky stammers. "No. I, um, I found some pictures of you and him together at Gemma's one day. I…I asked him about you that night, but he just told me to never say your name again. Everything I know about you came from the croweaters."

"And did they ever tell you about my mom?" When she saw the confused look on Wendy's face, she shook her head. "Not Gemma. I'm talking about my birth mom."

When Wendy swallowed and shook her head, Missy slowly leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath. "She was a lot like you." She studied the woman in front of her; sallow skin, dark circles rimming her eyes, a slightly vacant look in her eyes mixed with the fear that still remained. Then she barely nodded. "Yeah, a lot like you actually. I have these really early memories of her, before my dad took off, when she was young and fun and pretty. But I was so little. Sometimes I'm not even sure if those images are real or if I just dreamed them. What I do remember, very clearly, was what she looked like around the time I turned three years old, when she became a whore and a junkie."

Wendy shook her head from side to side, her voice quivering. "I'm not like that anymore. I went to rehab. I just want to be a good mom! I just want my son!"

When she saw the desperate look on Wendy's face, a tiny part of Missy almost felt bad for her…almost. "Rehab only counts if you actually get clean. And you may not be using crank or heroine anymore, but I was raised by addicts and I know a high when I see one. I'm guessing you took some pills this morning? Oxy, maybe?"

"I…I…I have some back pain. It's prescribed from a doctor. I just need…"

But Missy just rolled her eyes. "Jesus, Wendy. Why the hell did you even file that custody suit? Don't you understand that it's pointless? You have to know that the first thing Jax's lawyer will do is demand you get drug tested, right? What the hell were you thinking?"

This time when Wendy started to cry, it had nothing to do with the pain from Missy's punch. "I just…I just want to see my baby. I just want to be his mom."

Missy watched the other woman cry into her hands for a few minutes, the whole scene way too reminiscent of her own childhood. Then, a while later, when Wendy started to calm down, Missy sat up straighter in the chair and shook her head. "You're going to call your lawyer today, and you're going to tell him you made a mistake; that you're an addict, that you're still using, and that you know that Abel is better off being raised by his father."

Missy stood from her chair and walked over to stand in front of where Wendy was still sitting. Then she waited for the strung out blonde to look up at her before speaking. "My mom was never able to straighten out her life and she died, high and alone. But I have a friend, a really good friend, who got clean and turned his whole life around. It is possible, and for your sake, I really hope you can change and start a new life for yourself. I honestly do."

But then out of nowhere, Missy leaned down and grabbed Wendy by the hair, tilting her head back until she screamed and then pushing the barrel of the gun painfully up under her chin. Then she leaned down and, with a deadly calm, whispered barely an inch from her face, "But that new life will _never_ include Abel. Do you hear me? _Never_. You already almost killed him by shooting up when he was in your fucking stomach, and I'll be damned if you ever get the chance to fuck up his life the way my mom fucked up mine. So move away, get clean, get married again, have a hundred more babies. I don't give a shit. But know this…I will take this gun and shoot you in broad daylight, in the middle of fucking Main Street, before I ever let that little boy call you mommy. And if I have to spend every day of the rest of my life in jail for murder, it'll be worth it, because I'll know I kept Jax's son safe from you."

Wendy started sobbing again, but just when she tried to close her eyes, Missy pulled her hair a little harder until she winced and stared up at her once more. "Take a good, hard look at me. Do you believe I mean every word I just said?"

Wendy paled and barely nodded before Missy finally let go of her hair. Then, just as calm as can be, she shoved the gun back into her jeans and started walking towards the door. "Good luck, Wendy."

* * *

Part XI- The Things You Can't Take Back…

 _Rogue River Clubhouse, 2006_

Jax, Tig, Chibs, and Juice were on a protection run for Unser Trucking that led them over the border to Portland. So once the job was done, they rode to Rogue River to visit their brothers and crash at the clubhouse for the night.

Jax had just finished talking to Monroe, the charter President, about the latest shipment of Irish guns. Then he made his way over to an unoccupied end of the bar where he had a quiet drink and thought about all the shit he had to do for Clay when he made it back to Charming the following night.

But he found it nearly impossible to concentrate with the small group of sweetbutts gossiping and giggling on the sofa just a few feet away.

" _Which one are you gonna go for?"_

" _Does it matter? They're all hot."_

" _I want the little one with the lightning bolts."_

" _I like the one with the scars."_

" _The one with the crazy blue eyes looks scary as hell, but I bet he could fuck me into next week."_

Then they all laughed for a few seconds before one of them sighed.

" _It's just nice to see some new faces. I mean, I love our guys, but the other charters hardly ever come here. Tacoma came a few months ago, but that was the first time in ages."_

" _Shit, that was a fun weekend. I swear, Happy can't be human. That man could go for days."_

" _I just wish Kozy would have been here. He's so damn sexy."_

" _Where did you say he was again?"_

" _I think Donut said he was in Florida."_

Suddenly Jax's ears perked up as an uneasy feeling started to form in the pit of his stomach. He clenched his hand around the glass he was holding and held his breath.

" _Why was he in Florida? There aren't any charters down there."_

" _Donut said he was visiting an old friend of his, but if you ask me, I think he was down there seeing that girl."_

" _What girl?"_

" _Remember when we went up to Samtac last year for that charity rally? I went looking for him in the clubhouse that night and found him leaning against the building outside by himself, talking to someone on his cell. He called her Mindy or Missy, something like that."_

Hurt and rage and disbelief were all welling up inside of him, but Jax just sat there, frozen.

" _What were they talking about?"_

" _I couldn't really hear much of it, but it was definitely intense. And before he hung up, I heard him say he loved her."_

Jax didn't hear their voices anymore, because the sound of his world shattering drowned out all the other noise around him. _Missy…my Missy…and Koz? Fuck, I can't…how…when…this can't…_ His thoughts were scattered in a million different directions, and he couldn't process anything about what he'd just heard. He hadn't seen Miss in almost four years, since Ope first went to prison. But it would never matter how much time had passed. He loved her as much as he always did. And throughout all these years, he just believed that she felt the same. The words she said to him the last night they slept together kept echoing through his head. _I love you, Jackson. Always…_ Making love to her that night had been perfect and healing, and he had relived it in his memory a thousand times since.

But now Jax just couldn't stop himself from picturing her with Koz; _his_ hands touching her skin, _his_ lips trailing across her breasts, _his_ eyes gazing at the crow on her shoulder after he flipped her onto her stomach and took her from behind.

Confused, hurt, and nearly dizzy from the weight of the betrayal, Jax just couldn't bring himself out of the shit storm that was causing his head to spin. But then a voice from the other side of the bar made him once again aware of his surroundings.

"Hey. Are you alright, honey? You look like you could use a friend."

He looked up at the woman smiling at him; dyed blonde curls hanging over her shoulders, big brown eyes, and full curvy breasts nearly spilling out of the leather corset top she was wearing. She couldn't have been more different from Missy…and in that moment, that was exactly what he needed.

He pushed down his anguish for another day and forced a sexy grin. "What's your name, darlin'?"

The woman just smiled. "Wendy."

* * *

 _Destin, 2006_

Her hair still damp from the shower, Missy pulled on a pair of faded skinny jeans and a dark blue cotton tank top before applying just enough makeup to hide the bags under her eyes. She hated getting up in the morning after closing the bar the night before, but her boss had asked her to work the dayshift too, since spring break was starting and he knew they would be hit with a horde of college kids downing lemon drops and Jello shots all day.

She had just turned on her coffee pot and was looking for her flip-flops when her cell started to ring. She glanced down at the screen, and when she saw the name flashing across her phone she smiled. "Hey, Gem."

But her smile fell when she heard the tired, weary voice on the other end of the line. "Hey, sweetheart. It's Clay. Listen, Gemma's going to be alright but I thought you should know…"

* * *

Throughout the entire flight to California, one haunting thought kept replaying over and over again in Missy's mind… _I could have lost her._ Clay had called it a "mild cardiac event," which was his very calm way of saying that the woman she loved most in the world had almost had a heart attack. Apparently, Gem had been working on invoices in the office when she was hit with severe chest pain. She yelled for help, but by the time Lowell opened the door, she was passed out. He called 911, and Gem was at St. Thomas less than fifteen minutes later.

Clay said that once they got her to the ER, they did something that changed the rhythm of her heart and she was quickly stabilized. Her meds needed to be changed around and they still wanted to watch her for a while, but the doctors said she could probably leave the hospital in a couple of days.

He told her that Gemma said not to call, that she didn't want Missy to worry. But then he said he thought that was bullshit, that Missy was their kid, and that she deserved to know. Missy just thanked him, told him she loved him, and then simply said "See you soon." Then she packed a bag and drove as fast as she could to the airport.

So there she sat, staring out the small window at the top of the clouds, and hating herself more and more with each passing moment. _She's my mom. She raised me. I owe her everything, and I haven't seen her face in almost two years._ Missy wiped the tears off her cheeks and shook her head. _God, what the fuck am I doing?_ _Gemma could have died; she could have died and I was thousands of miles away._ Then she thought back to who she was when she first moved to Florida; lost and alone and desperate to start over. But she'd changed so much since then.

Missy actually thought about moving home all the time. She was tired of missing everyone she cared about, tired of being so far away, tired of walking down the street and only seeing strangers. But she always came up with a million reasons to stay away; she couldn't be with Jax, it would be too weird for everyone, too much time had passed. But it only took one phone call from Clay to blow every single excuse she had out of the water.

Because in the end, nothing else mattered but being with the people she loved.

On one hand, she was grateful for the years she'd lived on her own. It had forced her to grow, forced her to change, and forced her to accept that she was stronger than she realized. But it also crushed her to think about all the things she'd missed and all the time she'd wasted. Life was just too fucking short.

She thought of the regret she would have experienced if Gemma hadn't pulled through, thought about the pain she would have to live with if something ever happened to Ope in prison, and then she thought of Jax…

She still loved him. With every single cell in her body, no matter what had happened between them or how much time had gone by…she still loved him. And even though a part of her always thought of him as invincible, Missy finally allowed herself to think about those things she always blocked out of her mind. _Jax is an outlaw, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's who he is, and trying to make him lead some safe, boring existence away from the club would destroy him. But his world is dangerous. Every day that he climbs on his bike and wears his kutte, he's risking his life. Jesus, how many guys have I known that have been shot, or hurt, or arrested over the years?_

 _Today it was Gemma, and she fine. But tomorrow I could get another call from someone who tells me Jax is gone. He's the love of my life and the thing that keeps my heart beating, and I could lose him._

 _This whole time, I've stayed away because I was scared; scared of what would happen to me if we tried again and it didn't work out. And yeah, that's fucking terrifying. But what's even scarier is thinking that, if anything happened to Jax, he may never understand how much he still means to me, and that I could go through the rest of my empty life with just the memories of mistakes I made and regret for the time I lost._

Her tears fell harder then, but at the same time, she just couldn't stop smiling. Because in that moment, alone in her seat, speeding through the sky somewhere above the Nevada desert, she decided that she was finally done running.

After six years of loneliness and doubt and pain and growth, Missy was ready to go home.

* * *

 _Charming, 2006_

By the time Missy pulled her rental car up in front of St. Thomas, it was just after nine o'clock at night. She went to the registration desk and got Gemma's room number, and then took the stairs up to the cardiac unit on the third floor. She was just rounding the corner when she saw Clay stepping out of a room.

"Clay…" She ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, sinking against his leather covered chest when he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.

"Hey, sweetheart. It's good to see you. She's gonna be so happy you're here."

Missy pulled back and looked up at his face. "How is she?"

Clay just grinned. "How do you think? Bored, restless, giving the nurses shit because they won't let her go outside to smoke."

She smiled. "Sounds about right. Can I see her?" She took a step forward to look through the small window only to see Gemma curled up in her hospital bed, fast asleep.

Clay shook his head. "Sorry, Miss. Visiting hours just ended. And she's exhausted, anyway. Probably needs the sleep."

Missy reached up and patted his cheek. She could see how worried he must have been all day. "That's ok. I'll just come back in the morning."

When they walked outside and towards the parking lot, Clay nodded his head towards his bike. "You want to ride with me back to the house? Gemma would string me up by my balls if I let you stay at a hotel."

Missy grinned but shook her head. "Thanks, but no. There's something I have to do."

He pulled her in for one more hug and then sighed. "Listen, I know you don't like being here much, but you should stick around for a few days after Gem gets out. It'd mean a lot to her."

She blinked the tears from her eyes and nodded before rising up on her toes and kissing his cheek. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

Missy climbed back into the car and drove as fast as she could out of town and down the small, two lane road that led to the house she shared with Jax. But when she pulled into the driveway she was confused when, instead of a Harley parked in front of the garage, she saw an older model Buick.

She went to the door and knocked hesitantly, waiting a few minutes, before a soft spoken elderly man opened it and smiled. "Can I help you, dear?"

She tilted her head to the side and shrugged. "Um, I don't know. My, uh, friend lives here. I'm looking for Jax Teller."

The man's smile widened slightly as he shook his head. "You must not come around much, honey. I've lived here for almost three years now. Jackson is my land lord."

"You're renting the house from Jax?"

He nodded and grinned. "Yes, ma'am. And it's a fine house. Jackson's a good boy."

Missy couldn't help but smile. "Ok, um. I'm sorry to bother you."

The man just shook his head. "No bother at all. Do you want me to call Jackson for you? I have his number."

She just shook her head and took a few steps back towards the car. "No, that's ok. I know where I can find him."

* * *

It was around 10:30 and a Monday night, so when Missy pulled her car onto the lot, it was nearly empty. When she walked into the clubhouse, the only people she saw were a couple of croweaters she didn't recognize and a guy with a mohawk and a prospect kutte sweeping the floor.

He turned to her and flashed a big, pretty smile. "Hey, gorgeous. What can I do for you?"

She just grinned and shook her head. "I'm here to see Jax."

"Come on. Let me show you…"

He started to take a few steps towards the hallway, but Missy reached out her hand and stopped him. "It's alright. I know how to get there."

* * *

Missy's heart was racing as she stood in the hall, staring at the door to his dorm. But she only hesitated long enough to take a few deep breaths before raising her hand and gently knocking.

"Yeah, what is it?"

When she heard his voice echoing through the door, she smiled before slowly opening it and stepping inside. "Hey, Jax..."

He was sitting at his desk, wearing his jeans and a reaper crew t-shirt and writing in one of his journals, when he looked over towards the door. She swore she could actually see the moment he stopped breathing. Stunned didn't quite cover the look in his face, and as he stood from his chair and walked over to stand in front of her, she could see the way his hands were already shaking. "Miss, what are you…"

"I love you." She was as surprised as he was by the words that flowed from her lips, but once she started, she just couldn't stop. "I'm sorry. I know it's been…it's been so long. And so much has happened. And I've hurt you, and you've hurt me, and it's like all we know how to do is fuck everything up. I don't even know how you feel about me anymore. I don't know if you love me, or hate me, or if you still think about me at all. I just…" She took a deep breath and ran her hands through her hair, slowing her rambling just long enough to look in his gorgeous blue eyes and smile. "I've loved you since I was five years old, and I'm going to love you until my heart stops beating. And if you still want to be with me, then…then I want to be with you, too."

She tried to read his expression, but after a few seconds of frozen silence, she bit her lip and then softly spoke his name. "Jax?"

He finally blinked a few times and swallowed, reaching a hand out for her, but then pulling it back just as quickly. Then, with the hurt evident on his face, he cleared his throat and met her gaze. "What about Kozik?"

Not expecting to hear those words, she just shrugged, completely lost. "What about Kozik?"

He shook his head and ran a hand through his tousled blond hair, the stunned look in his eyes quickly changing into one of anger and accusation. "I know you were with him, Missy! I mean, fuck! I get it. We haven't been together in a long time, and I've always known there'd be someone else. But him? My fucking brother? How could you do that to me? How could you let him touch you? How could you…"

But Missy took a step forward and shook her head. "I never slept with Kozik!"

When Jax's eyes widened and he looked at her like he was drowning, she just closed the gap between them and placed her hands on the sides of his neck. Then she waited for him to meet her gaze before she took a deep breath and sighed. "Listen, when I left that morning, after I…after _we_ lost the baby, I felt so alone. I didn't think I had anywhere to go or anyone to help me, but then I thought of Koz." When she felt him tense under her fingers, she lifted her hands to the sides of his face and shook her head. "I drove to Tacoma and he got me a room at a motel for the night. And we just talked and I slept. That's it. He even tried to convince me to come back to Charming. But when he realized I wouldn't, he told me about his friend in Florida who would be willing to help me start over. I left a few hours later."

When she saw him struggling for the right words to say, she started caressing his cheeks with her thumbs, back and forth, until she felt him lean into her hands. "He helped me through the worst time of my life, and I don't know what I would have done without him. And yeah, we talk on the phone and he came to visit, _once_ , but that's all there is to it."

Then she took a small step closer as one of his hands came to rest on her hip. "I never told you because I didn't want you to get mad for no reason, and because I didn't want Koz to get in trouble with the club for helping me out the way he did. But Jax…" She ran her thumb over his lips before leaning forward and giving him a gentle kiss. "Nothing, _nothing_ , ever happened between us. He's just my friend." Then she gave him a small smile and barely shook her head. "I told you a long time ago that I would never love anyone else, and I meant it."

It only took a few seconds for her words to sink in, but once they did he wrapped his arms around her waist and let his forehead fall against hers. His voice was quiet and trembling. "Fuck, Miss. I…I've been so stupid, and I've made so many mistakes. I need…I need to tell you…"

"No. Not now." She waited for him to look into her eyes before shaking her head. "We've both made mistakes, and we can spend the rest of our lives making up for them. But all I need to know right now is if you still love me."

A few tears fell down his cheeks when he closed his eyes and nodded. "You know I do."

Somehow through her own quiet cries, she smiled. "Then be with me."

Not even a second passed before Jax's lips crashed down onto hers; his arms crushing her body against his chest as she placed her hands around the back of his neck and held on tightly. Their kiss was heady and consuming, full of all the love and forgiveness and possibility that they had been denying each other for the last six years, and neither one ever wanted it to end.

And as they peeled off each others clothes and fell onto the bed, it wasn't just Jax's body that filled Missy as she lay there with him, cradled between her thighs. With every kiss, and every touch, and every thrust, she was filled with hope, and trust, and happiness. And with every single whisper of "I love you," the walls around her heart once again started to crumble as they faded away into peaceful, perfect nothing.

* * *

Missy opened her eyes and slowly stretched, holding in a groan as her aching muscles started to relax. And even though she was spent, and sore, and exhausted, she found herself smiling. Because when she looked at the other side of the pillow, she saw Jackson's face. She quietly reached forward and touched a lock of blond hair that had fallen across his cheek, careful not to wake him, and tried like hell to keep from sighing. _God, he's so beautiful when he sleeps._

She couldn't wipe the grin off her face when she thought about how they'd both tried to make up for lost time the night before. They just never stopped. He made love to her, then made her scream with his tongue, then they made love again, then he made her come with his hands. Then she sank to the end of the bed and worshipped him with her mouth before they started it all, all over again. It had gone on all night and into the morning, and she was certain that they couldn't have slept for more than two or three hours. So even though she wanted nothing more in that moment than to wake him up and see his smile, she forced herself to let him rest; carefully crawling out of his arms and quietly pulling on her clothes before making her way to the door.

* * *

When she didn't find anyone in the clubhouse, she walked outside into the bright California sunshine and made her way to the garage. Then she crept up behind the group of men she saw standing there, cleared her throat, and grinned. "Um, hi guys."

When they turned around, she figured they'd be happy to see her. But she wasn't quite ready for what happened next.

"Holy shit, Miss! Is that really you?" Tig had her off the ground and spinning in a circle before she could even take a breath. "Oh my god, baby girl! Look at you! You're all grown up!"

When her feet touched the ground again, she just laughed and hugged him tightly. "I was 22 last time you saw me, Tiggy. I was grown up then, too."

But Tig didn't get a chance to respond before she was pulled into another huge hug by the Scot. "Jesus Christ. I can't believe you're here! I've missed you, love."

She wiped the tears away from her eyes with the back of her hands and nodded. "I missed you, too."

Last, she went to Bobby and sank into his arms, crying against his shoulder as he rocked her back and forth. "Welcome home, kid." When she lifted her eyes to his and smiled, he motioned his head towards the clubhouse. "Have you seen Jax yet?"

She grinned and nodded. "Yeah." Then her smile got even wider. "Yeah, last night we… we're…we're together. We're going to be together now."

He gave her a small, confused smile, but something about it was troubled. "That's great, honey. But what about…"

Suddenly, Bobby's words were cut off when they all turned to see a beat up, baby blue Camaro screaming into the lot before a tall, curvy blonde jumped out of the car and started walking quickly in Missy's direction.

Missy took a step forward and was about to speak when the woman in front of her reared her arm back and, out of nowhere, backhanded Missy as hard as she could across the face.

Before she could even process what had just happened, Tig and Bobby were roughly pulling the woman away, while Chibs came to her side to examine her swollen, bleeding lip.

She winced when she felt Chibs fingertips on her face and then glared at the blonde, who Missy was pretty sure was tweaking out of her mind. "What the fuck…?"

But she was interrupted when the woman, still struggling against the guys, started screaming. "I knew it! I fucking knew it! As soon as the girls called me this morning and said that he was fucking some bitch in his room, I knew…I knew…"

When the blonde stopped fighting against Bobby and Tig, and just broke down sobbing, Missy took a hesitant step away from Chibs and looked at the train wreck in front of her. And she was just about to speak when she happened to glance down and saw the crow tattoo on the woman's forearm.

She stared up at Bobby, praying for some kind of explanation, but when she saw the pained look in his eyes, Missy just looked back at the blackbird in disbelief. Then she somehow managed to find her voice and ask the question she was certain she didn't want to know the answer to. "Who are you?"

The blonde stopped crying just long enough to meet Missy's eyes. "I'm Wendy. I'm Jax's wife."

 **Please review…**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey everyone! So here is the final flashback chapter. We're almost to the end. After this update, it's just the present and the future…**

 **I forgot to mention in the last author's note that the votes came in and, unsurprisingly, the vast majority of you want a Happy/OC fic! So once Call and Answer is completed, I'll start working on a love story for everyone's favorite enforcer.**

 **This one's intense, so brace yourself :) Love you guys and thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy and please review…**

Chapter 18

Part XI- The Things You Can't Take Back…(cont.)

 _Teller Morrow Automotive Repair, 2006_

As Missy placed her fingers at her throbbing temples, she realized that the wreckage in front of her was all too familiar. She'd already played out this exact same scene before. Like history repeating itself, Jax once again cheated on his old lady. And just like before, his woman found out and fell to pieces on this very lot, while the dumb little bitch he fucked looked on in horror. _Except this time I'm not his old lady. This time I'm just the stupid slut who should have known better._

"Oh god…" Missy placed her head in her hands and closed her eyes, fighting against the wave of emotions about to consume her. _This isn't happening. This isn't real. This can't be real…_

"Miss…baby girl, look at me. Look at me, doll…" She lifted her eyes to find Tig standing in front of her, brushing the hair from her face and wiping tears away that she didn't even realize were falling.

She tried to focus on the intense blue of his eyes and pretend, if just for a moment, that her heart hadn't just been severed. But her concentration was shattered when she heard Jax screaming her name from the other side of the lot.

* * *

When Jax woke up and saw that Missy wasn't lying next to him, a flutter of panic flew threw his chest. But he slowly calmed down when he saw the flannel she'd been wearing over her tank top the night before still on his floor, and her earrings and bracelets still resting on his nightstand. Then, when he realized she hadn't run from his again, he finally smiled. _She's really back this time._

He quickly got dressed and walked through the clubhouse, anxious to see his girl. But when he couldn't find her at the bar, Jax went to the door and stepped outside.

And that's when his smile faded and he started to run. _Oh, shit. No, no, no…_

"Missy!"

* * *

Just like six years earlier, Missy looked across the lot and saw Jax frantically running towards her, guilt and pain marring his beautiful face. But this time, she didn't run into the office and cower, unable to face the reality of what was happening. And this time she didn't sink to the ground and crumble, wondering what she possibly did wrong that caused it all. Because Missy wasn't the same girl she'd been six years ago. This time she knew it wasn't her fault.

By the time Jax finally reached her, the only thing stronger than Missy's heartache was her rage. "You asshole! You fucking asshole!"

He shook his head from side to side and tried to put his arms around her, but she used every ounce of strength she had to push her hands against his chest and shove him away, screaming in his face. "You're fucking married?!"

"Miss, just listen! Let me explain…" He came towards her again, but she pushed him back once more.

She hated the tears that fell from her eyes, but was powerless to stop them from rolling down her cheeks in waves. "How could you let me touch you?! How could you do that to me?! You let me be your whore, Jax! You made me into your whore!"

She started to run for her car that was still parked in the middle of the lot, but only took a few steps before Jax's arms wrapped tightly around her waist from behind. "No! You're not leaving me again! Just wait, baby…wait…"

They were both desperate; her to get away from him and him to make her stay. "Get your fucking hands off me! Let me go! Let me go!" She fought against him with everything she had, elbowing him in the stomach until his hold loosened long enough for her to turn around in his arms. Then she just started slapping and punching and kicking and scratching, anything she could think of in a vain attempt to get free.

"Miss! Shit…stop! I'm sorry! Just listen! Just fucking let me…" He kept trying to talk to her, to calm her down, anything to keep her from getting behind that wheel and driving away from him again. But she was going crazy in his arms, fighting like hell to get out of his grasp even though they both knew she wasn't strong enough.

They made eye contact for just a moment, and the sight of her gorgeous, devastated hazel eyes distracted him just long enough for Missy to close her fist and land a solid blow to the side of his face. His arms dropped away for just a moment, but when she quickly made for the car again, he reached for her arm and roughly pulled her back against his chest. He knew he was probably hurting her, knew he was holding on too tightly, but in that moment he just couldn't stop. He just couldn't let her go.

The fighting went on for just a few more seconds before they were forcefully pulled away from each other; Tig placing an arm around Missy's waist and tucking her protectively into his side, while Chibs and Bobby held back a still struggling Jax.

When Missy quickly pulled away from Tig and turned towards her car, Jax started screaming. "I love you! I fucking love you, Missy! Don't just walk away, baby! Don't do this to us!"

When she whipped her head back around and saw him; red faced, gasping for air, and still fighting to break free from his brothers, she pointed a finger in his direction and shook her head, yelling, " _I_ didn't do this! _You_ did!" Then she dropped her hand to her side, took a deep breath and quieted her voice before shrugging her shoulders. "And I'm fucking done."

Finally, she glanced behind him at the strung out blonde still crying on the ground before meeting his shattered blue eyes one last time. "Take care of your wife, Jackson."

Then, ignoring the screams and cries and pleas she heard echoing from the only man she ever loved, Missy walked silently to her car, turned over the engine, and drove away.

* * *

 _Oakland, 2006_

 _Vacant._ That was it. That was the word she'd been looking for. Missy took another sip of her Crown Royal and glanced around at the shitty bar she'd ended up in, just some no name dive in a seedy part of Oakland. She didn't remember getting there. She didn't even remember driving there. All she remembered was the moment the ground fell out beneath her feet. Then she got in her car, turned away from the clubhouse, and left Charming and the only life she'd ever wanted behind.

With every mile she put between herself and Jax, her anger and sadness started to fade, along with joy, and happiness, and every other emotion she'd experienced in the last few hours. It was like, once there was nothing left of her heart to break, she finally shut down until she felt nothing at all. There was no hope or love or longing anymore, but there was also no pain, or rage, or gut-wrenching hurt. She was simply just…empty. _Vacant._

When she drained the last of the whiskey, she placed the cool glass against her forehead, trying without success to ease the still throbbing pain that pounded behind her eyes. But when that didn't help, she just flagged down the bartender and ordered another double.

The man behind the bar handed her a fresh glass and she was just about to raise it to her lips, when a skinny young guy, nervously looking around and obviously high on crank, came up to her and leaned against the bar. Then he nudged her shoulder and whispered in her direction. "Hey. You looking to score?"

When she glanced down and saw the tiny baggy filled with white powder resting in his hand, Missy was about to shake her head and tell him she wasn't interested. But then she paused... _I wonder what it's like, what it feels like, for a chemical to hit your brain and suddenly make everything ok. I wonder what it would feel like for all my problems to just go away, even if just for a couple of hours. I wonder if it would make me feel happy, or feel relieved, or just feel…I just want to feel something…_

Her fingers started to drift down to the guy's hand, but just as quickly, she lifted them away and covered her mouth in horror. _Oh my god…oh my fucking god…_

She didn't say anything; she couldn't, because her tears came on too fast. So she just reached into her purse, threw some cash on the bar, and then ran as fast as she could back to her car.

* * *

Missy sat behind the wheel of her rental and cried her eyes out, shaking uncontrollably, devastated by what she'd almost done. No matter what she'd been through in her past, all the shit that had happened, she'd never once thought about getting high. Sobs racked her body and she struggled for air, all the while telling herself over and over and over again… _You're not her! You can't be her! You can't be Mom…_

The pain of Jax's betrayal, the reality of his marriage, and the weight of what she'd almost just done came crashing down all around her, and she became terrified that, this time, the destruction would be so absolute that there would be nothing left of her to put back together.

She just felt so alone. _God, I need help…I need help…I need…_

But then her tears gradually started to slow when it occurred to her exactly what she needed. She needed someone to understand her. She needed someone to make her feel loved. She needed someone she could count on and who had never once let her down. She needed someone to hold her. She needed a friend.

So once she was calm enough to drive, she pulled out onto the street and back onto the highway. Then she followed the signs to the Oakland airport where she returned her car, went to the ticket counter, and booked the first available flight to Tacoma.

* * *

 _Tacoma, 2006_

The sun was just starting to set when she climbed out of the cab and practically ran up the sidewalk to his door. Then she quickly knocked and held her breath, praying that he was home.

She only had to wait a few moments before he opened the door, stunned and surprised, but smiling. "Missy, what the hell are you doing here?"

She didn't say a word, just stepped into the house and wrapped her arms around his neck. Then Missy did something that she'd wanted to do since she was nineteen years old; she got up on the tips of her toes, brought his face down to hers, and finally kissed Herman Kozik.

It seemed as though Koz's entire body was frozen in place, but after a few seconds of moving her lips against his, he snapped out of whatever trance he'd been in and circled his arms around her waist, crushing her against his chest and lifting her a couple of inches off the ground, Then he kissed her back with everything he had.

She tangled her hands in his messy blond hair as he kicked the door closed with his foot. Then he moved his hands down to the backs of her thighs, wrapping her legs around his waist as he pressed her back against the inside of the door and kissed her harder.

When he parted his lips, she guided her tongue into his mouth; caressing and tasting him until he groaned. Then she suddenly pulled away and looked into his darkened, dilated eyes.

Missy placed her hands on the sides of his face and struggled for air. Her voice was panting and breathless. "If I could give you one night, just one night…would that be enough?"

His eyes searched hers for a long time, and Missy knew that Koz was looking for doubt or fear or anything else that would mean she really didn't want what she was asking for. But after a while, when he saw nothing but need and desire staring back at him, he barely nodded before finding her lips once more. Then he turned away from the door and walked down the hallway to his bedroom, never letting Missy out of his arms.

* * *

As she lay on her side, with her head resting on Koz's chest and her arm curled lazily around his waist, Missy realized that she was almost smiling for the first time since everything happened.

Sex with Kozik was just as good as she always knew it would be.

She buried her face against the side of his neck and bit her lip when she felt a wave of heat hit her still sensitive core, moisture still dampening the inside of her thighs. Just thinking about it made her flush.

 _When he stripped her down and laid her across his bed, Missy could see just from the look in his eyes that he was determined to make the most out of what they both knew would be there only night together. And he did._

 _He was raw but gentle, sweet but dominating, and had made her come more times than she could count. He made her scream then made her smile, made her groan then made her laugh, and did things to her that made her feel beautiful and dirty and sexy and cherished all at the same time. She tried to think of a better word for it, but the only thing that kept coming to mind was amazing. He was fucking amazing._

 _When they had exhausted each other and he had nothing left to give, they lied down on the bed and faced one another. Then, with her head resting on one of his arms while the other fell upon her hip, she told him everything. She told him about Gemma's near heart attack, about deciding to move back to California, and about finally being ready to be with Jax again. Then she told him about going to the clubhouse, about spending the night with Jax, and then about finding out about his wife. Finally, Missy told him about the dealer at the bar and, with more shame and regret than she knew she was capable of feeling, admitted that she'd actually thought about using._

 _And just like he had done a million times before over the last six years, Kozik listened. He listened, and comforted her, and told her that he knew it would all be alright. But this time he wasn't three thousand miles away. This time, surrounded by the quiet darkness of his bedroom, she got to hear his words while lying safe and close in his arms._

Missy was still lost in thought when she felt the arm around her waist tighten. She lifted her head off his chest and looked up, giving Kozik a small smile while he tucked some wayward strands of hair behind her ear. "So what now, sugar? Are you going back to Florida?"

She propped herself up on her elbow while absentmindedly tracing her fingers over the tattoos on his chest. Then she just shook her head. "No. I meant it when I said I was done being a million miles away from everyone I love. Jax and I are…we're over. But Gemma and Ope and all the guys…they're my family too. I'm not going to live my life without them anymore. I'm done punishing myself."

Kozik grinned before leaning slightly forward and giving her a small, sweet kiss. "I'm so fucking proud of you."

When Missy found herself smiling back at him, she paused for a few moments to think about how much she cared for him and what he'd come to mean to her over the years. And not for the first time, a part of her wished that she could have somehow met him first. It would have been so easy to love Koz.

She thought about all the different scenarios that could have brought them together; if Jax had never fallen in love with her, if Tara had never left town, if Jax hadn't interrupted them all those years ago and she had gotten to kiss Kozik on the picnic table the weekend they first met…She could have loved him, and they would have been happy.

But all the what-ifs in the world would never matter.

Missy leaned down and kissed one of the tattoos on his chest before meeting his eyes and sighing. "Koz, what we just did…"

But Kozik just shook his head, stilling her words. Then he placed a gentle hand on the side of her cheek, letting his thumb run over the softness of her lips before moving it to caress her cheekbone. Then he met her eyes and, with a resigned sadness, barely smiled. "I love you. I've loved you for a long time, and I think you've know that for a while."

When Missy bit her lower lip and nodded, he moved his hand to rest on the back of her shoulder, over her crow. "But I've also always known that I can never have you. Even if, someday, you didn't want Jax anymore and wanted to be with me, I would have to walk away from the club and…"

She shook her head. "And I would never let you do that."

He met her eyes and then slowly leaned forward, kissing her with so much tenderness it brought tears to her eyes. Then he whispered against her lips. "I loved everything about tonight, and I'm gonna carry it with me. But I swear, it won't change anything between, alright? I'm still here for you, Missy. I've still got you."

They just gazed at each other in silence for a few minutes, both of them cherishing the memory of what they'd just shared and saying goodbye to what they knew they could never have. But as warm, and safe, and loved as she felt lying there beside of him, she knew she couldn't stay there forever. She knew it was time to walk away.

She sat up and started to move towards the edge of the bed, but Koz placed a hand on her forearm. "What are you doing?"

She looked back at him and sighed. "I should go. I need to…"

But Kozik just shook his head as he gently pulled her back down to his side and wrapped his arms around her. Then he softly kissed her forehead and whispered, "You said I get one night, one whole night. So give me until the morning…give me until the morning to pretend…"

They both blinked tears out of their eyes as Missy slowly nodded and leaned forward to taste his lips once more. And as he carefully moved her onto her back and came to rest between her open thighs, she briefly thought of Jax and how he would never know about this night. She would never tell him about sleeping with Koz; not only because she wouldn't risk Kozik's patch, but because it was simply none of Jackson's business anymore. She was almost surprised when she realized that she didn't feel bad at all about keeping something like that from a man she'd never once lied to. But then she figured, after all Jax had put her through over the years, she deserved to have at least one secret of her own.

But that was the last time Missy allowed herself to think about Jax. For the rest of the night, she would only think about the amazing man who was trailing his lips down her neck and making achingly slow love to her. For the rest of the night, if only for a few more hours, she belonged to Kozik.

* * *

 _Charming, 2006_

Two days later, Missy was sitting at Gemma's kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee and trying to calm her nerves, as she waited for Jax to arrive. She'd called him about five minutes earlier and said that she was at the house and wanted to talk, and he had barely hung up the phone before she heard his engine rev.

Just a few minutes later she heard the rumble of his Harley outside and only moments later, the door swung open and he walked inside. "Miss…"

He started towards her, his arms already reaching forward, but Missy stood up and placed her hand gently against his chest before taking a couple of steps back. "Don't…please."

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed before reluctantly taking a small step back himself. "Ok."

Missy leaned up against the table and met his eyes, doing her best to keep her voice steady. "Tell me about Wendy."

Jax shook his head and looked up to the ceiling before running a hand over his face in frustration. "I've only known her a few months." Saying the words out loud humiliated him, and he hung his head down, averting his eyes. "I was in Oregon on a run, and I heard some of the girls talking about how Koz went to Florida, about how he calls you, and I just…I guess I just assumed the worst and then I fucking checked out." He lifted his eyes to hers and shrugged. "Wendy was there and she was…she was so different than you. And I convinced myself that I could finally get over you if I gave someone different a chance."

Missy swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. "So what happened?"

Jax just rolled his eyes, still in awe of his own stupidity. "I sent the rest of the guys back to Charming and then I stayed at Rogue River for a few more nights, drunk and stoned off my ass, letting myself believe that Wendy was more than just a distraction. A week later, I was in Reno getting married."

Missy's jaw fell open, but after a moment, a vision of Gemma ran through her mind and she almost grinned. "Oh my god, what did your mom do?"

The corners of Jax's mouth barely turned upwards. "I've never seen her so pissed. I actually feared for my life for a second…" But then his face fell back to a frown. "We stayed at the clubhouse for a couple of weeks, still partying nonstop and acting like we were happy. But then I rented a house in town. And when we moved in and I started to sober up and get my head on straight...I knew what I'd done. I knew it was all a huge fucking mistake."

He crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged his shoulders. "But I felt like I owed her, you know? Like I had to at least try and make it work, because I'd basically lied to her and used her since the day we met. So we played house for a couple of months, but it just didn't work. I never loved her. Hell, I didn't even know her. I moved out almost two weeks ago, been staying at the clubhouse. Mom was just helping me get the divorce shit started when she went in to the hospital…and then you came home. You know the rest."

Missy replayed his words a few times in her mind before looking up at him, confused. "You said you rented a house in town for you and Wendy?" Jax nodded before she shook her head. "The night I got back, I went to our old place and there was some guy living there."

"Yeah. He's great. He's been living there for years."

"Why did you move out?"

He just sighed. "I couldn't ever bring myself to have another girl there. Ever. It just didn't feel right. Then after a while, it just…it got too hard, you know? Being there alone every day and still seeing you everywhere. I couldn't be there anymore."

"Why didn't you just sell it?"

He blinked the tears away from his eyes and tried to smile. "Because it's our house, Miss."

A few minutes of silence passed between them before Missy took a deep breath and met his gaze. "I need to say some things, and I just need you to listen, ok?"

When he nodded, she buried the ache in her heart just deep enough to speak. "It's been so long since we broke up, Jax…so long. And I moved clear across the country and tried to start a whole new life, and I guess, in a lot of ways, I did. But I never got over you. I never moved on. And, I mean, I've been with other guys…"

A pained expression crossed his face as he shook his head. "I don't want to hear that shit, Miss."

"I'm not saying it to hurt you. I'm just saying that…some of them were really good guys, guys that I could have cared about. But I never even gave them a chance. I never even tried to move on."

He took a small step closer to her and sighed. "That's because you know we're meant to be together, baby."

But Missy just shook her head. "That's what I used to tell myself. But I don't believe that anymore."

A heartbroken frown fell on his face. "Are you saying you don't love me?"

"No, what I'm saying is…" A few stray tears tumbled down her cheeks. "You know, I've only ever had two goals in my life. One was to be with you, and the other was to never turn out like my mom. And I've fought it and denied it and pretended like it wasn't true, but I know now that I'm exactly like her."

"Miss, how can you…"

"Because I don't just love you, Jax. I'm _addicted_ to you. All the shit, all the hurt, all the pain we've caused each other and I just can't stop. I tried to leave, tried to start over, but every few years I fall off the wagon and back into your bed because I need another fix. It may not be heroine or meth, but I'm just as much of an addict as Cheryl Adams ever was."

Jax's own tears started to fall as he shook his head and choked out her name. "Missy…"

But she just took a deep breath and went on. "My mom always believed that the drugs made her better, because that's what drugs do. They lie to you, make you feel stronger, make you think that they are all you need to survive." Then, as the image of that drug dealer at the bar in Oakland once again ran through her mind, her tears fell harder. "I always thought loving you made me better. I thought that loving you was all I needed to survive." Then, through her broken sobs, she met his eyes and said the words that almost broke her. "I thought loving you made me stronger, Jax. But I was wrong…You make me weak."

He buried the heels of his hands in his eyes in a vain attempt to stop his tears from falling. "Baby, please…"

"I have to try and stop. I have to try to stop loving you."

He just looked at her and shook his head. "How?"

She bit her lip and wiped her tears away before sighing. "The same way any addict gets clean. I never touch you again."

As Jax stood speechless in front of her, Missy used every bit of strength she had to slow her tears and catch her breath. "I'm flying back to Florida tonight. I need to get my Jeep, and pack, and say goodbye to a few people. But them I'm coming back for good." When she saw the small glimmer of hope in his eyes, she shook her head. "Not to Charming, but somewhere close. Maybe Lodi or Stockton, I don't know. But we can't see each other again."

When he opened his mouth to protest, she stood a little straighter and met his gaze. "I mean it. No calls, no visits, no showing up where I live or wherever I end up working. We're…we're done." Then her voice once again started to tremble as a fresh wave of tears started to fall. "And if you can't do that, if you can't respect me enough to do that, I'll leave again. And Jax, this time I swear I'll never come back. And I'm asking…no, I'm begging you not to do that to me. Because I really want to be home."

Then, as she looked at the man now weeping in front of her and felt the last of her strength fading away, the only thing she had left to whisper was, "Goodbye."

* * *

 _One week later…_

Ever since Missy left town, Jax had been in agony. But he knew in his heart that all of that was about to change. Gemma had just called him to say that Missy was back and staying at the house for a few days until she could find an apartment, and he didn't even wait for his mom to hang up the phone before he was running out of the clubhouse to his Dyna.

Jax understood why Missy felt like she had to move on, and he knew he had no one to blame but himself. He had hurt her more times than he could count and knew he didn't deserve anymore chances to make it right. But no matter what she said to him the week before, he knew that they were supposed to be together. He had made so many mistakes, and fucked it all up so many times, but he and Missy were soul mates. Nothing would ever change that. And there was nothing in the entire world that could stop him from spending every second of the rest of his life trying to convince her that they were still meant to be.

At least, he thought there was nothing that could stop him. But that was before he watched Wendy's Camaro pull into the lot, before he saw her walk towards him with tears in her eyes, and before he held the pregnancy test in his hand.

That's when he finally accepted that it was really over; the moment he looked down, saw that bright pink line, and learned that another woman was carrying his child.

That's when Jax knew he'd lost Missy forever.

 _ **Please review…**_ _  
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	19. Chapter 19

**Hello, my loves! I'm so sorry this took so long to post. I've had a bunch of family drama over the last few weeks that kept me from writing. Blah. Anyway…**

 **So we finally all know Jax and Missy's history and why they aren't together. So this chapter is based entirely in the "present" day, which I guess would be somewhere towards the end of season one. Just remember that this whole story is basically AU, so don't expect things to go down in any way like they did on the show.**

 **Before I wrote this, I actually went back to the beginning and read just the present day intros to the chapters that had them, and it was really cool to read them again knowing what all of us know now. Definitely gives them a little more meaning. If you get a chance, you should do it too. It was fun.**

 **Anyway, after this update there is only one chapter left! I loved writing this one, and I can't wait to hear what you think of it. I truly hope you enjoy reading this, and as always, please review…**

Chapter 19

 _The Present…_

Missy lined up ten shot glasses across the bar and quickly filled them with Patrón before dropping a salted lime wedge in each one. Then, as soon as the guys in front of her downed their drinks and slammed the glasses back to the bar, she filled them all up once more.

She looked down to the other end of the bar and yelled over the crowd. "You doing ok down there?"

She watched as the other bartender, Jason, distributed about eight bottles of beer before he quickly made a few Jack and Cokes. He just yelled back and nodded. "I'm surviving."

It was Saturday night and Chrome was even busier than usual, which was always both good and bad. On one hand, Missy knew that she was going to leave that night with at least $400 in her pocket. But on the other hand, she also knew that she and Jason would be there until four in the morning shutting down the bar and cleaning up after all the drunken, grown-ass adults who somehow never learned how to throw away their own shit. _Oh, the glamorous life of a bartender._

Missy plastered on a fake smile for the guy paying for the tequila shots and took the cash from his hand. Then she placed the extra 20 dollar bill into the tip jar before discreetly throwing away the phone number that the guy had slipped her along with the money.

She was just about to move onto the next group of customers when the cell phone in her pocket started to vibrate. She pulled it out just long enough to look at the screen and hit ignore before shoving it back in. _Sorry Gemma, I'll have to call you back._

Then 30 seconds later, with two fresh Jager bombs in her hands, she felt it vibrate again. _Jesus, Gem. You know I don't answer my phone at work._ She handed over the drinks and took another order before reaching down and silencing the call yet again.

When only seconds later it vibrated once more, she blew out a frustrated breath and turned away from the crowd. Then she grabbed it out of her pocket and was about to turn it off when her breath caught in her throat. Because this time it wasn't Gemma's name on the screen. This time it said _Jax_. And Missy somehow knew that something was wrong.

She flipped it open and raised it to her ear, yelling over the crowd. "Jax?"

Missy could barely hear his voice over the music, but she could still tell that he'd been crying. "Miss, it's Donna…"

* * *

Missy didn't bother changing out of her work uniform; skin-tight black jeans, biker boots, and a low cut cropped black tank top that said _CHROME_ across the chest. After she hung up the phone, she just blinked away her tears and told Jason he could keep all her tips for the night. Then she ran out of the bar to her Jeep and drove as fast as she could towards Charming.

Barely 40 minutes later, she walked quickly through the doors of the St. Thomas ER and frantically looked around until she saw a group of leather clad men huddled down the hallway by the waiting room.

When Jax turned around and she saw the sadness in his eyes, she didn't even think about it. She just went towards him as fast as she could, fell into his outstretched arms, and buried her face against his chest. Then she wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly, feeling his lips brush against the top of her head, before slowly pulling back and meeting his gaze. "How is she?"

"I don't know. They just took her up to surgery. All we know is…it's bad, baby."

She bit her lower lip and tried like hell not to cry. "What happened?"

Jax tucked a piece of long, honey colored hair behind her ear before sighing. "Donna was coming home from visiting her parents. It was just her. The kids were staying with Piney at the cabin for the weekend." Then he placed his hand against the side of her neck, and she could feel the slight tremble running through his fingers. "The witnesses said it was a drunk driver; some asshole who'd been swerving and weaving through traffic for miles, going about 80 miles per hour on a fucking two lane road." He took a few seconds to calm the rage in his voice before going on. "The car that had been following him saw the whole thing; said the guy was in a black SUV that went left of center, and that he would have hit her head on, but at the last minute Donna swerved out of the way to miss him. She jumped the guard rail and flipped the truck into a ravine."

Jax used his thumb to brush away a few tears from her cheeks before shaking his head. "The witness said the guy stopped and got out to check on her; that he fucking stumbled to the truck and looked inside, and then…then he just ran back to his ride and drove away. She was upside down, unconscious, and bleeding and…and he just fucking left her there, Miss."

She swallowed down the bile in her throat and furiously blinked her tears away. "Was he arrested?"

He just shook his head. "No, he was long gone by the time the sheriff got there, and the witness couldn't remember the license plate. But she gave a pretty good description of the car and what he looked like. We already have people looking for him. We're gonna find that fucker before the cops do."

When Missy saw his eyes harden, she just met his gaze and nodded. Then she took a breath and asked the question she was dreading the answer to. "How's Opie?"

Jax tried to fight it, but he couldn't stop his voice from cracking as he hung his head down and looked at the floor. "I've never seen him like this. He's wrecked, Miss…"

"Hey…hey, it's ok. Everything's gonna be ok." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek before he placed his hands around her waist and drew her closer. Then he just let his forehead fall against Missy's shoulder; his tears soaking her skin while her fingers ran comfortingly through his hair.

And as Missy continued to whisper against Jax's ear and lose herself in the peace that only ever came from being in his arms, she was far too distracted to notice when Tara turned down the hallway in their direction, saw the two of them together, and then, with pained eyes, watched them for a few minutes before quietly walking away.

* * *

Five hours later, all of Samcro had taken up residence in the ICU waiting room, impatiently waiting to hear from the surgeon. Missy was sitting on one of the small benches against the wall with Jax right beside her, and he was holding her hand just like he'd done almost every moment since she'd arrived at the hospital. A devastated Opie was pacing just a few feet away from them, and everyone else was just sitting around, drinking coffee and silently praying that their brother's wife would somehow pull through.

But they all stood up and turned their heads when a team of doctors walked in the room and over to Opie. "Mr. Winston? Can we go somewhere more private to talk about your wife's condition?"

Ope just shook his head. "Everyone here's family. Just tell me how she is."

When Missy looked up and saw that Tara was one of the people standing with the neurosurgeon, she expected Jax to let go of her hand. But to her surprise, as the doctor started to speak, Jax's trembling fingers only held on tighter.

The doctor cleared his throat and nodded. "Mrs. Winston has suffered several injuries. Her left leg has been shattered, along with four of the vertebrae along the lower portion of her spine. The impact caused her to fracture several ribs which punctured her lung, temporarily causing it to collapse. Aside from that, there are scattered contusions and lacerations of varying size all over her face and arms." Then the man took a deep breath before continuing. "But although they are serious, none of those injuries are life-threatening. What we are most concerned about is the bleeding in her brain…"

Missy tried to focus on what he was saying; something about head trauma, and swelling, and surgery to relieve the pressure against her skull. But by the time he finished speaking, all she was capable of processing was the very last thing the doctor told them; that Donna was in a coma, and that they didn't know if she would ever wake up.

Missy was usually so good at putting other people's needs ahead of her own. She could almost always bury her sadness and anger and hurt long enough to take care of everyone else around her before she ever bothered to think about herself. But for some reason, after she watched Opie storm out of the room and the full weight of what was happening fell upon her shoulders, she was unable to keep the anguish and fear from consuming her. And she just fell apart.

Tears streamed down her face as she choked back her sobs, but just when her strength started to fail her and her legs became unsteady, strong arms wrapped around her tiny waist and kept her from falling.

Jax held her against his chest, gently swaying her back and forth while running a calm hand down the length of her hair until her cries started to subside. Then, when she slowly lifted her bleary eyes to his, he kissed her forehead before drawing her close once more. Then he whispered so that only she could hear. "It's alright, baby. Don't cry. I'm here. It's all gonna be alright, Miss. I promise…"

And as he placed his arm around her waist and guided her back to one of the sofas, she suddenly realized something. She knew that Jax was hurting too; that in that moment, he was just as heartbroken and scared and devastated as she was. But for the first time since they'd known each other, she wasn't denying her grief and trying to be strong so that she could take care of him. Because, for once, she didn't have to.

For the first time in their lives, Jax was ignoring his own pain and taking care of her.

* * *

A few hours later, with no change in Donna's condition, Missy drove back to her apartment in Stockton just long enough to take a shower, change her clothes, and pack a bag so that she could stay in Charming for at least a few more nights. So it was still before noon when she returned to the hospital wearing her boots, a fresh pair of skinny jeans, and an oversized gray sweater that hung loosely off one of her shoulders, her still damp hair hanging in waves almost down to her waist.

The guys were taking shifts at the hospital, a few of them staying behind to support their brother while a few others would leave to take care of club business or things at TM. But Missy and Gemma never left St. Thomas. They would just rotate between sitting by Donna's bed with Opie, who refused to leave his wife's side, and taking care of the men who still stood vigil in the waiting room.

So after two hours of comforting Opie and holding Donna's hand, Missy walked quietly out of the room and stretched her legs. Then she waited for Gemma to take her place beside of Ope before heading back into the waiting area.

Despite her sadness and utter exhaustion, Missy couldn't help but grin when she saw Chibs, Bobby, and Otto huddled around the tiny coffee table playing poker. She walked up behind Bobby's chair and patted his shoulder. "Who's winning?"

Bobby reached up and squeezed her hand for a moment before throwing three aces down on the table. "I am, kid. As usual."

Otto and Chibs both groaned and threw in their hands while Missy just smiled and kissed the top of Bobby's curly head. "It's almost time for lunch. Are you guys hungry?"

Of course she already knew the answer. They were always hungry. So she took their lunch requests and walked down the long hallway to the elevators that would lead her to the cafeteria. She pressed the down button and stared up at the numbers on the wall, waiting for the floor she was on to light up; and after a few seconds, when she heard the ding that signaled the elevator had arrived, she took a few steps forward. But she paused when the doors finally opened and she saw that the only person inside was Dr. Tara Knowles.

The startled look on Tara's face was masked quickly with a small, uncomfortable smile. "Hey, Missy."

Missy barely smiled and nodded in return. "Hey." Then she walked into the elevator and turned so that the two were facing the same direction, staring forward towards the doors as they closed.

An awkward silence fell between them, neither one saying another word as they both kept their eyes trained on anything but each other. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, and Missy didn't even think she took a breath until the first floor light lit up and the elevator came to a stop.

As soon as the doors opened, Missy nodded in Tara's direction and stepped out. "Bye." Then she started walking quickly down the empty hallway that would lead to the cafeteria. But she only made it a few feet before a shaky voice called out behind her.

"Do you still love him?"

Missy stopped dead in her tracks and turned back around. Tara was just a few feet away, her hands shoved into the front of her white doctor's coat, and all the color had drained from her pretty face.

Missy's heart started to race as she stared at her, stunned. "What?"

Tara glanced around to make sure the two of them were alone before taking a hesitant step in Missy's direction. "Do you still love him? Because he's mine now…he's mine, and you can't have him back."

She could tell that Tara was trying her best to sound strong, but the uncertainty was written all over the doctor's face. So Missy tried to tamp down her anger and kept her voice as calm as she could. "Tara, how I feel about anyone or anything is none of your god damn business. If you have issues in your relationship, you need to take them to Jax. I have nothing to do with your shit."

She was about to turn away when Tara spoke again, her voice almost trembling. "Fuck, I'm sorry. It's just…" The dark haired beauty looked down at the floor and took a few deep breaths before glancing up and meeting Missy's gaze.

There was no anger or bitterness in her voice, just a sort of desperate sadness that Missy didn't even know Tara was capable of. "I couldn't believe it, when I heard that you two had gotten together after I left town. I mean, I always thought you were like a little sister to him..." Tara glanced up at the ceiling for a few moments and bit her lower lip before staring back at Missy. "And when I came back it felt…it felt so right, us being together. And when it's just the two of us, it's…it's good. It's really good. But every time you're around, the way he looks at you…"

Missy just shook her head, her heart racing. "Tara…"

"He won't tell me he loves me."

Missy did her best to ignore the small sliver of happiness those words gave her as she studied the woman in front of her; a woman who she'd admired and envied since the day she met her, who now looked so lost an unsure of herself.

Tara crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head before walking over to the wall and leaning her back against it. "But he acts like he does. And I mean, we live together, and I help him with Abel, and I still have his crow…"

In that moment, just like when they were teenagers, Missy wished like hell that she could hate Tara Knowles. It would have made all this so much simpler. But as much as she wanted to, she just couldn't. She only felt bad for her. So instead of telling her off or marching away in anger, Missy walked over to where Tara was leaning and rested her back on the wall right beside her. Then, much to her surprise, Missy found herself almost grinning. "You know, I get that you still have your crow, and that should probably mean something. But I still have mine, and I'm pretty sure Wendy still has hers too. I'm not sure Jax actually knows what they mean, because he hands them out like fucking candy on Halloween."

In spite of the tears in her eyes, Tara couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped her lips. Then the two women briefly stared at each other, both almost smiling, before Missy pushed her hands against the wall and took a few steps forward.

Missy and Tara had almost nothing in common; in fact, they were about as different from each other as two people could possibly be. But when Missy saw the broken expression on Tara's face, she realized that they actually did share one very important thing; they both knew what it felt like to have their hearts broken by Jackson Teller. So Missy couldn't help but take pity on Jax's latest casualty.

"Tara." She waited until the doctor lifted her big brown eyes up to hers before she softened her voice and shrugged her shoulders. "Me and Jax…we have a history, and that's never gonna go away. But we're not together. We haven't been for a really long time, and I have no intention of trying to take him away from you."

Tara blinked the tears from her eyes and then nodded before Missy motioned her head towards the cafeteria. "I need to get some things and get back upstairs…"

She took a few steps down the hall, but paused when she heard Tara call out her name once more.

"Missy?" She turned back around and saw a sad but genuine expression on Tara's face. Tara barely raised the corners of her mouth and sighed. "You know, I always liked you, even when we were kids. I think maybe, in some alternate universe where Jax never existed, maybe we could have been friends."

Missy just swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. "Yeah, maybe."

* * *

That evening, Opie and Missy were sitting in Donna's room when they heard a light tapping on the door and saw Clay standing on the other side of the window. They both got up and walked out to the hall, and as soon as Missy saw the entire club standing in front of her, she knew what her stepdad was about to say.

Clay placed his hand on Ope's shoulder. "We got a name and a location on the driver."

Opie took a breath and nodded before stepping back into Donna's room just long enough to grab his kutte. Then he looked down at Missy. "Can you stay here until I get back? I don't want her to be alone."

She just nodded. "Yeah, of course."

Ope leaned down and kissed the top of Missy's head before glancing once more to the room where the mother of his children still lay unconscious and fighting for her life. Then, with a lethal glare in his eyes, he turned to walk down the hall.

Missy's gaze traveled over every member of the club until her eyes landed on Jax. They looked at each other for a few seconds, but just as he turned to walk away, Missy took a few steps forward and grabbed his hand. "Jax…"

She knew what he was about to do, and she wasn't about to stop him. As far as she was concerned, that drunken asshole deserved everything that was about to come his way. So Missy just stared into those determined blue eyes of his for awhile before squeezing his hand a little tighter. "Be careful."

The murderous look on Jax's face softened just long enough for him to lean down and kiss her forehead. "I will."

Then he placed his hand on the back of her neck and held her close for just a moment longer before turning to join his brothers.

* * *

Two days later, Missy was sitting alone at Donna's bedside rereading the same magazine for the fourth time. She had finally convinced Opie to go home for a little while; at least long enough to clean up and spend some time with his kids. Then the rest of the guys had to leave to deal with some club business, while Gemma had to go and take care of a few things at TM. But Missy had cleared her schedule for the week and had nowhere else to be. So there she sat in the uncomfortable little chair, occasionally holding Donna's hand and praying as hard as she could that her brother's wife would wake up and recover.

Every few minutes she would glance up at Donna's face, normally so bright and full of life, and was constantly struck by how pale it was now; white as a ghost except for all the red and purple cuts and bruises. And for about the hundredth time since she'd been in that room, Missy closed her eyes, swallowed back her tears, and focused on the comforting, constant beeping of the heart monitors which assured her that, at least for now, her friend's heart was still beating.

But her thoughts were interrupted when Donna's nurse opened the door and warmly smiled. "Sweetie, Mrs. Morrow is outside. I think she wants to speak to you."

Missy thanked the nurse before glancing back once more at Donna. Then she stood up and walked over to the door.

She went out to the hall and down to the waiting room where she saw Gemma with her back turned towards the door. "Hey, Gem. Ope asked me to…"

But every thought in Missy's head instantly vanished the moment that Gemma turned to face her and she saw the baby cradled in her mom's arms. She tried to speak, to think, to move…anything. But Missy was suddenly frozen, her eyes glued to the gorgeous, six month old little boy who she'd tried so hard not to meet. He was more beautiful in real life than any picture she'd ever seen, and for a brief moment in time, Abel Teller literally took her breath away.

"Miss…"

When she heard her name, Missy looked up at Gemma for just a second and found her voice, before letting her eyes drift back to the baby. "This is the first time I've seen him…"

Gemma just smiled. "I know, sweetheart. And I wish I could have given you some notice, but I was on my way here when Neeta called and said she had a family emergency. I had to stop at Jax's place and pick him up." Then Gemma nodded her head towards the hall to Donna's room. "How is she?"

Even as she spoke, her eyes never left Abel. "The same."

Missy was nothing short of mesmerized by the little life in front of her, but she quickly snapped out of her trance when Gemma took a few steps forward and suddenly placed the little boy in her arms. "What…Gem…what the hell are you doing?"

Gemma tucked Abel snugly in Missy's arms and then dropped the diaper bag down on one of the chairs. "I haven't been here all morning and I want to spend some time with Donna. They won't let me take him back to the room with me, so you're going to have to watch him for a little while."

Missy's eyes widened in panic as she shook her head. "Gemma, I can't. I don't, I don't know how…"

But Gemma just ignored her protests and smirked, kissing both Missy and the baby on the forehead before walking away and yelling over her shoulder. "I just changed him. There's a bottle in the bag if he gets fussy…"

"Gemma!" Missy hissed out her name in vain, but Gem was already half way down the hall.

When the baby started to squirm in her arms, Missy looked back down at him and just shook her head. "Your grandma is a piece of work, you know that?"

She glanced around the room nervously, praying that someone else would somehow miraculously appear to help her, but when she accepted that she was actually on her own with Jax's son, Missy sat down in one of the chairs and placed him in her lap so that he was facing her. Then he looked up at her with a pair of gorgeous, familiar blue eyes, and reached his hands forward until Missy leaned her face down a few inches. Then he placed his tiny hands on her cheeks and let out the most perfect little laugh she'd ever heard.

 _Yep, I'm a goner…_ Missy could only smile back at the precious little boy, but after a few seconds she finally found her voice and softly whispered. "Hi, Abel. We haven't been introduced yet. I'm Missy."

* * *

Jax parked his Dyna in front of the hospital and went inside, walking straight to the elevators that would take him to the intensive care unit. He had been in Oakland for most of the day dealing with some problems with the Mayans, and when he got back to his house expecting to see Abel, all he found was a note from his mom saying that Neeta had to leave early and that they would be waiting for him at St. Thomas.

Jax figured that he would find Abel with Gemma somewhere in the waiting room, so he wasn't quite ready for the wave of emotions that hit him when he rounded the corner and saw Missy walking up and down the hallway with his son cradled close in her arms.

His little boy was fidgeting and fussing, the way he always did just before he went down for a nap; while Missy paced around in circles, gently bouncing up and down, trying without success to calm the baby who was determined to fight off the sleep he so desperately needed.

Then Jax suddenly realized that Missy holding Abel was probably the most perfect thing he'd ever seen in his whole life. And he just couldn't take his eyes off of them.

Jax had no intention of interrupting the beautiful scene in front of him by making his presence known, so he took a few silent steps back until he was sure Missy wouldn't see him. Then he leaned his head against the wall and smiled as he watched them in secret and listened to the love of his life quietly speaking to his son.

" _Come on, little one. I just fed you and you have a fresh, clean diaper on. Why won't you go to sleep, huh? Grandma said your nap time was an hour ago."_

 _Missy just kept walking up and down the hall, swaying the exhausted baby gently back and forth in her arms. "What do you want? Do you want a story? I don't really know any fairytales…I do know some good ones about your old man and Uncle Opie, but you're about twenty years too young to hear any of those."_

Jax bit his lip to stifle a laugh and then just glanced back at them, grinning.

 _Missy couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face as she stared down at the fussy little blond in her arms. "You know, you're going to be exactly like your daddy. I can already tell; beautiful, but stubborn." Then, as if on cue, Abel reached his tiny fingers up and grabbed a piece of her hair, pulling it as hard as he could. "Ouch. Easy, little man." But her wince quickly turned into a giggle. "See, just like Daddy. It's a Teller family trait. Absolutely gorgeous, and nothing but trouble."_

 _Then Missy gently ran her hand over his head, smoothing the soft yellow hair underneath, as the smile on her face started to fade into something softer. Then she quieted her voice to a whisper. "Can you keep a secret, Abel?" She looked into his sleepy blue eyes for just a few more seconds before leaning down and kissing him gently on his forehead. "I love you. I love you very much. But don't tell anyone I said so, ok? We'll just keep that between you and me."_

Jax blinked away the moisture from his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat, his heart suddenly beating so hard it felt like it might actually burst out of his chest. There had been a few times since his son had been born when Jax had allowed himself to picture Missy and Abel just like this; happy and close and together. But whenever the images would drift into his head, he immediately tried to fight against them; because knowing they could never be real was just too damn painful for him to handle.

But much to his surprise, it turned out that he'd been wrong; because just a few feet in front of him, his daydream had come to life. It was the family he always wanted. _The family I'm meant to have._

Every day of the last year, since he learned about Wendy's pregnancy and gave up on ever being with Missy again, Jax had felt like a broken piece of a puzzle. It was like, no matter what choices he made or how he lived his life or who he shared his bed with, he just couldn't make it work…he couldn't make the pieces fit.

But in a moment of complete clarity, Jax realized something that, deep down, he'd already known for a very long time; that nothing, _nothing,_ about his life would ever feel right if Missy wasn't by his side, living it with him. She was the only way to fix what was broken inside of him. She was the only thing that could ever make all the pieces fit.

Overwhelmed with love he'd been denying, Jax almost took a small step forward, but he stopped when Abel started to cry and he heard Missy's sweet, quiet voice once more.

" _Oh shit…please don't cry. Please. I promise, I'm doing my best…Um, let's see. What haven't I tried yet? Uh…oh, um, how about a song? Huh? Do you want me to sing you a song, Abel?" Missy just kept swaying and walking, trying like hell to remember any of the children's songs she used to sing to Ellie and Kenny when they were little. But when Abel started to cry a little louder, she just gave up and sighed. "I hope you like The Stones, little man." Then she started singing the first song that popped in her head…_

" _I'll never be your beast of burden_

 _My back is broad but it's a hurting_

 _All I want is for you to make love to me…"_

The smile on Jax's face returned as he stood there for a few minutes, listening to Missy sing a few more verses to Abel until the baby finally settled down and drifted off to sleep. Then, only when Missy walked back down the hall and into the waiting room did Jax turn around and head back towards the elevators.

And with every step he took, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't wipe the grin from his face. Because for the first time in so long, Jax knew with absolute certainty exactly what he needed to do.

He needed to be with Missy. It was that simple. She was the right to all his wrongs. She was the answer to all his questions. She was at the end of every road he would ever be meant to be on.

Jax was going to spend the rest of his life with Missy Adams, and if it fucking killed him, this time he was going to get it right.

* * *

It was almost midnight, but despite how tired she was Missy laid awake in her bed, just staring up at the ceiling. Opie had convinced her to go back to her apartment at least for the night, and she knew she needed the rest. But she just couldn't shut her thoughts down long enough to lull her body into sleep.

Frustrated and exhausted, Missy briefly wondered how much whiskey she would have to drink before she made herself pass out. But her thoughts were forgotten and she sat straight up in bed when she heard someone knocking steadily on her front door.

Reaching into her bedside table, she grabbed her gun and switched off the safety before walking cautiously to the door. But when she looked through the peephole and saw who was on the other side she let out the breath she'd been holding, adjusted the straps on her thin cotton nightgown so that her breasts were completely covered, and then placed the gun on the kitchen table before finally opening the door.

"Jax, what are you…"

But she didn't get a chance to finish her sentence before he stepped inside, placed his hands on the sides of her face, and kissed her with everything he had.

Missy stood frozen for a few seconds as Jax's lips moved urgently against her own, but before she even realized what was happening, she was holding onto the front of his kutte, drawing him closer, and kissing him back just as fiercely.

Lost in the feel of his body and the taste of his tongue, Missy was only vaguely aware of one of Jax's hands falling away from her face, drifting down the length of her side, and then squeezing her hip before traveling downward to reach under the hem of her nightgown and touch the smooth bare skin on her outer thigh.

But when his calloused fingertips started searching inward and he groaned into her mouth, Missy suddenly pushed him away and realized what the hell was happening.

Her voice was panting and breathless. "Jesus, Jax! What the fuck are you doing? We can't…"

"Be with me."

Missy just stared at him, aching and confused, as she desperately tried to catch her breath. "What?"

The determination she saw in his eyes was almost startling and he couldn't hide the raw emotion from his voice. "I'm done living without you. I'm done living a life that's a lie. I love you, Missy. I'm so fucking in love with you I can't see straight, and nothing else matters but being with you. So just…just be with me."

With her heart beating against her chest, Missy averted her eyes to the floor and tried like hell to remember all the reasons she knew it could never work. "I told you, Jax! We're not…we're not good for each other! We've been over this. I'm…"

"You're what, Miss? You're addicted to me? Yeah, maybe you are. But that's alright, because I'm addicted to you too. We need each other, baby. We need each other like we need the air in our lungs. And I know what you said last year, but you were wrong. I know that being with me can make you stronger, just like I know that being with you is the only thing I need to survive."

"But…I…" Missy's voice was little more than a stammer as she struggled for the words to deny any of what he was saying. But then suddenly, an image of a pretty brunette ran through her mind and she remembered a very real reason why they couldn't be together.

She took a step away from him and met his eyes once more. "What about Tara, Jax?"

But he just took another step closer and closed the distance between them. "I broke up with her."

He slowly reached forward and placed a gentle hand on her hip as she looked up at him, completely stunned. "You…really?"

He gave her a single nod. "Really."

But she just shook her head in confusion. "But…when?"

He squeezed her hip a little tighter and stared at her with an intensity she'd never once seen before. "Right after I saw you this morning at the hospital with Abel." Then, when he saw what he prayed was a glimmer of hope flickering behind her gorgeous hazel eyes, he softened his gaze and quieted his voice. "Because the moment I saw him in your arms, I knew, like I've always known, that there's never going to be anyone else. You're supposed to be Abel's mother, Miss. I don't care who gave birth to him. You were always meant to be his mom."

Quiet tears streamed down her cheeks. "Jax…"

But Jax just shook his head as his own tears started to fall. Then he sank down to his knees in front of her and placed both hands on her hips, his eyes never once leaving hers. And as she stared down at the face she'd loved since she was five years old, she finally saw the confident resolve he'd walked in with start to crack.

He tried to give her a small smile even as his voice was breaking. "I've hurt you so bad, Miss. I know that. And I've lost track of all the ways I've fucked things up between us. But baby…all I need is one more chance. I know I don't deserve it, that I don't deserve anything from you…but I'm begging."

Then he just stared up into her eyes for a few more quiet moments before he smiled a little wider, even though his tears fell harder. "I want to marry you, Missy. I want…" He placed his shaking hands around her waist and leaned forward, kissing her stomach over her nightgown. "I want to have kids with you." Then he rested his forehead where his lips had just been and held her a little tighter. "I want to spend every day of the rest of my life making up for all the years we wasted."

When she didn't say anything, Jax raised his eyes to hers once more, took a deep breath, and then barely shook his head. "You know, for the past few days, I've watched my best friend in the whole world grieving and dying inside, heartbroken because he might lose the love of his life." Then Jax took Missy's hands in his and studied them for a few moments before kissing each one, his lips moving against her skin as he spoke. "But the love of my life is right here. You're standing right in front of me; beautiful and breathing, and I'm done trying to pretend that I can make it without you."

After a few more seconds, Jax finally found the strength to get off his knees and stand. Then he reached forward and cradled Missy's tear soaked face in his hands before placing a small, sweet kiss on her lips. "Tell me you don't love me, baby. Just look in my eyes and tell me you don't love me anymore, and I'll walk away. I'll leave you alone and you'll never see me again." Then he leaned his head down and kissed her once more. "But if you still love me like I love you then just…just be with me."

Finally, with his heart in his hands, he took a small step forward so that absolutely no distance existed between them. Then he guided Missy's face up to his and wiped away the tears from her cheeks before closing his eyes and letting his forehead fall down softly against hers. Then he barely whispered. "So just tell me…do you still love me, Miss?"

 _ **Please review…**_

* * *

*Song Lyrics taken from "Beast of Burden" by The Rolling Stones


	20. Chapter 20

**Well, here it is! The final chapter to Call and Answer…**

 **I have loved every second of writing this story, even when it broke my heart. And as much as I hate to see it come to a conclusion, I hope that by the end of this update you all think that I told a story worth telling.**

 **Thank you to everyone who took time out of their lives to read this, and a special thanks to those who actually took the time to review. Your words have meant everything to me, and I can't begin to describe how grateful I am to each and every one of you.**

 **Just fyi, I haven't started working on the Happy/OC fic yet, so if you think you'll want to read it or any other stories I write, just follow me as an author if you haven't already done so. That way you'll get an alert whenever I end up posting.**

 **Holy shit, is this really over? How can it be over? And how come I can't stop crying right now? Ok, I'm officially an emotional wreck. I don't want to say goodbye :) So I guess I'll just say one last time that I truly hope you enjoy reading, and once more, please review…**

Chapter 20

 _The Future…_

 _Stockton, 2007_

Missy glanced around at her now empty apartment and was amazed by just how much life could change in the span of a month.

It had only been four weeks since that night, when Jax walked into her living room and turned her whole world upside down. _Four weeks since I faced all my biggest fears. Four weeks since all my plans went out the window. Four weeks since I made the most important decision of my life…_

Missy walked through each vacant room one last time to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. And once she was certain she'd left nothing behind, she slipped on her jacket, slung her purse over her shoulder, and picked up the very last cardboard box. Then she stepped outside and walked to her Jeep, where she placed her purse on the passenger side before setting the box down on the backseat.

Then she turned around and walked across the parking lot to the man waiting for her on his motorcycle.

He stood up, threw his cigarette to the ground, and nodded towards the apartment. "Is that the last of it?"

She just nodded. "Yep. I've got everything I need."

He took a small step forward, placed his hands on her hips, and pulled her a little closer before looking into her eyes and smiling. "I love you."

And just like she'd done on that night four weeks earlier, Missy leaned up on her toes, placed her hands on his cheeks, and softly kissed his lips. Then she smiled back. "I love you too, Jax."

* * *

Missy pulled her Jeep into the driveway, with Jax arriving just a few seconds later on his Harley. Then she got out and waited for him to take off his helmet and walk over to her, before she glanced back towards the road. "Where's the van? I thought they were right behind you."

Juice and Half-Sack had come to Stockton that morning to help Jax load all her furniture and boxes into the TM van, and they were supposed to be bringing it all straight to the house.

Jax shrugged. "I think they got caught in some traffic. They'll probably be a little while."

Then Missy nodded before looking away from Jax and over to the little house that she'd loved with all her heart since the day she first moved into it, almost eleven years earlier. Apparently the elderly man who had been renting it from Jax had moved out several months before when, no longer able to care for himself, he had decided to go live with his son in Lodi. So since it was already vacant, Jax didn't waste any time. The morning after Missy told him she still loved him, he had the prospects cleaning and repainting, getting it ready for him and Missy to move back in as soon as possible.

And as her mind drifted to both the memories and the possibilities that the little two bedroom ranch contained, she paused to take a deep breath and blink happy tears away. _Because I'm finally back, because it's really mine again, because I've never belonged anywhere the way I belong right here._

For a few blissful moments, Missy was lost in thought and in her own little world, but she was quickly pulled from her daydreams when she felt strong arms snake around her waist from behind.

Jax pulled Missy close against his chest and leaned forward, inhaling the scent of her hair before slowly trailing a path of kisses down the length of her neck. Then she felt him smirk against her skin, his warm breath sending shivers down her spine. "You know, I think we've got a few minutes all to ourselves. Why don't we go inside and…"

Missy just giggled before breaking away from his hold and turning to face him, playfully shaking her head as she slowly backed away. "Nope. No. Jackson, absolutely not…"

He gave her his flirtiest grin and took a few steps in her direction. "Come on, Miss. You know you want to…"

She tried not to smile but just couldn't stop herself when she saw the almost pleading, pouty look on his face. "Jax, we don't have time! Juice and Sack could walk in on us at any…"

But he just inched a little closer and slyly smiled. "I'll lock the door. And I promise, I'll make it really quick."

She took one more step back and was just about to make a run for it when he suddenly reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her against his chest and tickling her sides as she shrieked with laughter and half-heartedly tried to get free. But her smile started to fade as his hands drifted down to her ass and gently squeezed before bringing her a little closer so that she could feel the hardness already swelling beneath his jeans.

The air between them got heavy as they stared into each others eyes, both now dilated and suddenly hungry for each other. Then, unable to tolerate even an inch of distance between them, Missy laced her hands behind his neck, pulled his head down, and crashed her lips onto his. The kiss was heady and overwhelming, and she could feel her wetness growing with every single taste. She nipped and sucked and licked his perfect lips until she swore he almost whimpered. Then she tangled her hands in his hair and pulled a little harder than she'd intended, causing him to moan.

And it was at that point, after Missy deepened her kiss and caressed his tongue with her own, that Jax abruptly broke away and shook his head, panting. "Fuck it. I don't care if they walk in on us. I'm taking my god damn time."

Then he scooped her up off the ground like she weighed absolutely nothing, threw her over his shoulder, and smacked her ass; making her bust up in laughter all over again. Then he just carried her quickly towards the house, smiling the whole way. "Welcome home, Miss."

* * *

 _Jax and Missy's House, 2008_

Missy looked into the full length mirror and smoothed down the front of her simple but beautiful white lace strapless dress. It went all the way down to the floor and clung tightly to every single curve on her body. And the dress, combined with the artfully arranged curls down her back and her perfectly applied makeup, made her feel prettier than she ever had in her life.

As she continued to stare at her reflection, she expected to be overcome with the anxiety and jitters that everyone always warned her about. But Missy smiled to herself when she realized that, much to her surprise, she wasn't even the tiniest bit nervous. _But I guess since I've been dreaming about this day for 25 years, I've had a little time to prepare…_

Then she glanced down at the small diamond solitaire that Jax had placed on her hand the very first week they were back together; the same one that he had given her nine years earlier the first time he proposed. Missy was stunned when she learned that he had held on to her engagement ring through all those years, but when she asked him why he'd kept it for so long, Jax just shrugged and said that he saved the ring for the same reason he never sold the house; because neither one could ever belong to anyone but Missy.

She was just taking a few deep breaths and running over the vows in her head one last time when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. "Come in…"

"Sweetheart, I have a few things I…" But Gemma's voice caught in her throat as she took in Missy's appearance and sighed. "Oh, Miss. You're so beautiful…"

When Missy saw the moisture welling up in her mother's eyes, she quickly shook her head and began frantically waving her hands in front of her face, trying to dry her own tears before they could fall. "God damn it, Gem. Don't start. Luann spent an hour on this eye makeup!"

Gemma just smiled before quickly drying her eyes. Then she cleared her throat and walked over to Missy, taking both of her hands in her own. "I know. I know. But I just remembered that you can't walk down the aisle without your something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue."

Missy grinned. "Well, the dress is new. My heels are blue. And I've already borrowed your bracelet. So all I need is something old."

The smile on Gemma's face softened. "I know. That's why I thought you could carry these with you. Maybe fold them up and tuck them into your bouquet." Then Gemma handed her a few small pieces of paper, slightly yellowed from age, that looked like they had been torn out of a diary.

Missy glanced down at the words and immediately recognized the handwriting. Then she just stared up at Gemma in wonder. "What is this?"

This time Gemma couldn't stop a tear from escaping. "They're some pages from one of John's journals. I found them a few months after he died, and when I read them, I knew that I had to save them for you…for a special day."

Then Missy took a shaky breath and ran her fingers over J.T.'s words before sitting down on the edge of the bed and reading.

 _September 20, 1992_

 _I dreamed about Tommy again last night. He was alive and healthy and growing, playing with all the other kids his age. And his smile beamed brighter than sunshine. But then, inevitably, daylight came and I was cruelly forced to wake up and remember that he's dead._

 _Isn't it strange how the happiest dreams can leave you the most devastated in the morning?_

 _So when the sun came up, and I had to face my heartache, I did the only thing in the world that seems to help me deal with my grief. I went to Tommy's old bedroom, cracked open the door, and watched my daughter sleeping._

 _When Missy first came to live with us, a small part of me felt like it was wrong to have her move into Tommy's bedroom, because then it wouldn't be his anymore. But I was wrong. Missy belongs there, just like she belongs in our family._

 _Sometimes the similarities between her and Tommy take my breath away. Just like my son, Missy is small for her age. And just like my son, she's far too quiet. But most of all, just like Tommy, Missy is good. Deep down in her soul, her heart is good and pure and loving. And every night that she sleeps in Tommy's room, breathing life inside of it once again, she reminds me that there is still hope for the world…That there's still hope for me._

 _Nothing will ever replace Tommy or fill the void his absence has left in my heart. But Missy is helping to heal me, and Gemma and Jackson…she's healing all of us._

 _I just pray that someday she'll understand what all she's given us, and just how much we love her._

By the time Missy finished reading John's words, tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she didn't even bother trying to wipe them away. Then she rushed to Gemma, who was also crying, and fell into her waiting arms.

The two women just held each other for a long time, but after several minutes, Gemma dried her eyes and kissed Missy on the forehead. "I love you, sweetheart."

Missy looked up at Gemma and nodded. "I love you, too." Then she took a few deep breaths and turned to place the pages on top of her dresser, but Missy gasped in horror when she glanced up at her mirror and saw the thoroughly destroyed state of her makeup. "Oh shit, Gem! Look at me! I'm a mess!"

Gemma just grinned and kissed her on the top of her head before quickly stepping back towards the door. "Don't worry. I'll go get Luann. She'll have it all reapplied and perfect in a few minutes."

But before Gemma could leave the room, Missy looked over to her once more. "Gem?"

"Yeah?"

"I just…" She swallowed back her tears and smiled. "Thank you."

Gemma just stared at Missy for a few more seconds, love and pride beaming from her eyes, before simply smiling back and softly closing the door.

* * *

About 20 minutes later, Missy was peeking through the curtains that covered her sliding glass door, staring out at the small group of people sitting in the chairs that had been set up in her back yard. They had been arranged so that a small aisle existed down the middle of the rows, and the prospects had built a pretty wooden archway at the end that was covered in white fabric and wildflowers. All the people she cared about were milling around in the grass; talking to each other, smoking a few cigarettes, and drinking some beers. And Missy smiled when she realized that it was all even more perfect than she'd imagined.

Gemma had been a little disappointed when Missy told her she didn't want a big wedding, just something small and simple at the house. The queen just couldn't understand why Missy wouldn't want a huge, elaborate party that would be celebrated by the entire MC. But Missy explained that, on the most important day of her life, she only wanted to see close friends and family; the people who she loved with all her heart and who she knew loved her the exact same way.

Of course Jax had no opinion on the wedding at all. As soon as he put the ring back on her finger, the only thing he cared about was signing the papers and making it official. He tried to convince her to go to Reno that night, desperate after so many years apart to finally be able to call her his wife. But Missy just said no. Because even though she wanted to get married just as much as he did, she knew in her heart that it wouldn't be right until _all_ of the people they loved could be a part of their day.

So Missy had insisted on waiting for as long as they needed to, and as she stared out to the yard a few minutes later and watched Donna walking slowly down the aisle to the beat of the music, she knew without a doubt that it had been worth it.

It had taken over a year, but after several surgeries, countless hours of speech therapy, and 13 months of grueling physical rehabilitation, Donna Winston had almost completely recovered. Sure, she had the slightest limp on her left side, and her short term memory wasn't quite yet where it needed to be. But she was alive; alive and strong and happy and beautiful. And today she was Missy's matron of honor.

Her eyes followed Donna all the way to the end of the aisle. Then Missy smiled widely as sweet little Ellie started walking down the same path, sprinkling flower petals along the way with a giggling Abel toddling down the aisle right beside her, holding the ring pillow.

But when the kids finally reached their destination and the music suddenly changed, Missy blew out a deep breath, straightened her shoulders, and stared up at the man who was about to give her away. "Ok, that's my cue. Let's get this show on the road, Winston."

Opie gazed down at his sister and smiled before motioning his head towards the front door. "You know, it's not too late. Say the word and we can sneak out the back. I'll have you on my bike and out of here before anyone even knows you're gone."

Missy just smiled and laughed because she knew that Ope was only half joking. Then she just shrugged and let out an exaggerated sigh. "Well, I mean, I'm already in the dress and the food's all been paid for, so I should probably just go and get it over with."

They grinned at each other for a few seconds, but then something in Opie's expression changed as his smile got a little smaller. Then he just leaned down, placed a warm hand on the side of Missy's face, and softly kissed her forehead. "I love you, Miss."

She placed her fingers over the hand that still rested on her cheek and leaned into his touch before blinking the tears away from her eyes and nodding. "I know. I love you, too."

Then Opie smiled down at her one more time before walking over to the door, sliding it open, and holding his arm out for her to take. "Ok, Shorty. It's now or never. Are you ready?"

Missy just grinned as she took a few steps forward, looped her arm through his, and then looked up at her best friend's face. Then she just winked and smiled. "I got this."

* * *

 _Jax and Missy's House, 2009_

Missy's hands were shaking as she stepped out of the small bathroom and started walking nervously towards the kitchen. But when she looked over at the table and saw Abel giggling in his high chair and throwing Cheerios at Jax, she let out the breath she'd been holding and just grinned. The sight of her husband and son together always made Missy smile.

Jax was sitting in one of the chairs beside Abel, trying without success to get their little boy to stop throwing his sippy cup onto the floor, when he looked over at his wife and grinned. "Morning, baby."

She tried to control the anxiousness in her voice and smiled back. "Good morning." Then she walked over to where they were sitting and kissed Abel on the top of his head before leaning down and planting a slow, sweet kiss on Jax's lips.

When she pulled away, Jax wrapped one of his arms around Missy's waist and looked up at her face with concern. "How are you feeling? Do you still think you're coming down with something?"

Then Missy just smiled as happy tears welled up in her eyes. "Um, no…I, I was wrong. I'm not sick. It's something else." Then with a trembling hand, she reached forward and placed the pregnancy test on the table in front of him.

Jax stared down at the bright pink line for just a few seconds, but as soon as he realized what was happening, he quickly stood up and circled his arms around Missy's waist; lifting her off the ground a few inches and holding her close, smiling even as his own tears started to fall.

They just held each other for a few minutes as they cried, both lost in the moment and totally speechless. But Jax slowly eased Missy back to the floor when he heard his son starting to whimper.

Missy quickly turned away from Jax and unstrapped Abel from his highchair. Then she lifted him into her arms, kissed his cheek, and held him close; comforting him with a soothing, quiet voice. "It's ok, angel. Mommy's here. Everything's ok. What's wrong, little man?"

Abel's chin was quivering as he looked up at Missy and shook his head. "Mommy and Daddy are sad."

Missy just laughed and shook her head before kissing her son again. "No, sweetheart. We're not sad." Then she looked over at the love of her life and father of her children and smiled through her tears. "Mommy and Daddy are so, so happy."

* * *

 _Jax and Missy's House, 2010_

Early morning sun was just starting to creep through the blinds when Missy slowly opened her eyes. She glanced over to the alarm clock and saw that it was barely six in the morning, and then she reached over to the other side of the bed for her husband. But although the sheets were still warm, it was empty.

Missy carefully threw back her covers and quietly climbed out of bed. Then she threw on a nightgown over her naked body before silently inching her way to the bassinet that stood just a few feet away. Then she just smiled and stared, never able to get enough of the sight of her newborn daughter.

Serena Madock Teller was already almost two months old, and completely perfect in every way. As soon as they found out they were having a girl, Missy and Jax had chosen "Madock" because it was Gemma's maiden name, and they both wanted to honor the woman who meant everything to them. But after months of looking at baby books, neither one of them could decide on a first name. That is, until Jax finally found the name "Serena" and saw that it meant "peace and tranquility." Then he smiled and told Missy that it was the perfect thing to call their little girl, because only his wife and children brought peace and serenity to his complicated life of chaos.

Missy contentedly watched her daughter sleeping for a few more minutes. Then she tip-toed out of the room and down the hallway, carefully opening the door to Abel's room just wide enough to see that he was tucked up under his covers, still fast asleep. Then she quietly closed the door again and walked towards the kitchen where she knew she'd find her husband.

When she stood in the doorway and saw him pacing, Missy quickly walked up to Jax and wrapped her arms around his waist. Then she kissed his lips before pulling back a few inches, just enough to raise her hand to the front of his kutte and run her fingers over the new President patch that she had just sewn on the night before.

They knew it had been coming for months. Clay had been to specialist after specialist, but no matter what therapies he tried or shots he received or pills he was prescribed, the arthritis became too much to handle and he was finally forced to admit that he just couldn't ride anymore. And as bad as Missy felt for her stepdad having to give up his bike and his gavel, she couldn't deny the happiness she felt for the man standing in front of her who, for the first time today, would finally be sitting at the head of the redwood table.

When she looked up into his gorgeous blue eyes and saw the anxiety staring back, she just shook her head and kissed him once more. One look at him and she knew exactly what he was feeling. "Hey, don't second guess yourself. You're ready for this. You've always been ready for this. And I'm so proud of you."

Jax took her hands in his and stared into her eyes for a long time. Then a look of regret flashed across his face before he averted his gaze down to the floor. "Listen. I know when I first became VP, I let it change me. And the stupid choices I made back then almost destroyed us. But I swear it'll be different this time, Miss. I swear I'll…"

But Missy just took a small step forward and placed a hand on his jaw, guiding his eyes back to hers as she gently shook her head. "Don't. Don't do that. None of that matters anymore, ok?" Then she waited for him to nod before she softly smiled. "We made it, Jax. We made it, and we're together, and we finally have the life that we were always meant to have. Nothing's ever going to change that…nothing."

The devotion Missy saw staring back at her nearly took her breath away, but she sighed when Jax pulled her close against his chest and tucked her head under his chin. "That's good baby, because I know that I can't do this without you."

Missy placed a gentle kiss on the side of his neck before pulling back just far enough to meet his gaze. Then she wrapped her arms around his waist and shook her head. "I'll be right here, right here beside you. Whatever you want, whatever you need, you'll never have to go through this alone."

Then she just held him a little closer and softly smiled. "I love you, Jackson. I'm always gonna love you, and I am never going to leave you again."

The End


End file.
